{[Jane]}
"Shut up, Jane! Just shut the fuck up, ok?!" Matt yelled from across the room, vigorously running his hands through his hair.
I sat cross-legged on the bed, tangled in his sheets. He's been taking this whole thing much worse than I thought and it's only been a couple of weeks.
The deadline for their new album was hitting hard, especially recording with the guys while they bombed him with questions - everything was just snowballing downhill and taking our entire relationship with it.
He's been sleeping on the bed in the spare room for the past three days and said that he couldn't handle going off on me like this all the time.
I knew him long enough to know he couldn't help it. Stress and depression were his weakness - the demons that slowly devoured him alive, hollowing him out from inside.
"I'm sorry, ok," he whispered, sitting down next to me as he dropped his head in his hands. "I guess I'm just not cut out for this crap," he added, barely audible.
I turned away from him, biting down on my lip to keep the tears from boiling over and upsetting him even more.
"It's ok," was all I replied, getting off the bed and leaving him to his own train of thought.
"Jane, please," he begged, looking up at me - pure heartache in his eyes. "I never wanted to hurt you-"
"I know, Matt. I know. Just, leave it ok? I'll be fine," I replied with a weak smile before walking down the hallway to my computer.
I knew the only thing that might help me right then would be to get it all out. Just clear my thoughts and let it all go. It would probably be better if I just went out for a walk after that, just to make sure he'd cooled down before talking to him again.
[I always thought we were meant to be. 'The ideal couple', because we've known each other's ins and outs. I thought this would be all smiles. Roses and moonlight.
But then our good old friend reality came along and fucked us over - just like it always did. It came by to remind us just how human we really are.
He was perfectly fine in the beginning, but something snapped. Something changed him. He's become distant - barely touching me.
Lately, it was only when he felt bad for me. He'd cuddle me and try to make things right, usually not long after he'd cursed and sworn me. This wasn't Matt. Not the way I knew him. It had to be this baby. It must have been tearing him up inside. He wasn't ready. I didn't blame him - but neither was I!
I'd reached my breaking point and decided that this was busy killing us both. Maybe I should just end it all.
Jump off a bridge or dive in front of a bus. No one would miss me, anyway. No one really cared about the screw up I was. No one thought I'd be able to make something of my life or even find some sort of happiness.
Somehow, I believed that - until recently.
I've discovered that no one was responsible for my happiness except me.
So, from today on forward, I was living for myself. Working my way to my happy ending - no matter what the cost.]
I saved the document and closed the laptop, not noticing Matt standing behind me until the last second.
"You ok?" he asked gently, wrapping his arms around me.
"I'll be fine, I just need some fresh air. I won't be too long, ok?" I said, turning around to face him.
"Janey, it's dark. It's dangerous. Stay in. I'll run you a nice warm bath and you can soak for as long as you'd like," he suggested, sounding genuinely worried.
"I'm a big girl, Matthew. I'll be perfectly fine," I scoffed, gently shoving him out of my way and grabbing my purse on the way out.
He followed me to the door, grabbing onto my arm.
"Let - me - go-" I said through gritted teeth as I bit back my tears.
"If you're not back in thirty minutes, I'm coming to find you," he said as he let my arm go. "Be careful, please."
I gave a loud sigh before making my way down the hallway, walking faster as soon as I hit the streets. I walked down to the convenience store, a couple of footsteps not far behind.
I picked up the pace, not daring to look around. I bumped into someone, his breath as horrid as the dumpster I passed a couple of blocks back.
"Well hello, little lady. Watcha doin out here tis time o night?" he asked in his raspy voice.
I tried to scream as he grabbed me, closing my mouth with his hand. No matter how hard I bit, he merely laughed harder, his menacing laugh echoing through the empty streets. No one even bothered to try to help me.
I elbowed him in the gut, his grip loosening slightly, just enough for me to be able to turn around and kick him in the groin.
He let go, giving me a chance to get away, but it was all for none as three more men joined him. One of them tackled me to the ground while the other stole my purse.
They kicked me until I couldn't breathe, blood trickling into my mouth as I silently cried by myself.
They left me there for dead, running away like cowards as they heard the sirens echoing towards us. I tried to keep my eyes open. I tried so hard.
But I couldn't.
[I never felt the same after that night. I barely spoke a word after getting home that night. Matt was concerned, but what could he do? He already hated me.
But Karma - that bitch - wasn't done with me yet.
That evening, my body went into shock and I started bleeding. I can still remember Matt being hysterical as he woke up, finding me cross-legged with a pool of blood under me - sobbing like he's never seen in his life.
He carried me to the car, my head buried into his neck. We rushed to the hospital, but we were already too late.
I lost the baby. The trauma was too much for me to handle.
I had to see a shrink before I left. They convinced me it was for the best. He was the only other person who really knew what had happened to me. And I planned on keeping it that way.
That night broke us - irreparable. We would never be the same again - ever. Having a child together was one thing. Losing a child together was something completely different.
I never opened up to him again. I think that was what eventually led to the beginning of the end.
Nothing I could do would change a thing.
I was already dead anyway.]