February, 2015
A playful smile when I opened Vaughn's room using the spare key that Zeus asked me to give him. I feel disappointed when didn't saw Vaughn inside. Ilang araw ko na din syang hindi nakukulit dahil sa dami ng ginagawang projects, dumagdag pa ang pagpapractice ng Elites para sa gaganaping Royal Ball mamayang gabi. I only run away from my friends when they're busy chit-chatting about their plans for tonight.
Balak ko na sanang iwan na lang ang susi sa bedside table nya ng mapansin ko ang canvass sa tabi ng bintana. It's a painting of a bouquet of forget-me-not flowers. That's when I realized that his bedroom is painted with the same flower only this time, it looks like a field of forget me nots but in black and white. I'm quite surprised to know that he paints. We started being friends after the night of last year's school festival but and to be honest, he always surprises me with his talents. He never did tell anything about him, and all of the info I knew about him, it's either I get it from Zeus or I discover it just like now.
Inilibot ko ang tingin sa kwarto nya para lang mamangha ng makita ko ang mas malawak na painting sa kisame ng kwarto nya. I ended up laying on his bed, mesmerized on it, making me remember the boy who gave me a bouquet of forget-me-nots. The boy who I think was the first guy I had an interest with before I met Vaughn.
"Marcielle Anne Arciega!" Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ng marinig ko ang may kalakasan ngunit di naman kababakasan ng galit ang boses na iyon ng lalaking kailanman ay hindi ko naisip na makakapasok sa mundong pilit kong binabakuran ng pagkukunwari.
It's been four months since our very first encounter. Napaka-memorable nang araw na yun para sakin. Sino ba naman kasing mag-aakala na yung tingin kong simula ng muling pagbalot sakin ng lungkot na ilang taon ko din pilit nilalabanan ay ang simula pala ng pagbalot sakin ng kakaibang emosyon na hindi ko magagawang iwasan.
One thing I realized that day is that, love crept on me inevitably. Kahit na alam kong malabong matugunan ang nararamdaman ko, hindi ko kailanman ito lalabanan. I'm strong enough to accept the fact that for Vaughn, I'm just a friend. Kahit pa nga napaka-vocal ko sa feelings ko. For him, everything coming out of my mouth is just a joke.
Pigil ang tawang bumangon ako mula sa pagkakahiga sa kama nya nang humahangos syang pumasok kasunod ang endearment na madalas kong itawag sa kanya tuwing inaatake ako ng kagagahan.
"Yes love?" Malapad ang ngising bati ko kay Vaughn na kahit halos magdikit na ang mga kilay nya sa pagkakakunot ng noo ay napakalakas pa din ng kanyang dating.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to come here? It's a man's room for Pete's sake Marcielle Anne! Don't make yourself look easy." Imbes na ma-offend sa sinabi nya ay mas lalo lang lumapad ang ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi ko dahil sa hindi nya pag-basag sa terms of endearment na ginamit ko sa kanya.
"It doesn't matter since you'll be my man in the near future. Unti na lang mahuhulog ka na din sakin." Birong-totoo kong sabi na hindi naman nya binigyang pansin.
"Shut up. Get out. And stop entering a man's room. Hindi ka kagaya ng iba kaya please lang makinig ka naman sakin. I don't want other people to think that you're easy to get. Stop it okay? Limit your jokes." He said in a very calm tone and closed the door behind him. Upang marahil ay hindi makakuha ng atensyon sa ilang gaya namin na sa dorm ng academy nakatira na ngayon ay mga nagkakandarapa na sa paghahanap ng mga isusuot para sa gaganaping Royal Ball mamaya.
With those pleading eyes and warm tone voice, who won't fall hard? I know that for Vaughn, those words are just a piece of advice because I'm a girl and his friend, but not for me. Maybe it's one of the reasons why I fell in love with him deeper each passing day that I'm getting to know him. His words contradict his every action. Gaya ngayon, gusto nya akong lumabas ng kwarto nya pero hindi naman sya gumagawa ng ibang paraan para umalis ako. Instead, he closed his slightly open wardrobe, pick the guitar and sat on the couch across his bed where I am sitting.
Pinilit kong itago ang ngiti sa mga labi nang magsimula syang tumugtog ng gitara at hindi na muling nagsabi na lumabas ako. Sa normal kasi na pagkakataon ay paulit-ulit nyang sinasabi kapag ayaw nyang nasa kwarto nya ako. And he doesn't really let me stay on his room alone with him not because I'm a woman and he's a man but because of the rumor that might circulate in the academy. But today, he's not that eager to let me out of his room.
Kaya nga kung minsan ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin na baka sakali, kapag tama na ang panahon at sumakto na iyon sa tamang pagkakataon, may chance na tanggapin nya ang nararamdaman ko.
If only he won't take every word I say as a joke. Bulong ko sa isip bago piniling kuhain sa kanya ang gitarang masuyo nyang tinitipa.
"I discovered another talent of yours." Matamis ang ngiting sabi ko bago tumingin sa canvass nya. "Forget-me-not flowers. It could mean good memories or true love." I looked at Vaughn and caught him looking at me with awe.
"H-how…how do you know about this flower?" He asked that made me fondly remember that boy again.
I smiled. "I received it as a gift from a stranger. A very weird yet sweet stranger." Remembering him, the forget-me-not guy, sends me back to that time where I was first saved from sinking deep into the depths of despair and loneliness.
"Your smile…it's sweet as if the person you're remembering is not a weird person. And your eyes twinkle as if the person you're thinking is someone-"
"Special?" Putol ko sa sinasabi nya na ikinangiti ko ng matamis. "He is special. Looking back, I guess you can call him my first love." He gasped as if I just told him something big that made me laugh.
"I just can't believe it."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Believe what?"
He smiled playfully. "Your first love is a total stranger. Anong nagustuhan mo sa kanya? Ano yun? Love at first sight?"
Katakut-takot na irap lang ang naging sagot ko sa kanya. If I told him that the other guy isn't as good looking as his, he might laugh at me more.
"What's your plan for tonight? May partner ka na ba?" Pag-iiba ko ng usapan bago pa sya magtanong ng kung anu-ano.
I slowly strum his guitar while humming the song we planned to play for tonight's event. Elites was chosen to play for the last dance. Kaya kahit na gustuhin kong maging huling partner nya ay hindi iyon pinapayagan ng tadhana. Nagkataon kasi na hindi makakarating ang bandang dapat sana ay tutugtog kaya lahat ng sana'y plano ko na solohin sya ay hindi na mangyayari.
"Nah. I planned to go alone." Putol nya sa pagmomonologue ko. Kunot ang noong tinignan ko sya. Could it be that he turned down all his invitations?
"Well, that's odd. Ni-reject mo ba lahat ng babaeng nag-aya sayo? O baka naman hinihintay mo na ayain kita para maging partner ko?" I teased him but he just looked at me blankly. The kind of look that's different to the way he used to look at me. It was almost like a stare.
We just look at each other's eyes for a moment. Hindi ko alam ang tumatakbo sa isip nya, o kahit mabasa man lang ang emosyon na dumadaan sa mga mata nya. It feels like all the time I spent on watching him and taking a subject on human behavior was all a waste. I can't read him up until now. He is like inside a two-way mirror room. Basically, you only see the surface but not what hides from within. While on his part, he could see right through me since he's on the other side. He could read me, yet he won't do anything. And that frustrates me big time.
"What? Stop staring Ikatlo, you're drooling." Pilit na itinatago ko ang pagkaasiwa na sabi sa kanya.
To my surprise he laughed at me and ruffled my hair. "I didn't know that I have this kind of effect on you."
Nakasimangot na tinabig ko ang kamay nya at pilit na itinatago ang kilig na nararamdaman. Kahit kailan kayang-kaya nyang gawing roller coaster ride ang emosyon ko. One moment he is pissing me off, and the next would make my heart flutter. That's why I can't read him. He is so unpredictable.
How did I end up falling for this deviously handsome yet unpredictable human being? Bulong ko sa isip.
"Sing for me." He commands that made me get back to my senses.
Our eyes met. His gaze is too different from before. He used to look at me blankly but now there's a glint of fondness in it. O sadyang assuming lang ako. Whatever it is, punyeta! Kinikilig ako.
"Kung gusto mo akong marinig kumanta, pumayag ka munang maging partner ko sa party mamaya." Pagsisimula kong mag-sales talk.
He snorted. "I don't want to."
"Aba choosy ka pa ha!"
Padabog na binigay ko sa kanya ang gitarang hawak at nakasimangot na tinignan sya. Wala naman kaso sakin kung hindi sya pumayag maging partner ko, sadyang nagiinarte lang ako. Pero may parte pa din syempre na nasaktan ako sa sagot nya. I took all the courage I have and just like that I was turned down. Marahil ay dahil akala nya ay hindi ako seryoso sa imbitasyon ko.
"Wag mo kong artehan Marcielle Anne. Hindi nakakaganda yang pag-irap irap mo." Nakangisi nyang sabi na mas lalo kong ikinasimangot para panindigan ang kunwari'y pagiinarte ko.
"Nag-iinarte ako dahil maganda ako. Hindi na talaga ako gaganda dahil wala na akong igaganda pa at wala na din mas gaganda pa sakin! Gets mo be?!" Nakairap kong sabi na sadyang ginaya pa ang punch line ng isa sa mga na-encounter kong Prof nya sa Psychology nang minsan na mag-sit in ako sa klase nila.
For the second time today, he laughed. The kind of laugh that would make every girl's heart flutter. Who would have thought that making the man you love, laugh like this would make you feel euphoric?
Sa ganitong pagkakataon gusto kong umasa ng sobra. But hoping too much would just hurt me, so I restrained myself from hoping more than I should hope for. Masyado lang sigurong maganda ang mood nya ngayong araw kaya nagagawa ko syang patawanin.
"Stop staring, you're drooling." Pang gagaya nya sa linya ko kanina. Ngumiti lang ako bago nagpaalam.
I've taken too much of his time already so I'd better leave. The clock strikes twelve, at gaya ni Cinderella, may time limit ang magic ng fairy grandmother ko. I don't want to ruin this moment by blurting out something he doesn't want to hear. Or rather say, he won't take seriously.
"I'll see you tonight at the ball, Ikatlo." Nakangiti kong sabi sa kanya bago akmang lalabas na ng kwarto nya ng hawakan nya ang kamay ko.
Napatingin ako sa kamay nyang nakahawak sa kamay ko. Napakainit ng kamay nya na tumutulay sa kamay kong hawak nya at nanunuot sa buong sistema ko. He didn't utter a single word and just hold my hand.
Could it be? Is this the moment that I've been waiting for? Damn! Hindi ako prepared! Dumali na naman ang pagkatao kong hibang na hibang sa kanya.
"Marcielle Anne..." Pigil-pigil ko ang hininga ng masuyo nyang banggitin ang pangalan ko. It's like music to my ears. Tinalo pa ng boses nya ang pagsabi ng 'I love you' ng mga oppa na kinababaliwan ko kung minsan.
"W-what?" I stutter.
Say I love you.
Say I love you..
Say I love you...
"Alam mo bang..."
Gusto mo ko?
Sasabihin mo na bang gusto mo ko?
Sige na kasi, sabihin mo nang gusto mo ko!
"Ang gaspang ng kamay mo. Parang di kamay ng babae. Hindi ka naman gumagawa ng gawaing bahay pero sobrang gaspang ng kamay mo." Abot-tenga ang ngisi na sabi nya na halos pumugto ng hininga ko.
Punyetang world.
Inis na hinila ko ang kamay at padabog na lumabas ng kwarto nya habang iritang-irita ako sa tawa nyang nakaka-aliw pa din pakinggan. I bit my lower lip to refrain myself from laughing out loud when I slammed his door.
Maybe it's not yet time for my unrequited love story to start its new beginning but at least it's the start of seeing a new side of Vaughn Carlo Alcantara III. With those thoughts in mind, I went back to my room with a new composed song in mind. And having this euphoric feeling I am...
Searching for courage...
Wondering what's next...
Waiting for a miracle...