I can't wait to go to therapy. I think that it'll really help. I want to be able to rant to someone who's literally paid to listen. I always feel bad dumping all of my shit on my friends.
I wonder if I really do have anxiety, I think I do. It's cause jay says I do, and I always believe him. I also wonder if I am bipolar. TJ says he thinks I am, and apparently it's genetic, so maybe I am.
Buttt, it could also just be me being a hormonal teenager. Sometimes I get really energized for no reason at all, and I get sad so quick. I always worry about something, even if I don't realize that I'm worrying at all.
Like right now, I'm anxious about something, though I'm not sure what. I'm always like this at school. I always tap my leg. I wish I didn't need to fidget or be doing something all of the time.
I also think it's kinda funny how I go through these little phases of like, phrases. I use certain emojis or words a lot over a short period of time, right now I've been typing this a lot: ✨💃✨
I genuinely think that is funny as fuck, my humor is broken fr. I miss dan and ash, but I really miss TJ. I'm starting to wonder if I only like being around him because he touches me, I hope not. I hope I'm not using him, and I hope he doesn't feel used.
I miss ash, he's really nice. I was kinda scared to be friends with him at first, but now we are close, and he gives me hugs and cuddles :)) (I also think I'm attracted to him, but nothing will happen because he's g a y)
I really just, like people like TJ. I love the way he looks, and let's be honest, him and ash have the exact same body type. So, yeah. I get butterflies when we cuddle, but I know nothing will come out of it, and I'm not really upset about that.
I am however, upset that nothing will happen between me and TJ. I mean, things will h a p p e n... but not like, relationship wise. I feel really bad for him, he genuinely thinks that he can't have a relationship because he will fuck it up.
I want to meet this n o a h and hit him with a metal baseball bat :)
I was a l s o kinda worried about the Tyrail situation, and I still am. I really get the feeling that he is not a very good person, even though he said sorry and stuff. It feels like joey all over, but that's only because the situation is a little like that of the eighth grade one.
I think he might be okay to be around, but I'm still sus.
A l s o, I hope TJ and dan and ash and maybe even miles can come over tonight. TJ said me might let me be his cockwarmer :))
Ahhhh why am I so horny all the time it's kinda fucked up.
(Though I do have a video of TJ busting a nut to ME now so that's hot)
Ahhhhhhh I want to go home so baddddd
I hope that tyrail is nice and that we can all get along!
I hope that I don't only get attached to TJ because he touches me, I really look up to him but I'm still worried that I only look up to him because I like him.
I hope Dan has a good relationship with indigo and that maybe they can be together forever! I really wanna meet them actually, they seem fun!
I hope mori can learn to let go of the past and move on past AJ, I don't like the idea of her reaching out to him.
I hope me and miles can start to be better friends so that I don't have to be so scared around him. It's kinda dumb how scared I am of him.
I'm a l s o really scared of Lucy lmaoooo
I'm ALSO very jealous of her. I wish I were as skilled as her so that TJ would favor me even when other girls where around, but that's just me being a jealous whore
Anywho, we'll see how tonight goes, I'm glad I could have a lil rant today heh, see you next time :))