The Fool
"I cannot stay here my whole shift" I thought out loud. Why didn't I just call off? Looking in the mirror at myself I definitely was not a sight for sore eyes. Smoothing out my dark brown curls and putting it in my infamous messy bun is always my go to on days like this. This is my fourth shift in a row and it's starting to show. But I can't hide in the bathroom forever...I slowly trudge out to my unit...
"Ms. Miller...Ms. Miller so good to see you this evening" laughs Meka. Meka James has been my best friend since high school. We went to college together and have been ride or die ever since. Meka or "Meeks'' as I like to call her, is a little more outspoken than me, a real risk taker. She has a good heart and she means well. We had many adventures during our friendship. Somehow I don't think we are quite done yet.
"Ms. James...likewise" I laugh. "So Zoe four shifts in a row? What's the OT for? are we going shoe or bag shopping?" "Uh no. I just....working is better than sitting at home." "Ok time for a med room confessional" she says as Meka pulls me down the hall. "Meka! I have to see my patients!"
"Just Give me 5 mins ma'am..."
Once settled in the med room. "Girl how long has he been gone?" "About two weeks now..."I say even though Stephen cheated on me and splitting up is for the best, I still have the urge to cry every time I think about this man. We were together for 4 years. That's a long time. My heart is aching it's been about two weeks but ... I need more time.
"Bitch back to reality!" Meka is frantically waving her manicured nails in my face. "Oh sorry".. I say wiping tears away. "Girl you can't be doing all this in here". "Well you're the one that had to talk right now!" "Yes because I have something on my heart and I need to tell you before we get busy and people start dying and admissions start rolling in." "Now what's that?" I laugh... "Well girl... I went out with Tina last Friday while you were crying your eyes out and we went to see this psychic on Canal street." Here comes the eye roll. Me rolling my eyes. "Zoe...I knew you were gonna do that." We both laugh. "Any whoo...she read me girl and I feel like she is too on point!" "Meka you want me to see a psychic?" "Yes I do! And a therapist ok! You gotta get it together girl." "I hate seeing you like this". "Life is not over and you will meet someone else." "You are beautiful, smart, and worth the trouble. Why you don't see it I'll never know." I'm struggling to understand this myself. But honestly all my life I never felt like I was any of those things. To many people telling me I wasn't. And meeting men isn't the problem. I have yet to have true love. Maybe the love I want doesn't even exist.
"Ok Meka I'll think about it." "Oh you better do more than that honey" as she slides me the psychic's card. "Now back to saving lives."
Something about knowing you're off the next day makes your shift go by easier. We breezed through the next 11.5 hours like it was nothing. I was grateful. These last few weeks have been rough to say the least.
Pulling in my driveway is my biggest peace. I love my little house. I worked really hard to make it cozy. Now that Stephen is gone it's just me and Villain. Villain is my all black Golden Retriever German Shepherd mix. He's got one brown eye and one green one. Lovable but different . Just like me.
As soon as Villain hears me turn the key he's barreling down the stairs like I don't hear him. He slides into the living room and plops on the floor. "Sir"! "I know you have been on my bed!" He rolls on his back and looks up playfully at me as if to say are you sure? I pat his belly. "I'm positive." With a yelp he rolls over and licks my face. "Ok ok dude!" "Out you go!" He runs out the sliding glass door to fight with the leaves.
Plopping down in my bed I think an extra warm shower and a fresh pair of PJs is just what the Dr ordered. I'm also glad I took Meka's advice and asked our manager for a few days off. I'm supposed to be rejuvenating myself. It feels like bereavement.
Bang, Bang, Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Then the doorbell...
"Alright!" I scream as I sit up in bed. I get myself together and run downstairs. Not even a full three hours of sleep! I open the door and it's Jeff, my loveable but needing to retire mailman. "Hey Ms. Zoe!" "Jeff you know I work nights and I'm soootired" I whine. "I know Ms. Zoe but I have a package for your neighbors in care of you." "But Jeff, they moved. I don't know where they went." "Well... Jeff scratches what is left of the hair on his head. Technically they have it delivered to you so you can keep it." Before I can protest further; Jeff is off my porch and headed back to his truck. Without looking back he yells "The Misses is making meatloaf tonight and I can't be late!"
Well now I'm scratching my head. Why would they have a package sent here and they moved? Maybe it was just bad timing. My neighbors The Donovan's were a little odd to say the least. A husband and wife couple with a strong interest in the occult. They were both professors at the University. I used to chat with the wife. Peter was always off doing research. Rose, his wife,was a pretty redhead with fair skin. She was always very kind. She had tea for every ailment. They worked too. I wish she was here now and had tea for a broken heart.
I sat down at my dining room table and opened the box. Inside was another box. A smaller black one with what looked like gold engravings. I can't even explain the design. It was so intricate and beautiful. Inside the packing box was a folded piece of paper. The paper looked old. Written on the paper:
Zoe,
You are magic. Even at your most broken. Everything that is meant for you will find you. Even the love you seek. But First you must open your mind and your heart.
Love, R.D.
I opened the smaller black box. Inside was the most beautiful deck of cards I had ever seen. I believe these are tarot cards but nothing like I've ever seen before. There was even gold on the cards. But there was no name. So I couldn't google it. The Donovan's just kind of disappeared so I couldn't talk to them. All of a sudden I hear Villain scratching at the back door. I get up to let him in, running past me in a whirlwind; he knocks the deck out of my hand. All the cards end up face down except for one. It was a young man looking up to the skywalking but definitely not paying attention to where he was going dog by his side. They both seemed happy. My thoughts immediately went to Villain and I. What does this mean my friend?
Later on that night and two glasses of wine into my self pity I call Meka. "Hey mama what's up?" I tell her about what happened earlier. Meka always has an answer for everything. "Sounds like Mrs. Donovan knew you were a hot miserable mess and sent you the cards to cheer you up." "But Meeks I don't know how to read these things. So what am I supposed to do?" In unison we say "The psychic on Canal Street!" "Z, you can take them to her. She can help you. She told me I was going to meet a handsome stranger that would sweep me off my feet ok? So I'm in Just Books earlier and the janitor literally sweeps me off my feet! Like he was sweeping and tripped me up with the broom. We are going on a date tonight and he is Fine!" "Umm bye Meeks". I hang up the phone. I think about the note. I think this wine is getting to me. I drift off to sleep.
As I slept my body started to get warm and almost tingly. I flung the covers off and lay on my back. All of a sudden I felt a deep kiss on my lips. It felt so real. I try to open my eyes but I can't. Stephen? Did he come back? I'm trying to wake up but then I start to feel hands run down my neck and gently caress me. I feel almost a heat or electricity coming from his fingertips. I arch my back and I can feel myself breathing almost panting...his hands go lower. Who is this? It feels so real. Lower. Till they grab my thighs and part my legs. His hands move inside me. I can still feel his electric touch like it's under my skin. In my veins. I'm panting deeper now. He smells amazing like mahogany, teakwood, and Oh my God! My phone rings. I wake up completely disheveled and sweaty and soaked to say the least... I let the phone go to voicemail. One thing is for sure that wasn't Stephen