~~~~~
Nang mag-first year high school ako, ginawa agad akong homeroom president ng mga loko kong kaklase. Eh, paano, mula elementary palang ay kilala na akong strikta at feeling leader sa lahat ng bagay. Kaya hayun, makalipas lang ang dalawang linggo ay pinatakbo na rin nila ako bilang First Year representative sa Supreme Student Government. At gaya nga ng sabi ko, hindi pa ako nakakaranas ng failure sa buong buhay ko, so obviously, I won the elections.
And that's when I met Ysrael Gallardi for the first time.
Isa siyang Fourth Year rep noon, na madalas kong ipagtaka kung paano nangyari dahil mahiyain siyang klase ng tao. Well, at least, sa mga hindi niya ka-close. Pero kapag mga barkada niya ang kasama, doon mo lang siya makikitang tumatawa at kumportableng nakikipagbiruan. I found him cute then, pero hindi to the point na naging crush ko siya. Wala lang, para siyang cuddly teddy bear with glasses na gusto mong iuwi sa bahay mo para maging best friend.
Of course, I'd kept that opinion to myself because I didn't want to be teased by my friends or anyone. Nakakahiya. Mahirap nang masira ang reputasyon sa edad na iyon.
Peer pressure was real.
Months passed. Sa puntong iyon ay napapansin ko nang sa tuwing magkakasalubong kami sa daan ay palagi siyang lumiliko o di kaya'y nagpapanggap na hindi ako nakita. At first, it kind of offended me. Nakakapag-usap kami within SSG pero dedma siya kapag outside SSG? Bakit? Dahil ba mas matanda siya ng ilang taon? Kailangan ba talagang may age barrier para lang ipangalandakan ang seniority niya, ganoon? Eh, bakit yung ibang older officers nakikipag-close naman sa'kin at niyayaya pa nga ako minsan tuwing lunch at nililibre tuwing recess? Ano'ng problema niya? Bakit siya lang ang masyadong mapili sa kaibigan?
Mga ganoong drama ba.
Pero kalaunan ay hinayaan ko lang, dahil nga alam kong isa siyang introverted type. Most of the time, he was with his senior friends and I was with my own squad of girl friends; may kanya-kanya kaming buhay. Isa pa, wala rin namang dahilan para magpansinan kami. I didn't know the first thing about him so I wouldn't know what to talk about. So I realized it was better we stayed out of each other's way to avoid the inevitable awkwardness. Nagkakaroon lang kami ng interactions kung tungkol sa student council. Other than that, it was as if we weren't aware of each other's existence.
But then we had that 2 days 1 night SSG team building sa rest house ng aming adviser sa Barili. Things definitely changed because of that one small mistake I did.
Natatandaan ko pa noon, biglang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan sa kalagitnaan ng aming last day activities. Wala kaming choice kundi magkulong sa loob ng bahay buong magdamag at mag-brainstorm nalang ng kung ano-anong indoor games para libangin ang aming mga sarili.
"Rain, Rain, go away! Come again another day!"
The officers had teased me nonstop, because, duh? I was Rain. Ilang tirik ng mata ang nagawa ko noon at akala ko'y luluwa na ang eyeballs ko sa over-exertion. But despite the obnoxious chanting every now and then about the "rain", it was still a fun day; we were all laughing at the absurdity of the situation and uncooperative weather. Sa huli ay naglaro nalang kami ng charades, Uno cards, at Monopoly. Kahit si Sir Raganas ay pumatol na rin sa mga naisipang kalokohan namin para hindi lang masayang ang araw na iyon.
The rest house had been really alive and rowdy. At napansin kong si Ysrael lang ang hindi nakikisali.
He was just there, sitting quietly by the window of the living room, staring intently at the huge raindrops falling outside. Doon ko siya unang napansin, as in yung napansin talaga bilang tao. Hindi lang bilang kasamahan ko sa organisasyon, kundi bilang si Ysrael. Parang ang lalim kasi ng iniisip niya, eh. Nakakagising ng kuryosidad. I remember thinking, kalaki nitong tao pero ang hirap hagilapin minsan. Nagiging invisible siya kapag tahimik. Obviously, he preferred keeping to himself, and I respected that. But that day, something came over me that pushed me to go to him by the window and tentatively poke his shoulder.
"A-Arrain," gulat niyang sambit sa buo kong pangalan, na para bang nahuli ko siyang gumagawa ng kasalanan. "B-bakit, pinapatawag ba ako ni Sir Raganas?"
Doon ko lang na-realize na ang lalim pala ng boses niya. Deep and baritone. Manly. Masyadong malayo sa kanyang chubby cheeks at overweight na katawan. Cute. Pinigilan kong matawa.
"Hindi naman," magaang sagot ko. "Nagtataka lang ako kung bakit ka mag-isa rito. Sali ka?" Itinuro ko ang mga kasamahang nag-eenjoy maglaro ng Uno cards sa gitna ng sala. Bahagya akong natawa nang sumigaw ang aming adviser na mukhang natatalo na yata sa laro.
Pfft!
Children. I was with children.
"H-ha? Ah, eh . . ." Ysrael looked away, his cheeks turning red. Sampung segundo pa muna siyang natahimik bago ako nakatanggap ng sagot. "S-sure. K-kung okay lang . . . sa'yo."
That made me chuckle. Deym, he looked so painfully adorable. Mabuti nalang at napigilan ko ang sariling kurutin ang magkabila niyang pisngi.
Marahan ko nalang siyang sinuntok sa braso. "Syempre naman, ano ka ba! Team building nga, di ba? Parte ka ng team na 'to kaya malamang dapat kasali ka! Come on! Nagmumukha kang loner dyan."
Then I did something that surprised us both. I reached out and linked my arm with his. Then we walked towards the center of the living room together.
That right there was the big mistake. Dahil simula noong gawin ko iyon ay nagbago na ang pakikitungo ni Ysrael sa'kin. When classes came back after the sem break, he suddenly became a different person. I mean, ganoon pa rin naman ang itsura niya. Chubby and unfashionable with nerd glasses. But his attitude had drastically changed. Clingy, extra sweet, super attentive, and very expressive with his feelings. For me.
Parati na niya akong tinetext ng
"Good morning Arrain! Kain kang breakfast ha? Wag papagutom <3"
"Good night Arrain. Sweet dreams always <3"
"Hi Arrain! I miss u :'( Txt with me?"
Tapos kung ano-ano pang love quotes na hindi ko alam kung saang lupalop niya napupulot ang ipinapadala niya. Palagi nang No space for new messages ang cellphone ko dahil doon. My inbox was filled with his name. Minsan nga hindi ko na binabasa at delete nalang agad. They all contained the same words of affection anyway. Iniisip ko nalang na group message, para makahinga ako ng maluwag kahit papaano.
Tapos tuwing recess, lunch, at uwian ay palagi na siyang nakikisabay sa'kin. Hinahayaan ko lang. Likas kasi akong palakaibigan at hindi ko hilig ang mamahiya at manakit ng damdamin ng ibang tao. And although my friends and classmates would often tease me, saying that "Kuya Chubs" was my boyfriend and I was just in denial, I just shrugged it off. Alangang in denial, sa hindi naman talaga.
Mabait lang yung tao, wag niyong malisyahan, iyan yung palagi kong saway sa kanila. Iyan din ang palagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko, kahit may nararamdaman na akong iba sa mga ikinikilos ni Ysrael. Walang malisya, walang malisya. Sadyang kumportable lang siya sa'kin kaya ganoon siya umakto. Walang ibang ibig sabihin. Ganoon din siguro siya sa iba niyang female friends, no big deal.
No big deal.
I would tell myself all those things every night, for the sake of my sanity and our friendship.
However, on Valentine's day, Ysrael gave me the triple killer combo that finally had me losing my mind: a huge bar of chocolates, a bouquet of red roses, and yes, a love letter.
A literal freaking love letter that I didn't even bother reading because I was way too embarrassed by everyone's reaction. Sa canteen ba naman niya gawin. Tapos sinundan pa niya ng, "Arrain Aldejar, I really, really like you. Pwede ba kitang ligawan?"
Ang walang hiya!
Eh, ano'ng gagawin ko?! Ayaw ko namang mapahiya siya sa lahat ng estudyanteng nanonood kaya napatango nalang ako ng wala sa oras. Most of the onlookers cheered loudly; the rest either grimaced in distaste or smirked in amusement. Ysrael hugged and thanked me. I didn't hug him back. I was too overwhelmed by the attention and the unexpectedness of how far he was willing to go just to express his affection.
"I love you, Arrain. Sweet dreams."
"Good morning, future Mrs. Gallardi! Wish I was there right now. I miss you. <3"
"Happy birthday, love! Hope you like my gift. See you soon! :D :*** "
Apat na taon ang lumipas. Ysrael was relentless. Kahit lumipad na siya patunong States para magkolehiyo ay nililigawan pa rin niya ako. I still got gifts every Valentine's, Christmas, and especially on my birthday. Like clockwork. I had four boxes containing all of his fancy gifts that I never used. Every food package he sent for me went to my brothers or friends, depende kung sino ang kasama ko. By that time, I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He suffocated me. Hindi na ako makahinga. I felt boxed-in, caged. And it also irked me that he was already acting like my boyfriend, telling me he loves me and such. Ni hindi ko pa siya sinasagot!
Pero hindi mo rin naman siya binabasted, sabat naman nung konsyensya ko.
Oo na, oo na. Kaya nga heto na, eh. Matapos ang apat na taong pagtatago sa tunay kong nararamdaman at pag-aalala na baka masaktan ko ang damdamin niya, nakapagdesisyon na ako.
I will finally tell him to stop. I will finally tell him to set me free and let me breathe again. It's a big fat NO. Sinubukan ko, pero hindi ko talaga siya kayang mahalin. So I vowed to set things straight on my seventeenth birthday. Uuwi raw kasi siya. Determinado ako noon. Ysrael would be hurt, but he'll be okay eventually. Mga bata pa naman kami, makakahanap din siya agad ng ibang magugustuhan. That thought alone was enough to soothe my raging conscience.
Then my graduation day came.
Nangyari ang hindi ko inaasahan. Ysrael attended, and he freaking brought his family. Imagine nalang kung gaano ako na-shock nang mamataan ko sila mula sa stage na nakaupo sa kasunod na row nina Mama, Papa, at mga kuya ko. He wasn't due to arrive until next month! What was he doing here already?!
Ibig ko siyang komprontahin pagkatapos ng seremonya kaya agad akong nanaog ng stage at tinungo kung saan siya nakatayong naghihintay kasama ang pamilya niya . . . at pamilya ko. My pace was fast and furious. Every step was on fire.
Ngunit bago pa ako nakapagsalita ay inunahan niya ako.
He got down on one knee and presented a princess-cut diamond ring. To me. In front of everybody.
"Arrain Aldejar, you already know how much I love you," panimula ni Ysrael. Napatakip ako sa aking bibig. I couldn't believe it. It was already happening but I still refused to believe it. Let it just be a freaking bad dream, please.
Please . . .
Ngunit hindi ako nagising, at nagpatuloy siya. "But let me say it again. I love you. I've loved you since the first time I laid my eyes on you. Even when we were apart, I only thought of being with you, seeing you again. Nothing else makes me happier than being able to tell you, finally, just how much you mean to me. Alam ko . . . alam kong masyado pa tayong mga bata, pero alam ko rin sa sarili kong siguradong-sigurado na ako sa'yo. You gave my life the purpose that it lacked before. Because of you, I want to be the best version of myself. My only goal in life is to make you the happiest woman on earth. And if you would let me, I want to spend the rest of my life doing that with you." He blinked, and a few teardrops fell on his cheeks. Doon ko lang napansin na wala siyang suot na salamin. His eyes were tear-filled, but they've never been so clear. "So Arrain, love," anas niya na hindi napapagkit ang tingin sa'kin, "will you marry me?"
Seconds ticked by. The whispers become louder in the silence. Oo nga pala, katatapos lang ng graduation ceremony. Everyone who knew me was here. And they were witnessing the most preposterous, stupendous, worst-timed proposal in the history of failed proposals.
Tuluyan nang nalaglag ang nag-iisang turnilyong nagkakabit sa utak ko. Humagalpak ako ng tawa.
"You're j-joking, right?" I gasped in between my hysterical laughter. Naluluha na rin ako. This was just too funny, syet. But why were Mama and Papa looking at me like I needed to be put in an asylum? Kahit sina Kuya Blithe at Kuya Civil, masama rin ang tingin sa'kin, na para bang ako ang nasisiraan ng bait dito imbes na ang hunghang na si Ysrael na bigla-bigla nalang nag-alok ng kasal out-of-the-blue.
Why would I freaking say yes to that?! We weren't even in a relationship! And I was only sixteen, for goodness' sake!
Ang huling natatandaan ko sa araw na iyon ay ang aking mga salita bago ko nilayasan silang lahat.
"Ysrael, I'm sorry if it took me this long to finally be honest with you, but I'm saying it now. Hindi kita gusto, at lalo nang hindi kita mahal. Sorry. But I mean, bakit ko gugustuhin ang . . ." pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang kanyang kabuuan na may kasama pang nang-uuyam na hand gesture, "isang katulad mo? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You can't even take care of your own body, so how do you expect to take care of me?! Obesity is one of the main causes of heart attack, you know. Nakamamatay iyan. Mag-diet ka muna bago ka mag-isip ng kasal kasal na iyan. Tss." I shook my head in the most condescending manner I could manage. At bago ako tuluyang tumalikod, may pahabol pa ako. "And Ysrael? To answer your ridiculous question. No, I won't marry you. Bye."
Safe to say itinakwil ako ng parents ko for three months for my "unforgivable" actions. Ysrael's parents were, after all, the founders of Gallardi Home Décor & Furnitures, isa sa pinakamalaking furniture company sa buong Asia at major shareholders din sa kompanyang pinagtatrabahuhan ni Papa, at nasaksihan ng mga ito kung paano ko ipinahiya at ni-reject ang kanilang youngest son sa buong eskwelahan, students, parents, and faculty combined. Ipinatapon nila ako sa Samar, doon sa probinsya ni Mama kung saan walang wi-fi, walang Starbucks, at puro niyog at karagatan lang ang makikita within one hundred kilometers.
Doon ako naadik sa dagat. At doon ko ginawa ang lahat makalimutan lang si Ysrael at ang lahat ng nangyari sa pagitan naming dalawa.
Fortunately, what happened didn't affect their business relationship in any way, so Mama and Papa eventually forgave me and retrieved me, simply chalking it up to immaturity and, well, immaturity.
Ano pa nga ba, di ba? Sa immature naman talaga ko ng mga panahong iyon. No need to deny it.
Nalaman ko nalang mula kay Kuya Civ, lumipad na ulit si Ysrael pabalik sa States the day before my birthday, not that I asked. He'd volunteered the information, and I'd rolled my eyes as a response. Great. Nakuha ko rin ang gusto ko. Him out of my life. No more obsessive freak hounding my emails with long, novel-length love messages. No more fancy gifts on special ocassions. No more chocolates. No more flowers. And no more huge weight on my shoulders. More than anything, I was relieved. My college days were peaceful and blessed and fine. It's just that, dealing with boys became much more bothersome and cumbersome after such an experience.
That was the last time I heard anything about him, though, since I asked everyone in the family never to speak of him again. Kahit si Ate Van ay hindi aware sa nakakalokang nakaraan kong iyon, dahil lahat iyon nangyari bago pa man siya naging nobya ni Kuya Civ. Lucky her. I didn't want to remember, either. Lalo lang akong nase-stress.
Ang kaso ay heto na nga at nagbalik na si Ysrael Gallardi ng walang kahit anong warning. At hayup iyan, o! Nakahalikan ko pa talaga siya sa League! Of all people! I should have stopped the moment I sensed he looked familiar. I should have just left when he first turned his back on me, dammit. Kung maibabalik ko lang ang gabing iyon, siguro mas pipiliin ko nalang na nakita ako ni Zen. Things would have turned out differently. Not necessarily for the better, but at least I wouldn't be in this impossibly ridiculous situation wherein every sleeping and waking moment, Ysrael's expert mouth and sexy chest were all I could think of.
How did he learn to kiss like that, right? May bachelor's degree ba nun sa America?
Lechugas. I can't believe I just said that right there.
"Ahhhhhhh, ewan!" Inginudngod ko ang mukha sa malambot kong unan at nagpakawala ng matinis na sigaw. "Ewan ewan ewan ewan ewan! Die! Die die die die die!"
I really didn't want to kiss--I mean, see him again, swear. Lord, please. No more running into him again. Dahil baka . . . Oh, wait. I still had his jacket.
Didn't I?
Napabalikwas ako ng bangon at tumakbo sa dresser ko para i-check kung nandoon pa nga at hindi lang ako nag-iimagine. The damn Givenchy. He really didn't take it back. Na sa'kin pa nga. Sleepily, the side of my lips curved upwards.
Then an idea started forming in my head.
~~~~~