Everything hurts. It's a dull throbbing pain in every part of my body.
There is something soft underneath me. My head is slightly propped up compared to my body. I don't need to have all my memories to know that I am laying in bed. I don't know whose bed or how I came to be here, but, at this moment, I don't care. I am comfortable. Finally. No more cold pipes or stiff chairs.
I know I have to get up, but I want to stay here forever. There is a sense of safety and security in this bed. When I was a child, I always told myself that as long as my whole body was on the bed and covered with a blanket, I am safe from the monsters. Right now, I am safe from the monsters who hurt me. I don't want them to find me again.
There is a faint voice to the side of me along with a dull beeping noise. I don't know who the man is or what the noise is coming from, but it lulls me back to sleep, darkness threatening to take over again. I let it.
_______
The beeping is louder now, more voices crowd around my body. What is going on? Why is everyone talking at once? Can someone turn off the beeping noise? I just want to rest a little longer.
One voice penetrates through my thoughts and I find myself wanting to see the person to who the voice belongs to. He was there. He saved me.
"Come back to me, my pretty flower. I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again."
There's gentle pressure on my hand and all the other voices fall away. I know this touch. It's soft and careful, but strong and willful. I want to see him. I need to see him.
Forgetting everything else, I focus on opening my eyes. Why is this so hard? I rarely shut my eyes while I was in that room and now they refuse to open. They need to open. I want to go back to my world, my old life.
My eyes move around behind my eyelids, sideways, up, and down. Nothing works, they won't open. Darkness creeps in from the corner of my eyes. No, please no. I don't want to go back to sleep.
The beeping gets louder, wilder, as I fight off the darkness. Finally, it slows and I am plunged back into the dark while my mystery man waits in the light.
_______
Light streams past my eyelids and gently caresses my eyes. I know there is a world out there, but I don't know how to reach it. I feel like I'm swimming, suspended in space with no rope to pull me back to Earth.
The same pressure is on my hand, the same beeping surrounds the bed that I am in. There are no voices anymore. I wish there were.
I fight again. I want to touch his hand, let him know that I am here. I don't want him to forget about me. I don't want to forget about him any more than I already have. Instead of opening my eyes, I put all my strength into the hand that he is touching. If I move, even if it is just a little, he will know I am here. I need to do this.
I imagine my fingers intertwining with his. I focus on the movement my hand would have to do in order to hold his hand. I stay like this for a while. I know I can do this. I don't know how much time has passed before my hand twitches in his. I feel as pressure is relieved from the bed and his hand squeezes mine tighter.
"Do that again. Come on, pretty flower, do that again."
It is easier to move pinky for the second time. I listen as he laughs and tells me that he will be right back. I want to yell at him to not leave me alone again, but my lips won't move.
Attempting to move my pinky finger again so he will come back, the familiar darkness evades my vision and I know I only have a couple of seconds before I fall back asleep.
He never made it back.
_______
There is another voice around me this time. It's a male, but his voice is deep and raspy like he hasn't had anything to drink in a long time.
When was the last time I had something to drink?
The question bounces around in my head, some of the fog lifted compared to previous times. I can think more clearly. I can twitch all my fingers now and sometimes I even think that my eyes open just enough to give me small glimpses of the world around me. It's brief and I don't know if my mind is playing tricks on me, but it gives me hope. I want to wake up now.
Like a routine, my mystery man holds my hand, I know the guy with the raspy voice is watching us, and I move my fingers as much as I can. There is a humming voice and the scratch of something, maybe pen on paper? After spending so much time in college and editing manuscripts, I could never forget that noise. Why would he be writing something down? What is he writing down?
"Good morning, pretty flower. You have been sleeping for a long time. Can you wake up for me? I want to see your beautiful blue eyes and your brilliant smile. I miss talking to you. Will you try to open your eyes today?"
I want to tell him that I have been trying to open my eyes for so long, but it is as though there is a brick on them.
I rapidly move my eyes around, if I get enough momentum maybe my eyelids will be forced to open.
"Keep going, you're doing amazing. Keep trying."
His encouragement spurs me further. I can do this.
Just like I did with my hand the first time I made it twitch, I picture my eyes opening. I imagine the light finally reaching my eyes after being in the dark for so long. I imagine seeing my mystery man as he smiles a proud smile.
They flutter slightly and I know then that I never saw the outside world.
"Come on, Rose. Don't stop. You're so close. Come back to me."
Rose? Who is Rose? Why would he call me Rose?
"Such a pretty flower" invades my mind. Is my name Rose?
How could I have forgotten my own name? What other important information did I forget? Why did I forget everything?
I let the darkness take over me as soon as it approaches.
_______
Okay, Rose. You may have forgotten your name and everything else that is probably crucial in your life, but if we don't wake up we will never find out what we are missing. We need to wake up and make him tell us everything that went on before I was taken and what happened while I was taken. Enough fighting with the darkness, this ends today.
There is no noise around me, there is no pressure in my hand. I know I am alone. I can do this. With all of my body's strength, I picture my eyes opening. Next to me, the beeping is loud and fast. I keep going. There is a whole world beyond my eyelids, I want to go back to that world.
They flutter slightly and I keep fighting. A little bit more. Darkness is at the edges of my eyes. I ignore it. If I open my eyes quick enough, the darkness won't be able to get me. Open your eyes, Rose. Open your eyes!
The flutter becomes quicker and I feel the muscles in my eyelids fighting to stay closed. They struggle and then the veil is lifted.
The beeping slows back to normal. Taking a quick peek, it's a monitor, my heart rate being monitored. I'm in a hospital. Okay, that's safe. I am safe here. Looking around the room, the sun's rays are just starting to climb into the windows. There are shadows encompassing the same room from the chair at the end of my bed.
There is a figure in the chair. I don't know who it is, but he looks big. He stirs in his sleep, his neck crammed to fit on the small chair.
I clear my scratchy throat to get his attention. I want to see him and hear his voice again.
He stirs again, his neck straightening on the chair and I watch as he opens his own eyes.
They widen when he sees me. The chair scrapes against the floor and he is by my side in a flash.
"Rose!"
I smile at him, happy that I can finally put a face to the voice that has been plaguing my mind for a long time.
"Hi."
"Hi."