Food.
A luxury itself.
A luxury I could finally enjoy.
I ravished the pile of fruits Callon had collected, not even leaving a single seed behind.
Hunger had almost turned me into an empty husk, that claustrophobic vision is still vivid in my heart.
Never.
Never will I starve, never again.
I was knee deep inside the shallow water,
The cold damp pants clinging to my legs like a second skin.
The fog was cold, filled with moisture, my face was covered with droplets of water hidden in it.
The thin fog gave us much more options, I could see faint silhouettes of Islands around me.
Callon walked ahead, silent, he had been this way ever since my awakening.
I clutched my axe in my left hand, its pitch black blade was strange but unacceptable,
Mangled up roots merged into one to form a handle.
It wrapped around the blade, my hands gripped it tightly despite the safe zone.
My eyelids were heavy, resting was an option but Callon doesn't seem to want that.
He is either too paranoid or something is wrong.
I glanced around, the perfectly aligned islands,
The crystal clear water, fruits that are too good to be true and..
And the lack of people.
This is a safe zone, isn't it?
Unlike normal areas inside the lands of no returns, the safe zones are supposed to be filled with people.
Especially the ones like oasis islands.
So why are there no fellow adventurers around?
Did we enter this area at a time others couldn't?
Rare but possible.
I agree with Callon on his paranoia.
Something feels wrong.
But nothing seems wrong.
Instincts and paranoia.
I trust them more than my five senses.
Especially my paranoia.
Callon seemed more impatient than I was.
Is he scared of being alone?
I was unconscious the whole time and he must've spent his time inside this eerie area all by himself.
It sounds frightening indeed.
"Are you sure we should leave the lands of no return?"
I asked, that question has been lingering in my mind for long and Callon didn't give an exploration when he told me that outright statement.
He took a deep breath, measuring his words,
After a few seconds he answered, "Despite our need for exploring we need to rest."
"And it will only be for a few days, after that we will return here." With that being said he went back to silence.
"Together?"
I asked, I have already started to see him as someone I can trust despite his shadiness.
He turned around, looked me in the eyes and smiled, "Why not?"
He seemed genuine.
No, he actually was.
Relieved.
I am relieved to hear that answer.
Although leaving the lands of no return sounded a bit depressing, the chance too explore new kingdoms and their cultures makes up for it.
The issue is that, we don't know where we will end up after exiting this area, the fog is random and it does not care about your wishes.
What Callon seemed to said was, if we somehow ended up at places like the starry dunes or the sol ruins, we would not waste the chance to escape.
And thus under the cold fog we walked in silence.
We skipped tens of Islands on our way, sometimes stopping for a rest.
We didn't have anything to store food which was a bummer.
We needed something similar to a basket atleast.
What exactly could we use as a basket here?
We can use the trees but none of knows how to do that.
On that basis even if he had materials we won't be able to make even a crude basket.
What else could we use?
Now that I think about it.
A ribcage might work actually, we can dry up the flesh and skin to toughen it, water could also be stored with it, right?
It might work.
I looked towards my ribs, this is gonna be painful.
I have regeneration, don't I?
Pain would hold me back.
But I would rather be tormented by pain than hunger.
I wanted to suggest this to Callon but I don't want him to look at me in a weird light.
But starvation..
I sighed.
I opened my mouth.
Either this can make him uncomfortable or...
Or what?
He can only feel uncomfortable.
No one can feel comfortable by such a suggestion, right?
The Cassian who left Astria with dreams and hopes wouldn't have such a suggestion.
The Cassian standing here now would have such a suggestion.
Hesitation..
Will I be able to hesitate with such choices anymore?
I don't know.
No matter which Cassian I am, I would still be clinging to his hopes and dreams.
No matter what.
And if I, Cassian ever dares to abandon them.
Therefore I would abandon my identity alongside them.
********
My hands hung down, heavy, holding two makeshift baskets.
They were filled to the brim with fruits, leaves were placed around them on the inside to protect and cover them.
Cover them from the blood, but it proved to be a bit futile as blood seeped in through the leaves.
More flavour and fragrance I assume.
I chuckled in my mind.
Just why did I turn out to be like this?
Blood dripped as I walked, however the pristine water still remained unchanged.
The blood disappeared, fragmented, as it entered the water.
Callon's face was hidden by the fog but similar to me, he was holding two such rib baskets.
But I know despite his pragmatism, this has made him uncomfortable.
I could still remember his face crumbling to shock when I suggested my Idea.
And he has been quiet after that but unlike before he didn't even answer me when I tried to strike up a conversation with him.
He was unnerved.
Truly unsettling.
Indeed it was.
I nearly broke down.
Not out of pain nor hunger.
Adaptation.
The experiences I had till now had made me adapt.
Involuntarily.
Changes I did not like.
I am growing cold, pragmatic, detached.
I don't want that.
I hate it.
Without feelings, impulses and dreams how can you truly say you are 'living'?
But this was necessary.
The only reason I did it.
This is my bottom line.
Hurting myself doesn't have the weight of hurting others.
It feels wrong and when I imagine myself at their stead, I feel guilty.
I would not endure it like them.
For me, emotional and mental torture seemed more painful than physical.
But it doesn't invalidate the physical torture.
It still hurts like hell.
I realised that I could detach myself from pain.
How is pain any different from the other sensations you feel on your skin?
Tickling, goosebumps, shivering afterall they're just sensations felt on the skin.
What makes pain different?
Tickling can seem repulsive but not as much as pain.
So why is pain different?
I don't know.
And I don't want to go down that rabbit hole.
Pain is good.
It makes you feel alive as they say.
But to me it makes me feel....human?
I can't imagine a world without pain.
If I ever physically detach myself from pain then it meant I had gone too far.
I would be too far gone.
If I even got to such a point in life, I would resent it.
Resent myself and what I've become.