|Amelia's POV|
I don't want to move. It hurts. Everything hurts. I don't think I could cry anymore if I tried. The only thing I want to do is binge eat and purge. It'll make it all better. It always used to. It brought me comfort. I felt a little more alive then.
I could try her pills. She's still sleeping. She wouldn't notice, would she? I roll onto my side to stare at her. She looks so peaceful. So calm and at ease. Her eyeliner is smeared across her face and her lipstick so tempting. I reach out to run my fingers along her slender jaw. She hums quietly as she unconsciously moves toward me. Her hand rests on my chest as if I were her toxic boyfriend.
She deserves better. A small smile hints at my lips as she scrunches her nose up as her hair falls into her face. I chuckle softly as I secure the unruly strands behind her ear. I trail my cool fingers along her cheek. I can't resist her tempting skin. I shouldn't touch. I have no right, but she's just so beautiful.
I stop myself and immediately get to my feet. What am I doing? Am I really falling this low? I barely know her. She's a complete stranger I just felt the need to help. She looked pitiful. Yeah, that's it. I pitied her and her situation.
I jump as a loud knock sounds through the apartment. Lyric sits up in bed, startled beyond belief. I hurry toward the door and tug it open to see a man dressed in an all too familiar uniform.
"Not again. Is she alright? Where is she?" I panic as I hurry to grab my coat. It's never good when the police show up.
"Amelia, right?" He asks softly as he lowers his head.
"Where is she? Is she okay? She's okay, right?" I swallow hard as I begin to take in his body language.
"I'm so sorry. She didn't make it." He reaches his hand out to place it on my shoulder, but I push him away. Tears begin pouring down my face.
"You're lying. She's okay. She's just trying to make me forget her. She's just playing a trick on me. How much did she pay you? She's okay. She's fine. She has to be." I fall apart as my knees grow weak.
"I'm so sorry. The hospital will be contacting you shortly to figure out what you want done. The only thing we could find on her phone was your name and this address. I'm so sorry for your loss." He bows his head once more before slipping away apologetically.
"Idiot. She's such an idiot. Why the hell would she—no—she didn't. It was someone else. It wouldn't be the first time. People never liked us. They hated us. We were immoral to them. Two girls don't belong together." I try to rationalize it through my tears as I fall to the ground. There's a reason. There has to be. She wouldn't do this. She couldn't.
Lyric sits down on the ground beside me. She wraps her arms around me tightly and kicks the door shut with her foot. She doesn't even know what's happening. She doesn't understand it in the slightest bit. I bury my face in the crook of her neck as I fail to regain my composure. How could he just appear then vanish like that? He says what he has to say and disappears. He didn't tell me what happened. He didn't say who did it. He didn't even say her name. Alyx. Her name was—no is—Alyx. She isn't gone. She can't be. She's supposed to come back. She's supposed to be standing here apologizing to me for leaving. She's supposed to be here.
"It'll be alright. I promise. Everything will get better over time." Lyric does her best to ease my sorrow, but she just doesn't understand. She doesn't know what we went through. She didn't witness true brutal attacks. She didn't see the hate we received each day. She didn't see it. No one did. Everyone turned a blind eye to the immoral couple being abused when all they wanted was to be loved.
Love. Isn't that something everyone deserves? We're all human. We all breathe the same air and feel similar things. Why did it have to mean so much to them? Why did strangers have to care so much about something so trivial? Why did they have to take the only hope I've ever had? There's no replacing what she gave me. There's no fixing what was taken from me. There's nothing left for me.
"Talk to me. You're not alone. I'm here. I'm willing to listen. Don't hold it in." Lyric whispers softly as she pats my back.
Don't hold it in? That's all I can do. I can't roam the streets and beat down every stranger who ever looked at us in disgust. I can't ridicule all the elderly people who told us we were a sin. I have to hold it in.
If I let it go, I'd be behind bars. I'd be spending my life locked in a cell of my own misery. I'd never stand a chance against the system. I'd be dead before the end of the first day.
Suicide. That one word no one likes to acknowledge. The one word that Alyx never ceased to acknowledge. It was always there. It was always on the tip of her tongue. She'd slip it into any conversation she could. An endless number of warning signs should've been enough. I should've seen how painful we were for her. I should've seen the disgust in her eyes when she looked at her own reflection. I never did. All I saw was the way she treated me. One day I was her princess. I was everything she'd ever dreamt of. The next, I was a pain. I was the most obnoxious and clingy person she'd ever met.
The man hadn't said that it was suicide. He didn't say what took her from me, but his eyes said it wasn't good. Her death was filled with hatred. It may have been self hatred. It may have been the hatred of others, but it was hatred that killed her nonetheless.
So, here I'll sit, wrapped in another girls arms while she tries to comfort me. While she tries to get me to open up. While she tries to reassure me that it'll get better. All the while, she doesn't have a clue as to the reality of it. It won't get better. I will never have an easy life. She has a chance. If she throws the pills away and tosses that toxic trash of a boyfriend to the curb, she could be anything she wants. I will always be the queer girl who gave up everything just to be a walking disgrace. I'll be the girl who has no choice but to live a life of loneliness and regret.