Fear.
It's the emotion that I wanted to feel the most. Because fear can include other emotions like sadness.
"Good evening, Hibiki." A woman's voice greeted me as she entered the pink themed room. Chairs, tables, the dollhouse. Even the walls are pink.
There stands a 'little girl' in front of the window in the room. A 'girl' with long white hair, wearing a puffy white dress to her ankles. Holding a teddy bear on her left hand.
Clenching it tighter as she turned to look at the woman who is now smiling widely at her.
"Good evening, mother."
⁰-⁰
"Good morning, Hibiki," I can hear a woman's voice call, but I need to focus more with the memory I'm finally remembering.
"Little snow, are you okay?" Ms. Celene shook me, holding both of my shoulders.
"O-oh. Yes?" I uttered, it's hard for me to speak just after remembering something.
"Come now, stand up." She said. I realized that I'm squatting down near the place we were meeting at.
After a week, we finally met up at this place to practice, to teach me. It looks a little old, the put up name of the place is a little run down. We're currently waiting for the other student to arrive.
"Ah, she's always late. Let's wait for her insi-"
"Ms. Celene!" A girl's voice cut her off.
"Oh, she's here." Ms. Celene greeted her with a little wave.
She looks familiar.
"You look familiar," She said right when she approached us. That felt like she just read my mind.
I looked at her up and down and she's wearing a really light outfit. It's just casual, nothing special. But she's really pretty which makes her stand out.
I just wore my big orange jacket. The usual. Underneath it though, I'm wearing a black compression shirt that I stole from Kaede a year ago, also wearing white loose thin pants.
It makes me look even taller because of the pants, and skinny at the same time because the compression shirt's showing every part of my body. Kaede's compression shirts are almost see through even though they're black.
"O-oh! Wait, it's you! Hibiki! Hello!" She looked surprised but made a smile. "We've already met before right?"
"Indeed. It was the day you were gonna confess to Ka-"
"Aaaaaand thank you for remembering me," She quickly put her hand on my mouth but took it off. Walking beside me to get between Ms. Celene and I. "Please don't say that. Embarrassing." She whispered and intentionally showed me a sour expression.
She continued on walking and entered through the door.
"You know each other? What a coincidence," She laughed. "I guess there's no need for introduction." She tapped my back and showed me the way inside.
The look of the inside is actually quite shocking. It looks bigger inside compared to the small door on the entrance.
There's an ice rink, a big one. It's just as big as the ones that I see on TV's. The girl that confessed to Kaede just sat at the nearest chair and looked at us.
"I'm sorry if it's a little old. This is private property though, it's where I practiced everyday when I was younger," I just continued on staring at the ice rink.
She said that it's old but it's very well maintained. No wonder the door that leads to this big room is made of some kind of metal.
"You go talk to Yua while I prepare the stuff you'll need." She said with a smile and walked off to the side.
I looked back at the rink. It's my first time going somewhere like this, or something involving sports. Well, I can't remember anything since the accident.
I approached the girl who confessed to Kaede who is still staring at me, smiling while gesturing at me to come close.
"Good morning." I greeted.
"Oh yeah, of course," She smiled. "So yeah, you might be thinking that I'm the one who confessed to Kaede and yes, that's me." She prattled.
I wasn't, just now.
"What a coincidence though, that we met here. Oh, since you're here it's also because you're gonna be having her as a mentor too right? Oh by the way don't think too much about how I know your name, it's just because you're always with Kaede. My name is Yuano Tae Kanaho, you can just call me Yua," She prattled on, again.
She smiled and put her pointy finger close to me. "Nice to meet you!"
I like her already, she'll be talking all the time and I'll just listen.
"It's nice to meet you." I just touched her pointy finger with my pointy finger and replied.
"You know, Ms. Celene shouldn't be here right now. I mean before, her age is definitely just right for being a mentor," She looked around and checked if Ms. Celene's anywhere near.
She turned back to me. "Her career was cut short because of a fake scandal when she was younger. Oh, I'm telling you this because they already took care of the media about it, but she wouldn't be able to go back because those rumors will just resurface again you know." She turned to face the ice rink, so I faced it too.
Her face is serious. "People didn't want to be involved with her whatsoever, all because of that, fake whatever. I'm here because I believe in her. I want to achieve her dream for her," She smiled a little. "C'mon it's not that cold, you can take off the jacket."
I stood up and did as she told. I took off the jacket but it made my hair go in front of my face. I pushed back my hair a little and tucked my hair behind both of my ears.
"Damn." I looked back at her, Yua who is making a weird face that I can't even describe. "Smash, wait no." She playfully slapped her face which made her stop talking.
This girl probably escaped the mental hospital with Xyla.
"Haha, anywayyy." She said as she stood up, still staring at me. She averted her gaze to Ms. Celene who is walking towards us. Her hands behind her back.
"Here," Ms. Celene said, showing us a pair of shoes. "Hibiki, these are figure skates. I'm giving you this one. Haha, you can even decorate them like Yua did." She put Yua's skates higher for us to see.
"Okayyyy," Yua took her figure skates. "Thanks Ms. Celene. I figure that Hibiki is new to this so you can focus on teaching him first. Can I just sit out for today? I wanna see his first time here."
"Oh, sure." Ms. Celene agreed with a smile.
Ms. Celene helped me put on the skates while Yua just sat from afar where she could clearly see the whole rink.
She gave me a smile and a wave.
Ms. Celene helped me walk carefully towards the entrance of the rink.
"Hold my hand and carefully enter." Ms. Celene said, with an encouraging voice.
I stepped with my right foot and it's already slippery. I stepped again with my other foot.
I'm standing right now, I can't move or else I might slip..
"Now try to move. Try like, um walking but push."
I followed what she said and I successfully did it. She let go of my hand and I moved towards the middle of the rink.
"You have good balance," Ms. Celene said as she followed me. I didn't even realize that she's also wearing skates. "Try going from here in the middle, towards the far left of the rink and back here where we're standing."
I followed her orders and moved towards my left. It's really cold, it feels like the air is moving with me as I go.
I stopped when I reached the end and turned back. When I arrived Ms. Celene looked like she's thinking about something.
"That's very good little snow. But when you turn, try to.. Um wait, I'm better at demonstrating," She made some distance from me. "Try to mimic my movements."
Yes, mimicking is what I'm good at.
She demonstrated what she wanted me to do just a moment ago, she turned smoothly as she moved.
She stopped and looked at me, gesturing at me to do what she just did.
I did as she said and successfully did it.
"Wow, okay. You did that with just one look. Are you sure you've never done skating before?"
"No I've never." I shook my head.
"Do you know what a toe loop jump is?" She asked. "Try to do that."
"I've seen it on tv but, can you give me a demonstration?"
"Sure. I don't know how to explain how to do it since um, my mentor before can't speak. He can only demonstrate.."
"I'm a fast learner." I replied.
She smiled back and made some distance from me.
"Okay so, as you move, put your left leg up and after that. Q-Quickly jump using your right foot. While you're in the air."
She demonstrated it to me slowly and performed the jump.
"And spin!" She looked back at me. "Land correctly too though. I'll just correct you when I see an error. Now go on, try it."
I made some distance from her. I looked down the floor of the ice rink.
It's smooth and it's showing my reflection, I can see my face. I took a deep breath and moved my legs. I can remember her movements perfectly.
That moment, the moment she jumped is being replayed on my mind.
All I need to do is mimic it successfully and it's done.
I raised my left leg and quickly jumped with my right leg, using the strength of my left to quickly spin while airborne.
I'm doing it. I'm successfully doing it but..
My head's ringing.
"Have you seen Hibiki? My daughter."
⁰-⁰
"Have you seen Hibiki? My daughter. She's about this tall. Pale, wh-"
I covered my ears as I hid from my mother in an alleyway. She's looking for me, but I'm not like any kid that would quickly run up to her, to hug her while crying. No.
"Daughter huh?" I asked myself as I looked back at the alleyway.
There are men, dangerous looking men, slowly approaching me.
They look like the people I saw from the news, they're the child traffickers.
I looked back at my mom who has a worried look on her face. Asking around if they've seen me, spitting out details about how I look.
If I let these men take me, will I live a better life than with my mom Will I be sold to some family or even die? I think that's better than staying with mom but. Maybe.
Just maybe, with the worried look she has.. she has changed..?
I took a step.
Just one step.
Just one step to go outside this alleyway, where the lights can blind me.
If my mom would just turn her back, she'll see me.
Just one step, a step.
I can run to her, or just one jump.
Fear. That day, fear enveloped my body as she turned back to look at me. Her face, forming a wide smile.
⁰-⁰
"Hibiki? A-Are you okay?" Ms. Celene's worried voice greeted me. The ringing has stopped. I nodded.
These ringing has been really random the past few weeks. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you do a toe loop since you're still a beginner."
"No. I'm fine, it's my problem really. I can per-"
"Ah!" Yua's voice stopped me.
She's at the entrance of the rink, struggling, trying to wear her skates quickly. She quickly approached us.
"Hey are you okay? I saw what happened." Yua asked.
"Yes. I'm fine. Don't worry, I can definitely do the jump. I just have a problem where my ears can start ringing sometimes." I replied to calm them down.
They looked at each other and turned back to me.
"Okay, well can you still continue practicing?" Ms. Celene asked.
"If not, then it's fine." Yua added.
"You're babying me."
"Of course we are." Yua said while patting my head.
"Are you really okay?" Ms. Celene continued on asking.
"Yes."
"How about I teach Hibiki, Ms. Celene?" Yua asked Ms. Celene while she raised her chin confidently. "If possible, I'd like to have a duet with Hibiki!"
Ms. Celene's face started off as confused with what Yua proposed but then suddenly..
"Eeeeeeek! Yes! I've waited for a chance like this!" Ms. Celene exclaimed. She's very excited about it.
"Thanks for making me remember!
Okay, go on and teach him everything you know while I choreograph your duet," She approached me. "Little snow, learning everything won't be as easy as it seems but you're a natural at this. I'm sure you'll learn everything in just a few days. You won't give up so early, would you?" She said with a smile.
⁰-⁰
"Yua." I called out to her as she showed me a series of moves I need to follow.
"Yes?" She stopped and looked at me.
"Why were you wearing a school uniform when you confessed to Kaede?" I asked.
She hurried towards me and held my hand. We sat down on the rink's floor. She didn't say anything and just looked somewhere.
I looked at where she was looking and Ms. Celene's there. She's moving really fast, dancing as she moves around, making poses and performing moves I never even knew exists.
"Yeah she kinda likes inventing new tricks when it comes to figure skating. That's how she became famous." I looked at her, she really looks up at Ms. Celene. "Ah, off topic. What did you ask again?"
She forgot about the question in just a few minutes. Seems like she has a lot of things in her mind.
"Why were you wearing a school uniform when you confessed to Kaede?"
She looked shocked, as if reality suddenly struck her.
"O-oh! That!"
"Yes."
"Well, um because of school?" She tried lying but she's obvious, just like Kaede.
"That was the day, after the last day of school."
"Oh um, really?" She turned away from me, she looked back at me a little and sighed. "I think I can tell you but it's embarrassing."
"Don't worry."
"I didn't get to confess to him the last day of school cuz it seemed like he left early. And you know, I want to experience those school girl confession scenes I've watched on TV, that's why I wore it that day." She said with a grin on her face. Trying to hide the fact that she's embarrassed.
"That's not embarrassing at all."
"Oh?" Her face turned confused but became a smile. "You're actually very friendly and understanding."
"Me?" I asked.
"Yes. You do look very intimidating at first but you're very kind," She patted my head. "I had a crush on Kaede since I entered high school you know."
She laughed."Seeing and hearing about him saying no to girls that confessed did make me laugh, but then I realized that the same thing would happen to me if I did."
She stopped talking for a while and laid down.
"Oh also, there are two reasons I had Ms. Celene mentor me. It's because of what happened to her, and because I want to be looked at, even just once you know."
She played with her hands as she talked. "Yes, the person to be looked at. Even just for a few minutes, just for one whole performance. All eyes on me, just me... Who knows?
Maybe I'll finally be someone's crush instead of having them as my crush. Chasing someone isn't easy. It's tiring and I'm tired. It's like expecting something to happen when there's no chance of anything to happen."
She just stared above looking at nothing. "That's why I confessed to Kaede. I knew full well that he'd say no.. I know. I know since I've been admiring him for forever. But it's also the only way to move on, to tell my feelings. That way I can finally stop chasing. Finally stop loving, because I'm tired."
The place got covered with silence. The sound of Ms. Celene's skates moving along the rink is the only thing that can be heard.
"Oh by the way, when I said you looked intimidating. It's not really actually intimidating. It's more like, you look intimidating because you're pretty." I looked at her with a confused face.
"Sorry, it might sound weird for someone to call a boy pretty, but that's the only word along with beautiful and gorgeous to describe you," She looked at me and giggled. "That's coming from girls that like Kaede by the way. They once thought that you guys were dating but forgot about it."
"Thank you. It's the first time someone complimented me that way." I replied with a smile.
"You're kidding." She said with a serious face.
"That's also funny. Kaede's just a friend to me. My best friend."