As usual these days, I don't know what to think, what to expect, what to say when Damon walks through the apartment door a week after he originally left.
I definitely don't expect him to open the door and rush over to me, crushing me into his arms and apologizing like a mad man. I don't even know what he is apologizing for. What did he do? Leave for a couple of days?
I soon realize the answer to my question when he starts mumbling about the other night when he left me at work. Honestly, I was frightened at that moment, but I am not mad at him anymore. It allowed me to reconnect with Brandon and get some of my crucial memories back. If anything, I should be thanking him.
Pulling away from him, I hold his arms at his sides and smile at him. Just smile at him.
"I am not mad. Do not be sorry. I wish you would have told me, yes, but I think it was for the better. I- I have some of my memories back. I was with Brandon so they are primarily about him, but I am grateful that I have those back. I feel more like myself."
He doesn't say anything, only sniffles. Is he mad that my memories are of Brandon and not him? Is he upset that Brandon was able to evoke my memories, but he wasn't?
"I'm happy for you, but I will never do that again, I swear it to you."
"I know you won't. Can I ask why you left so suddenly? You dropped me off at work that morning and just vanished a few hours later."
"I- I had to go home. I decided that I need to start living my life too. Being without you the last couple of months nearly killed me. I could barely eat, sleep, think. All I was focused on was saving you from whatever they were doing to you. I don't want to know what they did unless you want to talk about it, but I can pretty much come up with some ideas based on my own trauma."
"What do you mean by 'start living my life?''"
"I am going to take over the family business. They took the best thing I will ever have, and I survived. I need to stop running and hiding from them. I need to show them that I am stronger than they are, that I can handle whatever they throw my way. I am done being their victim. I am done letting them win."
There's a certain conviction in his tone, it is easy to see that he means what he says. He is going to take over the family business and he is going to show the world who he is and how he is capable of being knocked down so many times just to get back up again and rise even higher than before.
"I am so proud of you! I think it is time that you taker back your life, and I would like to be a part of your life when that happens. I know I am a mess right now, but I am opening back up. I want to be like you. I want to do the same thing as you. Maybe we can help each other."
Gently brushing my hands off of his arms, he pulls me into another bone-crushing hug. My head rests under his chin, his cologne tickling my nose.
"I would love that more than anything in the world. I want you by my side for the rest of our lives. You may not be ready to make that commitment yet, and I don't think I am either, but I want us to get back to that point and take on the world together."
Once again, I don't know what to say. There is still so much I don't know about him, but even without all of my memories of our times together, there is a strangle flutter in my chest whenever I am near him and I feel warm when he hugs me and drives me to work. I know, in my heart, that we are meant to be together, now I just need to remind my mind of that.
Snuggling into his chest, a large yawn sneaks out of my body and breaks the silence between us. I feel his head move above me, then, a soft smile on his lips.
"Come on, it is time for bed. I know I am tired from the drive and, based on that yawn, you are definitely tired."
I can only nod my head as another yawn leaves my lips.
He easily picks me up into his arms and carries me to my room. This will be the first night we sleep together since we both decided it would be better if he slept with Brandon until I was comfortable with someone in the room with me while I was unaware of my surroundings. I know it seems like I kicked him out of his room, but in all honesty, he kicked himself out. He refused to let me sleep on the couch, claiming that Brandon's blow-up mattress was the best out there.
Putting me down on the bed, he tucks me in and gently kisses me on the forehead before turning around to leave the room.
"Stay with me?" My voice is above a whisper, fear of being rejected heavy in my chest. Does he even want to sleep with me? Maybe he just didn't want to share a bed with me and that is why he offered to sleep in Brandon's room.
I want to kick myself about two seconds later when he slowly approaches the bed trying to hide his unsure smile.
"Are you sure you want me to stay with you?"
"Yes."
Moving over in the bed, I pull back the covers and patiently wait for him to climb in next to me. He doesn't move and the feeling of rejection starts to creep back in. Was I right?
"You- you want me to lay in the bed with you? I don't mind sleeping on the floor. I just need to borrow a pillow."
My chest fills with warmth and a wide smile covers my face. This is why I love him. I know that before everything happened he was the same man he is to me now and he did the same considerable things as he is doing right now as he stands on the side of the bed.
"Yes, I want you to sleep with me tonight. I missed you while you were away."
Happiness radiates off of him as he climbs into the bed. He doesn't touch me, his body half on, half off the mattress.
"Damon, I want you to sleep with me tonight, not spend half the night on the bed and half the night on the floor. Come closer."
Hesitantly, he moves from the edge of the bed and closer to my body. He still doesn't make contact with me. I know I may have been distant in the past couple of weeks since I have been back, but I think I have made a lot of progress since then. I crave contact and comfort, I didn't realize how much I was missing it until that night with Brandon. I was always with them, Damon especially, and it's odd being distant from someone who was always there and holding my hand.
Deciding I don't want to play this game anymore, I go for the direct approach and ask him for what I want. "Damon, I want to sleep in your arms. Are you comfortable with that?"
He doesn't reply, but he doesn't have to. He moves to the middle of the bed and molds my body against his so that I am lying on his chest and his arm is draped around me.
For a few moments, we lay there in silence. I was stealing his warmth and relishing being in his company again. But as another yawn creeps out, I need to start talking before I fall asleep and I don't want to go to bed just yet. I feel like this is the first time I am with Damon and I don't want it to end just yet.
"How was your week? Did you do anything exciting besides start the process of taking over the company?"
"No, I spent the week going over the ropes again. I knew everything that I needed to do, btu after taking an extended break I wanted to get back into it and make sure I ironed out anything I didn't know how to do accurately and effectively. Honestly, it felt great working again. I didn't want to come back home yet, but when I thought of you, I was homesick so I needed to come back. I decided to work here as my primary location, but two to three days a week, I will have to go into the office."
There is excitement and happiness in his voice. This isn't just a job for him, this is him taking his life back from the people who stole large chunks out of both of our lives.
"I am really happy for you. Tomorrow we will celebrate, but for now…"
"...for now we will sleep."
Pulling me as close to his body as possible, not that there was any space, to begin with, I snuggle into his chest and quickly fall asleep to the pattern of his breathing.
Right before darkness takes me, I realize I am no longer afraid to sleep. Instead, I focus on how right this feels, being in his arms, and how I am finally home.