I sat by a pond that seemed to stretch on forever and I would've loved to be a droplet in it's being, traveling without care or fear for the unknown. If I am being completely honest, I always knew I never belonged to Heaven but it was something my heart needed to believe. There was often an overwhelming feeling bubbling in the depths of me, it was dark and haunting. Thick with sinister intentions and grew with murderous hatred, no one knew how I struggled with insane thoughts and killer whispers. No one, who belongs to purity would face these struggles constantly. Blinking rapidly, I forced away the tears climbing to freedom. I tried so hard to be what Father wanted but in the end, I couldn't fight who I am, any longer. My mind rids itself of all thought, allowing me to relax there until my material physic called for me again.
I awoke on the sofa with my head laying on an asleep Lucan's lap. Smiling, I carefully sat up, trying my best not to wake him. My eyes traced every inch of his face; he made my heart unsteady and mind uncertain. Those were things my soul was unable to manage, buckling under his domineering being though, if you were to ask me if I regret being with him, giving myself to him? I don't, he makes me fearful, sad, heartbroken, hopeless, dark yet only with him am I courageous, joyful, loved, hopeful and full of light. Lucan is my living contradiction and it confuses me beyond sanity; there is little I know of Hell and it's inhabiitance though I've been here for years. I have read many books but, through time the truth has been altered, deleted and replaced. I sighed internally remembering the many times I have asked my favourite trio for information or details yet they always found a way to distract me causing me to forget about it.
"Why do you stare at me?" Lucan eyes were still closed but I was sure he spoke.
"Just..... thinking" my attempt to escape before he opened his eyes failed miserably as he grabbed my hand pulling me onto him.
"What are you thinking about?" his face was inches from my own as his fingers held my face in place.
"N-nothing" my words were barely audible as he lent closer.
"Why do you look so anxious?" he brushed our lips before leaning into my ear and whimpering, "I wonder whose more special to you, your reaction does nothing for your innocence" he pulled away before placing me beside him and standing.
"You are the only one special to my heart" he turned proceeding to leave, "You're the only one in my heart. If you're talking about...what happened with Cleus..." I looked down fidgeting with my fingers, "In not accustom to other being intimate with me and..... you guys do it suddenly"
Lucan simply smiled pulling away, he combed a hand through messy hair. Offering a hand to me, I took it as we made our way into the kitchen. I sat at the table looking on as he cooked breakfast for us. He plated our meals and brought it over, I excitedly took a bite of the French toast smiling brightly as all the flavors burst on my taste palettes.
"Is it good?" he asked curious, I nodded happily giving him two thumbs up.
Lucan smiled and returned to his meal, occasionally he will steal glances at me but I think in his mind I'm not being completely honest. Once we finished, I washed the dishes and went on a search. Lucan had disappeared while I was doing my chore and Cleus wasn't seen for the entire morning. Groaning in frustration, I glared behind at the various open doors with vacant rooms. After an hour, I gave up and opted for swimming in the pool in Cleus backyard.
The day went by swiftly with me as my best companion. I watched movies, cooked, explored and slept in this giant house, alone. It was mere minutes before sunset when the two males emerged from the front door with wet clothes covered in dirt. Ashlin couldn't with hold her laughter upon seeing them. The duo glared at the hysterical female, slowly approaching her unaware form. Once close they hugged her tightly transferring the dirt and filth on her. I halt suddenly looking at them stunned before tears appeared and both males looked at each other panicked.
"We are sorry" my tears only worsen as my cries became louder.
"Where were you guys?" I said through my tears, "Why did you leave me?".
Moth males shared a look before turning to me with warm smiles, "We you worried?" Lucan asked to which I nodded, "We are alright" he chuckled.
"I was worried when you broke out crying" Cleus muttered Lucan only gave him a side glance, "I'm going to..... I'm going to change...yeah, change" he laughed awkwardly walking to the staircase.
"Let's get cleaned up" I led Lucan out to the pool and pushed him into the chilled water. "Ashlin" he called calmly on resurfacing.
"Yeah" I stooped near the pool.
"Was that fun for you?" I nodded, "Did you enjoy it" I nodded once more, "Good" he pulled me into the pool.
Cold water covered my body instantly cause momentary shock paralysis as I sank under for a minute. Lucan's strong arms wrapped around me, lifting my dazed self to the surface. I gave him a murderous glare but coming from me, I'm sure it didn't look threatening at all. He smirked confirming my assumptions and staring into those fiery eyes I couldn't hold back my joy, pulling him into a kiss. He tighten his grip, stealing all oxygen and feeling breathless shouldn't be so exhilarating. My eyes sight became blurred yet I couldn't find the strength to pull away. We expressed all the things that couldn't be said; afraid it'll change our end. Once we pulled apart I greedily drank in oxygen and he chuckled at his doing.