Delete Me!
By: Illumi.
Part 2.
The therapist continued to watch the main character closely, his keen eyes scanning his face for the slightest twitch of his lips or the flicker of his gaze. The faint rustle of his notepad filled the silence as he jotted down observations. He could almost feel the tension radiating from him, a palpable energy that hung between them like static electricity. He noted the way Eden's fingers drummed nervously against his thigh, a subtle rhythm that betrayed his inner turmoil. Each sigh he released was heavy, almost tangible, as if he were exhaling not just air but the weight of unspoken thoughts and emotions.
"It's okay if you have. It's common for people to have those thoughts when they feel hopeless. I'm not going to judge or say anything bad if you have, I just want to know."
The main character sat silently, avoiding eye contact once again. After a moment, he spoke in a soft but weak voice.
"…Yeah. I have thought about it. Several times actually."
The therapist listened, his face showing no reaction.
"Can you tell me more about it? How many times have you thought about it?"
Eden said nothing, simply looking down, the therapist observed and spoke again.
"I understand that it might be tough to talk about, but try the best you can to explain, okay?"
The therapist sat patiently, waiting for a response.
"…I've never told anybody about this before." He started, still avoiding eye contact.
The therapist didn't show any reaction, but listened intently.
"Go on, please."
The main character paused, thinking carefully about what he wanted to say.
"I… I've had thoughts about ending it all for a long time. I... I don't know why I still have it."
The therapist nodded, still showing no reaction.
"How often do you think about it? Like, is it a daily thing, or is it only sometimes?"
The therapist continued listening, his face still showing no signs of concern.
"I see. I have another question for you, and this might be uncomfortable too. If you don't want to answer, that's okay."
The therapist sat up straight and spoke in a serious tone.
"Have you ever actually tried to end your life, or seriously considered it?"
The therapist continued to watch him carefully, noticing every detail.
"Please, tell me the truth. Have you ever tried to kill yourself, or did you seriously consider it?"
Eden paused for a moment, looking down at the floor.
"…Yes."
The therapist tilted his head slightly, his expression didn't change.
"Can you tell me about it?"
He fidgeted around a bit, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. He looked at the wall, speaking in a quiet and nervous voice.
"I don't know if I should say… It's not something that I really... wanted to talk about; actually, it's embarrassing..." he said while looking down at the floor.
The therapist listened to him carefully, letting him speak freely.
"There's no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed. I'm here to listen and help, without judgement. If you don't feel comfortable sharing, that's alright, but it would be helpful if you do."
The therapist studied him silently, then spoke.
"If I may ask, why do you feel embarrassed about it? There's no reason to be. A lot of other people have also had struggles like yours."
The Eden sat silently for a moment, thinking about the question.
"I know it's stupid, but I can't help but feel ashamed of myself whenever I think about it. I think it's because of the way my family is, and the stuff they say to me."
The therapist nodded, understanding Eden's feelings.
"That's understandable, but the things your family say to you don't define you. I know it's hard, but you need to keep that in mind, okay?"
The therapist paused for a moment, then carefully asked a question.
"I won't force you to answer, but if I could ask, what was the reason why you attempted it?"
Hearing this Eden's voice got slightly quieter, still looking at the floor.
"…"
After several seconds of silence, he started to speak.
"Everything, I guess... I couldn't stand my life anymore."
The therapist nodded, understanding the pain the main character was going through.
"I see. So your family's treatment of you and all of the negative thoughts and feelings were all too overwhelming for you to handle, is that correct?"
He nodded, and therapist watched him closely.
"And what do you think caused you to feel so hopeless? Was is your family, your failure to get a job, something else?"
Eden remained silent for a period and the therapist took notice of his silence, and comfort him.
"It's okay. Take your time. Try and remember the thoughts that were going through your head at your lowest point."
The therapist waited patiently and stayed quiet. He continued to study the Eden's response.
"Just breathe, take a few minutes if you need to. Think about what was causing you to feel so hopeless, and just say it out loud when you're ready, okay?"
The therapist took notice of the Eden's emotional state and continued to speak in a calm and reassuring voice.
"I know it's hard, but think of this as a judgement free and safe zone. There's no need for you to be embarrassed, or feel any shame in what you're going to say. I'm here to listen and help, okay?"
He slowly nodded, then paused for a moment and, finally spoke in a voice of defeat.
"…It was my family's treatment of me and… my own constant failures. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of everything."
The therapist listened carefully, watching every tiny change in Eden's expression.
"I see. So the treatment you get from your family, and the failed attempts at doing anything good, those were the main reasons, is that correct?"
Eden paused for a moment, thinking about what to say, then finally spoke.
"They're constantly reminding me of how much of a failure I am. They don't care about me at all. HELL, THEY NEVER HAD. They just treat me like a slave... only giving me attention when I do something for them."
Hearing this the therapist spoke in a serious tone, expressing understanding and care.
"I see. And you said that they always tell you that you're not good enough, and that you're a waste of life, correct? That must've had a large impact on how you see yourself."
Eden nodded, the therapist observed his reaction.
"It must've been very painful to hear that from the people who are supposed to love and support you. You had no control over it, but it must've made you feel even more hopeless and worthless, correct?"
The therapist looked directly at the him and spoke with a sympathetic tone.
"I can only imagine how much you must've been hurting. Having people, your own family of all people, constantly criticizing and belittling you, must've given you plenty of motivation to end you own life, and I completely understand why you would feel that way."
The therapist spoke gently and continued.
"Can I ask you one more thing?"