I know that it's late, I have to wake up in eight hours. I should sleep, I know I should. Each person I interact with only seems to tell me that I should sleep. I understand why though.
A stranger usually has the decency to care about another stranger. A stranger often realizes that another stranger has a life of their own, and that what they say could effect you. But some people don't possess that kind train of thought.
Some people only think for themselves. It must be nice right? Being able to make decisions based off of what benefits you. It's strange to me that anyone could think that way, you see, my thought process is this: do what you need to to fit into a group that you look up to.
I don't do much for myself anymore, and it is a little sad. I want to be able to make decisions without second guessing because another person might not accept it.
Why do I care what another person thinks? Another person is another person. It shouldn't matter what a stranger thinks, especially if they will stay a stranger. I think that the human brain feels the need to fit in, because it wants to survive.
Survival of the fittest, some people live better than others, so our brains want to copy their actions for prolonged life. But why do we want prolonged life? Why do we dodge death, only to experience it later on?
I live a life of questions, in which I try to find answers, but I don't think I will be able to answer this one. No one will. Why is life here? Why is there life on earth, why is there an earth, or even anything at all?
Why why why? Why is my human body, compiled of flesh and blood and organs, which are compiled of cells upon cells upon cells, which are run by tiny little organelles, even here?
If you break it down to nothing, nothing but these little machines working to keep you going, what is the point in going at all? Wouldn't it be better to just get it over with?
But then we come back in a full circle to the human mind. It's soul purpose is to survive as long as possible. That is the reason that we have medicine, health care, and even basic hygiene.
We learned from experience as we developed as a race: how to prolong our lives. On and on and on. We hunted, we built, we studied.
We ended up doing other things in the process as well, we created a society in order to keep ourselves organized, and that has lead us to what? What did the bone breaking work of our ancestors lead us to? Nothing worthwhile I think.
Now what huh? Prolonged life isn't something that we even need to worry about anymore. Yeah, maybe some of us take pity and try to help other humans to prolong their lives, but as a race, I think we have long since passed our goal.
We live, safely for many people. The only threat now, is ourselves. The only horrors we face now, are those of our own accord. Shootings, bombings, terrorism, homicide, and more. What do we fear now?
Each other. We wake up, at least I do, scared of my peers. Scared that I won't be acceptable. Scared that I will be shunned. So what was the point?
What did we work for all of those thousands of millions of years to reach? What pointless work. We will bring our own downfall. How disappointed any bystanders would be.
But there are none, no one to see what we have done. This great drama, comedy even. Work from scratch, slave, starve, trial and error, only to murder ourselves. Genocide brought upon ourselves. How cruel.
So, the point of all of that, was this. I am nothing, not even a speck. I am only part of a bigger picture. I am only a part of the human race, you know the one?
The one that brought their own destruction.
The one that left the area worse than it was when they arrived.
The failed test.
What next?