I think it's ending, this wonderful heaven that I've been in for the past five months. I'm losing them, my friends. Maybe it's for the better? I can feel them drifting away. Maybe it's just me?
I feel hesitance when I ask them to hang out. I feel the negative emotions and pitiful answers. They pity me, that's the only reason they are here. I'm useless.
No one thinks, "let's invite Charlotte along! I want her to be here!" They only think, "you can invite her, she'll like to be here." Pity, pity, pity. What's the point in being friends if the only reason I'm here is to be a burden?
I'm just a weight they carry around to avoid the guilt of leaving me to deal with myself alone. Nobody wants to have me around. Nobody feels like something is missing when I'm not there.
Nobody comes to me for help first. I'm always the plan b. The one to go to if all else fails.
Even Thomas is growing tired of me, I can feel it the most. Maybe he is the only one who is losing interest? I'll stop bothering him. I'll stop messaging him, sending and asking for pictures, I'll stop.
I overwhelm him, he needs space. Everyone sucks up to him and I could help him out by leaving him alone. I'll do what he wants, because I care a lot and enjoy what he likes me doing, but I won't ask anything of him. I get enough.
I need to stop leeching. I'm just draining him, and all of my friends. I'm sorry I need so much attention. I'm like a fucking dog. You all have to worry about me and answer my messages out of fear that I'll get upset.
Don't worry about me please, I'm not going to do anything drastic. I'm just getting a little sad, it won't kill me. I'm just a person, a simple child. You guys have things to deal with, no need to add me to your list of chores.