I wake the fuck up and find my bearings, today the boys are still recuperating so I decided to go fuck up a guard myself. Apparently a few of the guards died in the blast from our turbo drop-kick so we have less targets. There are only 2 more fuckers to worry about: Ulysses America Gunmin, and some guy that owns a ramen shop. Ulysses is the leader in commercial arms and is a huge stupid idiot, so Imma fuck em' up.
I walk out onto the street and instantly spot a motherfucking library, I decide to go to the stupid goddamn library to consume it's fucking knowledge, once inside I start devouring book after book, just fucking ruining the librarians day. After eating mass amounts of paper I know where Ulysses hangs about and decide to go cop his block. After arrival at Mr. Mysteryouso's ramen shop I glance around for the big man, but I don't see his stupid ass. I sit down at the shop and ask Mr. Mysteryouso for some mothafuckin' ramen cause I'm hungry as fuck, he says that it'll cost 3.69 dollorinos, I say, "nice" and hand over a 10, completely forgetting about the stupid fucking guard I was hunting to eat some ramen. As I gorge myself on the meal an idiotic looking man sits down next to me, he asks for the "big man special" and Mysteryouso brings out a massive bowl of noodles.
As the dumbass eats I glance over at him only to realize it's Ulysses. I ask him, "How's your day been" To my surprise the motherfucker responds, "Good and bad, on the bright side I managed to get a quad-feed in my favorite game, on the bad side I'm being hunted by some idiot with a hover-board, you look identical to him but you don't have a hover-board so I guess you're fine" I decide to cut the chit-chat and cop his motherfuckin' block already, I get up and walk out of the shop before turning around and pulling out my laser crossbow, I shoot the thing right at Ulysses head but he doesn't even seem to feel the blast of literal-fucking-plasma on his head. After a second of annoyance I check the books in my G.I. tract and realize that Ulysses is really fucking durable. So I decide to try a kick. After throwing a kick at the back of his head all he does is rub the back of his head like a fucking fly bit it. I start to get really annoyed at this point.
"You know what FUCK this shit" I do a kick-flip on Ulysses, he's all like "the fuck?" before a shockwave explodes pushing Ulysses away. "Yo the fuck was that shit?" He is dumbstruck that anything could push him away. He pulls out a fucking Deagle before taking multiple shots at me, I evade them and perform another kick-flip. He blocks the strike and drops his Deagle before pulling out a Barret, he takes multiple shots, I kick-flip off of one of the bullets sending out a motherfucking shockwave that deflects the rest and pushes Ulysses once more. Finally, he puts away his shitty Barret and pulls out the BFG and fires a blast in my direction, I realize that I cannot kick flip this attack, and it's to late to dodge. Mere motherfucking moments before the ball of hell energy was about to turn me into dead, Scar-bro flies in from behind me and punches the ball into the air where it detonates. T-bro comes to my side and ani-morphs into board mode.
Ulysses throws the BFG to the ground before pointing a finger at us, after a second of stillness he starts charging an extremely concentrated ball of energy at his finger tip. it continues to become more and more compressed until it becomes impossibly small. he fires off the energy into a concentrated laser, in an extremely short time-frame I perform my ultimate technique, the 360-no-hands-friendship-powered-kick-flip. Afterwards the flip and the beam connect, they struggle for a couple of seconds, but the beam starts winning, as it gains on my board I do something once thought impossible: I perform the 360-no-hands-friendship-powered-kick-front-flip, creating a black-hole consuming a large amount of matter in the vicinity, including Ulysses. As he is slowly sucked in Ulysses screams about his sick Valorant clutch and that he's the best player in the game before being consumed completely.
After all of that finally finished I was glad to stop in to the motherfucking shitty hotel to get some rest and finally catch up with my bros. After the fight finished the black-hole didn't stop growing, it continued to increase in radius by 1 meter each month and it likely will for the rest of time.