{[Jane]}
[I've tried. Honestly I have.
Things were going good - coming together again for the first time in weeks.
But as usual, life just couldn't wait to screw us over again.
I fell for him - hard. He was my life - my everything. I couldn't afford to lose him, but I had to go. I had to leave - now, before he found out. I wasn't prepared to ruin his life in the prime of his career.
Not again.
Matt was the name on everyone's lips, the wish on everyone's hips. He didn't need me, yet still I was all he wanted.
FEAR. What a horrid little four-letter word. It's double meaning staring me right in the face - taunting me. I've tried to Face Everything And Rise - but it didn't work out. Now?
I have to Forget Everything And Run.]
{[Matt]}
I waited for her to come by and see me after the show to tell me how great we did.
But she never showed.
That was so unlike Jane to ditch me, especially on our home ground. Since we got together - she's [never] missed a show. Always bragging about how damn lucky she was to have me - even though I could have anyone there that night.
If only she knew how little I cared about the rest compared to her.
I dragged myself out of the dressing room, shuffling down the hallway to the only payphone for miles, dropping my last change into the slot and dialling her number.
I rested my head against my arm as her phone rang and rang - eventually leaving me with her voicemail.
Hopefully I was just overreacting. Maybe she was busy working on her book or having an early night.
She seemed tired lately. Bags forming under those beautiful eyes, making her look years older. I wished I could just give all of this up to be with her. I've had my taste of fame and honestly - it wasn't all that I hoped it would be.
It was way more stressful, challenging and demanding than we thought. People judged us and tell us we've changed.
We were still just Matt, Dixon, Lucan and Shaun – [nothing] had changed.
Reluctantly, I replaced the receiver back and made my way back to the locker room. Shaun seemed pale tonight - paler than usual - sitting on a sofa at the far end of the room, his trucker's hat lying beside his as he tossed his bottle of water between his hands.
I debated on joining him - that was before he lifted his head and gave me an apologetic smile - mouthing that he was sorry.
I couldn't think of a single thing Matt could be sorry about - he never did anything wrong in his life... even whenever we tried to force him.
"Sorry for what, bro?" I asked nonchalantly, chuckling as I flopped down beside him.
He shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes as he continued to juggle the bottle from hand to hand, "I didn't know it was her-" he choked out.
A chill ran down my spine as the words escaped his mouth, my breath hitching in my throat as I slowly closed my eyes.
"Didn't know it was who?" I asked slowly, doing my best to stay calm.
"Matt, please - I'm... I'm so, so sorry," he begged, covering his face in his hands, sobbing louder.
I ripped his hands apart, a mixture of fear and anger arising within me. "Shaun, what the [fuck] is going on?" I asked, trying my best to sound calm.
"I - I didn't know it was Jane. We - I ... you know I never drink. You [know] what happens when I do. It was a masked party... at Lican's house. You know - the one from a couple of weeks back," he started, shaking like a reed.
I stared at him, unwilling to believe what he was about to say.
"I'm a loser, Matt. Losers don't get the girl. I - I... God I'm too embarrassed," he chocked out the last bit getting up from his seat.
I couldn't take it anymore - my blood boiling. He did something to Jane. It's probably [his] fault she didn't come tonight.
I grabbed him by the collar and pushed him up against the wall, his glasses tumbling to the ground as he gasped for air, "What - did - you – [do]?" I hissed at him, pushing harder.
"I'm sorry," he chocked, breaking down again.
I drew back my fist ready to hit the shit out of him as he covered his face in defence.
"I drugged her - then had sex with her. I - I thought the guys would think I'm cool. I really didn't know it was Jane, Matt - please. I'm sorry!" he begged and pleaded.
I let his sorry ass go, making him fall to his knees. He looked up at me again, the deepest regret lined on his innocent face as he whispered sorry once again.
I couldn't believe it - just couldn't wrap my head around what Shaun had just confessed.
I left him lying there in his miserable state and left, calling down a cab to take me home instead. I walked into the complex, shakily fishing my keys out of my pocket - struggling to open the door as tears welled up in my eyes.
I prayed to God that I was just imagining things and that she'd still be here - but I opened the door to an empty apartment.
Everything that was 'Jane' removed from it. A little folded note on the counter top waiting for me - giving me the dreaded feeling of de ja vu, sickening me.
I felt my stomach turn, barely making it to the bathroom. I spilled my guts out until there was nothing more but heaves, chocking as I fought back the tears stuck in my throat.
I couldn't believe she was gone - after [everything] we went thought. After all this time - when I thought things were just busy settling out again. Just when I thought there was hope for us.
Just when I thought we could finally move on and put everything behind us and take the next step.
Clearly, I missed the thing that was tearing her apart - again.
I wiped my face and flushed the toilet, steadily getting back onto my feet as my eye caught the object in the bin.
A pregnancy test.
A [positive] pregnancy test - to be exact.