"Momma... can you buy me some grapes, please?" I urge on her.
She smiled and nodded at me. "Sure, my dear." she even said.
I snorted because of the last words she said. Momma always calling me 'my dear' and I'm sick of it. It sounds like a gown to me, I'm not a gown anymore to be called like that, actually every time I hear it, I shivered.
"Momma, please stop calling me that." I complaint.
She laugh a bit. "My dear, I've always called you that since you were a baby, you should be used to it." she held my hand.
"Bu--" she suddenly cut me off.
"No buts. I have to go, stay here ok. Bye, I love you." she said directly, and then kissed the side of my cheek.
"Bye Momma, I love you." I kissed her side cheek, too.
I let out a heavy sigh when I made sure she was gone. "Ghad,"
I saw my sister leaving eventually the next morning. She was carrying a bag, maybe her clothes? I don't know that either I haven't seen it yet, but it looks like I'm right.
I asked her. "Where are you heading to?"
She smiled at me. "We were planning to swim on the river." she walked to the door, then she stopped. "By the way, tell Momma I might be able to go home in the afternoon—I don't know the exact time but this afternoon." she said.
"Can I come with you?" there's a hint of hope to my voice.
But she shook her head immediately. "No, you're not allowed to."
Suddenly, my shoulder dropped. I knew the answer already, I'm supposed to expect it. But hearing it again—the refusal, it... it makes me upset.
"Ok... bye." she bid her goodbye too.
I think my life is so boring. I didn't even experience the things that the children do. Like playing outside the house, socializing with someone until they becomes a friend of mine, and bonding with them. That's what I wanted from the first place but they didn't even allowed me to experience it.
My life is like a what so ever.
"Stacia, what are you doing there?" she asked when she saw me under the table.
I beam on her. "Uh... eh.. I w-was just looking at something." I reasoned out.
She rubbed her forehead, as if she was under stress. "Get out of there, and your Momma may get angry when she sees you." she oust me out.
I got up right away and removed the dirt of my high waist tie shorts. "Sorry." I gave her a apologetic smile.
"You're no longer a child but you act childish." she reprove me, I pouted because of that.
I feel like a kid being scolded for doing something wrong. Like, I caught in the act.
I was just there because I couldn't do anything at home. I was so bored. It would have been pleasant if I'd been able to get outside the house, but it is possible.
It's already 4 o'clock in the afternoon but she's not home yet. Momma was also like that but I understand, and her, before the time reached to 4 pm she's already home, but now 4 pm had already surpassed, she's still not here.
Well, She's old enough to know things already. But I can't help but worry about her.
Yes, every time I see her, I get jealous, but she's still my sister, so I can't help but worry about her.
She's 19 now, and I'm just 16 years old. And it remains that she's my older sister.
She came home late at night, and she didn't even join me for dinner. Momma is not home yet, that's why I'm alone.
Eating alone, again.
I have to get use to the trend of my life. It's been years, Stacia.
I already asked her if she wanted to eat but she refused to, she said that she's full—that she already ate there.
And I just only said. "Ok,"
"Goodmorning, Momma." I greet her when I saw her downstairs.
"Goodmorning, how's your sleep?" she replied.
I smiled at her. "Fine, Momma. By the way, are you leaving—it's Sunday, right? So that means, you're off today? Right?"
"Right... and I'm planning to spend my time to the both of you."
"Breakfast is ready." Aling Rosa announce.
Momma held my elbow. "Let's go, let's eat."
I just nodded to her.
"Aling Rosa," Momma called her. "Where's Raj?" she asked.
"She's still asleep, Ma'am."
She frown. "Could you please wake her up?" Aling Rosa smiled and nod at her.
I ate first, I didn't wait for my older sister to go downstairs to eat and join us because I'm really hungry.
"Momma, may I ask?"
"Uhm.. sure,"
"I know I've already asked this before, but I want to know the reason for it as well. Why can't I leave the house at least in the night?" I curiously asked and, I could feel that she was stunned by that.
She put down the utensils, then, she looked at me intently. "Stacia, you already know the reason why, and that's reason is... it's too dangerous for you." she held my hand, caressing it. "My dear, I won't tell you the main reason but Stacia, I'll tell you soon but please understand me... just wait ok." she even smile.
"Oh... ok Momma." I just only said, it sounds like I'm upset.
Once my sister got down, I finished eating. She was still sleepy sitting at the dining table, as though she thought she didn't want to get up. Momma waited for her to finish as I went to the living room to watch.
"Goodmorning," I greeted her.
"Hmm..."
"Are you sleepy yet, huh?"
She just nodded in response.
Obviously, what time did she get home yesterday? I haven't reached her since I was sleepy last night. Maybe they've all been having fun so the've reached until evening.
How about me? When that thing would come to my life? Like, how could we enjoy stuffs 'til it'll be evening. That certain moment where no one would stop us like what they're doing to her? When would that happen? Or would it be possible.
Momma came, sitting next to me, then leaning her back on the couch, she stared at us one after by other.
"So... what do you want us to do, then?" she asked us.
I shrugged. "I don't know."
"Raj?"
"I want to sleep Momma, I'm tired."
Momma sighed. "Don't sleep now, Raj. It's Sunday, it's our family bonding and we need to do something now, so, you two, think of something we can play around here in the house."
Thought even though I couldn't think of anything. My mind was empty now, but I forced myself to think something that could be done indoors. We can play uno, chess, or monopoly, but we always play it back then to the point where I get sicken of it.
I've always won when it comes to uno and chess but monopoly, no, my sister always beat me. And that's not a big deal for me and also for her.
And now, we end up on playing uno, first round I've won, second, I've won, again but in third, Momma beat me, but I get back so in the last round of the game, I won.
'This is not new,' I said on my mind.
We've been playing all day with what Momma hosted every time we played. That's what we do every Sunday, play, eat, and then sing.
We were tired of what we've been doing all day. But ecstatic, I just wish it has always been like that, maybe now I don't feel what I was feeling at the moment, it was replaced by another pleasure that I don't know when it's going to last.
When night came, we ate together, and laughter filled the dining table. Every time my sister speaks, the envy that I feel again is the sort that you also don't want to hear as if I always want to cover my ears to get rid of the envy which I feel.
It seems like the pleasure that I felt earlier was instantly replaced. And I want to get rid of it, it suffocate me, to be honest.
I could see the moon, that could be seen bringing darkness all over the place. Moon adorning the twinkling of the stars, I widely smiled because of the beauty it made.
Since I was a kid, if I hadn't seen the sun, it would have been the moon. I was just gazing at the cloud where you could see the moon with the stars shining in the night.
It's fascinating to watch, it's tempting to paint.
"At the night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself talking to the moon." I whispered.
Honestly, it's pall to watch it, but I can't stop myself from appreciating the beauty it they bring, even if it only brings darkness to the whole place of Gumaca.
The way the moon peeked shyly over the dunes and moved searching fingers of dim light across the dunes.
"I hope the moon will replaced by the sun." I said before I decided to fall asleep.