"Ow, damn!" hindi ko napigilang mapasigaw nang may kung anong kumakagat sa may bandang paa ko. At nang mapatingin ako sa baba ay nakita ko na lang na naapakan ko na pala 'yong bahay ng mga langgam. Tsk, my bad. I'm sorry, poor ants.
"Why are you here?" nagulat ako nang makita siyang gising na at walang emosyon ang makikita sa mga mata niya habang diretso lang ang tingin niya sa'kin. Pinilit kong pakalmahin 'yon sarili ko at pilit din ang ngiting ibinigay ko sa kaniya. "Tinanong kita, ba't ka andito?" muli niyang usal at saka ako napalunok na lang bigla.
Ba't nga ba ako nandito? Kasi narinig ko 'yong paghilik niya kaya sinundan ko at kaya nandito ako? Sh*t. Bahala na nga.
"I-I am practicing," sa dinami-rami ng palusot 'yan pa ang naisip ko, pero sabagay nandito naman talaga ako para mag praktis ang akin lang, eh why the hell I was stammering? Tsk!
"Okay," akmang tatayo na siya, pero agad ko siyang pinatigil, "what?" tanong niya habang nakatingin sa kamay kong hawak ang kamay niya.
I took it off at saka ako tumayo, "hmm, have you eaten already?" nag-aalinlangan talaga akong itanong 'yan, buti na lang I took my whole courage kaya naitanong ko rin.
Her brow arched up as she answered me, "yes." But, her face turned red when her stomach suddenly makes a gurgling noise.
Yes pala, ha.
"You didn't eat, right? I know you just eat when there's no one else at the cafeteria," kaya ko gustong itanong 'yon dahil gusto kong marinig ang katotohanan, pero nagsinungaling lang siya, but then again, she can never hide something from me. Nalaman ko ring hindi pa siya kumakain.
Actually, she tried eating once sa cafeteria, pero 'yong mga loko-loko kong kaklase tinititigan ba naman siya habang kumakain tapos bigla-biglang matatawa. Bully as fudge! I know she's placed in an awkward situation when they did it kaya siguro 'di na siya muli pang kumain do'n especially when our classmates were there.
I went back to reality when she sat down again. She's now leaning on the tree while her eyes were closed. "Alam mo, 'di ko gets 'yong mga kaklase mo," nagtataka man ako sa sinasabi niya ay mas pinili ko na lang namakinig, "wala naman akong ginagawang masama, but they keep on annoying me to hell," aniya. And swear, she gives me goosebumps! Iyon na yata ang pinakamahabang linya na sinabi niya.
I tried to composed myself and said, "It's because you're not showing interest when they're making fun of you kaya siguro natitriggered sila na mas lalo kang pagkatuwaan."
Nanatili siyang nakapikit saka siya bumuntong-hininga. "So, I should give a damn whenever they're fooling me around, bullying me, letting me feel embarrassed?" tanong niya at napansin kong napatingin pala siya sa'kin. "That won't ever happen. I'm not going to become rich kung papansinin ko sila," dagdag pa niya at bahagya siyang natawa. Another goosebumps! But, damn! Can't you see it? We're now building a long conversation! This is something I want to celebrate, really.
"Wait me here," I uttered, then I stood up. Kinuha ko 'yong bag ko tapos bumalik na rin ako agad. She then looked at me with those pair of emotionless brown eyes.
"Ano 'to?" she asked as I gave her the paper bag Lira had given.
"A food, I guess," sagot ko at binuksan niya naman 'yon. And I'm right, pagkain nga ang ibinigay niya sa'kin. "Help me to finish eating it," dagdag ko pa, but I just want her to eat, honestly. Mamaya bigla 'tong mahimatay at kargo ko pa dahil ako 'yong kasama niya.
"Hindi na," she handed me back the paper bag, pero umiling ako agad.
"Do you know this line, bawal tumanggi sa grasya?" tanong ko, pero wala man lang ka emo-emosyon sa mukha niya. Tsk!
"Do you pity me?" diretso ang tingin niya sa'kin nang itanong 'yan kaya hindi ako agad nakasagot.
"Huh?" 'yan lang ag tanging lumabas sa bibig ko.
"Kinakaawaan mo ba ako?" mil niya tanong at hindi na ako muling nakakibo.
Hindi ko siya kinakaawaan dahil hindi pa siya kumakain, kinakaawaan ko siya dahil sa mga pinaggagawa ng ibang tao sa kanya. But, I don't know how to explain it to her, baka mamaya how I deliver my explanation will just cause misconception between us. Kailangan kong mag-ingat dahil baka mamaya makakaapekto lang sa emotional aspect niya ang isasagot ko.
"Alright, hindi ko tatanggihan ang grasya," pilit siyang ngumiti saka niya muling kinuha ang lunch box, "mackerel sushi? Who made this?" tanong niya habang ino-obserbahan ito.
"It's Lira, just someone who's grateful for my existence," sagot ko naman at saka ko 'yon tinikman. Hmm. It tastes good.
"Nice description," aniya at tumikim na rin siya.
Sandali ko siyang tinitigan, pero inalis ko 'yon nang mapatingin siya sa'kin. "Why are you so cold?" bigla ko na lamang naitanong.
"Hindi naman. I'm just being natural," sagot niya habang nasa malayo na 'yong tingin.
"You're lying," sabi ko kaya agad siyang napangisi.
Muli siyang sumubo at saka siya nakangiting tumingin sa'kin, but it's not her genuine smile, "you don't know me, so you can't just say I'm lying," saad pa niya.
"I am trying to get to know you, pero ayaw mo naman," I told her the truth that makes her brows knitted too soon.
"Ba't mo ba 'ko gustong makilala?"
"I want you to be my friend."
"But I want us to remain nothing, but just merely classmates."
I stopped eating and I looked at her. Nothing? But, she l-likes me?
Wait, am I really sure that she likes me?
Okay, Sky, now that Hillary is in front of you go ask her about it.
But, I can't!
And, I don't know why I can't.
I never tried asking a girl if she likes me, maybe that's why I find it so awkward to ask about it.
Fudge!
"You okay?" tanong niya at agad akong tumango. "But, you're turning red!" she exclaimed, and she's somehow worried, but I can't tend to speak. What's going on? "Sky!" sigaw niya, pero parang unti-unti na akong walang naririnig.
Damn! I'm sleepy!
"Sky, what the hell is wrong with you?" she's been talking, but I no longer could hear her.
I saw her moving closer to me. Her brows were knitted and she's still speaking. Bahagya niyang tinatapik 'yong braso ko, pero sh*t, lumalabo na 'yong paningin ko.
And, I no longer know what happened next because everything suddenly turned dark.