I've never been so sorry before Thomas, i feel horrible. I genuinely hurt you so bad, and i had the nerve to think that i was in the right. I had the nerve to sit myself up on a pedestal thinking that you were an ass.
I sat up on the clouds making excuses. Thomas is an asshole, Thomas hurt me, he never cared about me, i shouldn't feel bad, i should go bother him, he deserves it.
How could i think that? How self centered could i be? How could i think that? No Charlotte. Thomas doesn't deserve the shit you give him. He doesn't deserve any of that.
Thomas, you are amazing, okay? I meant it when i called you pretty. When i said i loved you, the only lie i ever told you was that i wasn't in love with you.
I had no right to lie. I had no right to defend myself, to make the decision to hurt you. Who am i to hurt you?
For some weird reason it only hit me today. It only hit me today that i really hurt you. That there's music you can listen to because it makes you angry or upset. That you spend a lot of time circling thoughts around your head.
Do you hate me? Do you miss me? Do you not love me anymore? Do you regret meeting me? I'm sorry i hurt you so bad.
What else can i say at this point? I can't even talk to you. I want to get in a last goodbye but that's selfish.
I swear I'm going to be better i swear it. I swear that i will live my life out of respect for others. I live selfishly.
I make decisions for my own benefit, i chose to stay with Lucy because i wanted to, i didn't think twice about hurting you, how could i?
So please do what you need. Please curse my name and rant about how much you hate me. Please avoid the songs i loved so much, please try to forget me, cause what goo will it do you to remember.
I always hurt people, i drag people down with me. I dragged you down with me. What the hell.
If i could say this to you, it would help me feel better, but i won't. I won't say this to you because i know it would hurt you. Apologizing doesn't do shit. I can't do shit to help you get over me and what i did, so I'll stay silent.
The best i can do is stay out of your way and make sure i don't hurt you again. I won't go to your work, i won't talk you Dan or you. I won't send things over, like your pants or your chain, I'm sure you'd rather forget.
I won't get angry and do something rash, I'll try to keep Lucy and miles from doing anything. If you want to me separate from everyone you hate, I'll help as best as i can.
It's all i can do to make up for what i did, I'll try so hard.
I'll live for others,
Not for me.