{[Jane]}
I still felt like shit and it's been over four weeks now. I could not be stressed out this much just because my editors were pushing me for a final product.
I couldn't keep anything down except bread. I continuously had to make unnecessary trips to the loo and realizing that I've just missed my second period, made me worry even more.
This just could not be possible.
I used birth control and we were always super careful.
I fished out my packet of pills, realizing that with everything going on, I had missed two days last month without even noticing it.
I struggled to get out of bed, my head spinning - nausea flooding me like a suffocating wave.
After doing my second round to empty my stomach, I showered, got dressed and headed down to the pharmacy not too far from our apartment.
I pulled the hoodie over my head as I made a casual walk to the condoms section, taking two home pregnancy tests off the shelf. I paid for them, making sure not to make eye contact with the guy at the desk as he eyed me suspiciously. I thanked him softly before taking the paper bag and heading back to the apartment.
My heart raced as I waited for the results, the digital hourglass turning and turning, keeping me in suspense. I placed it down on the ground, dropping my head into my hands as the word 'pregnant' appeared on the digital screen. The hourglass still kept turning before the words '3 weeks +' appeared.
I sobbed my heart out as I held the stick in my hand. Matt would be home tonight. I haven't seen him in over two weeks. They've been touring around, celebrating the release of their second album.
I missed him so much. I just wanted him to hold me, tell me this was all one big bad dream and that I'd wake up sooner rather than later.
But then again - this [wasn't] a dream. There [was] a small Zwei growing inside me.
I didn't know how he'd react to this and I was nervous as hell.
What if he didn't want this? What was I going to do? I didn't want to lose him. I knew we'd be able to work through this. We've faced far worse in our lives, haven't we? I mean, it's just a baby. That's all.
Then again - what would this do to his career? Being a father that's barely home. I didn't want to make him choose between his work and us. It just wasn't fair, especially because they were just starting to take off. This could either make him, or break him.
Maybe I'd keep it quiet for now and break the news later on, when things weren't so hectic. I honestly didn't know what to do.
I just wish I could turn back time... we didn't need this - not now.
***
Matt came home that evening, finding me curled up in a bundle on the couch. He tossed his bag onto the floor before making his way over to me. He sat down and drew me into his chest, kissing the top of my head as he inhaled my scent.
"Oh, God, how I missed you," he whispered, kissing me softly.
"Not nearly as much as I missed you," I replied, barely audible.
"Are you ok?" he asked, smiling down at me.
I bit my lip, debating on whether I shouldn't spoil the mood or just get it over with. Keeping it secret would just make things worse. We made a vow never to keep secrets, no matter how much you'd hurt the other person.
I pushed myself up, staring at my hands as I drew in a deep breath.
"We need to talk," I started, my sorrowful eyes meeting his, seeing all joy draining from his face as he started to worry.
"Is it Kyle?" he asked hoarsely.
"No," I replied. "I'm... Matt... I'm pregnant," I said, barely audible as I covered my mouth with my cardigan sleeve, keeping back sobs as tears started flowing down my cheeks.
His entire body stiffened as he stared at me in shock. I couldn't even tell if he was breathing before he uttered, "[What?!]"
I turned my away from him, but he turned me back, gently wiping my tears away with his thumb.
"Are you sure?" he asked, more gentle this time.
"Well, I skipped two periods... been puking my guts out for over four weeks and had a pregnancy test confirm it, so, yes. I'm 99% sure. I am so, so sorry," I said, losing it. My body trembled as I sobbed uncontrollably.
"I thought we used birth control, Janey?" he asked softly, drawing me into his chest.
"I forgot them. I'm sorry, I honestly didn't do it... I didn't do this on purpose," I managed through sobs.
"We'll get through this, somehow. I just wasn't ready for this. You caught me off guard, that's all," he replied into my hair as he tried to calm me down.
"I don't blame you. I wasn't either," I replied, scared to death.
We weren't prepared for any of this. After [everything] we've been through in life, nothing could prepare us for what was about to follow.
Nothing.