Constantine sat down in front of Dumbledore after Harry, the Weasleys and McGonagall were all gone. "So tell me, Dumbles, what do you know of Hocruxes?"
Dumbledore was surprised Constantine was bringing it up. "What do you mean?"
"Oh don't act dumb, you know a lot of stuff, old man", Constantine said with a scoff. "Moldyshorts split his soul into several pieces, he had Hocruxes, and I'm pretty sure you knew."
Dumbledore sighed. "I suspected it, and I am not sure what all of them are-"
"All I know is he got 7, and one is gone, and Harry is one", Constantine said immediately to Dumbledore. "Guessing when the abra kadabra copy rebounded, a part of Voldy latched itself onto the baby, and so he became a Hocrux. That's one."
"What shall you do now? Will you exorcise it?" Dumbledore inquired.
"Nah", Constantine stood up, throwing his chair back. "If Voldy wants to get into the boy's head, let him."
Dumbledore seemed shocked and asked. "But why would you let him-"
"I'm sure Voldywarts would give up something to him there, besides, having a Hocrux close, its easier to track the rest", Constantine shrugged.
"So you're going to use-"
"You are the last person to lecture anyone over using others. You may not be a manipulative scumbag, but you are shady too, and you use people for your own ends. You may look like Gandalf, but you're not. So let me do what I want and sod off!"
Dumbledore knew he had no way to win this argument and nodded with a resigned sigh as Constantine swayed his trench coat and walked out of the room, deciding he had to send Rosmerta away and call someone.
Constantine was pacing in his office as in front of him appeared a beautiful woman (he seemed to know a lot of those really), an exotic look on her really. She eyed him up and down.
"Esrin!" Constantine said cheerfully.
Esrin Fortuna smiled at Constantine, then her hand whipped out and slapped his cheek. Constantine's head snapped to the side, before turning back to her with a grin. "Good to see you, luv."
Esrin scoffed and sitting down, asked. "Why did you call me here?"
"Well, you know about Hocruxes, right?" Constantine asked and got a nod. "Well, Old Tom Voldy aka Lord Voldemort, for your reference, split his soul into those, and Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived is one since Voldy is connected to his mind."
Fortuna narrowed her eyes at the info, then told him. "Yeah, based on all that, Harry has to be a Hocrux. So you want me to-"
"Find the others if you can, I've got a hair of the boy", Constantine gave her the hair which he'd taken after finding out Harry's connection to Voldemort. "Imagine you have the power and time to do so."
"And in return?"
"Look, doing this gig for a year will get me all I need to pay back my bloody debt, okay?"
"All right, I'll do it."
"This kind of connection can be a boon to our orderly friends. Snake face probably already knows about the connection, chances are though, he doesn't know the extent of it. Squire here is horcrux, and thus, is in tune with others like him. Meaning we got a bloodhound for Voldy's soul fragments. We should keep the connection open, and snake face can be blind to what we're really doing. Turn his peephole into a one way mirror, we only see what he wants us to see, and we'll know, whatever vision he sends Harold here, it's a trap, one we'll spring to catch him with his knickers down."
Esrin smirked, looking at the hair, and nodded. "I like that thought. Well, time to get to work."
She stood up and disappeared as Constantine decided to talk to Zatanna about this too so she could collect all of the Hocruxes once they came up.
A few days later, Constantine knew where most of the Hocruxes were- Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem, Marvolo Gaunt's ring and Helga Hufflepuff's cup. And also Salazar Slytherin's locket.
Well, Zatanna would get most of them, including the diadem, even if it was inside Hogwarts, but he was gonna get the locket, so standing up, he walked out of the castle to teleport away when Rubeus Hagrid bumped into his shoulder.
"Ah, sorry Constantine."
"No problem, just only bump into my shoulder and not all of me", Constantine told him as they shared a chuckle.
"Heard ya bring in Demons for students to fight."
"Well, yes."
"So, they're magical creatures too, right?"
"Would call them that, yeah."
"Can you teach me of 'em so I can teach of 'em in my class too to younger students? Since that's my subject and all-"
"All right, when I come back, I'll let ya know, Merry Christmas, and if you see Rosmerta, tell her Constantine is bringing her a nice present in a bit."
"Will do Constantine", Hagrid said as he waved to Constantine who waved back slightly and the two of them walked off into opposite directions, the conman whistling a little before he teleported away from Hogwarts.
The conman appeared right in Grimmauld Place where Harry, Sirius, Hermione and the Weasleys jumped at his sudden appearance.
"Oh 'ello people, I am sure you remember me children."
"Mum, this is Constantine, our Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor", Ron made introductions as Molly Weasley gave him a glare.
"You have my children go up against Demons and Dementors! You have any idea what-"
"And they beat 'em too, instead of harping on me, shouldn't you be proud of 'em? What kind of mum are you, eh?" Constantine asked with a scoff and eye-roll, silencing Molly as he shook hands with Fred and George.
"So, we got any plans for Umbridge yet?" Fred asked with a snicker, not caring their mum was nearby.
"Oh yes, Peeves is gonna put slime all over her room", Constantine said as all three and even Sirius laughed.
"That is bloody brilliant, we wish we could see it", George commented.
"Not to worry, there will be a lot more stuff to do later", Constantine told the two. "Maybe we could throw her into the Vanishing Cabinet, or have her fall from some stairs and fly in mid-air and all that jazz-"
Molly fainted at that point due to the dastardly team-up of the conman and her twins as Ginny knelt near her alongside Ron. "Mum? Mum, what's the matter?"
"Think our ideas knocked her out, she'll come to", George assured them.
"I've heard about you", Sirius Black held out his hand. "Sirius Black."
"John Constantine, heard you were a troublemaker and made that map, bloody good job there", Constantine complimented Sirius as they shared a chuckle. "Anyways, I was just here to check up on you lot." Which was half-true.
"Thank you Constantine, I appreciate it", Harry said gratefully as they shared a nod.
"Have you met the Order before?" Hermione inquired.
"Nah, only know Dumbles and Moody, stole his eye once too", Constantine added, surprising everyone there as they shared looks.
He then paced around and walked off as Sirius told the rest. "I think I like him."
"Not as much as we do", Fred told him as they snickered.
"Yes, he is the most fun teacher we've got really", Ginny agreed with a nod of her own.
Constantine found the locket, then saw Kreacher sneering at him, about to do something, but Constantine snapped his fingers and the House-Elf was magically bound and silenced.
Walking to him, Constantine put a hand on his head and chanted. "obliviscere." There was a little flash as Kreacher's memory of the incident was wiped out, and he looked around in confusion before walking off as Constantine put the locket in his pocket and walked out. "Nice place here, annoying House-Elf aside."
"Yes, he is not the most pleasant", Sirius agreed as Constantine knelt near Molly.
"expergiscimini."
Molly Weasley awoke with a start and gasp as Constantine walked out of the place and teleported away, back to Hogwarts, deciding he'd get all Hocruxes in one place but destroy them when the time was right.
School was back on soon and John was hearing something about 'Remedial Potions' class for Harry. Now the kid wasn't the smartest, but he wasn't that dumb either, something was up, so Constantine cornered Snape in a hallway.
"'Ello, Batman's long lost cousin", Constantine greeted in a mocking tone as Snape scoffed.
"To what do I owe this pleasure, Professor Constantine?" Snape inquired in his usual forced polite tone. Really, this guy needed to get laid or something.
"Heard scar-boy is taking remedial potions from you, but I know he ain't that terrible and you don't freely give out these lessons." Constantine folded his arms, awaiting a response.
"You give the boy too much credit", Snape said with a scoff. "But anyways, I was told you know of his dream about Mr. Weasley being attacked, and the connection to You-Know-Who."
"Aha, so this has something to do with that, eh?"
"I am supposed to teach him Occlumency to shield him from the Dark Lord trying to enter his mind", Snape confirmed as Constantine thought about it.
Harry and Snape had no love lost between them, the Occlumency lessons would probably not go well at all, especially since Snape had as much patience as most of his exes, and his clear bias against Gryffindor in general and Harry in specific was quite clear.
So, his plan was all good because the Occlumency lessons would go really well…..NOT!
"Good luck, mate, and get laid", Constantine tapped Snape's shoulder and walked off as Snape shot him a dark look from behind.
And then another little lesson for the students-
"Pop quiz: your friend has just been possessed by a ghost, you have no wand, you don't know the proper incantation to exorcise the spirit, what do you do?"
The class think, but then someone in green spoke up. "Hit them with iron?"
"Are you asking me or telling me..." John trailed off and stared at the thin student.
"Theodore Nott."
"Right, and?"
"Telling you?" The Slytherin stammered, John rose a brow, and he said more firmly. "Telling you."
"Correct, and my bad on the whole name thing. I swear though, some of you seem more like extras out of a film."
Some nervous laughter which even Malfoy seemed to join for a bit as Constantine said. "Anyways, you lot learn just fine, and there will be a final practical class where you put it all to use. Good luck children."
He walked off, swaying his trench coat once more.
Next morning, Constantine awoke on his bed alone for once and summoned the Daily Prophet to him, and read through it, seeing a picture of Bellatrix Lestrange where it said that various Death Eaters had broken out, the headline blaming Sirius Black of course.
"Yeah, blame him, since you're all too stupid to realize when you're acting like wankers", Constantine scoffed, then found another article about a Ministry Worker having been found dead on the hospital bed. "Must be a murder, Voldyshorts' followers are all teaming up under the noseless git."
Some days later, Constantine woke up on the DADA table, this time with a naked Rosmerta, and summoned the Daily Prophet to himself again, and this time, to his surprise, there was an article about Harry speaking out over the git's return.
Constantine read through and then remembered he'd seen Harry, Hermione, Luna and Ginny the previous night talking to some woman with a magic quill when he was chatting Rosmerta up again in the pub.
She must have been a journalist or something who wrote the truth for whatever reason.
"Well, ain't that good", Constantine muttered as Rosmerta awoke too. "Morning, luv."
"Morning", she muttered as they shared a peck on the lips when suddenly students appeared for the class, and their jaws dropped at what they'd witnessed.
"Oh my…." Ron was red. "Bloody-"
The boys looked shocked and jealous, and the girls mortified, and so was Rosmerta who covered herself as Constantine positioned himself to preserve his dignity and pushed her to his office's direction. "Come on now, luv."
They went to his office as Rosmerta dressed up. "That was unexpected."
"I know, I hope this does not dissuade you from our nightly e-"
"Oh no, it does not", Rosmerta assured as they shared another kiss. "Just make sure we don't sleep on the table next time."
"Will do my best", he assured as Rosmerta was off via Floo Network, and Constantine dressed himself up before taking painkillers and walked out, the students still staring at him incredulously and in disbelief.
"Anyone who talks of what they saw here shall be sent to Hell!"
That was enough to make them stop staring as Constantine smirked. "Good. Now-"
Next morning, Constantine found another order from the toad banning the Quibbler, where the interview had also been published.
"Oh bloody Hell, its like you couldn't make it more obvious that Harry tells the truth", Constantine muttered and putting a hand on it, chanted. "Plus humilitatis est qui hoc scripsit." Now there was photoshopped Umbridge in a bikini but the woman seemed to be dancing erotically in the picture.
He walked off as students laughed at that and Umbridge found Constantine.
"I didn't know you had such moves, luv", Constantine smirked.
"What moves?" Umbridge asked.
"Check them out", Constantine gestured and walked off, and a few seconds later, Umbridge's hysterical scream was drowned out by students' hysterical laughter again.
Professor Trelawney was standing in the middle of the entrance hall with her wand in one hand and an empty sherry bottle in the other, looking utterly mad. Her hair was sticking up on end, her glasses were lopsided so that one eye was magnified more than the other; her innumerable shawls and scarves were trailing haphazardly from her shoulders, giving the impression that she was falling apart at the seams. Two large trunks lay on the floor beside her, one of them upside down; it looked very much as though it had been thrown down the stairs after her. Professor Trelawney was staring, apparently terrified, of Umbridge.
She had been a terrible teacher, no one could deny that, one of the worst the school ever had, so she had been quite an easy target for the toad, who, for the first time since she had come to Hogwarts, felt like she was in-charge.
Constantine walked forth, seeing Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy were the only ones smirking at the sight, since Trelawney's crying was funny to them. But Draco seemed to have a neutral expression really, and he stood a little away from them all. He did not seem to enjoy this.
"No!" Trelawney shrieked. "NO! This cannot be happening. . . . It cannot . . . I refuse to accept it!"
"You didn't realize this was coming?" Umbridge's voice asked sounding callously amused. "Incapable though you are of predicting even tomorrow's weather, you must surely have realized that your pitiful performance during my inspections, and lack of any improvement, would make it inevitable you would be sacked?"
"You c-can't!" howled Professor Trelawney, tears streaming down her face from behind her enormous lenses, "you c-can't sack me! I've b-been here sixteen years! H-Hogwarts is m-my h-home!"
"It was your home," said Professor Umbridge, with Professor Trelawney sinking, sobbing uncontrollably, onto one of her trunks, "until an hour ago, when the Minister of Magic countersigned the order for your dismissal. Now kindly remove yourself from this hall. You are embarrassing us."
But she stood and watched, with an expression of gloating enjoyment, as Professor Trelawney shuddered and moaned, rocking backward and forward on her trunk in paroxysms of grief.
Constantine was then right next to Umbridge and she felt his presence. "Anything you want, my dear?"
Constantine scoffed. "You really have a problem with people. Even the Devils I know wouldn't want to do anything with you. What is it? Found no toad to date you your whole life?"
The whole hall had heard them and burst into laughter as Umbridge glared at Constantine. "As High Inquisitor, I can remove teachers who do not fit standards and are unsatisfactory. You are next, Constantine. Your teaching methods are dangerous and unapproved."
"As if approval from a bunch of wankers who don't know when a noseless git is back is gonna mean anything", Constantine replied, getting into her face. "Besides, your pictures that do the rounds tell us all we need to know about your seal of approval."
Umbridge was red at this point with anger and humiliation as the whole Great Hall was laughing at her misery, and during this time, Constantine snapped his fingers, magically interchanging the wand she had in her pocket with a joke one that Fred and George had given him, and she didn't know at all.
"Besides, you can dismiss the fake seer but can't remove her from the castle, only the old Gandalf wannabe can do that", Constantine told her just as Dumbledore appeared.
Minerva walked forth and put a hand on Trelawney's shoulder, escorting her back in while shooting Umbridge a disdainful look, having put aside her dislike for Trelawney right now due to how much she disliked Umbridge.
Pomona Sprout helped McGonagall as Flitwick magically carried Trelawney's luggage upstairs too, Umbridge seething in rage.
She had tried to impose ridiculous rules like a minimum height rule to sack Flitwick and that teachers should be alive to sack Binns, and none had worked, and now that she had sacked one teacher, that one was still allowed to stay in the castle.
"Think the replacement is here too", Constantine added as Dumbledore arrived while the doors opened and they turned to face the open front doors, through which night mist was now drifting. They heard hooves. There was a shocked murmur around the hall and those nearest the doors hastily moved even farther backward, some of them tripping over in their haste to clear a path for the newcomer.
Through the mist came a face with white-blond hair and astonishingly blue eyes, the head and torso of a man joined to the palomino body of a horse.
"This is Firenze," said Dumbledore happily to a thunderstruck Umbridge. "I think you'll find him suitable."
Constantine then felt his phone ring. Due to his magic, the Hogwarts did not affect any electronics he had so he went to a corner and picked it up. "Right, what do you want now, mate? Hmmm…well, all right, but now you owe me either way."