Delete Me!

by: Illumi.

The Eden sitting in an uncomfortable, rigid chair that seemed to bite into his back, its cold metal frame sending shivers up his spine. Across from him, his therapist scribbled notes on a crisp, white sheet of paper, the sound of the pen scratching against it echoing in the otherwise silent room. The air was stale and slightly musty, carrying the faint scent of disinfectant mixed with something floral from the small pot plant perched on the corner of the desk. The room itself was simple and bland; the walls were painted a dull beige that felt almost oppressive, while a single clock ticked steadily, its rhythmic sound amplifying the tension in the space. The only artwork-a nondescript white-grey painting-hung limply on the wall, its abstract shapes blurring together like Eden's thoughts, adding to the sense of unease that enveloped him.

The therapist put down his pencil and looked at the main character, studying him with a face of no emotion as he placed the paper and pen aside. *Why is he looking at me like that?* Eden thought, feeling a wave of vulnerability wash over him. *Does he see right through me, or is he just bored?* The silence stretched between them, thick and suffocating, making Eden acutely aware of the slight tremor in his hands. *I should say something, but what? What if I sound stupid?* He swallowed hard, trying to steady his racing heart. *This is supposed to help me, but all I feel is exposed, like a specimen under a microscope.* The therapist's gaze was unwavering, and Eden couldn't shake the feeling that every second of silence was another layer of pressure building up inside him.

"So, why are you here today?" The therapist questioned.

Eden stared down at the floor, avoiding the therapist's gaze, while sitting with his hands clenched into fists. Finally, after a moment of silence, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't even know where to start." What if he doesn't understand? Eden thought, anxiety tightening his chest. What if I say something wrong? He could feel the weight of the therapist's eyes, as if they were probing him for answers he wasn't ready to give. This is supposed to be a safe space, but it feels like I'm on trial. He took a deep breath and continued. "I'm here because I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've tried everything, and nothing works."

The therapist nodded, his face stayed emotionless, and he responded with a tone of understanding.

"I see. So you've been having a tough time, and you don't know how to fix it, correct?"

The Eden slowly, and unwillingly, nodded.

"Yeah, I've just been getting worse over time, and I haven't been able to do anything to fix it. I know therapy doesn't usually work for people like me, but I figured I'd give it a try anyway." He responded.

The therapist nodded once again, processing the main character's response. He leaned back in his chair.

"Alright. I have an idea. Would you mind giving me some context and details so I can get a better understanding of your situation?"

The therapist crossed his legs and continued.

"I'd like to know a little bit of background information. Such as your age, occupation, how long you've been feeling like this, what kind of things you've tried, and other basic information like that, so I can understand the situation you're in and what you've experienced so far."

He looked away, avoiding eye contact, and felt the heat rise to his cheeks as he paused for a few seconds, grappling with the words that felt stuck in his throat. Eden's mind raced, and he clenched his fists tighter, feeling the sharp edges of his nails dig into his palms. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. The vulnerability of his confession sent a shiver down his spine, finally voicing.

"Well, I'm 23 years old and currently unemployed. I've had thoughts like this since middle school, but it only started getting bad in college. I've tried a bunch of different things, but none of them really worked. Working out, making friends, playing games-you name it, I've probably tried it."

The therapist nodded.

"Alright. Thank you for that. Can you tell me a little bit about your relationship with other people?"

The main character continued to look away, but his gaze eventually fixated on the pot plant.

"Well, I don't have the greatest relationship with other people. My family is fine, but all the 'friends' I've made are fakes, so I cut ties with them all. Honestly, I'm not too bothered. I'm an introverted person who'd rather be alone anyways."

The therapist looked at the Eden with a slight hint of judgement.

"I see. That sounds like a lonely and frustrating experience. Would you say that your lack of support and connection is a major cause of your problem?"

He was silent once again. He thought for a few seconds before answering, still looking at the plant.

"Yeah, I probably would. The only people I really spend time with are my family, and they always tell me how much of a failure I am, how I'm 'not good enough'. They're the main reason I've been feeling hopeless lately."

The therapist listened attentively, letting him continue.

"The only thing they care about is my education, my money, my success, but I can't have any of that. They're putting me under so much pressure that I can't stand it. I know they're right though. I know that I'm a waste of a human being."

The therapist nodded, letting the Eden speak freely.

"I know that I'm a lazy, unmotivated, useless person. I've been trying to change, but I'm still the same. I'm never going to be better, and I know it."

The therapist leaned forward, his face still not showing any signs of concern or sympathy. He continued to listen.

"I've been losing hope with each day that goes by. I know that I won't have a job for much longer, and my family is getting tired of me. They're already starting to threaten that I'll get kicked out if I don't start making money soon. I can't afford to buy anything, not that I'd be able to afford much anyways. What am I supposed to do?"

The therapist crossed his arms and answered in a calm and understanding voice.

"First of all, I want you to know that you're not useless. Everyone has flaws and mistakes, but that doesn't make you a waste of life. Second, I want to tell you that kicking you out of your home is a horrible thing to do, especially with the state you're in. It's not fair. Your family shouldn't be treating you like that, and I truly believe that no matter what you are, you shouldn't be abandoned by your own family."

The therapist leaned closer, his eyes studying Eden with a look of seriousness.

"I know the words "abandoned" and "worthless" are most likely stuck in your head, but I want you to listen to me for a moment, okay?"

The therapist spoke in a softer and more serious tone.

"Despite all of the negativity and suffering you've been through, including the possibility of being kicked out of your home, you're still here, taking steps to try and fix it. Most people would probably just give up entirely. That right there shows that you still have resilience and hope, and it proves you're not useless. You're doing your best, and for that, you deserve to be treated better than you are. You're not useless, and you're not a waste of life. Do you believe me?"

The therapist took notice of the more positive response.

"Good. I'm glad you agree. Now, can I ask you a question?"

The Eden shifted in his chair slightly.

"Of the things you've been through, and the things you struggle with today, do you think there's any particular event that triggers your feelings of hopelessness?"

The main character took a moment to think.

"I don't know. Sometimes I'll think about my future or my past, or when my family reminds me of how much of a failure I am, I'll think about how hopeless life is. Anything like that just makes me wonder why I'm still alive if I'm just going to suffer for the rest of my life, like there's no point in trying."

The therapist nodded and continued to listen without much expression.

"I understand. It can be hard to keep going when you're constantly reminded of your weaknesses and failures. It's an issue that many people struggle with. It's also why suicidal attempts are so common amongst people who feel hopeless."

The therapist paused for a moment, seeming to study Eden, before speaking again.

"If it's alright with you, I want to know if you've thought about taking your own life before."