|Amelia's POV|
Isn't it funny that I gave everything for a girl who doesn't even know my middle name? I abandoned my family in search of acceptance and love. Instead, I found something so much worse. An unrequited love.
Every good girl craves a bad girl. That's what she is to me. Alyx is the rebel I always wanted to become. She made me let go of everything I was raised to be. She made me feel free.
As time went by, she slipped out of my grasp. I lost hold of her hand and now I sleep alone. The bed beside me is empty most nights. She's far too busy to sleep anymore. She's far too busy for me anymore.
The rush I felt as I sat in her lap clinging to her tightly while she played her drums with my head buried in her neck. The warmth I felt when she would hold me tightly in the cold winter night. The comfort I felt when she would place kitten pecks on the tip of my nose while I tried to paint. The satisfaction I felt when I would make her laugh hysterically just by tripping over my own feet.
It's gone. It's all gone. As I stare at her from across the table, sipping on my hot chocolate, I've finally realized that it's all gone. There's nothing left but loneliness. The distance in her eyes tells me she feels the same.
The only thing is I'm not ready to be alone. I'm not ready to face the world without someone at my side. I'm not someone who's strong. I'm not someone who can stare out at a crowd of people and speak confidently like she can. I'm not someone who is charismatic when I need to be like she is. She's everything I'm not. Everything I need. Everything I should've avoided.
Should I go home? Should I run back to my parents crying and telling them they were right? Would they take me back? Would they receive me with open arms and a willing heart?
I know they won't. No one would. Not even my grandma, who raised me most of my life. My sister hasn't said a word to me since I left. My brother acts as if I don't exist. I have no one left except the empty shell of a girl sitting across from me.
Little Amelia ran away from home and did unspeakable things with a lowlife girl from out of town. Little Amelia turned in her credit cards and fancy clothes to live off of fast food and wear thrift store outfits. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't little Amelia have upgraded?
"Mia." Alyx mumbles as she stirs her coffee awkwardly.
I lower my head and take a shaky breath. I know what she's going to say. I've known it was coming for a few months now. Neither of us could find the right time or the right words.
"Amelia, look at me." Alyx states firmly as she reaches out to take my face in her hand. She forces me to meet her gaze.
I bite my bottom lip as my hands tremble. I do everything I can to hold back my tears. If she's the one to say it, I'm not going to be alright. It'll hurt more coming from her mouth than it will mine. I'm not strong enough to speak up first though. I've never been strong enough.
Words, Amelia. Words. All you have to do is put a few words together that can stop her before she says something stupid. You just need to form a simple sentence that turns back time. If you can do that, you'll be okay. You and Alyx will be fine. You'll go back to how everything was before, right? You can do that, Amelia. Of course, you can.
"Amelia, we've been going at this for a year or so now and—" Alyx stops mid sentence as I dig my nails into my arms.
Nope, I can't. I can't do it. There's no words that can fix this. I can't mend something that was nothing more than a facade. We were never in love—at least she wasn't. I was a toy she flaunted around for gigs and groupies. I need to be the one who tears the bandaid off. I can't give her the satisfaction of winning. I can't let her ruin me even more than she already has.
"Let's break up." I force the words out with as much power as I can.
Alyx sits upright, shocked beyond belief. I'm not one to end things. I couldn't even end a phone call with her, but now, here I am putting an end to it all. I'm pulling the plug on the machine that kept us beating together in a loveless rhythm.
"Okay. Let's do it. Let's break up." Alyx nods her head as she picks up her mug. She takes a sip before looking out the window.
She seems so unbothered—at ease. Did I really not mean a thing to her? Was I really just a pawn in her game to fame? Did she really just want to use me for the rich girl gone bad story? How many songs did she write about our so called love?
"So, that's really it?" I whisper softly as I stare down at my lap. I don't have the strength or courage to look at her.
"Yeah, I guess so. You'll be fine. You're cute. You'll find someone else who's better for you." Alyx chuckles as she grabs her coat and bag from the chair beside her. She gets to her feet and stares down at me.
I can't say goodbye to her. If I do, it means I'm acknowledging that she's never coming back. I know we were all wrong for each other. I know we were never going to make it very far, but I was hoping that I was wrong. I was hoping that she would surprise me. I was hoping she would be the one feeling so lost and depressed, not me.
"I'll see you around, kiddo." Alyx ruffles my hair before spinning on her heel and heading toward the door.
Kiddo? Is that what I was to her? Just a kid? She acts like I was the one who would lay in bed all day and ask for someone to bring me food and drinks. She makes it seem like I was the needy one in the relationship—that I was the unstable one. Well—I guess now I kind of am. I'm officially the unstable one. Is that what she wanted?