Once thursday came i took Dorin out shopping with me as Lukas would be busy today and gave me his card to buy as many things as i wanted which is nice. "SO.. what are you going to be wearing.." As Dorin asked looking around the stores seeing tops and dresses everywhere. "Well i did think of just going with a nice shirt and pants, but then i had something of what i would look better in." I walked in a store that had long dresses. "Now thats's what I'm talking about something like that." As i check out the drees that i spotted in the window as Dorin grabbed th bag and the card, "What a bold color.." As we walk through the mall i got hungry and we stopped by this hot dog stand.
"Gin..why are you with Lukas?" As his voice echoed through my head my heart felt heavy swolling my words.
"I'm with him.... because he brings the happieness that i thougth that i had lost a long time ago. I realized two things, that yes i can be happy with myself without anyone being by my side.. but taking that aside i know that i would also destroy myself that i would try to do bad things to me. But at the same time i need him to feel safe and happy with knowing that I'm going to be okay with myself seeing that i like things that i never knew that i liked. That being said that he make's me feel like my old self being with him." I found myself smiling at the thought of him my hear started to pound deeply.
"Looks like you really do feel something deep for him." Dorin's voice sounded so softly and kind, he came in close and hugged me tightly as the warmth of his body warmed me. "Your strong yet weak at the same time it still takes time to heal, to become beautiful." His soft words pierced my heart deeply but he was right. The right words that i need to hear that need to help myself out. "Your just always there.. thank you."
As noon came rolling in i felt small jibers go though my body. Is this really going to happen, I'm going to go through this again. I am doing this for what i want and i want Lukas to stay with and only me. I had put my all the things i need in the car and Dorin was dressed nicely as was i, I had felt my heart go insanely fast but then again i like the feeling i get out of it. "It's time to go Gin." Dorin spoke up as i looked at myself one last time in the mirror my make was done amazingly and my hair straight and bounce as a river flow. I walked up to him as we both walked to the car i could keep feeling my heart pouncing, I did this before... it was such a long time ago i didn't know what to do.
When we get to the restaurant i could keep myself under control and i would come out victorius from it once more.
Zoe was already at the bar waiting in a long blue dress it had some wierd look on her it made her body look different from normal. Her hair was short but with some small black highlights to her light brown hair. You can see she didn't fix her lipstick it's on her teeth and it seemed to get lost on the lower lip. As i told Dorin to find a seat near the bar i asked him to send a message to her saying that 'Lukas' made it there. When she got it she had a big cheecky smile on her smug face, as i started to walk to her i could feel all eye's on me as i walk like a boss ariving in a short but elegante red dress the with nicely top off the shoukder straps. My hair flowing gracely as i walk towards her. "Hey ther Zoe." As i sat next to her i gave her a soft bitch smile.
"What are you doing here?" She looked at me as i knew that she felt intimated by me.
"I came to chat with you sweetie. Oh! And let me tell you that you have lipstick on your teeth, you can see it by a mile away." I smiled as i handed her a napkin. She showed me a surpised with angry look.
"What do you want to talk about. " She looked at me with a smugged look on her faced me, as he truned to me, she grabbed her cup and took a small sip as the bartender came and asked me what i wanted to order. As i was going to say, Zoe inturpted me. "She'll have Vodka with pinapple please." As she didn't look at me i felt so easy to read.
"You guessed right, but I'll just do with the pineapple juice please" As i got my cup, she looked at me from head to toe, "You still have the same nice good looking body, thats for sure... You don't rember me do you?" She sighed and looked at me as we were long lost childhood friends.
"Maybe, if you told me i would know." I picked up my drink as she looked at me, "I'm Nelly."
As the name rung in my head i felt my heart dropped i knew who she was, but i never really did anything mean to her. In fact i never really talked to her at all. "We were in the same class for 3 years, I'm just amazed that you rember me. I just changed my name that's all." She kept drinking her cup. It looked like rum.
"I always hated you so much.. i hated that when you barely came you were already chosen by the popular girls and i was new too but, why you..? I hated that everyone always went to you for everything and so many people liked you. You were just like the rest of us normal, but you. You were just so nice and easy going with everyone. I never understod why so many guys would want to hang out with you, I thought you were sleepying with them. Or just doing drugs with them but i never knew why they liked you so much." She looked at me as i coukd hear the hate and sorrow in her voice, it hurted me as well. I never really thought someone hated me.
"And when you got your handsome boyfriend, it felt like you had the most perfect life... and i hated you so much more." She lastly chugged her cup.
"But look at you know.. you have Lukas.. aren't you just so lucky." I saw a small tear walk slowly down her cheek. As she ordered more she truned to look at me. "I hate you so much.. but i know that it's not really going to solve anything."
I took a big sip of my juice as i stared at the beautiful sparkly glass table and admired its beauty.
"My life isn't as perfect as you think it was.. When i just moved here i wanted nothing to do here at all. I wanted to be with my family with my brothers and sister. I hated everything around me... my friends, my family and.. me." My voice started to hurt as i felt the pain of my life. "I wanted my old life back, i was only nice to everyone because i was scared to come back to my reality and the reason why i become close to a lot of guy's was because i was taking drugs, i was drinking." When she truned to look at me with saddness and dispare in her eye's i felt like it was my oldself looking back at me.. with so much hate and wanting to be somewhere it's safe.
"You.. did drugs with them..?" As she looked at me i felt myself in the center of a small box.
"It was so much more than that, you couldn't even believe the half of everything. But i would do anything to forget that I'm in pain. " I took another sip as i felt myself get hit. "But when David entered my life, i stopped everything i was doing. Because he saved me.. we looked perfect but we weren't at all. I would get so mad and.. well i wouldn't take evrything so well because i was so scared to be left alone or that someone might take him away."
As i told her, i could feel a bit of pity but somehow she made me feel better than my girl friends ever did.
"David.. was my first love.. and first boyfriend he was just the perfect guy, the man i was wanted to have in my life. He was strong, kind, and he loved me for who i was, he also stayed with me when i had my surgery done. He came and looked for me in every hospital. And when he found me laying in bed looking half alive. He started to cry just a little bit and laid in bed with me as i felt too weak to even sit up right. I just felt so right with him. We had up's and down's but we would always go though it and say i love you at the end, that i don't want to lose you over something stupid." i could feel my heart pounding heavily as he was my everything... he was my world. "One time we fought pretty badly and.. it was the first time he camre banging on the door rushing to find me, he did get lost a few times because he didn't bother to know where he was going and that made him so silly. I loved it.. but when he came to me that day i thought that nothing was going to get betwen us, as he said. 'Your my girlfriend for a reason and I love you, if i didn't love you.. i wouldn't be the way i am to you. You just make everything right.. I don't want to hurt you and i love you, i want to make you happy like you have no idea and just being with you is more than enough, for godsake look at you. Your beautiful..'
When she looked at me she undstood.. why i was so down and broken during school. She started to shed a few tears for me was well did i.. i couldn't help but to cry for the man i loved with all my heart that he was my whole world. That i gave everything to.. because i loved him.
"He left me 5 times.. yet he kept coming back, each time i would ask him if he truly loved me, he would say, 'Yes, I'm madly in love with you..' then there where the part's where he was just too honest. 'I don't even love at all, so stop bothering.' Everything he said and did to me was so painful.. but at the same time i got so tired of it all. I cried every night for him while he was out fucking someone." When i found myself saying that last part, my heart started to feel so heavy and sad, i chugged the last bit of pineapple juice i had. "He keep's coming back into my life fresh as a daisy, but it was just so hard for me, it wasn't fair that he never got to suffer like i did for him. he always came out happy in the end..." I could feel the tears come down my cheeks as i knew that he was just bad for me. "I never thought he was going to use me.. I thought that he might really loved me.. just once. As he told me that i was his first love as well. I should know better than believe a man."
Nelly looked at me with pain and saddness for me as i kept drinking my juice. I didn't want to get drunk and take this as a way to forget the pain. "I'm sorry.. you went though that, you must've really loved him to forgive everything he did."
"I really did love him, like you have no idea.." As i looked at the table for a bit as i felt her hand on my shoulder. "You deserve to be with Lukas, i know that he will make you happy. He never looked at me the way he look's at you. I've seen you to from a far, and i could tell that he really loves you." She smiled at me as she whiped my tear's away gently. I found myself smiling kindly at her as my heart kept feeling so heavy. But talking with her made my heart feel a little lighter.
"At first i was going to, tell you to stay away from Lukas and me, but your not that bad.. Thanks for listing to me." I smiled as i looked at my empty glass. "It's fine, I will stay away i want you to be happy for once." She smiled as well and i felt really warm talking to someone about him, it feels so nice to get it off my chest.
"I believe that things will change for good and worse, but who know's whats going to happen. But thanks for just being here, we should get a drink next time." I smiled warmly at her, i could see her face truned slightly red as she smiled back at me with kindness.
"You'll find happieness don't worry." A smile is so soft and kind to cheer anyone up, that's how she did it.