Delete Me!
By: Illumi.
Part 3.
He paused for a moment, then spoke carefully.
"Is the way your family treats you, and the way you feel about yourself, the only thing that makes you want to end your own life?"
The therapist continued to closely monitor Eden's reaction.
"It's okay if it's the only reason. I just want to help you better, which means I need to know as much as I can about your situation. That means asking these sorts of questions. Do you think there's anything else that causes you to think about ending your own life?"
The main protagonist sat silently, meticulously considering the question.
"…Yeah, I think there is another thing."
The therapist nodded, showing an understanding expression.
"Alright, go ahead and tell me about it. It doesn't matter what it is."
The main character hesitated for a brief second, considering what would be appropriate to say.
"It is the feeling of failure. No matter what I attempt, I always wind up making things worse and messing everything up. It's as if I was cursed to fail at everything. "I just... I feel like I'm not worth anything."
The therapist nodded, expressing sympathy for the main character's plight.
"I see. So a sense of inadequacy combined with continual adverse treatment from your family have resulted in low self-esteem and a high level of despondency. "Can I ask you something?"
The therapist looked directly at Eden; his voice and expression showed genuine care.
"Do you feel that your inability to find work contributed to your despondency and current situation? Or does it have little or no effect?"
The therapist waited patiently for Eden to think about the question before continuing.
"It's fine if it affects you. I simply want to know whether it is or not; therefore, I can better comprehend your circumstances. Do you think it influences how you feel and act in your current situation?
The therapist continued to watch Eden carefully, waiting for him to think and speak more.
"I see. So, not really. It's reasonable that your despondency stems from the way your family treats you and your sense of inadequacy, rather than your lack of employment. Can you tell me why you think you haven't gotten a job?"
Eden nodded, showing a mix of comprehension and confusion.
"It's alright; I'm referring to the failed attempts you made to find a job. I want to know what you think the reasons were for you failing to get a job. Do you think it's something specific, like not being qualified or not having enough experience, or do you think it has more to do with your low self-esteem?"
The therapist noticed the protagonist's lack of response and continued.
"Not sure whether or not that's it. That's alright; you don't need to offer me a precise explanation just now. Can you tell me how many times you've applied for jobs?"
"... Eight" Eden spoke.
The therapist nodded at Eden's response.
"Got it. So it sounds like a significant amount of times, correct? And in all of those times, you've failed, yes? But can I ask you another question?"
The therapist paused for a single second, not losing eye contact with the protagonist.
"How many of those times do you feel you failed solely because of your low self-esteem? Like, do you think that it could've been your low self-esteem that prevented you from going through with the job, rather than you not being qualified or experienced enough?"
Eden lowered his gaze, no longer gazing at the therapist. The therapist nodded, maintaining a relaxed demean
"Okay, so the majority of the time you were well qualified and had enough experience to get the job, correct? But despite that, the feeling of inadequacy is what prevented you from following through and getting the job, right?"
The therapist continued to observe the main character closely, studying his emotions.
"I see. That must've made you feel horrible. So, basically, despite being well qualified and having all the experience, you still didn't take the opportunities because of your negative self-esteem, correct?"
The Eden nodded reluctantly; the therapist's voice showed sympathy and understanding.
"I'm sure it was painful and must've only made you feel worse about yourself and your situation. But I want to ask you something."
The therapist stayed silent for a second, then spoke in a firm yet gentle tone.
"Do you think that, for the most part, you didn't get the job because of your own beliefs about yourself being inadequate, as opposed to your actual qualifications and experience? If I'm being clear on what I'm asking, do you think you missed out on a job most of the time because you thought you weren't good enough, not because you were actually not good enough?"
The therapist patiently waited for Eden to finish processing his thoughts before continuing to talk.
"You don't have to answer right away if you don't feel comfortable. Take your time, but do you think that is the case or not?"
The therapist studied him carefully as he stayed silent.
"You're not sure if it is or not, correct? You're not sure if you think that your self-esteem is to blame for the job offers you missed or not. That's alright. How about this?"
The therapist shifted carefully in his chair and continued to speak.
"I have one more question, and I need you to think about it carefully, okay? Is that alright with you?"
The therapist looked directly at Eden and spoke in a serious and gentle tone.
"I would like for you to think about your self-esteem for a moment. If you had a normal and healthy amount of self-esteem, and you considered yourself to be good enough to do anything, do you think you would have a job by now?"
The therapist stayed silent, observing Eden's response carefully.
"Alright, another way of saying it is, if you had a normal or acceptable amount of self-esteem, and you were able to think of yourself as good enough, and that you could do something like getting a job, and you believed that you could do it if you tried, do you think you would be able to get a job then?"
The Eden nodded silently, maintaining a close eye on the main character as the therapist spoke calmly and steadily.
"So you think that your low self-esteem is the primary reason you don't have a job. That you didn't take the many opportunities you had, and therefore you're jobless. Is that correct?"
The Eden nodded and the therapist went on talking in a gentle and compassionate tone.
"I see. So your low self-esteem was the main reason that you were unable to get a job and contribute to society. And due to that, you started to feel more hopeless and inadequate in life, correct?"