My grip on Fola my chief bridesmaid cause her to look at me with terror. it is firm, deadly and strong.
I tighten my grip on her more and more. I almost stagger. My heart races harder and faster. It somersaults and jumps.
Thump.
Thump.
I can't breathe. I don't even think of breathing. It is safe to say that in this moment breathing is the last thing on my mind.
Thump
Thump.
My eyes start to water. I try to breathe but i choke on the air.
Fola flinches in a futile attempt to shrug of my grip on her but they are too tight she doesn't succeed in getting my hands off her.
I am hurting her with how tight my grip is but in this moment I don't care.
She continues to stare at me. Her eyes are begging me to let go of her while she secretly ask what's wrong with me.
She is asking so many questions with her eyes.
I can see the questions floating in her eyes. But she knows that she can't ask them now at least not here.
So she stares. My heart continues to beat faster.
Thump
Thump
Her eyes widen more in horror when i don't let go of her or speak.
She must be thinking that I am being possessed by some evil spirit that wants to ruin my wedding.
I am acting strange, insane, so i don't blame her if she thinks me possessed. I want to breathe now but i can't. I stare harder not moving my gaze from her now ashen face.
My heart is still racing.
Thump
Thump.
I notice now that she is scared but what she thinks of me is not an issue now. In this moment in time all that matters is him.
Him.
He's here.
Thump.
Thump.
I still can't believe it.
He's here! The man who has been my muse for all these years.
The man of my dreams. The man who I have worshipped all my life. It is him! He is here! I am not dreaming.
He is really here.
My god! He is my god!
Either he is really here or i am more insane than i feared i was. Maybe i have gone mad.
No! I am sane. I am sane.
Thump
Thump
I am not mad! I am not!
He is here now. He is.
Father valentine is here and he is the officiating priest at my wedding.
What an irony! This is definitely the biggest joke the universe has played on me. The sickest joke too.
Did i deserve this reawakening? The reawakening of all the feelings i have struggled so much to put slightly to bed.
To think that it is him i wanted to exchange wedding rings with all my life.
That it is him i want to spend my life with. That it is him i want a forever with.
It is him i want to vow loyalty and love to.
It is him and he was here for the purpose of joining me together with another man. A man i don't love. A man i can't love.
The irony indeed. A very painful
irony.
My face stiffens all the more. My eyes bleed water yet unmoving.
I can't blink. I can't.
I am scared that if I so much as blink he will disappear again. Just like he did all those years ago.
He is here now. It is not a dream.
I finally loosen the grip on Fola's hand. She exhales and pulls her hands back to her side. She touches it.
I bruised her. I was so sorry for it but i can't pay much attention to her now.
He is here.
I look at the altar and my eyes immediately meets his.
He was staring at me too. He holds on to my gaze and i start to remember.
To remember all the times when we used to do this. When we used to stare at each other, him on the altar and me in the front pew.
It was happening all again! I couldn't believe it.
Thump
Thump
I finally breathe in and close my eyes as the memories flash before my eyes.
The memories of how it was with him. How we were when he damned the world and bared himself body and soul to me.
I remembered it all like it happened just yesterday.
How could I not have remembered? I never forgot. Let me tell you how it all happened.