One day I woke up and thought, "What if I, like, died?" Then I did a kick-flip out of bed and walked to the bathroom where I looked into the mirror for about 3 hours before heading to school, but alas my fate was sealed the second I walked out the door. Some truck-ass-truck came barreling down the footpath and instantly shattered my spinal cord on impact, killing me instantly. I woke up in some limbo where a thicc ass goddess gave me the whole reincarnation spiel, I was like, "Sounds cliche, send me to a futuristic cyber-punk hell-scape instead, that'll probably get more viewers since it's, like, different I guess?" Then thicc god said, "What?" Before I shot er' dead.
I did a sick ass kick-flip through the reality bending walls of pure space-time into the new cyberpunk shit-scape. Instantly I saw an elderly person that needed crossing the street, so naturally I went down to help them. As I neared the desolate shell of man, the motherfucker deflated like a balloon. a shit-load of gangsters or bandits maybe or they could've been pirates even? I don't really know who they were but they had guns, that's when the deflated old hag nagged at me, "Son, you suck dick at kick-flips." So in sheer defiance of the laws of physics I did a narly triple-kick-flip-deluxe-turbo-for-the-nintedo-switch-TM into the nearest goon detonating his inards, "Ha, nerd couldn't take the protag style." As the goonies, as I am now dubbing them, started fleeing I did an amazing grind on the elders deflated vessel, launching beams of pure light energy all the fuck over the place.
After them damn goonies were off my ass for existing I went to the nearest shop and robbed it. Idk why though, I guess I just felt like it. After gaining a large sum of money some new hag screeched into my ear all like, "The governments like fucked and shit, I see power within you, here take my cool ass laser crossbow." So I took it and asked how the fuck she thought I was gonna overthrow the government and she was like, "I don't fucking know, kill the president or something"
And So My Quest To Kill The President Begins