Constantine noticed various people crowding around some posted announcement and pushed through to see what it was.
"By order of — The High Inquisitor of Hogwarts All Student Organizations, Societies, Teams, Groups, and Clubs are henceforth disbanded. An Organization, Society, Team, Group, or Club is hereby defined as a regular meeting of three or more students. Permission to re-form may be sought from the High Inquisitor (Professor Umbridge). No Student Organization, Society, Team, Group, or Club may exist without the knowledge and approval of the High Inquisitor. Any student found to have formed, or to belong to, an Organization, Society, Team, Group, or Club that has not been approved by the High Inquisitor will be expelled. The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-four."
And then the signature of the toad at the bottom.
As the disgruntled students started walking away, Constantine snickered, getting a plan and touched the announcement, making sure it would affect every place where this had been put up.
"Humiliatio pro eo qui hoc fecit."
The decree glowed and then the whole writing was replaced by a photo of Umbridge's face photoshopped over someone in a bikini.
It looked very ridiculous. And this had appeared everywhere else where the decree had been put up as well.
He walked off, whistling, as some students saw the sign and started laughing hysterically.
Constantine walked to the Great Hall, where most people had not seen his change as he'd done it after they'd gotten here.
"Oh Dolores, I had no idea what you kept inside", he said loudly to Umbridge so the whole Hall could hear.
"What are you talking about, my dear?" Umbridge asked in a forced polite tone, trying not to lash out at this man.
Constantine snickered. "Oh, you don't know? A very nice picture of you is doing the rounds." He pointed at the door. "Out there."
Umbridge stood up and stormed past him, the students all filing out behind to see it too.
A second later, Umbridge's scream of utter horror was heard throughout the castle but was drowned out by the hysterical and maniacal laughter of the students as she had again gotten what she deserved while they could pretend her decree never existed.
The class was here again as Constantine paced around, talking to his students. "So what do you do if you see a ghost?"
"Banish it!" Ron managed to speak before everyone else.
"You are right, and you do it fast or it will possess someone", Constantine warned all of them. "And in that case you would-"
"Exorcise it", Hermione spoke from her end.
"Very good", Constantine nodded. "However, that is a very difficult process, so banishing it in time shall be our priority. And for that, I have called a special guest."
Next to him appeared a man dressed in a red and white suit. He was both solid and not, appearing like a hologram yet he was not one.
The students jumped as the man said. "You can call me Deadman."
"Deadman here is a ghost who can possess anyone the moment he touches them", Constantine told the class, sitting down on his table as he gave instructions. "So you all must stop him before he manages to posses a student. If he does manage to do it, all is lost this time, and better luck next time, but act like there is none because in the real world, you don't get more than a bloody chance."
With that, Constantine tossed the desks and chairs to a side, students all ready with their wands out as Harry cried out. "Expecto Patronum!"
His Patronus shot out but faded near Deadman who just shrugged. "Not much of a bother to me really."
The students all fired various spells at him. While the spells couldn't touch him, he did some flips and acrobatics to avoid all of those, also shocking the students at his skill in that area.
Harry then took out his flask and so did the other students, all chanting simultaneously.
"Derech Elohim. B'sh'khina elohit zoh, koakh Shlomoh dokhek bekha. Shma nah-"
But they were too late as Deadman flipped and went into Goyle, and 'Goyle' then slapped Crabbe, making him fall down as that brought unintentional laughter from the rest of them.
John groaned and stepped in. "Virtus Christi te urget, hominem hunc desere, ad regna spirituum redi."
Deadman stepped out of Goyle, who looked around in shock as Constantine did a sarcastic clap. "Well done, lads and lasses, you just lost a schoolmate to a vengeful spirit. I'd give you a pat on the back for such a spectacular failure."
He turned to Deadman. "You can go now, thanks mate."
Deadman nodded. "Not a problem." And then he disappeared as Constantine paced around again.
"Do not try to see if something else works on your spirit or not, it is a huge risk and will not pay off most of the time", Constantine advised all of them, walking to his desk as he sat down with a sigh. "Just use what you know already works, and that's it really, end of story. Fast and efficient is how it is done."
A few days later, Snape was teaching his Potions class. The Gryffindors, who never had the best opinion of him, were disliking him more than usual right now due to how he always booked the Quidditch pitch for Slytherin practice.
And he turned a blind eye to Slytherin players hexing Gryffindor ones in the corridor, Alicia Spinnet being the most glaring scenario.
As he taught, Constantine walked in, casual like always.
"Don't mind me, just need to borrow a few things."
He walked over to the shelves and scanned them, taking what he needed, then Snape decided to argue with him.
"This is my classroom, Professor Constantine, not your home. You cannot just take my supplies whenever you feel like it."
John ended up rolling his eyes. "Look tall, dark, and spooky, we can spend the whole day snapping and glaring at each other, but we both clearly got better things to do, so why don't you just go back to Chemistry 101 and I'll grab what I need?"
Snape crossed his arms. "No." He drawled.
Constantine groaned and threw his hands up. "Fine."
He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out. Snape turned back to the class that were watching stunned that the fearless Constantine walked away from Snape.
Draco exchanged satisfied smirks with Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy.
Snape made to continue, but then looked at the other side of the room, where several jars had been taken.
The other students followed his gaze and saw it too as now Harry exchanged satisfied smirks with Ron, Hermione and Neville.
Snape stared confused for a second, before growling out a name. "Constantine."
Meanwhile, Constantine was walking down the hall before stopping, and saw another Constantine holding up a jar, and checked out his twin.
"Hello there, handsome."
"Constantine" smirked before the glamour faded away and it was revealed to be a suit of armor from the castle.
Constantine walked off with the supplies he had gotten. He always got what he wanted.
The Quidditch match was in full force. Ron Weasley was missing most of his goals due to the dratted 'Weasley Is Our King' song which annoyed Constantine's ears.
"Where do these bloody sods come up with these things?" He asked Dumbledore who next to him.
"I really do not know", Dumbledore sighed and shook his head.
"They cannot bother to learn any of the exorcism mantras I teach but they can learn a good for nothing song", the conman scoffed. "Really, with bad habits like these, they deserve to-"
There were loud cheers from the Gryffindor side as Harry managed to catch the Snitch at last.
Constantine saw Crabbe about to whack a Bludger right at Harry. "Oh no you don't."
He chanted very discreetly. "Impetum invasorem tuum."
When Crabbe hit the Bludger, it whacked his own face, breaking his nose as he fell down, screaming and crying.
The conman smirked as all started getting up, still clapping for Gryffindor. Constantine wasn't much for rules but from what he knew of this bloody sport where the rules made little sense to him at least (it seemed like it had been made by someone who hated actual sports so they made a sport that had rules to subvert theirs), it was clear Crabbe's Bludger hit was illegal either way so no sympathy at all.
As they all walked here and there, Constantine noted Malfoy taunting Harry, Fred and George due to Ron's fails and it was clear he was trying to provoke them due to him and his Quidditch team all being sore losers in this match.
"— but you like the Weasleys, don't you, Potter?" Malfoy said, sneering. "Spend holidays there and everything, don't you? Can't see how you stand the stink, but I suppose when you've been dragged up by Muggles even the Weasleys' hovel smells okay —"
Harry was restraining George while Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet and Katie Bell were restraining Fred.
Constantine shrugged. "Convertere detrimentum tuum in humiliationem."
The bottom part of Malfoy's Quidditch robes disappeared and were replaced by panties that had multiple hearts on the fabric.
Every single student, player or not, burst into hysterical laughter at that point as Draco looked down and screamed in horror and humiliation.
"NOOOOOOOO-"
A chuckling Constantine walked off as he whistled too, the laughter still ringing loudly behind him.
"WAIT TILL MY FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS!"
Another day, another class, and this time the toad was going to inspect it too, apparently. From what he had heard, so far she had inspected the classes of McGonagall, Flitwick and Snape.
In the former two cases she usually asked a question now and then and that was it, while in Snape's case he'd heard students say that the Potions Master's hand had gone up to his sleeve several times, where he kept his wand, so it was clear he was tempted to curse Umbridge.
Constantine was teaching his class another important tid-bit this time.
"Now, we'll be looking at materials and objects that may seem ordinary, may actually save your life. For example, you have noticed the salt lining the room?" They noticed, the windows, and the door having been lined with it, and they didn't even see Constantine cover the door. "Salt is a handy little thing to have when you want to keep ghosts, demons, and other undesirables out."
Then a bang on the door, as Umbridge had pushed the handle and expected it to open, but instead her face got slammed into the iron-reinforced door, and she got back up and tried again to another bang, before knocking and shouting at Constantine. "LET ME IN PROFESSOR CONSTANTINE RIGHT NOW! I AM THE HIGH INQUISITOR AND I MUST INSPECT-"
John then looked at the students who were looking at him, "See what I mean?" They all laughed hysterically at Umbridge ranting outside like a lunatic as John then muttered to himself. "If only it worked on all my exes too."
He then opened the door as Umbridge who was about to slam her elbow into it fell down on her face to more laughter.
"This here is the pink toad, she is here to entertain us today", Constantine quipped as all students laughed while he walked to his desk.
Umbridge picked herself up. "This will work against you!"
As she took another step forwards, she was suddenly sent up in the air and her head hit the ceiling, making her scream as she was now hovering in mid-air.
More laughter and cheers erupted at Umbridge's plight as she was close to tears.
John had a "realization". "Oh dear me, it seems I forgot to disable the anti-grav spell, my mistake." Sarcasm was clearly dripping off of him as he snapped his fingers and Umbridge floated back down, recovering herself as she glared at him and then sat behind everyone.
Constantine took out some books and handed them to the students, these were clearly from the 'Restricted Section', the title being- "Demon Anatomy."
"So as you all know, Demons exist, very powerful ones", Constantine told his students pacing around. "But there are many weak ones too, and your kind of magic can-"
Umbridge raised a hand and did not wait for permission. "Professor, Demons cannot be beaten. Why teach them of something they cannot defeat?"
Constantine laughed and shook his head. "Inspecting a good ol' class on Demons while only knowing bedtime stories. Your mum told them to you when you were little to keep you in bed and that turned you so bitter?"
Umbridge glared in rage as the students snickered again. "Immunity and resistance differ, luv. Not all can be beaten, but some can be beaten with some difficulty, and that is what I am here to teach the children."
Umbridge then started. "This course is not app-"
"Unfortunately for you, lass, or whatever it is you are," The pink toad started to turn red there, "Alby and I have an agreement. I teach my way with no interruptions."
"This-!"
"If the following words contain "ministry", "minister", or any of that bollocks, then you should know I'm not even a citizen of magical Britain, and hence, there laws don't apply to me. Now, shut up, and bugger off."
Umbridge was suddenly at the doorway again and realized it a second too late.
"Now wait a minute-"
Constantine promptly closed the door in her face and went back to teaching his laughing class. "Now where were we? Right-"
Later during a day, Constantine was walking when he saw Fred and George sneaking around, and knew they were known for being pranksters.
"Ah, Professor", Fred said, exchanging a look with George. "We were just-"
"Call me Constantine", the conman assured the twins. "Remember when Malfoy revealed to us all he wears panties?"
The three laughed at the memory as Constantine told them. "That was me."
"Oooh, that was nice, such quality", George complimented the Professor, and in a rare case the twins were getting along with a teacher.
He then put his hands on the shoulders of the twins. "Now lads, what do you say that we make that insufferable pink toad feel truly welcome here?" He said with a smirk that their younger brother said terrified him, and they gave him matching identical smirks.
"We're in."
Umbridge returned to her room, now in pajamas, and lay on her bed, going to sleep, when suddenly the sheet wrapped her in magically, and she couldn't get out.
"What?" She gasped, trying to get up but couldn't. "AAAAAAAAARRGGHHH!"
The kittens she had on all her items had turned into Hellhounds and they were snarling as they suddenly came out and became real, though it was just an illusion.
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHH!"
Outside, John and the Weasley twins shook hands in a congratulatory manner.
"Well, that's one toad-free day for us. Think this calls for a celebration." Constantine then held up a pink purse, clinging with galleons. "Pints are on her!"
The two twins cheered as Fred said. "Rosmerta will love this."
"Who's Rosmerta?" Constantine inquired.
"Oh you don't know?" George asked him. "The owner of The Three Broomsticks Pub. And she looks quite nice too, the boys all fancy-"
Finally, a hot woman in the area.
"100 points to Gryffindor", Constantine said, clapping their shoulders as they walked together.
Constantine sat in the pub, taking a drink as he chatted with Rosmerta, who definitely was a beauty.
"So you are the new Professor, huh? I did not think they hired Professors this young", Rosmerta confessed to Constantine, sitting in front of him. "Well, except Lockh-"
"That git was a fraud, it was written on his face", John scoffed. "I, on the other hand, am the real deal."
"Really? What can you do?" Rosmerta asked with a smirk.
Constantine turned the drink into a fountain for a second before bringing it back to normal. "I could do it when I was 10."
"That is impressive, what else?" She asked, clearly interested.
"Well, I would love to show you", the conman winked.
Next morning, on the table of the DADA class, the eyes of Constantine opened as he realized he was naked, and naked breasts were pressing onto him.
Rosmerta's breasts!
He carefully got out from underneath her and fell to the floor. "Bugger!"
Then as he stood up, he heard incoming students and shook Rosmerta. "Wake up!"
She woke up with a groan and asked. "What?"
"The students are coming, quickly", he held her, getting her down as she staggered and he grabbed their clothes, handing her the ones that were ones. "Come on!"
"Yeaahh…." She trailed off sleepily as he pushed her into his office. "Floo!"
She dressed up partially and went to the Floo Network as Constantine shut the door and dressed up before taking some painkillers for his headache, then opened the door to his students. "Ah, here we are, today we will have a special class."
He did a little chant as a portal opened and a small creature with horns elongated to either side walked out, muttering incoherently as the chairs and tables were put to the side.
The students laughed at the thing when suddenly it spewed out acid from its mouth, aimed at Parvati Patil's face, but Constantine raised a hand and a shield defended her.
"That is a Bile Demon, a very low level Demon, almost any spell of yours can defeat it, but it spits burning acid from its mouth. Go on!"
The students were all ready with their wands as Harry used a shield charm to defend himself from the next acid spit of the Demon, and then Ron did a full body-binding curse.
"Petrificus Totalis!"
The Bile Demon froze as Hermione said. "Stupefy!"
The spell hit it in its chest and it fell down, out, as the students congratulated the Trio.
Suddenly, it got up but a fireball from Constantine obliterated it. "You need to make sure they stay down, that is very basic."
Sitting down, he then asked. "So what do you know about Dementors?"
"They guard the Azkaban Prison", Malfoy spoke up.
"Yes, and?"
"They suck out happiness", Harry added, having had close calls with that himself. "And eventually the soul too."
"And how do you ward them off?"
"With a Patronus charm", Harry answered, knowing how to do it very well.
"Good", Constantine paced around the class. "However, those bloody wraiths can be defeated without a Patronus too. Just need to practise it."
"Really?"
"They suck on happy, mushy feelings, do they not? So when they are near, think about the bad bollocks, anything really bad that happened to you, think on it", Constantine revealed, surprising the students. "I will show you."
He opened a portal and a real Dementor glided in, the students all terrified as they gasped.
"I got this sod", Constantine assured, standing in its way as it tried to suck on his happiness. But Constantine's motivations were pain, loneliness and fear, and that's what he kept on him at all times.
Soon, to the shock of all students, the Dementor was convulsing, as if in pain. Not getting happiness from its prey was starving it.
Raising a hand, Constantine absorbed the fear it had for power and it was destroyed in an instant.
The students were jaw-dropped again as Constantine shrugged. "The last part you can't do, but you can make the wanker convulse by making it starve as it does not like bad thoughts."
"Can we all really do that?" Neville inquired.
"Yes, but there are more ways, like the opposite of this", Constantine revealed as he sat down. "If you cannot do a Patronus, make your happy mushy self stronger. Love, joy, happiness, this power can bring out the "Light of the Soul" that shall ward them off."
"And you will teach us how to do it?" Hermione inquired.
"I'll teach you all an even better method", Constantine revealed as he held up a cross and summoned another Dementor which glided at him.
"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"
Constantine was surrounded in a holy light that obliterated the Dementor.
He turned to the students, holding up the cross. "Believe in the Lord and Savior, and this chant shall work, and its not just with the Christian religion."
He distributed something called the 'Hanuman Chalisa' to them all. "Memorize all of it and keep it close. Hanuman is the great Monkey God of strength and devotion in Hindu Religion, believe in him and his power shall ward off all ghosts, Demons and pishachas."
Turning to the class with a smirk, he cracked his neck. "So as you can all see, there are many ways to take out threats, just open your mind beyond what they teach you at warts, and be ready for the whole bloody world."
A while later, the students were filing out again as Hermione was trying to memorize Hanuman Chalisa already. "Jai Hanuman gyan gun sagar. Jai Kapis tihun lok ujagar-"
"You know he said we need to believe in him too, not just memorize", Ron told Hermione as she sighed.
"I'm trying, Ron, I'm trying", she told him.
"But anyway, good class, wasn't it?" Harry asked and got nods. "Think we'll learn a lot of things that this school does not want us to know about."
"Yeah mate, seeing all the things Constantine tells us, this school really wasn't sufficient before", Ron had to agree with his friend.
So far, things seemed good, but soon things would take a turn.