First week of High School was coming up and I honestly couldn't wait because I was ready for a fresh start, especially after what happened in Middle School, I started going one guy after the next to the point that I knew if I kept going on like this, I was eventually gonna be like one of my relatives, so I decided to just take time to myself, I took the summer to spend time with friends, work on projects like writing stories and going to a Music Festival, it was so much fun and took my mind off of basically everything like exes and Cameron, I wanted to have a good time and that was exactly what I got. When I stepped into the high school that I was going to every Winter Season for Wrestling, a strange feeling came over me,"Sabrina, I am freaking out"
"It's okay Kylie, you're okay" I wasn't…..scared, it felt like I wasn't afraid, it felt like High School wasn't for me, but there's a familiar feeling to it like I know what's to come and maybe I'll be prepared; like High School isn't for me, but there is a voice telling me that this is the way, so I decided to go with it. Got to all of my classes and it was like everything around me was a whole new world, but still something that I've always been around for a while, so basically going there for Wrestling made it easier for me. So the classes I had weren't so bad, I kinda was thinking that this wouldn't so hard like my life in Middle School thank God.
I also made a very drastic change by choosing a color that was completely out of my zone, something I've never done before and it was definitely rebellious and my mother disapproved it at first but then she started liking it and I was very happy about that because the color I chose then was red. Some kids at school thought the red spots on my neck were hickies which I wasn't very stupid to have something like that, especially whenever I do it, I would tell the guy or girl not to leave any marks on my neck and they normally understand it. The first couple months was actually you know, very easy going, very mellow it was actually becoming a pattern and it was exhausting, so to you know give my days a little kick, I normally have Monster drinks and it would make almost everything interesting, especially when I moved into my Grandpa's house with other people, now i have to sleep in the living room, I hardly get any privacy and I always have a limit almost on everything. So going to school was paradise which meant I was in a school where my family doesn't go to until I saw my cousin there, he was supposed to be a Junior, but too bad. The first week of school, this boy Damien FIgurski liked my hair color, so he started calling me Shadow, you know Shadow the Hedgehog from Sega, yeah my hair was red and black, so he always called me Shadow and I would respond to it, we had 5th and 7th together, we were very close friends, we got to know each other, he asked for advice like he would want to date this one girl and he didn't know how to approach up to her, it was adorable really. Unfortunately my cousin who wanted to make my life a living hell, he told on me to my mother saying that I had something going on with Damien, it was completely untrue, luckily I managed to talk myself out of it and mom didn't really do anything bad to me.
So for a couple months, I was known as The Girl on Fire, Shadow the Hedgehog, I was the one with a unique hairstyle, the one who is mentioned to be different from the others and wasn't lying. I even made a promise to myself that if I wasn't gonna start dating again until I was in HIgh School and really, I did mean it and this boy who was a Sophomore, same grade as Bryson, met him in Wrestling as well, but we didn't get off to a very good start, we kinda started talking a bit when I showed up to the high school, but that was mostly because he was dating one of my closest friends Eighva, yes it is how her name is spelled, but if there's another thing to know about me, I don't want to be the kind of person to ruin a relationship, my relationship with Tristan was practically ruined by Miles, I can't do that to Eighva, she was the one that got me through Bryson and the other guys that I used to like, she gave me advice for crying out loud, the boy's name was Patrick. Of course I never really told Eighva about that, as a matter of fact, no one else really, I just left it at that because I've seen how happy both of them were and I don't want to be the homewrecker, so instead I became Patrick's friend knowing that we can never be nothing more and I knew he would never feel the same way.
It was a couple weeks before the first home game and I went into Subway and this boy was incredibly cute, he had blonde curls that were sticking out of his Subway cap, he came in and flashed his smile like every other working employee, my first words to him was,"I'll have a foot long Veggie Delight with italian bread" Yeah best pickup line ever then he started asking me these questions,"You go to the high school right?" I nodded very slow,"Freshman?" I nodded again and once again, I was very creeped out, I didn't know how to respond,"I go there too, I see you in the hallways all the time" Yeah what can you expect from having red hair? We just lightly smiled at each other and there goes that gorgeous guy that I only had a crush on for the entire time he was making my sandwich. Of course I found out that he is in band, but advanced level so that bummed me out, but we got to spend one season which was Football, we talked a little and we knew each other through a mutual friend, Benjamin,"Yeah Ben was telling me not to flirt with you and I was like,'Oooookay, I wasn't going to anyway" He flashed that smile again, oh god why? I nodded,"Yeah I mean,there's nothing wrong with a boy and girl just talking" He agreed with me and after a casual conversation, it actually felt….nice, he was very kind, very laid back, but I never knew his name until October 18th, the day he turned 16 which I didn't know when he accepted my friend request, his name was Jordan. Of course I didn't know how to talk to him online, he was not even intimidating and I was shy to talk to him until one of my friends Cassidy during PE sent him a message on my phone and he didn't respond until 5pm, mostly because he had Church Group,can this guy be any more perfect?
So what's up, we never talk so just wondering-Jordan
It's okay, just listening to music because why not-Sabrina
I don't see why not, just wondering though, sorry I was leading church tonight-Jordan
-The next Morning-
It's okay and sorry for not responding, I usually don't have internet after 5-Sabrina
No it's cool, how was your sleep-Jordan
Very peaceful, how was yours-Sabrina
Yep very good, so whatcha doing today?-Jordan
Probably just go with the flow today, what about you-Sabrina
Cool, just gonna do my thing-Jordan
Yep Same here-Sabrina
Yep what class do you have first period-Jordan
Band, what's your first period class?-Sabrina
Spanish, then I have Symphonic Band after-Jordan
Oh right you have Symphonic-Sabrina
Yep I do, are you a freshman?-Jordan
Yeah, are you a Sophomore or a Junior?(I actually kinda knew what grade he was in, I just didn't want to come off as creepy)-Sabrina
I'm a Sophomore-Jordan
Oh nice-Sabrina
Later on he gave me his number and I was very excited about that
Good, anything happen today-Jordan
Chromatic Scale was a challenge, how about you?-Sabrina
I hate playing it on a Baritone, not to hard on guitar-Jordan
Exactly, guitar is easy, but clarinet is difficult-Sabrina
You play Guitar also-Jordan
Acoustic, what do you play-Sabrina
Acoustic, Electric, Bass-Jordan
Impressive-Sabrina
Hell yeah, kinda music do you listen to?-Jordan
Heavy Metal, Classic Rock and Grunge, what about you?-Sabrina
You're friggen awesome, same here. Favorite Band?-Jordan
Asking Alexandria and Motley Crue. what's your favorite? You're pretty awesome too-Sabrina
Metallica, Led Zeppelin and Thin Lizzy-Jordan
We talked for an hour and the next day, we hung out at lunch in the library, had the best conversation about bands and music, our families, we had so much in common and I have to say, I wanted to be in a relationship with him. My friends knew about my crush on him, they knew we would be a great couple, I loved his hobbies and getting to know him more honestly made me like him even more, also more scared of telling him. So what I did was grabbing a Monster and drank it to build up the courage, like when someone takes a shot of whisky and go up to someone, it was like that, but unfortunately, he was dating someone else. So like all my pain from before, I was listening to sob love songs just so I can get it out by a tad. Around February, I got it out of my system knowing that he was going to say no
Hey uh I know that will be a little weird, but just going to tell you that I like you-Sabrina
-20 minutes later-
Hey I'm sorry, I haven't messaged you, but I see and thank you very much, but I love Jesus very much and if I were looking for someone they would have to have a equal or greater love for God than me. And I'm already pursuing a closer relationship, I'm sorry, your very beautiful and nice, but I can't pursue-Jordan
So safe to say he was very religious and he wasn't in a relationship anymore, but he did let me down easy, not too long after that, he stopped going to Church Group, he started stumbling back to the other side, but we'll probably get into that
Jordan, you were my very first real High School Crush, again no one can change that and especially how I felt about you. It was only Freshman Year, but it felt very real to me then, I saw you in my future, but I didn't know what you were gonna be in my life. Words cannot express how happy you made me when I finally found someone who was charming and very chivalrous then, you did leave me hanging, but it wasn't on purpose I hope, maybe we can be acquaintances because even though I'm 18 and writing this, I know later on in the future, I won't feel the same way I feel about you right now because I think I still have feelings for you, but I have a future to pursue, I can't put my life on hold for one guy who'll probably one day feel the same way about me. You were my reason to come to school every day, you always seem to bring a smile to my face each time I thought of you, I know it's weird, but it's the truth, you made me feel that it was okay to be myself, even though I was awkward around you, you made me get out of my comfort zone then, you made me go for it and every time I see you post your covers online, you still make me smile because you are still pursuing your career as a guitarist and I am trying to make it out in the world. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you made me feel like it was okay to be a Wallflower