{[Jane]}
I poked at the noodles, my appetite completely lost.
I knew I had to eat, the look on his face said it all. He hasn't stopped staring at me since I've sat down on the couch next to him.
His shirt felt oversized, hanging loosely over my bony frame. He hated seeing me like this and regretted leaving me alone.
He glanced away, wistfully taking a forkful before putting his take out box down on the table again.
"Are you sure you're OK?" He asked concerned.
"Did you read my book?" I blurted out, still just poking at the piece of sweet and sour pork, not looking up at him.
"I just wanted to know what was going on, Janey. You've completely shut me out and acted like I didn't even exist. Like we never even knew each other. I - I can't just do something like that. I just wanted to know what the hell I did to piss you off this time... and I'm really sorry," he apologized, reaching for my loose hand. "I'm sorry for reading your book. I know you're pretty private about whatever you typed down, but most of all... I'm sorry I let you down."
I lightly squeezed his hand. I knew how much he needed my touch. I knew how much he needed to be close to me.
Right now, I was giving him anything but closure. I was scared to death - even of my best friend.
Men were monsters and deserved to die.
All of them.
"You're getting that crazy look in your eyes again," Matt said, picking up his box again, a ghost of a smile forming on his lips as he looked at me. "We're not all the same, you know," he added, staring at me from over his food.
I frowned, forcing myself to eat some of it myself. My stomach cramped at the sudden shock of anything food related entering it, making me wince in pain. Matt's expression became uneasy as he studied me.
I waved him off with a chuckle and he visibly relaxed.
"I guess my body went into shock too," I said with a shrug.
"Lets just... forget about all of this," he suggested, pulling me closer to him. "Let me protect you, care for you and be there for you - no matter what. Stop pushing me away and shutting me out. Allow me to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Be my cure to growing older-" he whispered into my ear as I laid with my back against his chest.
"Don't say it," I asked horrified. Anything but that. The last thing I wanted to do now was commit to something I wasn't ready for.
He chuckled, his infectious laugh reverberating through me. "I'm not proposing, Janey," he replied, planting a soft kiss on my cheek.
I've even forgotten how much I've missed little things like that. His soft lips touching my tender skin, sending tingles down my spine.
[Who would have thought we'd ever be more than just good friends? Not me - that was for sure.
Even after everything I've been through - after everything that's happened, he never rejected me or treated me any different than before.
To say I was thankful just wouldn't justify it.
Don't get me wrong. If there was anyone on this huge deserted piece of shit we call earth I'd give anything to be with for the rest of my life - it would definitely, without a sliver of doubt be him. But I just wasn't ready for that next step.
I'm sort of glad we were able to have a second chance on us. I don't think either of us were ready to raise a child.
Maybe, in the near future - we will be. I truly wouldn't mind it. But I needed support and I didn't get that from him. I know he regretted it. I knew he'd do anything to do it all over and take this whole mess head on and man up.
But it's over. It's too late now.
The only thing we can do now is move on and make the best of what we have. We had to safety pin the pieces of our broken hearts back together until we both felt better about everything. We were going to be like Jack and Sally...
Writing this actually made me laugh, seeing that Christmas was right around the corner, yet Matt decorated the small tree we had with skeletons and jack o lanterns. Our tinsel was 'spider webs' we bought from the local Walmart. Our Christmas balls were little Jack Skellington heads.
Everything was just so - different.
I guess we were different - giving the looks we received whenever our friends came by to visit.
Eventually, I guess we were incompatibly compatible. Imperfectly perfect. Two halves of a broken soul, meant to dwell together where no other would ever go.
Maybe we were meant to be.]