I've learned that majority of us think we found our soulmate at age 16, we begin to plan a future, plan to move in, I think what we experience is that they are our first love because before is Middle School relationships and we'd just about fall in love with anything, but not for me and I did care about Miles until Caleb Brown
He was my first childhood crush, I remember the moment I saw him, he wore a jacket that I somehow loved, I was shy around him, we became friends eventually in the summer, whenever he came to the Babysitter's house, it felt like I was happy, my heart was able to beat so fast, I wouldn't even notice. Then he stopped coming around, I was heartbroken, but not too much because we were only children, we had some mutual interests and I wasnt trying to get together with him at a young age. Middle school came around, my Advisory class watched Holes after reading the book, that was when I knew that he looked like Zero as a child, I completely forgot about him until I saw him in the halls with his girlfriend? Was I sad about it? Of course not, his girlfriend was definitely amazing, she was kind and sweet, it was impossible to hate her, they seemed like the perfect couple anyway, we talked every now and then, but we seemed to be okay for a couple years. His hair was getting long to the point that you could braid it and it would still be long. When I was a Freshman and he was a Sophomore, we started talking more, which was a good thing, one day he cut his hair and all of our mutual friends flipped out because we got so used to it for 2 years, he looked good anyway, wasn't a bad hair cut. Then again, he was gone because he went to a different school.
Later on into my Sophomore Year, he started dating this girl who was in the same grade as his ex girlfriend, the girlfriend of almost 3 years ended sadly, but I didnt think I wanted to be with him until I saw him with his new girlfriend, I liked him again, yeah I did, but as usual, I always had to hide it like usual and then I started dating Jasper and you know how that turned out. Caleb Brown was his name, the boy who I had a crush on as a child; we started talking more online and we had a nice conversation during Spring Break, next thing you know he thought we were related and I was immediately grossed out because I liked someone who I didnt know who I was related to, then my mother came to the rescue and said we werent, there was even proof. A month later, he was in despair and this girl that kinda brought us together which I'll get to in a couple chapters, her name was Anna, I saw Caleb crying on the stairs with Anna, my first instinct was to go over there and comfort my friend, so that's what I did. Anna had to leave and for me, I had time and I was able to comfort him, help him and a couple weeks before, his girlfriend broke up with him for someone else. I stayed with him for 6 hours on April 27th, the night of the full moon, when he played calm music and I remember lying my head on his shoulder as we saw river flowing, we talked for hours during our walk, we connected emotionally, we talked about our struggles, we watched funny videos to keep the humor on the spot. I looked up at the moon and something just told me to do it,"Caleb? Can I say something completely stupid?"
"Sure"
"I-I like you, for a while now, I didnt know how to tell you and if you dont feel the same way, that's okay, I'll completely understand" He looked over at me, complete silence, my heart was pounding through my chest and next thing you know we were kissing, it felt right....more comforting than with Jasper and the others, he had his arms wrapped around me and when we pulled our lips away, our foreheads were still touching and I asked the question,"Does this mean we're dating?" He nodded and I smiled as I got close to him,"Dont you have to be home soon?"
"My mom's working graveyard shift, she doesn't get home until 3am" It was only 9pm and it was 10pm when he walked me home, he said that his curfew was 11pm and he was lucky. When he walked me home, we got to talking how long we've liked each other, he has actually liked me since I was a Freshman but he was respectful enough to stay faithful to his girlfriend then. We kept our relationship a secret for a while, a day later, Avengers: Infinity War was playing, my mother invited him to watch with us and he was excited. We drove him home and she asked me about him and she kinda knew that him and I were dating, but she didnt like it
A week later, we had sex, for 3 hours, yes it was possible and when I turned my phone on, it was 34 text messages and 13 phone calls from my mother and when I came home, she asked me where I was at in the middle of the night because it was Midnight when I got home. She assumed that I was with Caleb, which she was right, but she ended up grounding me and took my good phone and left me with the crappy phone. My friends were wondering why I wasnt responding to their texts and keeping up with the streaks, I told them what happened and after Caleb and I first did it, it wasnt awkward, it was like a light of happiness. Whenever we were with each other, it was like we were pieces to a puzzle, like we knew how the other person was feeling, whether it was sad or anger or happiness, like we were made for each other. Summer finally came around, I got into Symphonic band, I was going to try out for the Cheer Squad, but it was on hiatus again. I was excited to see him during the summer and then eventually, he started acting weird, like he wasn't responding as quick, he was....I really dont know how to describe it, his ex girlfriend started messaging me and I started getting thrown all over the place to the point that I drank and started drunk texting Caleb, I cant exactly remember what I was saying except that I asked him why he was dating me, he told me why and before I told him that we needed to talk then that happened when he didnt respond for 5 hours which was weird because he always responded right away and there wasnt anything serious or anything but I realized that Anna and him were getting a little too close, I've also seen him with other of our mutual friends who were girls and he wasnt like that until Anna comes around. I said to him when we talked the next day,"Do you like Anna? If you do, that's okay"
"No, she's my platonic sister, you I love. Sabrina, we've known each other since we were 9 years old" I cant remember what he said, but it brought tears to me and we cried together, it might've brought us closer and throughout the entire summer, it was just us. He would be at my place, I would be at his, his parents didnt seem to mind me being there, mostly because they dont know that we were dating and they wouldn't let me if they knew. I told my mother that him and I broke up because he was gay, he wasnt really. Every day, I'd wake up and send a morning text, buy coffee and wait for him to walk me to school, it felt like we have been distant more than usual. I've known that I tend to be very confusing and I didn't want that for Caleb so I was honest, but again there was a limit of honesty. I began waiting around, I've walked, I've woken up early for him, to come into town and even snuck into my Grandpa's bathroom because it was another reception that I was able to get. We started talking about newness, what we could do to spice up our sex life, we eventually got around to bondage, new sex positions; He wanted reverse Cowgirl, I thought it was weird for some reason. We became more passionate, more spontaneous, whenever my mother said she had to work overtime and check in for a hotel room, I'd sneak him in and he'd leave before my mother even knew that he was even there. We'd leave hickeys on each other as a daily reminder that we are only for each other, he knew that my mother would flip. Our spontaneity was at the point that we would do it almost anywhere, the adrenaline.....the lust.....it seemed like every time we had sex, it's like everything around us disappears, it was only us, it was like the same feeling that weed used to give me. Every time he tied me up, he showed me dominance and I resist on purpose to show that my dominance can come out too, I was only choosing to be submissive. Sometimes when I come over to his place when my mother gave the okay to spend the night at my friend Carmen, we would play video games, we would kiss each other, it would look like it was very simple but it would be very heated for us to the point that when we break apart, we would look at each other in the eye and we would know that we want each other right there, right now. Mortal Kombat was playing in the background, so his parents were thinking that it was us playing. He would crawl on the bed, pin me down and kiss me so passionately, he would ran his hand and rub against my track shorts in circles for a minute then make his way underneath there,"Wait wait wait, Caleb, I'm on my period"
"And? That's not gonna stop me from fucking you"
"God you're amazing" We kissed again and he fingered me knowing about my cycle, I run my hands down to his shorts and stroke him, he moaned lightly as we kiss, I was about to let out a noise and he covered it then uncovered it to kiss me again,"I like it when you do that"
"What? Oh this?" He covered it as he was fingering me harder, he did a shush sign and said to me,"You like it when I dominate you?" I nodded and a muffled yes,"Good girl". He had condoms and he pulled one out, before putting one on him, I go down on him sucking inch by inch, he ran his hand through my hair pulling it because he knew that's only going to make me keep going, I stopped for him to put it on as he was making eye contact with me,"What do you want to do to me Caleb?" He panted then became more aggressive,"Showing you is more fun" He inserted himself inside me and we both moaned quietly because his parents were downstairs drinking,"How does that feel Sabrina?"
"That feels so good" I arched my back and he wrapped his arms around me to keep me close to him and he gave me a hickey, I gasped loud and he covered my mouth. He turned me around and took me from behind,"You're so hot right now Caleb" I said to him as he was thrusting inside of me,"You're just so damn sexy right now"
"What makes you say that?"
"The feeling you give me each time, your light moans, the way you say my name and the way you're gonna wanna scream right now" He thrusted even harder and faster as he pinned my wrists to the bed, I gasped louder and bit on his pillow, he grunted as few minutes went by, he slowed down and pulled my hair, I came up to him and he placed his hand on my clit to start rubbing it in circles,"What makes say that I'm hot"
"How you take control, the way you come inside me and the way you look at me before and during sex" I whimpered as I got on fours because he started going faster,"Good" He smirked and kissed me on the neck down to the back and we finished. An hour later, he was playing video games, I was watching him play and I looked over at him, he smiled at me and I came up to him to start rubbing his dick, the expression on his face immediately changed,"What you doing there?" He said to me,"I'm not finished with you" I pulled his shorts down and started giving him a blowjob again, it was hard for him to concentrate on the game when his girlfriend was giving him pleasure again.
Junior year was around the corner and honestly, after hearing my friends Camille, Bryan, Austin, Bryson, Emma and the others about Junior Year, I was ready for it. I was prepared by how hard it was going to be, how stressful it was going to make me, I just hope honest to God that there is something like a mechanism or the Cheer Tryouts coming up so it could motivate me even more to keep pushing myself to make it through this. Even one of my friends Blake Remington, we met in 2014 during Wrestling Season and I think that even if I didnt sign up for it, we still would've met during Track Season, he was one of the guys that didn't underestimate me then. He told me that it was going to be hard, but if I needed someone to talk to, he was going to be there for me. Here's the thing about Blake Remington, he seemed like one of your typical high school jock in a high school movie, he set a somewhat high standard for the girls that he was only interested in. He was a high school student by day, but a wild animal by night, I'll get more into details later because this happened before Caleb and I think it's better to get the full story later on than bits and pieces about Blake Remington and I.....because there was something about him.