-KAEDE-
"Oh." He. Haruki, uttered when he finally saw me walking towards him. He has his hands down his pockets, still wearing that poker face he always had.
He never even changed a bit.
"You've finally come back to me." He cockily said.
He stood up straight and walked towards me. He smiled. Like he always does.
"What do you want."
⁰-⁰
"I've never heard you say I love you back." I said as our hug ended.
I never really thought this could happen, really. I never thought that I'd finally meet the one.
My heart has been broken many times before and I never really knew if the problem was me or them either. But my longing for love. This longing to find the right one has always been stuck to me. Love is different for each other they say. There's love as in friendship, love for everyone and many more.
I can't understand that though, since I've never experienced any kind of love before. But right now. I'm actually with the person I love the most, this is the love I wanted to experience.
Haruki sat down and I did too. I find it more comfortable lying down so I laid down, resting my head up on his lap.
"Aren't actions better than words?" Haruki replied as he came closer to me, kissing my forehead.
My heart skipped a beat.
I can clearly hear it beating. It's embarrassing if he comes even closer and hears it.
"O-oh. Is it? Yes, right." I mumbled as I try to reply.
Everything he does seems to make me fall in love with him even more.
Everything. The way he talks, the way he moves, he's also very kind and affectionate. Though he prefers to show his love through actions, more than words.
"You seem to be thinking hard," Haruki suddenly said, disrupting what I was thinking about. "Was that not enough?"
I was about to say something but then he stopped me with a kiss. I can feel my face getting hotter as we shared this moment.
When we finally stopped, I caught myself breathing heavily while he just stared at me while smiling. His beautiful smile.
"Was that enough?" He asked.
I'm still breathing heavily, while he just looks at me. I nodded in reply. After a few seconds, I finally got a grip of myself.
"Thank you." I said.
"What for?"
"For teaching me how to love."
He stood up and offered me a hand. I accepted it, and he helped me stand up.
"This is just the beginning. I can teach you more." He smiled at me, it looked so genuine, so full of love.
Before I knew it, we were already going from place to place.
We stopped by a shoe store in a mall.
"Which do you think would look good on me?" Haruki asked. He took a pair that stands out from most. He showed the pair to me, then wore it to see if it fits. "What do you think of this one?" He asked.
I came closer to him.
"It looks good on you," I said without hesitation. "C'mon, let's go to the counter. I'll pay for it."
"But.. this looks expensive." He said while looking down at them. He really looks handsome with anything he wears.
"It's fine," He looked at me with a face asking if I'm sure. "It's really fine. After all it's a date." I assured him and gave him a peck. I love him.
We visited more shops and bought a lot of stuff. From clothing to foods, to appliances. What a weird date this is.
I can see his face that's filled with happiness every second we're together. He never fails to make me happy and so do I.
The night's coming, the sun's setting.
I got out of my car and quickly opened the door for Haruki.
"I can open it myself you know," He scolded, but laughed a little.
I held his hands and led him to the seashore where we could clearly see the sun setting.
I took off my shoes and he did too, we dipped our feet down the waves that are calmly crashing towards the land. We playfully fought, splashing each other but settled soon enough and sat down.
I looked at him, Haruki who is looking afar. He's looking at the beautiful sunset, but I don't think that sight right now can be compared to his face, his beautiful face being shined down by the light.
"You know that I love you, right?" I asked him. He then turned his head to face me. "I would do anything just to be with you." He smiled. He's really pretty.
"So, would you promise me that you would do the same?" I asked as I whipped out the ring I hid down my pocket. He looked shocked but that was to be expected.
"We've been together for two years you know?" I said with a smile and caressed his face. He looked at the ring then quickly looked back at me. His eyes are glittering, I don't know what he feels right now but I hope it's the same as me. Beating.
My heart's beating, it's beating loudly, really. I can't stop it, and the reason for this is you. You, Haruki. It's all because I love you.
"Yes, I think It's been long enough," He replied and smiled. He then took the ring and wore it. "Sure then."
I don't really know if proposals go like this but I'll take it. After all, we're tied even more with each other now.
We walked back to my car, and I gave him a blanket to cover himself in since it's cold.
I drove him back to his apartment and kissed him goodbye. I saw him take off the ring when I started to drive off though.. but it's probably because.. it's a little small for him?
After an hour ride going back here I've finally arrived. It's the best hospital there is and my mom has settled here. This hospital's basically her home because she's been staying here for years.
"Mom?" I called out as I entered her room. She seems to be talking with someone.
I don't wanna disturb her but it's also been a while since I visited. I approached her bed and saw a figure with familiar long white hair, sitting on a chair beside my mother.
"Oh, Hibiki! I didn't know that you'd visit." I happily said as I realized who it is.
It's Hibiki. It has been a while too since we've seen each other, we haven't been able to keep in touch all because of school work and also because we're not in the same class.
"Good evening hairball!" He yelled out as soon as he saw me and came for a hug.
Now that he's standing up I can clearly see that his hair has surpassed his waist. He's wearing our school uniform, but it's a girl's. With how he looks right now, anyone can mistake him for a girl.
We hugged tightly for a minute and finally stopped when my mother coughed loudly.
"I only visited because it has been a while and I know that you'll visit here today," Hibiki said as he pinched my cheek. "You hairball, you should visit your mother more. She's been whining all about it." He laughed.
I really missed Hibiki. Every time I see him, he just comes straight to me and lifts up my mood with just a smile.
"I thought after a while you'd finally stop with the hairball thing."
"What's wrong with that? Hairball is a really cute nickname for you. Can't deny it with the way your hair looks right now," I quickly fixed my hair and smiled, patting his head as a reply.
He turned towards my mother and held her hands. "Mrs. Yamato. I'm going now." He said and gave her a smile right after.
"Yes, yes, thank you for listening with all that I have to say." She replied. Seems like they had a good time talking.
Hibiki then left through the door, giving us a big smile and a wave.
Things really do go by fast. I still remember what he was like when we were still children. Even though I don't want to admit this or even just think about it. He really was like a puppet.
Everything he did was being controlled by his mother, to the way he talks and acts. Everything. He was an emotionless puppet. No emotion.. no smiles, no laughing not even crying came out of him when he injured his leg.
All that slowly changed as we grew closer though. He learned how to express himself more.
"You finally visited," My mother's words interrupted my thoughts. "How's school?" Her sweet voice asked.
"It's alright as always, although we've been busy nowadays I won't forget to visit you, you know." I smiled at her.
"Don't listen to Hibiki. I never said anything about you not visiting I swear!" She laughed while saying it but ended in a cough. "Hmm.. you have this. New expression, or something, in your face. Is there something else you're not telling me?"
"I- um.. I finally proposed." I finally told her what I've been excited to tell her on the way. She squealed and giggled, but I know that if she's not sick right now, she'd be screaming.
"My baby has finally found the one!" She said in a loud voice. "I'm so happy for you. The both of you." She held my face and gave me a warm smile.
I held her hands that had gone cold and closed my eyes, feeling the remaining warmth her hands have left.
My mother is a good person. She really is. She's kind and loving. The best mother that anyone can have.
My father however, was the opposite. He never deserved my mother, but we don't have a choice anyway.
It was an arranged marriage, so they were forced to be together. My mother always wanted to find and choose who she loves, but that dream was easily crushed just with one agreement her parents had.
I deeply respect her and I owe her a lot, all for being strong for me.
So I'm happy, very happy that I'd be able to achieve her dream for her when I never even thought that it would be possible. For someone to love me, for me. To love someone.
A month has passed and things have been going smoothly with me and Haruki. But I did notice that he never wore the ring I gave him that night again. I didn't dare ask him about it though since I don't want it to end into an argument or a disagreement.
Haruki held my hand, dragging me towards the entrance of his apartment. We entered and took off our shoes when he suddenly gave me a kiss.
"Hey, I want to do it." He said while staring into my eyes intently.
"W-what do you mean?" I asked, confused with what was happening. His breathing's a little faster and he's sweating a lot.
"You know what I mean," He replied.
Before I could even say another word, he had already dragged me into his bedroom. "We've been together for two years, I've been waiting for you to make a little move but you never had."
He pushed me, making me fall down onto his bed. He then started unbuttoning his shirt. Is it.. is it really happening? W-wait. I'm not ready.
"I-I'm not ready." I uttered.
"You had the guts to propose but not this?"
He came closer to me and touched my chest. "Come on, now. Please give it to me. Just this?" He begged with such arousing eyes. I was finally about to give in when my phone suddenly rang.
I took it out of my pocket and realized it's from.. my mom's hospital.
I was about to tap on the answer button when Haruki suddenly turned it off.
"It's ruining the mood." He said, while putting down my phone at his desk that's beside his bed.
"But it's-"
"Come on now, what's more important than me?" He did it, his eyes looked at me that way again. I can't control my body right and it just followed his lead.
He touched my body and I unconsciously touched him too. I know that I need to take that phone call, I know that it's important. But I can't seem to think straight.
My body wants to continue with what Haruki wants while my mind wants to answer the call. My body.. what my body wants.
It has started taking over.
I woke up to my head dizzy and my waist, it hurts a little because of all the moving. Haruki's still sleeping, with his blanket only covering half of his body. I fixed his blanket and covered him completely with it.
I stood up and finally remembered something important. I took my phone that was still on the table and opened it, I was greeted with a text from Hibiki.
"Where are you?" The only text he has sent, it was a few minutes ago.
I put on my clothes that were on the floor and fixed myself, checking the phone calls I have missed while I was preoccupied.
Three missed calls from the hospital and two missed calls from Hibiki.
My heart suddenly thumped loudly. It's not the feeling that I felt when I was with Haruki, but a much more heavy feeling that weighs on my shoulders.
I finally arrived at the hospital and reached the front of my mom's room I hesitated in opening it.
It's silent. Dead silent.
I checked the time and it's already 7:32 p.m.
My heart feels like it's being squashed and my legs feel like they wanna give up. But I used up more of my energy to open the door and enter the room.
Doctors and nurses greeted me when I entered. Surrounding my mother's bed, silent. The only thing to be heard is a soft crying coming from beside her bed. I approached her, and they made way for me.
Hibiki, he's sitting there beside her. Asking me again and again. "Where were you?" While sniffing and crying, holding my mother's hands.
"Hana Kurusu Yamato. Time of death, 7:26 p.m." A doctor said.
Hearing those words made me numb for some reason. As hurtful as this moment should be, I can't seem to feel the right emotion. Should I feel angry? Angry at myself because I wasn't with her in her last moments just because of.. what we did? Or maybe Sadness, crying, yes crying.. That's the usual emotion for times like these.
But why do I feel numb? I feel like Hibiki and I have switched. Ha.. because before he was emotionless while I was full of life? Right now though, I'm the one who's numb while he's the one crying.
Oh right..
I never learned to love her, not even my own family.