Have you ever smelt
That sweet sweet waste of time
That sweet and salty sour smell
Of corpses, tar, and lime
Tobacco smoke and heat
Of summer rain and winter pine
It was almost a home,
Almost mine.
When darkness shines and the air pours down,
There's nothing left to hush your whine.
I've grown scared of shadowy lights,
my days are filled with beats too fast,
My nights are filled with effortless fights.
My fists lay at my hips,
i won't even move my lips.
When night time falls my heart falls too,
It's beats fall slow, my insides coo.
A tired heart, my sleepy self.
But something is left to toss and turn.
My mind is left to whine and dine
On a dinner that is hardly mine.
So it's Saturday night
And I'm hardly my own
I lay down my knuckles
I've hardly grown.
I slow down that heart
That's hardly mine
I'd trade my mind off for less than a dime.
In dark i remember those wonderful smells
Those wonderful things i know so well
At night time i lie awake and think:
"I wish this reality would wash down the sink."
At night time i float in cool winter pine
In a body that is not rightfully mine
In darkness i am only corpses and tar
Of someone who is close, but god is he far!
Sometimes i wish that i wanted to die
That i wanted to cheat, i wanted to lie.
That I want to lose to my effortless mind
I want to be hurt, i want to be blind.
I want to be worried or angry or sad
But i don't really think I'm feeling that bad.
I want to be starving, i want to be fed.
I want to be shoved down into a bed.
I want to be hurt so someone will care.
At night time it feels like there's nobody there.
So i want to be hit, to break my nose. To be raped, to be scolded, to return all those clothes.
I want what you think is the worst for me,
Because maybe, just maybe that would be it.
The final countdown to you giving a shit.