Jasper's life as a beast tamer had taken another unexpected turn. After successfully befriending a griffin—thanks to a series of absurd events involving rock-paper-scissors—he thought he'd finally figured things out. He even started to look forward to his next job. How bad could it be, right?
Then came the basilisk job.
"So," Prunella said one morning, appearing at the door of his hut like a storm cloud on the horizon. "You're up for the next one, right?"
Jasper was halfway through his breakfast, a questionable bowl of oats and half-squashed berries, when he looked up. "What's this one about?"
She flashed him that smile that usually meant something ridiculous was about to happen. "Basilisk. You know, giant snake-lizard thing. Totally venomous, with a stare that can turn you to stone. Nothing too dangerous."
"Wait, wait, wait," Jasper said, almost choking on his oats. "A snake-lizard? With a petrifying gaze? Why am I not thrilled about this?"
"Because you're being melodramatic," Prunella said with a roll of her eyes. "It's fine. You'll be fine. You've tamed a griffin. You can handle a basilisk."
Jasper stared at her like she was out of her mind. "A basilisk? Seriously? That thing sounds like a literal death sentence."
"Don't be so dramatic," Prunella insisted. "Besides, it's more snarky than actually dangerous. If you just show it who's boss, you'll be fine."
Jasper leaned back, considering. "You really have to stop saying that. It never works out how you think it will."
But it was too late to back out now. After all, he still hadn't figured out how to get out of this absurd beast-taming job, and Prunella was already preparing a sack of supplies that included, as always, enough snacks to feed an army. So, with a resigned sigh, Jasper followed her.
The journey to the basilisk's lair took them through dense, shadowy forests, where the trees seemed to crowd together like they were trying to keep some secret. Jasper was on high alert, his senses tuned to every movement, every rustle in the bushes. But Prunella seemed to think this was just another lovely walk through the wilderness.
"You know," Prunella said as they walked, "the basilisk is a misunderstood creature. It's got a lot of bad press. People think it's just out to kill everyone, but honestly? It's probably just as scared of us as we are of it."
Jasper shot her a skeptical look. "Uh-huh. Sure. But I'm guessing 'just scared' isn't why it can turn you into stone with one look?"
Prunella waved her hand dismissively. "It's a defense mechanism. When it feels threatened, it reacts. Kind of like you when you realize you left your lunch at home."
"I'm always hungry, Prunella," Jasper muttered. "That's not the point. This is not the same as a lunch panic."
"I meant the part where you get dramatic," she said with a wink.
Jasper just rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long day.
After what felt like hours of walking through thick forest, they finally arrived at the lair. It was an enormous, dark cave at the base of a jagged cliff. Jasper could feel the weight of it. This was not a friendly place. There were no "Welcome!" signs, no comfy couches, and certainly no snacks. Just the looming sense that something big and bad lived in there.
"Alright," Prunella whispered, crouching low. "Here we are. Now, remember: Basilisks are clever, but they're also proud. Show them respect, don't make sudden moves, and you should be able to tame it."
Jasper gave her a flat stare. "Respect? I barely respect myself after signing up for this job."
"Just stay calm," Prunella said, pointing toward the entrance. "I'll be nearby."
With a deep sigh, Jasper steeled himself. This was going to suck.
He slowly made his way toward the cave, every step echoing off the rocky ground. The air inside the cave was cold, dank, and heavy with the smell of earth and moss. As he ventured deeper, the ground sloped downward, leading him into a large, open space. And there it was.
The basilisk.
It was huge.
Its body was long and serpentine, covered in thick, scaly armor. Its head was raised high, crowned with sharp spines that reminded Jasper of some kind of twisted crown. Its eyes glowed a bright, unnatural green, and as soon as Jasper entered, it fixed him with an unblinking stare.
And then it hissed.
"Who dares enter my domain?" the basilisk's voice boomed, rattling the walls. It was deep, and for a moment, Jasper actually wondered if it had multiple voices speaking at once.
"I—I come in peace!" Jasper said, throwing his hands up in a gesture that he hoped looked more confident than it felt. "I'm here to—uh—tame you. In a friendly way! Not, you know, as an enemy or anything."
The basilisk tilted its head, clearly unimpressed. "Tame me? You? How quaint." It gave a hissing laugh, a sound that made Jasper's spine stiffen. "You are hardly worthy of such a task."
Jasper swallowed. "Uh... I beg to differ? I've tamed griffins. And a bunch of other beasts. So, uh... I know what I'm doing."
The basilisk let out another laugh, this time louder and more menacing. "Oh, do you? Do you think the tricks you use on mere birds will work on me, a creature of ancient power? I am a basilisk! I do not bow to mere mortals."
Jasper stepped forward, ignoring the creeping sense of dread in his gut. He needed to get this right. If this job went south, he was as good as stone. "Well, yeah, I get that. But see, I'm not just a mortal. I'm a guy with snacks."
The basilisk's eyes narrowed. "Snacks?"
Jasper quickly rummaged through his bag and pulled out a bundle of dried meat. "You're not just a regular snake-lizard, right? You've got taste. You like good food. I've got snacks. Real good ones."
The basilisk snorted. "You think you can bribe me with food?"
"I don't know, maybe?" Jasper said, his voice a bit unsure. "I mean, we're both creatures of taste, right? I respect that. I just don't want to, uh... you know, end up turned to stone."
The basilisk considered this for a moment. "Hmm. You are bold, I will give you that. But your offer is pathetic. I am a predator, and you are nothing but a... snack for the weak."
Jasper's mind raced. He had to think of something, anything, to get through to it. His mind flitted to the griffin. That had been a mix of humor and sheer ridiculousness. Maybe he could apply the same principle here.
"Okay, listen," Jasper said, trying to maintain his best serious-but-also-silly tone. "I get it. You're the top predator in these parts. But you know what? I'm gonna make you a deal. I'll make you a snack... that's worthy of your greatness. And if you don't like it, fine. But I'll be the one who looks bad, and I can't have that."
The basilisk stared at him, clearly intrigued. "You think you can impress me with your food? You are delusional."
Jasper gave a sly grin. "I'm gonna make the best snack you've ever tasted. And it's gonna be so good, you'll want to help me tame you."
The basilisk seemed to consider this. "Very well, mortal. Prepare your offering. But know this—you are playing with fire."
"Wouldn't dream of playing with anything less," Jasper said with a wink.
And so, in the depths of a basilisk's lair, Jasper found himself cooking up a meal to impress the giant, venomous beast. All he needed now was the right ingredients.
And maybe a miracle or two.
Jasper stood in front of the basilisk, his heart racing. He was about to make an offering to a giant, venomous, stone-turning creature. Was this a bad idea? Absolutely. Was it his idea? No. Did he have a choice? Also no.
He pulled out the dried meat, feeling like a total idiot. "Alright, big guy," he said, holding it out like it was the Holy Grail. "This is the finest snack I got. I'm talking top-tier jerky. You won't find anything better in this cave or any other cave. Trust me."
The basilisk raised an eyebrow. Or maybe it was just a scaly ridge? Whatever. "You dare offer me such pathetic scraps?" it hissed. "I am a basilisk! I devour the strongest of creatures! I have eaten dragons for breakfast!"
Jasper blinked. "You've eaten dragons?"
"Absolutely," the basilisk boasted. "I once took down an entire family of wyverns, and I made their wings into a lovely pair of boots."
Jasper did a double take. "You... made boots out of wyvern wings? That's disgusting."
"Artisanal!" the basilisk corrected, huffing up a cloud of smoke from its nostrils. "Very rare. Extremely fashionable. You wouldn't understand. You humans are all the same: you don't appreciate true craftsmanship."
Jasper scratched his head. "Alright, alright. You can eat dragons. Fine. But let's be real here. You live in a cave and I'm offering you some of the best jerky money can buy. Like, top-shelf jerky, alright? I'm talking like... A-list jerky."
The basilisk scoffed. "You think you can impress me with your jerky? I am a force of nature, a predator beyond compare. Your jerky is... what? Disrespectful?"
"No! It's gourmet!" Jasper said, starting to feel a bit desperate. "You want fine dining? I can work with this. I just need a little more time, okay?"
The basilisk tilted its head, clearly amused. "Very well. You have five minutes to prepare a meal worthy of my greatness. Fail, and you will be a statue forever."
"Deal," Jasper said, trying to sound confident while wishing he could just hide behind a tree and pretend this was all a weird dream.
As soon as the basilisk's eyes were off him, Jasper got to work. He pulled out a bag of odd ingredients from his satchel—stuff that probably wouldn't get him killed. Maybe. The first thing he found was some kind of wild mushroom. It looked like it had been stepped on a few times, but who was he to judge? If the basilisk could eat wyvern boots, surely this mushroom wouldn't cause a disaster.
He began chopping it with a dagger he found in his bag. "If I survive this," Jasper muttered to himself, "I'm going to open a restaurant. I'll call it 'The Petrified Basilisk.'"
"You would do well to keep your mind focused, mortal," the basilisk sneered from its throne of rocks. "I will not wait forever."
Jasper was pretty sure the basilisk was just waiting to see him fail at this point, but whatever. He tossed the mushrooms into a pan that he magically pulled out of his satchel—because apparently, that's just how things worked now—and added some questionable herbs that probably shouldn't be in food but might just work.
"So," Jasper said casually, not wanting to make eye contact with the basilisk. "I was thinking... about your whole 'eating dragons' thing. Did you ever try, like, a dragon stew? Maybe with some fire-roasted veggies? Or is that too basic for your refined taste?"
The basilisk stared at him. "Do not waste my time with such trivialities, human."
"Alright, alright, no stew," Jasper said, flipping the mushrooms. "How about dragon wings... sautéed? With a side of basilisk tears for extra flavor?"
"You will not mock me," the basilisk hissed. "You are on borrowed time."
Jasper gave a wide grin. "No, no, I'm serious! Who wouldn't want basilisk tears in their meal? It's like a bonus flavor explosion in your mouth. I could call it the 'Eye of the Beast Special.'"
The basilisk hissed again, clearly irritated. "I am not here to be mocked! I am a creature of legend!"
"Yeah, yeah, you're a big deal. But honestly, I think you'd get more respect if you just ate something that wasn't a dragon corpse. You know, mix it up a little."
The basilisk narrowed its glowing eyes. "I will eat you in a moment if you do not cease."
Jasper, hands shaking, pulled out the last thing in his bag—a very questionable-looking fruit he'd found at some random market. He held it up, grinning like an idiot. "Okay, how about this? The ultimate dish. Basilisk-style fruit salad. You won't find anything like it!"
The basilisk recoiled. "What is this... thing? Are you trying to poison me?"
"No!" Jasper laughed, holding the fruit out with pride. "It's just a fruit salad! I've got style. You don't need wyvern wings for flavor when you've got something like this!"
The basilisk growled. "You dare offer me fruit salad?"
"I do," Jasper said proudly. "It's fresh. It's zesty. And... it's got a little kick."
The basilisk stared at the fruit, looking at it like it was an insult. "This... thing is what you think will tame me?"
Jasper grinned. "Hey, look, it's either this or I'm turning into a statue. So if you want to turn me to stone while I'm still holding this, that's your call."
The basilisk stared at him. Its eyes glowed. "You are bold, human. Fine. I will try this 'fruit salad.' But know this: I will turn you to stone if it displeases me."
"Deal," Jasper said, holding out the weird fruit concoction like it was the most elegant dish ever served in the history of the world.
The basilisk hesitated for a moment, then snatched the fruit with surprising speed. It took a bite. There was a long, tense silence.
Jasper, heart pounding, watched with bated breath. Was it the end? Was he about to be turned into a statue forever?
Then, the basilisk's eyes widened.
"This..." it said slowly. "This is... actually... good?"
Jasper blinked. "You... like it?"
The basilisk nodded slowly, licking its lips. "Yes. This... this is a masterpiece."
Jasper's jaw hit the ground. "Wait, what? I thought you were going to eat me!"
"No," the basilisk said thoughtfully. "You have impressed me. I will allow you to tame me. But only because you dared challenge my superior palate."
Jasper let out a relieved sigh and fell to the ground. "Well, that was easier than expected."