"And where are you going?" she suddenly asked with sassiness.
I just scratched my head as I don't know what will I say to him. Gonna ask permission if I could go outside to see those trees and especially, the flowers.
I bite my lower lip to prevent stuttering. "I 'd just get out of here because I want to see the trees, especially the flowers." I truly said.
She immediately blocked my way to the door, she knows it already—my plan. She crossed her arms on his chest, and her brows shut up.
"You're not allowed to go outside. Momma will be mad at you, you know her Stacia." she reminded me.
I pouted as I can't do the things that I plan to do. One of my plans was to nearly look at them but I think I won't have a chance because every escape and everytime I ask for permission I know what would they'll answer to me.
"You're not allowed to go outside, Stacia."
And here I was locked in the room again, lying on the bed watching the ceiling whether it was going to move or not. I know it sounds crazy but I suddenly thought about it.
You know, we don't know.
Just in case I could get out of the house, I didn't give up fighting. First attempt, it's failed because Aling Rosa caught me stepping out. Second attempt, it's failed again because Momma caught me at the backdoor of the kitchen. Third attempt, it's failed again and again because Aling Rosa again caught me that I was veer the door knob of the door. Fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth—it's all failed. The Ninth attempt was close to successful but Aling Rosa, again, caught me.
I don't know why they unexpectedly appear when I get near. And I never knew if they were there or not.
It's hard to hide in the dark, and I didn't have the right to look at the morning sun, which brings light to the whole place of Gumaca. I have always seen the night, the moon, and the darkness of the place.
I just want to see how the sun rises with the skies, but why is that something my family disavows.
"Stacia, I already told you to stopped what you are planning to do. You're not allowed to go outside, it's restricted my dear." Momma said while we're eating our lunch.
I deeply sighed stopping myself to pout.
I'm hopeless.
I'm starting to feel jealous on my sister because she can do anything she wants, except from me. She's lucky then, but sometimes I can't help myself in a thought that if am I their legitimate daughter? Because , if it's a yes, their treatment between the two of us are equal, but as I can see, she's way more than treated and provided than me.
And since that day I didn't talk much to her because everytime I see her, I always felt the jealous. It is common for a kid to be jealous if she does not do what she wants. All I want to do is see the whole place of Gumaca.
"Don't you dare go outside of this house because you wont succeed. And if you managed to go outside, you know how Momma would scold you, right?" she said in a stern voice, then, fasten her clothes in front of the mirror before turning to me. "I'm just going to leave, because Cathy asked me to go to the river to swim." she went to me where I was sitting on the edge of the bed while watching her. "Stay here—in the house, ok?" before she left, she hugged me and kissed the side of my cheeks.
I also want to say, "I'm coming with you," but I can't, 'cause I already know what would be their nor her answer.
Thinking about going to the kitchen and going to feed. I'm sad and upset that I can't understand why their treatments are so different when it comes to me. I saw Aling Rosa preparing midday in the kitchen, and I could smell my favorite Chinese Porridge. It tastes especially good when it is slightly sour it adds a decent amount of flavor to it. Despite of that, the sadness that I felt was gone, replaced by greed.
"Are you hungry?"
I sat on the stool, I watched her cooking, and then I just nodded to her question. Immediately, because of the food she cooked, my mouth was watering and I couldn't help but rub my both palms.
'I can't wait to taste it.' I said in my mind.
I had to wait few more minutes to taste one of my favorites. She told me to wait for the food at the dining table, and I obeyed what she has said. I enjoyed going to the dining table and I was eager to sit down, smiling broadly as I was ready to taste my favourite food. It wasn't long before the meal was ready, that my eyes flickered happily.
"Eat a lot, enjoy." she said before walking away.
I promptly started eating as I hurriedly corky the soup into the table. But I wasn't mindful of it because I was so excited about eating the Chinese Porridge that she cooked. It tasted really good that's why I really like it, no, I love it.
"You tastes so good... uhmm..." I said as the dish melted in my mouth.
The next day, I saw my sister and her friends playing outside our house, and I couldn't help but feel jealous of them, because that's something I love to experience in my childhood. I can't see their face very much, because our house is in a secluded location that isn't open to the sunlight.
I watched at them with sadness. "I hope I can do the same,"
I could hear their laughter that made me sadder, I just bit my lower lip, stopping it from being emotional. When were young, she always got out of the house, she even reached the whole province of Gumaca at the age of 11, while me, I was only at home because I'm not allowed to leave the house. They are strict when it comes to me, it's forbidden to go out and see the light, it's forbidden.
I can't help but think I'm a pet who needs to be locked up.
"Momma where are you going?" I asked when I saw her pulling her suitcase. "Momma?" I innocently called her.
She plastered a smile to me. "I need to go to Alegria, Stacia. I need to manage our company in Alegria. Maybe, I'm going to be gone for 1 week and please tell me you're not going to leave the house until we've said so..." she entered my room. She left the suitcase at the door and came to me. She sat down beside me while I was lying in the bed. She placed her hand on my head then rubed it. "It's dangerous for you." I just pouted.
I looked down. "Why Momma?" I know that I asked this before.
"It's just.... you need to sleep Stacia." she suddenly stood up. "Goodnight, see you after 1 week. Don't be rebellious and don't be stubborn." she said then she leaned to me just to kiss the top of my head.
"Goodnight Momma, I love you."
"I love you, my dear." she said before leaving me alone.
I was young, but the things that were going on around me were causing me to be confused. I'm only 14 years old, a teenager now, but they treated me like a 10 years old not knowing anything.
I saw Aling Rosa in the living room, I wanted to ask her why am I not allowed to go outside, maybe... maybe she know the reason why.
"Aling Rosa.." I called her out of know where.
"Hmm?"
"Why can't I just go outside? I just want to see the entire Gumaca." my voice has been sound sad.
Her lips were form a one line. "I'm sorry but I don't know why. I can't tell you that. Just ask your Momma about it." she give me a small smile before walking away.
I then slapped myself on the couch and, sadly, put my head down.
"I'm clueless." I uttered.