{[Jane]}
I sat waiting at the bus stop, surrounded by pitch darkness. An occasional hoot of an owl or the swish of motor tires on the tarmac reminded me that I was still alone in the middle of nowhere, freezing my ass off, and waiting for the next bus to nowhere.
I honestly didn't know what to do or how to react. I couldn't hide from Matt forever.
Just like the saying in Once Upon a Time - no matter what, he'll always find me.
I texted Shaun last night, giving him the news that I was pregnant.
He never replied.
And to make things worse - Matt phoned me moments after.
I couldn't remember much of that night. Lican's birthday. The masked party...
Matt and I went there together. I turned my back for a second, sipped my drink, and decided to go lay down after a stranger showed me a room upstairs. I woke moments later - looking into Shaun's face.
He was nervous as hell, doing something he shouldn't. The smell of hard liquor filled my lungs as he tried to kiss me to justify his actions.
I never spoke of it after that, knowing it would cost Matt his oldest and dearest friend - when it was neither of our faults.
He didn't know it was me - and I planned on keeping it that way.
That was until I started feeling off again - sleeping more, throwing up.
I tried to keep it a secret from Matt for as long as I could. He was never home, and that made it so much more bearable.
I finally manned up and took the test this morning, believing that it was all just in my head and nothing was wrong.
But I wasn't.
The test was positive and for once I knew I had to leave before it all came out.
I didn't want to leave Matt. Not after everything we've been through.
I found the ring inside his bedside table and I knew he'd been planning this for a while.
How on earth would I explain to him why my child had green eyes? Why were his or her hair so straight when both of us had only half Caucasian in our blood?
I took my phone out to check the time, finding a text message from Matt instead.
-Is it true? Janey - are you pregnant? ='(
I stared at my phone in disbelief, realizing that I forgot the test in the dustbin.
--What does it matter, Matthew? I'm not keeping it, anyway.
I replied in a haste, tears welling up in my eyes.
-Janey, please - don't do this to me. Please.
I was hurting him again. Something I vowed myself not to do.
--I just need some time, Matt. I'll stay in touch. Promise. My thumb hovered over the send button, but it wasn't long before he called.
"Fine. I'll wait for you - even if you decide never to come back. *sigh* Just tell me, where are you running off to this time?" he asked from the other side, sounding so hollow - so distant.
"Milwaukee - to my mom's for now. I just need to finish this damn book. I think I'll feel better after that," I replied, fiddling with my fingers, feeling my heart crippling me at the mere thought of having him there with me.
"Take your time, Janey," he said, taking a long pause before continuing. "Just promise me you'll come back when you're done. And Jane - keep the kid... even if it is Shaun's - please," he added the last part in a whisper, barely audible.
"Matt," I debated, knowing how much it would hurt him if it was Shaun's.
"End of discussion," he added, chuckling. "I love you."
I bit down on my lip, hearing the hissing exhaust breaks of the night bus approaching. "Love you too," I replied before breaking down in tears, unable to keep myself in any longer.
I wanted to go home. Take my bags and go back to him - back to where I knew I'd be safe. But I knew if I did - we'd eventually end up having a huge fight about that night.
I knew it would be the last and that he'd never be able to trust me again after that - even if it wasn't my fault to start with.
The bus screeched to a halt, opening its doors for me to get in. A voice called from behind as a frantic man came running along the sidewalk.
"Hold that bus!" he called, doing his best to keep up. His messy blonde hair came into view as a familiar smile spread across his face. [Paul]. I smiled back before continuing my way down the empty bus seats.
"We have got to stop meeting like this," he joked, taking my bag from me and tossing it on the luggage rack.
"I guess so," I replied, wiping my eyes.
"You ok?" he asked, gently taking my hand in his. "That boyfriend of yours?"
"If only. Let's just say I needed a break after screwing up my own life this time," I replied, staring at his oil-smeared hands. I didn't mind it at all. He probably just got off work, anyway.
"So, where are you heading?" he asked, concerned.
"I was thinking of Milwaukee, just for the time being," I replied, still not a hundred percent sure myself.
"I've got an extra room in my house. Don't just jump headfirst into something. Take all the time you need and decide if what you're doing is the right thing," he offered.
"Are you sure? You barely know me and I'm just bad news," I replied, skeptically.
"I'm sure," he replied, taking a seat next to me.
[I never really thought about how much that night would have changed my life. I never thought I'd stay at Paul's for more than a week - but weeks turned into months and months turned into years. The heartache of leaving Matthew behind forming into something completely new.
It all started with a drink after he came back from work - after I finally built up enough courage to confess to him about my pregnancy and what had actually happened.
He never judged me - not for a millisecond.
During the first nine months of my stay - he did nothing but treat me like his queen. Matt never came by to say 'hi' - his phone calls becoming less and less.
He still loved me - you could hear it in his voice, but he'd changed - he'd become more attached to the band than ever before.
Shaun occasionally dropped by, unable to live with the guilt of what he'd done to us.
He never told Matt that I'd kept the baby. He promised he wouldn't and I couldn't be more grateful to call him my friend.
***
Lilly-Ann was born in autumn the following year. Paul named her and raised her as his own.
I never thought I'd ever be able to love anyone after Matt - but life showed me otherwise.
Lilly was 2 when the inevitable happened. I should have known.
Things were going too well for too long. Life hated me with a passion that was unexplainable. No matter what I did - just like all the villains in our favorite storybooks - I never got my happy ending.
I just wasn't destined to have one.
I was busy feeding her in the lounge when a knock on the door startled me. I opened the door to two policemen. Both their eyes caught the ring on my finger before averting their gaze back to me.
'Mrs. Wayde?' the one asked, to which I couldn't help but smile.
I shook my head and explained that we had just got engaged. They exchanged a brief glance before motioning if they could come inside.
I knew something was wrong from the instant they stepped foot into my house. The one showed me a photo of a Porsche, and I knew it all too well. It was Paul's boss's car, and I informed them as such.
The bigger one with the mustache cleared his throat and asked me to sit down instead. I did as I was asked as they delivered the news.
Paul died in that same car hours before. They did their best to resuscitate him, but nothing worked. It was too late - the damage was done.
I broke down in tears - still crying for days after that until I pulled myself together - finished the last chapter of my book and published it.
I needed to accomplish at least one thing in my life before I bid it farewell - and that was it. My book.]