As per fucking usual I kick-flipped out of bed and woke my home-dog T-bro, we had a brief-ass talk over breakfast then got on our motherfucking way, our next target was Hamman or Ham for fucking short. The books in my GI-tract had completely dissolved now meaning I needed to fucking rely on T-bros ever-fucking-present knowledge. T-bro briefed me that the next target was in the meat district which was seperate from the city in it's own big-ass fucking area. We'd need to get passports to leave city limits, I asked why the fuck we couldn't just kick-flip there and T-bro told me that an orbital satellite would launch 50-inch tungsten rods at us so we'd need to go there like normal fucking people or risk sure obliteration.
We decided our best shot was to simply apply for passports, so we went down to the motherfucking passport building (yes these motherfuckers have a whole ass building dedicated to passports, weird shit). We stepped inside and were instantly arrested for like, murder or something? Point is that we were now in motherfucking prison and we needed to get out. Some motherfucker with a big ass Scar on his temple asked, "So what are you in for." I responded "I like, murdered the fuck out of some people." "Oh yeah? Who?" the man retorted. "Oh just like, a few of the motherfucking presidential guards or whatever." I stated casually. "Oh nice, I ate the presidents prized ham." the scar man responded.
After the conversation I asked him if he wanted to join me on my quest, he agreed aptly and so Scar-guy fucking joined me. after showers we went to the front gates and left, I mean seriously, what the fuck are they gonna do? Well apparently they'll try to fucking shoot you with big ass lasers. We started running and Scar-guy nearly got vaporized. I told T-bro to ani-morph so we could get out of there, Scar-guy vomited, it was chaos.
We made it to the city once more and we decided that we should probs just risk the giant sky-rail-gun turning our innards into outards. As we went to the city edge though. A sly ass motherfucker with a cool as laser sword and invisibility tried to kill the fuck out of me. luckily I still had those aero-fiber plates in my pocket-dimension so I just collapsed the space pushing the sheets out at a like, really fucking fast speed. But the fucker wasn't dead and shot at us. Scar-bro's like a chad or something though and just reflected the beam back at the assassin by punching it, murdering the fucker.
After we like almost died we started back on our journey to the meat district. T-bro ani-morphed into T-board and we blasted of to the district. We blasted past the city boundaries, a big ass warning showed up in red that was all like, "Out of bounds nerd, Tungsten rod in 5 seconds". We kept fucking going and before we could get to the meat district a giant tungsten rod was dropped on us. As the rod neared us, Scar-bro punched the rod right back at the satellite, destroying it's ass, like holy shit bro.
After the rod was returned to fucking sender we entered the land of meat. In search of Ham we asked around for his location, but all the fuckers just started screaming and running. But I managed to find out that Ham was in his fucking meat tower, so I sent Scar-bro off to distract some fuckers in another part of the district, then I kick-flipped to the tower. I did a sick-nasty-ollie-no-hands-deluxe-with-no-mustard into the tower, it tilted like, 25 fucking degrees and I started climbing.
As I climbed the tower I was swarmed by a fuck ton of those assassin-hoes, I kick-flipped them away and kept climbing, I made it to the top only to find the meat-man himself missing, a big-ass bomb in his stead. As the tower blew the fuck up I kick-flipped out of the tower to Scar-bro. Only to find a massacre, Scar-bro was on the floor dying, motherfucker had like, 12 holes in his abdomen. "Yo what the hell is this shit?" I asked. "He's to strong bro, you ain't gonna be able to defeat him." he responded, before he passed the fuck away. "Fuck."
After he died though, I heard a fucking voice, "Brrrooooooo, absooooorb myyy poooowwwer bbrrrrroooooooooo." "Yo, you ain't fucking dead-dead then? aight nice." I responded. I took the power from Scar-bros dead-ass corpse then tracked down Ham with sonar. The motherfucker wasn't up. He was fucking down in a big ass facility. So I did a 1-wheel-360-super-drill and started to drill down, after about 15 minutes I fell into the "bunker", but it wasn't really a bunker. Apparently the entire space was actually just storage for the massive robotic body of hamman. He was apparently siphoning power from the organic denizens above. I quickly did a kick-flip, no luck. I did an olli-no-hands, no luck. T-bro then said to me, "Bro, you can do it, just hit the motherfucker real hard, I mean reeaaallly fucking hard."
With T-bros advice, I did a kick-flip towards the mechanical mass and drop-kicked the motherfucker as hard as I could. The power up from absorbing Scar-bros power was fucking immense and I literally nuked the fucking bunker. After the detonation of the bunker was done, I kick-flipped back to the surface and kick-flipped back to the main city districts. "So uh, is that it then?" The now dead Scar-bro asked. "Yeah, it's been way to fucking long, I need to go the fuck to bed." After that we did the usual, check into a shit hotel, pass the fuck out, and still somehow overlook the increasing bounty.