Selena's POV
"W-what happened t-to your d-dad," Jace asked looking at me worried and I bit my lips as I glanced at him confused at his question.
Why was he asking that so randomly?
I mean maybe because I was being weird with Brian who everyone could figure out was not my dad.
And he's never seen my dad either. I mean I'm honestly surprised he figured it out but I was also impressed with him as well I guess.
I suddenly looked down feeling tears burn my eyes by the thoughts of my dad and I felt his arms wrap around my waist causing me to suck in a breath. I felt his fingers softly brush against my bare skin and I closed my eyes tightly.
My breathing started to harshen at the continuous thoughts of my dad that kept running through my mind as I begged for it to stop. But my body seemed to weaken instead and I decided to stop fighting my mind.
I've been hurting for way too long and snapping at those I love most for example my mum and Brian. I never liked him for no reason and that needed to stop. He always kind to me that I always thought that he wanted to take my dad's place which I couldn't allow. And because of that I always treated him like shit and I shouldn't have. And I can't help but hate myself for it every single time.
And because of that hate, I took it out on Jace as well. They way I am is because of how shit I dealt with my dad's death. It's because I wasn't able to deal with it. The fact that my dad's gone and is never going to come back. He's never going to come back. I hadn't realised that this was the first time that I actually thought that. That he was never going to come back.
I collapsed onto him feeling my body unable to correspond how to work anymore and I let out a sigh trying to get my lungs to work properly. I just felt like I had forgotten how to be human again.
He carried me back to the bed and I couldn't say anything against it. My mouth seemed to stop working and I closed my eyes for a second trying to get my brain to stop working for a second.
"Shhhh, you-u don't n-need to t-tell me" Jace whispered wiping my tears that I didn't realise had slipped out and I laid my head on his shoulders as his hands slid into my hair, brushing it back.
I took a deep breath and let out a sigh as images of my dad reappeared in my mind. Some I even had forgotten was still there.
I laid in bed with Jace for what felt like hours with images of my dad passing through. It's like I could see it, my dad in my room with little me.
It scared me a little bit. How I could actually see my dad in my room. But it honestly wasn't the first time as well. When I was younger, and there were times I had school fashion shows, I would picture him telling that I'm the more beautiful princess in the world.
"When I was 5, my dad told me that I was the prettiest princess in the world," I said feeling my eyes watering as I slid back into Jace's arm and I was thankful he didn't say anything yet because I needed time to think. Time to speak. Time to just adjust to my heart and mind. Because right now, I didn't know what was going on inside myself. What I was feeling, what I was doing. But I felt more stable than before because of Jace here.
I remembered that time like it was yesterday. We were outside in the garden and there was a fashion show at school.
My dad bought me a pink gown to wear for it and I was shocked at how fucking beautiful it was.
Obviously, I didn't swear at that time.
I glanced at Jace as he looked at me confused but I just continued. "he told me that he was never going to leave me and that even if he did there would be a prince to be with me forever." I sniffled a little bit as I thought back to the time where he started coughing for a while and I woke up due to the sound of that.
He saw me and placed me on his lap before reminding me he was never going to leave.
"W-when I was 6, I heard my mum and dad fighting about s-something, I secretly w-went to the kitchen and saw my mum crying. I-I heard her shout at dad that.... h-he had lung c-cancer." I cried out holding onto Jace as he rubbed my back and I bit my tongue not wanting to cruse or scream.
My lungs were already hurting at the urge to scream so I didn't know what would happen if I actually did scream.
"Selly you-u don't n-need to tell me," Jace said kissing me gently on my forehead and I shook my head.
I was scared to tell him specifically but I needed to let it out. I needed to give myself justice of speaking about the pain going on in my heart instead of keeping it in. Continuously spreading the toxins through my body.
"I ran back to my bedroom and cried all night. I heard my mum and dad banging on the door but I ignored them. The next day, I heard ambulance sirens near my house and I went downstairs to see dad placed being carried out on stretchers. I asked my mum what was happening but she told me that dad was gone. I shook my head and ran after them but they were already gone." I said clutching on Jace, gripping harshly on him as he held my tightly and I was thankful for it.
To actually have some balance.
"And then the next the day, my mum told me dad was gone and turned out that dad had lung cancer over a year and he never told me, HE DIDN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME" I screamed against Jace's chest and I stuffed my head into him as he jumped up at the tone of my voice but he held my tightly around my waist.
"N-no selly, he did care" Jace whispered in my ear and I shook my head finding every reason against his words.
He shouldve been alive right now. My mum would never have gotten with Brian if he was still alive. I would never have been so fucked up in the head if he was still. I would never have been so shit at school, never would've flunked, never would've tried to kill myself multiple time if he was still alive.
I let out a harsh sigh before looking at Jace, forcing my eyes at his.
"So why'd he leave then?" I asked with a scoff feeling my heart wince in pain and I placed my legs on each side of his hips.
"Selly, s-sometime t-that happens b-but h-he's always i-in here," Jace said placing his hand to where my heart was and I looked down to my chest subconciously and placed my hand over his.
Just like my dad told me. I looked at him and couldn't help but let out a smile at how much he reminded me of my dad. My dad was always so forgiving like Jace was and it scared me that I didn't realise it before. It scared me about how many memories were popping up because of Jace. Because I didn't know if it was a good thing or not. If this was a sigh that I needed to remember him so I could give him justice that I remember my dad and wasn't purposely trying to forget him which I felt I was doing for so long.
It felt easier to not get if I completely forgot about my dad all together. If he was never in my life.
"Jace how did you become so smart" I asked with a laugh giving him an Eskimo kiss and he let out a smile.
"Dunno" he said returning a laugh as he brushed his nose against my neck and I placed my hand over his cheek.
"Jace, where yours?" I asked out of the ordinary as I realised we never talked about parents before.
I mean I know I should've asked but I wanted to knew where his father was as well since he knows mine.
"I-it doesn't matter," he said playing with the strings of my short and tilted my head at him confused.
Did something happen to his dad as well?
"Jace what happened," I asked placing my finger under his chin to face him as I felt a worry in my heart and he bit his lip nervously.
"Nothing" Jace said with a scoff looking away from me and I nodded, bursting my hand over his cheek.
Maybe I shouldn't push it but what did happen to his dad?
"Ok" I whispered pressing my body against his and he titled his head a little upwards to me as I reported over him by an inch.
"Selena" I heard him moan and he places his head in the nook of my neck.
"You like that?" I laughed rubbing my hands on his torso.
"Y-yeah" Jace moaned grabbing my hips and pushing them against him.
"Jay" I moaned grinding on him.
"Fudge" I heard him whispered and he turned us both of over so he was on top of me.
I felt his lips touch mine and he kissed me. I kissed back wrapping my legs around him in the process.
"Jay you make me feel good but bad at the same time" I laughed as he sucked on my neck.
He was about to take my T-shirt off but my stomach decided to but in and growl.
Jace let a laugh as I looked down blushing. "Let's g-gets some foooood" Jace said kissing my tummy.
I laughed and nodded taking my legs off him "K" I said and we both go downstairs to the kitchen.
I looked inside and see Pattie sitting inside.
Seriously is there a time where Pattie or mom is not in the kitchen?
I mean not that I care but I just feel like too much drama happens in the kitchen.
"Hey guys, I thought of making you guys breakfast but I didn't know when you guys were actually coming downstairs", Pattie said and I saw 2 plates of cereal.
"Thanks, mommy" Jace said hugging her.
I nodded. "Thanks" I smiled at her and sat opposite her.
"So you guys ok now?" Pattie asked looking at both me and Jace.
Did she mean when we were fighting?
I think we're more than ok
"Wup" Jace said with I mouth full.
"We are fine" I laughed at him and wiped a little milk from his lips.
He looked at me and smiled. "Aw you guys are adorbs" Pattie smilets and I heard a phone ringing and saw Pattie walk out.
I'm guessing it was hers.
"I wuv you Jace" I said placing his sloppy milky lips on my cheek.
"Yeah yeah, I wuv you too", I said wiping my cheek.
I really do wuv you, Jace.
........
Okay so hopefully you liked this chapter. I put in a lot of effort as I could possible as i didn't really know what else to write. I tried updating it as much as I could. Hopefully this chapter made you feel some emotions as I did for me even though it was a little wierd reading my own words lol.
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