Maybe leaving is the best option for everything and everyone. I need to know more.. I don't know why but i just need to know more of why he did it.. who was that girl and why was she there. What did she mean to Lukas.. why am i being like this! It's not good for my health.
Maybe just giving a chance is enough..I should hear him out right? No i aldready gave him a chance.. but i ran out on him..Well that's because you needed to. I.. don't know what to do, what should i think, this is hunting me. I need more answer's i need to know more. But.. maybe i should talk to him.
Hours of thinking and thinking i didn't get anywhere i needed more answer's i just needed to know more... but about what..? Now that i think about it i don't know anything much abouy Lukas.. I should talk to him and know more about him. I'm doing the right and wrong things for my own reason's.
I just need to know if I'm right.. I don't know what i need to hear, but i just know that i need to hear something that make's sence. But why am i going crazy..
I called Lukas knowing i already lost all dignity long time ago. I miss him but maybe i should just hang up..
"Hello.. Gin.." His voice sounded in pain I felt my heart break hearing it and i didn't know what i could do. I want to help him and make him feel better but.. what he did still i can't forgive him that easily. "I don't know what to tell you honestly.. I thought if i called you i would be better but I'm not because all I'm thinking about is you.. and i don't know what to do about that.."
"Just shut up.. and open the door. Let me in, I want to hold you tight and never let you go..at least just give that..." i could hear the light knocking.. I've been hearing a lot of knocks like that.. know i know that it's him.
As i went to open the door, i could see that he was beat to a pulse. His lip swollen and bags under his eyes. It seemed that he tryed to clean the blood off his face but was to scared.. or he didn't try at all. As he fell into my arm's i could feel his cold body go numb, I held him tightly as i didn't ever want to let go. Why wasn't David like this.. As i took him up to my room he laid as i tryed to clean the dry blood off, i couldn't help but to cry and feel empty. When Lukas saw that i was crying he softly placed his hand on my cheek and looked at me gently, "Why are you crying..?" I couldn't help but to let all the tears down as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead i looked at him as his lip was still swollen i knew if i asked he wouldn't tell me. As we both looked into each other's eye's, he leaned in as i felt my heart say yes and no.. my mind running around looking for the sign saying yes gor for it! And no.. it's wrong and you know it. I didn't know if i was doing good or bad. But i just wanted him for myself. After a while i felt him get closer to me as he looked deeply in my eyes and leaned in closer to my lips as i could hear his soft whisper. "I will always love you.." As he said that he kissed me gently as i could feel my tears slowly going down my cheek.
When i finished cleaning his face and just stared at the ground as i got up i could feel the room go cold. "Lukas..who are you..?" I said as i faced out the window. I felt my heart sink and my ears go ringing as i wanted to know more than anything but somehow i didn't want to know. I kept hearing my heart beat faster anf faster as my face started to feel like it was burning. As i heard him get up and put his arms around me i couldn't help but to feel empty an sad as he held me. "Your still my world just know that.." Lukas's voice sounded so sad and broken as he held me tighter. I could feel how he tryed getting me to face him and look him in the face. I didn't trun to face him as i could still hear my heart beating wildly.
"Look I'm just some poor guy working hard to be a better person. I wanted to impress you that I have money and all but i can barely feed myself." Lukas went and sat back on my bed as i heard the way a my pillow fell to the ground. Hearing him say that made me realize that he was lying and that he was willing to hide whatever he had to hide no matter what. "Ok.." My heart still felt that i needed more answer's and that i need other people to talk to. To know what i'm going to ask for.
I walked Lukas out the door as he left walking.. i saw that he didn't come in his motor. How long has he been here. He's been in bad shape.. i could see that he got skinny. Something is wrong.. why am i being like this.. i haven't been like this in such a long time.. since David. He made me go insane for a year non stop i couldn't stop thinking about him.. i couldn't stop asking why and being a psycho. Why does someone always have to get me to this point. I don't like it.. i want to end everything.
As i kept overthinking everything that i thought i knew i called Dorin.."Hello?" Dorin's voice sounded calm as i could hear a gulp of him drinking something. "I need to talk to you please.." "Is something wrong? Where do you want to meet up." I could still hear him drinking but i thought of the only place that was peaceful an opening. "The baseball field. I'll see you in 30 minutes." I hanged up the phone quick as i put my phone to charge and grabbed a soft sweater an some shorts. I felt like i was going to pass out and die somehow. I still am a very sick person.. i felt like i was going to pass out. After 10 minutes of trying to catch my breath i started to put my shoes on as i grabed my key's fast and got on my motor and saw the time as i was 20 minutes late. "shit.." as i truned the motor on and put on my phone away. I need to get there now.
Tell me the truth that i need to know.. I need to know what is going on. I know that something is wrong.