Constantine found a house Elf grumbling loudly and scoffed. "What? Got rejected for your ugly hide?"
"Someone is leaving hats for us", the house Elf grumbled loudly, holding it up. "To free us. We don't want that!"
"Right, someone thinks they know better", Constantine muttered as he snapped his fingers and the hat turned to ash, and so did any other hats that had been strewn about in the school.
"Thank you", the house Elf said before apparating away while the conman just rolled his eyes.
"Ugly Elves and their hatred of third-rate clothes", he muttered as he walked to the Great Hall, where students shot him looks now and then.
The 'muggle Wizard' as they called him, had gained a lot of infamy in one class already. Actually, he had earned it before that when he had insulted Dumbledore and Umbridge on his first day at the Great Hall, but his class had proved he was even stranger than it had been expected of him before.
The kind of magic he did, no one had seen it before, and all were awed by it. Then him believing Harry's story about Voldemort and even giving the Dark Lord names? He was either too powerful or too stupid or both.
As he walked past students, he heard Hermione muttering to Ron happily. "The hats have gone. Seems the house-elves do want freedom after all."
Right, it was this girl of course.
Constantine leaned over and said. "They do not, luv."
The trio jumped as Constantine told Hermione. "One of them was ranting about how it doesn't want to be freed, and the others feel similarly."
"But why? I just wanted-"
"You think you know best and act on it, and that's very darn arrogant and self-righteous, your books clearly do not have anything about common bloody sense in 'em", Constantine scoffed as Hermione looked offended, but he didn't care. "What? Hurt your feelings? Well, you hurt theirs so eh! Besides, the hats are gone 'cause I turned them to ash."
He walked off, Hermione looking after him in shock as Harry muttered. "Well, that was quite unexpected."
Hermione started ranting. "Who does he think he is? A teacher, yes, but a new one, and I was doing-"
"He has a point, the house-Elves don't like what you're doing, it offended them", Ron said as Hermione groaned and scoffed, really not liking it.
BOOM!
"AAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHH!" Umbridge screamed, her chair having exploded when she'd sat on it as now she was covered in green goo all over.
All the students burst into hysterical laughter and started banging their fists on the table as Hermione asked. "Your brothers?"
Ron turned to see they were laughing with the rest but he could tell when they were behind something. "I don't think it was Fred and George this time."
No one noticed Constantine snickering as he sat on his chair while Umbridge wailed before storming off to get herself cleaned up.
Later, it was time for class and Constantine handed out a bunch of books to all students, including a copy of the Bible each, as well as various other religions like Hinduism, before walking to his desk.
"Professor", Constantine smirked at the forced polite tone of Malfoy as he turned to him.
"Just Constantine, mate."
"Constantine, what exactly are we going to learn by studying these Muggle religions?" Malfoy inquired with a challenging glare.
"Obviously hasn't heard of what our Lord and Savior did", Harry whispered to Hermione, causing both to snicker a little at Malfoy's lack of knowledge, though Ron was confused due to being out of the loop.
"I don't think I get it", Ron interrupted the two.
"We'll tell you later", Hermione assured him with a tap on the shoulder.
In response, John took out a flask which had the Ring of Solomon carved into it (not that any of the students could tell that) and went to his desk where a chest was kept.
Then he snapped his fingers as the chest opened, and out came a Boggart, taking the form of Constantine himself, but with black eyes and pale skin.
"What is that?" Neville asked, as none could tell it was a Boggart due to it not visible to them clearly, definitely not in the form of any fear of theirs.
"It's a Boggart, mate", Constantine replied, making the students widen their eyes again.
John held up the flask and spoke.
"Derech Elohim. B'sh'khina elohit zoh, koakh Shlomoh dokhek bekha. Shma nah, yeshut tme'a, galë nah et shimkha. Makhzik taba'at Shlomoh, ru'akh Shlomoh poked alekha! Elohim haborë vehayotser poked alekha!"
The Boggart was sucked into the flask and trapped right there. The conman held up the flask, deciding to give a little explanation.
"THIS," he pointed to the symbol, "is the Ring of Solomon, passed down from Heaven to Solomon to trap Genies, or Djinns, but it can also be used to exorcise and imprison Demons and Spirits and Pishachas."
"A Boggart?" Obviously Hermione.
"Boggarts are spirits, kind of like the Boogeyman, but that's a lesson for another day. Anyway, this symbol, the words, the language, the folklore, the believe, it all has a meaning. That spell was in Hebrew, to contain my target." He shook the flask for emphasis. "Know the history, know the enemy, and you know how to beat, kill, or trap them."
"This isn't what we are supposed to be learning." Hermione said, surprised. While she was happy to get a teacher who wanted to teach (in his own weird way), the syllabus had nothing like it.
"Guess what, Princess, I don't care. I'm not teaching you to flick your stick around and dance. World's full of darker things than you can possibly imagine, but I'll show you how to drive your Demons away, kick 'em in the bollocks, and spit on them when they're down. Now read up, you'll be doing the same type of exorcism, with the material you were given. Not this time though, but in the next one, you will."
As he went to sit down and have a smoke, Ron whispered to Harry. "He's the first teacher who is not lecturing us about O.W.L.s."
"I noticed", Harry nodded.
"That is so wrong!" Hermione snapped in a whisper herself. "Those are important, we need to-"
She stopped when she saw Constantine looking at her, or in her general direction, while blowing out smoke, and that freaked her out so she continued reading, and Harry and Ron did the same.
A while later, they flocked out together as Hermione asked the other two. "Can you believe it? He didn't even give us any homework beyond reading about all these various types of exorcisms!"
"And that's a bad thing because…" Ron trailed off, not getting her point at all.
"If we don't have homework, how will we learn more?" Hermione asked both of them. "The more we write things down, the more we remember how it is."
"Maybe his approach is different, it seems to be that doing something is the best practise, and most effective way to remember", Harry replied to her with a shrug. "And honestly, I feel he is doing well."
"But how will this knowledge even help us?" Hermione asked.
"Maybe it will allow us to think in bad situations so we know what to do, and since he is claiming that this is worse than a lot of things we face, actually, all the things we face, I think it will make the bad situations we get into easier in comparison", Harry told Hermione.
"You know, you lost me a bit there, mate", Ron said to Harry as he thought about it. "On second thought, I think I get it, preparing us for really bad situations so the bad ones look like nothing, right?"
"Right", Harry nodded.
"I am just hoping we can pass the O.W.L.s and take on anything You-Know-Who eventually throws at us with what he teaches us", Hermione said to her two friends hopefully as they reached their next class, which started with a lecture about O.W.L. again and ended with a lot of homework once more, to the delight of Hermione of course.
Constantine bumped into Argus Filch who snapped. "Watch where you're going!"
"Won't happen again, filth", Constantine said as Filch glared at him.
"Think you're better, don't you?" Filch snarled in anger as Constantine rolled his eyes.
"Why are your inners in such a twist? No one wants to sleep with you? Don't worry, I have a solution", Constantine turned to Filch with his trademark scary and infuriating smirk. "The pink toad is very interested in you."
Filch scoffed and stormed off as Constantine shook his head and snickered at how he had gotten under the unpleasant man's skin.
"Meow!"
He looked down at Mrs. Norris and bent over to pet her a little. "Yes, I know, such an unpleasant man, isn't he?" He raised his hand as some cat food appeared, and he left it on the ground as Mrs. Norris purred in affection and ate it while he walked off.
He then saw McGonagall aka Madame Whiskers walking to him as she said. "There you are, Professor Constantine. Professor Dumbledore asked me to tell you to meet him when I was leaving his office."
"Right, any reason?" Constantine asked.
"Don't ask", McGonagall shook her head as Constantine sighed and went towards Dumbledore's office.
Dolores Umbridge glared at Dumbledore across his desk.
"How dare you place this non-English Englishman blunderer into a teaching position? You had no right to go ahead and put someone unqualified into the job in the first place, but the Ministry could easily construe that you have no regard for the safety of your students or this school."
Dumbledore took a sip of his drink. "Constantine is perfectly capable, I assure you. He is no blunderer. He will teach the students a great deal. And I do not believe him being a non-English Englishman really adds anything to the discussion."
Umbridge struggled to maintain control, obviously wanting to scream at the Headmaster who had so easily outwitted both her and the Minister. "I've heard reports that he is ordering students to attack him, and that he destroyed the books the Ministry provided. And he is teaching about religion and ghosts, and even talked of necromancy. How do you explain that?"
Dumbledore smiled, having already heard about Constantine's teaching method.
"I admit the books may have been more useful as firewood, but Constantine's reaction is most understandable. As for him ordering them to attack him, well, he's trying to ascertain their skills with defensive spells. A most important thing for Defence against the Dark Arts, wouldn't you agree?"
"And the religion and necromancy?"
"The necromancy remark was just an off-handed remark and did not relate anything to his teaching, while for religion, I think both you and I know various religious figures have done impossible magic in the past", Dumbledore replied calmly to her.
Umbridge leaned across the desk. "I want to talk to him about his most inappropriate style of teaching. He is on his way, I presume?"
Dumbledore nodded. "Oh, yes. Professor Constantine will be here momentarily."
Just as Dumbledore said this, the door opened to admit Constantine. "Hey there, grey beard. What's up?"
Umbridge moved over to Constantine, trying to look intimidating. "Professor Constantine, I've received reports that you destroyed the books provided by the Ministry, and that you told the students a nonsense story about You-Know-Who and necromancy, as well as ordering the students to attack you. How do you explain this unbecoming behaviour?"
Constantine smirked, sitting on Dumbledore's desk. "I took one look at those books and couldn't resist."
Umbridge curled her upper lip. "And how do you explain ordering the students to attack you, and the story about You-Know-Who and necromancy?"
Constantine turned to Dumbledore. "You called me up here to talk to her? Out of all the blind dates people have tried to set me on, this is the worst. That's saying a lot, seeing as how the others were Demons trying to kill me."
Umbridge stamped her foot like a child, glaring at Constantine. "Pay close attention to me! And… Did you just say Demons?"
Constantine shrugged. "Maybe. Well, there was the succubus-"
Umbridge stepped up close to Constantine in an attempt to intimidate him. A useless attempt, as she didn't even come up to his shoulder. Realizing this, she then gripped him by the collar and attempted to pull him forward, but he didn't budge. Umbridge then drew her wand and pointed it into his face, trying to intimidate him with the threat of being cursed. An equally useless attempt, as he already knew curses had no effect on him due to him having effective counters to each one of those.
After glaring at Constantine's smirking face for a few seconds, Umbridge backed off, realizing she was completely outmatched. Some instinct told her that to attack Constantine would be a very bad idea.
Finally, a deflated Umbridge put her wand away, and stomped out of the Headmaster's office.
"You haven't heard the end of this." She said angrily as she left before stopping. "And my chair exploding, was that you?"
"What are you talking about?" Constantine asked innocently as she glared and stormed off.
After she was gone, Constantine turned to face Dumbledore. "She's a real prize, isn't she?"
Dumbledore smiled, finishing his drink. "Like I said, she wanted to have the job I've given you, but I gave it to you before she could take it. I need you to teach the students how to defend themselves against all kinds of enemies. Do you have a plan after having them attack you?"
Constantine nodded. "Yeah. I've caught the supplies for the next few lessons already."
As Dante started to leave, Dumbledore said one more thing. "Just out of curiosity, did you really send all of Umbridge's books into some Hell Dimension?"
Constantine nodded. "Oh yes, even the Demons who found them were laughing madly at how useless they are last I heard, figure being used as toilet paper is the only use one can have of something like that."
He walked off as Dumbledore chuckled.
Harry walked through the grounds. He had found himself seeking solitude lately, and he was also starting to feel like he just didn't belong with his friends anymore. They just couldn't understand anything that he had been through. They hadn't lost their parents, and they hadn't seen Cedric die, and they weren't being vilified by the Ministry for suffering.
Even though he still loved both Ron and Hermione and the rest, he felt he needed to be alone at times.
Ahead, he saw Constantine who looked at him so Harry walked to him.
"Hey, mate. What are you doing?"
Harry shrugged. "Just out for a walk."
"Right", Constantine nodded as he looked to the front.
"Uh, excuse me Constantine, but how do you do all that kind of magic?" Harry then inquired to him.
"Lots of practise and experience is all it takes", Constantine simply responded, interlocking and cracking his fingers. "Besides, like I said, wasn't born with it, so you can do it too if you tried."
Harry nodded, then asked. "S… Constantine, do you believe me about Voldemort, like you said? If you do, thank you very much."
Constantine smirked and shrugged. "Don't thank me. I have a lot of contacts and know a lot of stuff that goes on around, mate. I know he's back, too much of a coward to show me his face though, the bloody git."
Harry's eyes widened, again not believing this conman's razor sharp nerve.
"You aren't scared of him at all, are you? Why is that?"
Constantine moved towards the forest. "He's just another sodding piece of work who wants to be a pain in everyone's arse. People being scared of him, and you avoiding your friends 'cause you're so worried about what he's gonna do, that's all more than a loser like him is worth."
Harry started to follow Constantine, but Constantine stopped, turning to face Harry, wearing a serious face for the first time.
"I get that this arse hurt you. He killed your parents. My mother died giving birth to me and my father took it out on me."
Harry winced, feeling a kinship with Constantine now as he thought of how Vernon and Petunia treated him.
"And I've had bad dealings with things that could squish Moldyshorts like a bug", Constantine added, turning around as he cracked his neck. "Many don't give a damn about me no matter what I do. You did a lot for the wand wavers, all loved you, then the moment you claimed the noseless git is back they turned their backs on you and called you insane. Not that big of a deal to me but learn to deal with it."
He walked off as Harry considered his words. It seemed Constantine had been vilified a lot his whole life by most people but didn't give a damn about it. Maybe he should do the same.
For all of Constantine's roughness and rudeness, he was in fact kind and understanding underneath it.
Constantine walked to his office, seeing he had a visitor. A tall woman, almost his height, wearing a black tail tuxedo with tight shorts, net stockings, thigh high boots, white gloves, and tuxedo hat.
She had big…assets.
The two smiled at each other as he took his seat and gestured her to take hers, which she did.
"I can't believe they let you near children."
"Don't be mad at me! It's Dumbles who gave me the job, damn near threw it at me."
"And you caught it", Zatanna Zatarra replied with a smirk. "I'm surprised this place is still standing."
"Well, if I take it down I won't get paid."
"Good point."
"So, here to be my sexy secretary?"
"As tempting as it is, no, just to check up on you."
"Awww, I am so touched."
"I wish I could buy it."
Constantine leaned forward. "So…Voldywarts."
"Yeah, he's back and he apparently never fully died, clearly he did something to make sure he can stick around", Zatanna nodded, leaning back on her seat.
"I know, but its definitely got nothing to do with any artefacts we deal with", Constantine told her. "The git won't have any knowledge of those, and on the off-chance he does, the power would destroy him."
"Something low-key then, I'll try to find out but I've a lot more on my plate", Zatanna warned him.
"Well, as long as noseless git doesn't try anything, we can take our time", Constantine pointed out and she nodded when they heard an annoying scream outside before it was gone.
"What was that?" Zatanna asked.
"I put a little charm on the door so if anyone unwanted knocks on it, they are sent to a Dimension where they fall endlessly for an hour before being sent back to wherever they came from", Constantine replied with a shrug. "And that must be the pink toad."
Both snickered and stood up as Zatanna asked. "So, got any man or woman yet?"
"Nah, too young or too old or not my type", Constantine shook his head.
"Well, I'd stick around but gotta go, if you find any, call me", she winked as he smirked and they shared a peck on the lips.
"ekaT em yawa", Zatanna then chanted and was teleported away as Constantine sat down.