I was happy the receptionist didn't have the look of horror in her eyes like the ones most people gave me when they saw me dressed like this. The taxi man especially. He was petrified.
That was why i didn't dress like this from home; my mum would be so scared and suspicious i was sure I couldn't have been able to go anywhere without her watchful eyes on me. I had her trust and i didn't want to lose it. Her trust gave me freedom.
They must have been afraid of me maybe thinking that I was a suicide bomber. The recent happenings in the country at that time made people more afraid of girls on long scarfs than they normally would have been. No one wanted to die untimely.
Pushing these thoughts aside I
climbed up the stairs to room 3 like
she told me to.
Thump
Thump
Thump, thump, thump,
My heart hit my rib cage in uneven rhythms fighting to be let out. I was so nervous, so scared that tears pricked my eyes. I couldn't even tell why I was so close to crying. I was shaking badly.
My sweaty hands shook uncontrollably while I held on to the door for support. I was scared of passion out. So scared.
I started to ask myself pertinent questions. Did i not want to be here? I did! Didn't I? Yes of course or maybe no. Honestly, at that moment standing in front of his door I knew not what I wanted.
But i was already here so i couldn't run away. I wasn't a coward besides he already won. He has me. He has my body now. He has taken the one thing that gave me the strength to fight him and I could never get it back no matter how hard i tried.
Even if i ran away from him and from the resort i wouldn't have succeeded in truly breaking free from him. I couldn't even achieve full freedom.
He was now in me, within me. In my skin and my blood. To successfully break free from him i had to break free from myself and that was impossible.
Accepting that running away from him was like running away from myself I picked up the courage i knew was existed within me. Getting a little bit confident, I breathed in once more and knocked.
I knocked three times once every five seconds. Not a second slow not a second fast. He had to know that it was me for sure. He was counting, i knew he was.
The door opened to reveal heaven with red candles, red bed and red curtains. It was the most beautiful room I had ever seen. Indeed it was heaven.
I immediately closed the door behind me and smiled. All my fears and all my worries were kept at bay as if His presence was an umbrella shielding me film rainy emotions.
I was surprised at how calm I suddenly became standing at the door waiting for him to come close. He couldn't resist me as i couldn't resist him.
But he had to make the first move. He was in control. Always was in control.
I spoke first.