The drive back to Wills place feels like it's taking twice the amount of time it did when we left, not that I mind too much. I can't remember the last time I felt this happy and free.
At one point I stuck my hand out the window and closed my eyes, letting my fingers slice through the cold air. After awhile I took a peek to find Will smiling contently, as if all he ever wanted in life was this.
Sitting back and resting my head against the seat, I simply enjoy the rest of the journey and whatever time that Will and I have left together.
"I wish I could see you that relaxed all the time Isobel," he says.
There it is again, that name he insists on using.
"Why do you call me that?," I ask him.
He screws his face up, baffled by my question.
"Isobel." I clarify, "Why do you call me by it?"
"It's your name isn't it?"
"It is, but everyone else calls me Izzy, I only let you away with Isobel."
"Do you not like it or something?"
"No, it's not that," I say. "It's just that it's the only thing my dad has ever called me, which was fine until my mom died. Then it always sounded so stern and mean, so I never let anyone else use it. I can't stand the sound of it, everytime he speaks to me I feel like I did something I shouldn't have."
"And what does it feel like when I say it?," Will asks.
"It's different. It sounds sweet."
"Well then," he says, "that's why."
♾️
Pulling into the carpark of Wills apartment, I still feel conscious about his neighbours seeing us. I know there's no likelihood that they could possibly know me or Jamie, but still, my paranoia rages on and I can only relax about it once we're inside.
The whole place is very Will. His taste and interests are reflected in every single part of his home. From the records that are stacked onto shelves that stretch from floor to ceiling, to the colourful artwork that overhangs his black leather couch. It's every bit of him. I love it.
"It's exceptionally clean in here," I note aloud, "I've got to admit, I'm a little surprised."
"Did you think it would be anything less?," he asks.
I shrug my shoulders. "Kind of," I say, "I was half expecting to see some old pizza boxes laying around, or a few glasses filled with questionable liquids, stuff like that."
I thought he'd live like he was in a college dorm if I'm honest. Maybe I have a stereotypical view of bachelor pads though.
"Gross!," he says with a laugh, "No, I'm very clean, I'm probably a little too anal about it to tell you the truth."
"Oh, well that's a welcome surprise, I like clean."
I take a walk around the living room, inspecting his things and checking out the view from his window that over looks a little courtyard.
The leaves on the trees are starting to turn beautiful shades of red and orange, blending into the brick work of the apartment building in the distance. It's a pretty little place.
Will calls out to me from the kitchen, "Do you want some water or anything?"
"Sure, a water would be great."
He grabs some ice and pours us both a drink. There's an obvious tension here between us. Like we're both just killing time, trying to be polite when in reality we want to rip each others clothes off.
"So, do you know your neighbours well?," I pointlessly ask.
Wills lips clamp together in an effort to suppresses his laughter. It's clear that I'm just running down the clock until I can pounce on him. I should go ahead and tell him to take his pants off now so he can make my legs go numb again. That's what I want right?
"Uh, not too well no," he says, "I drop over a token gift at Christmas but that's about the extent of it."
"I see."
My attempt at small talk quickly dies a death from there, but that seems to suit Will just fine.
"So you wanna see the bedroom Iz?"
My mouth curls upward at the edges as I meet Wills gaze. Now who's being obvious?
"You're filthy Isobel," he says.
"Me?" I exclaim, "You're the one who suggested it."
"I thought you might want to look around thats all, I'm entierly innocent here."
"Innocent huh? Funny, I don't ever recall associating that word with you Will."
"You're right," he says, "it is funny, because that was the very first word that came to mind when I met you."
"Really?" I ask, placing my glass down on the coffee table.
"Yep, innocent. Until the night you came to the show of course."
The heat in my chest rises with the memory of the two of us locked in that little storage closet together that evening.
"Oh, is that so?" I ask, moving to meet him in the middle the room and wrapping my arms around his neck. "And what word have you been using to describe me since that little encounter then?"
"I don't think there's a word in any language that could do you justice Isobel… I could think of a few to describe that mouth of yours though."
Will runs both his hands around me, cupping my ass. I can feel his breath on my neck, and I have to squeeze my thighs closer together to try and stem the need I have for him.
"You know what," I say breathlessly, "maybe you should show me the bedroom after all."
No more than a second later, Will is eagerly pulling me down the hallway by my hand, briefly pointing to a door on his left as we rush past it.
"There's the bathroom," he says.
And another on the right.
"And the spare room."
"Don't you want me to actually see them?" I ask with a giggle as my feet move to keep up with him.
"No time."
I can hear the humour in his voice as we barrel through the door of his bedroom.
Much similar to the rest of the apartment, Will had also made this room his own. Black bedsheets, exposed brick wall with framed posters hanging from it, his guitars lined up neatly on display in the corner; I think If I had to pick this room from a line up I'd know it was his.
"You even made your bed," I say as I slink towards it.
"Always. You're not the kind of weirdo who doesn't are you?"
"No no, I make it. I just meant that you were kind of wasting your time today don't you think?"
Will looks on as I sit myself on the edge of his bed, kicking off my shoes and laying back onto my elbows. I'm waiting for him to get his ass over here.
"This is a lot more like I wanted it Izzy," he says. "Not some old dusty office."
"Considering the fact that you didn't mind the closet so much, you're awfully critical of that office."
"Fair point," he says as he stalks his way towards me, "but still, it wasn't quite what I'd pictured."
"Oh Yeah? Tell me what that was then?"
Wills cheeks flush crimson. I think this is the first time I've ever made him blush.
"Well..." he says, climbing over me and placing a knee either side of my hips. "It was a lot like this actually."
"It was? Was there cheesy music?"
"No," he says, placing his hands above my shoulders as he looks down at me. "Just the sound of you moaning while I buried myself inside of you."
He leans down, leaving a trail of kisses over my jawline as I try to come around from the image he just painted for me. His hands slip beneath the hem of my shirt, creeping their way upward as I let out a small whimper at the feel of his lips against my skin.
"Yeah... exactly like that," he says.
Just hearing his voice croon in my ear does something to me, my head feels light. I grip ahold of his arms, over come with the emotion of finally being here with him.
"Will?," I say.
"Yeah?" He hovers above me, his brow creasing.
"Thank you."
I'm not fully sure what exactly I'm thanking him for. For being so sweet? For wanting what's best for me all the time? Maybe just for being him. I never for a second thought that this would be happening, but one thing is for sure, I'm so glad that it is.
Will stares back at me, a gleem of mischief in his eye.
"Don't thank me just yet Isobel," he says, bringing his lips to mine and melting into me at an intensity that could set this whole room ablaze.
He breaks away from me for a moment, leaning back to peel the shirt from my body and over my head before doing the same with his own.
I brush my finger over the little star tattoo near his hip that I noticed the other day.
"What's the meaning behind this one?" I ask curiously.
"No real story to that," he says, "I just felt like it at the time."
The idea that he could decide something so permanant like that seems foreign to me.
"I wish I was more like you," I say, "I'd love to be able to make decisions like that on a whim."
"Don't be fooled, that particular spot hurt quite a bit, so it wasn't all fun. Permanent decisions rarely are."
"How profound," I jest, pulling myself upward and kissing the skin around the tattoo as if it still hurts now. Will lets out a pleasurable sigh as I delicately press my mouth anywhere it can reach.
Shifting himself back off the bed, he goes ahead and drops his pants and underwear with zero hesitance. I know I've seen it all before, but I swear he gets better every time I see him. It's like he's carved from marble. I honestly dont know how someone this magnificent could possibly want me in the way he does.
Will doesn't let me soak up the view too long before he's tearing at the waistband of my leggings, dragging them down my body and letting his gaze roam over every inch of me as goosebumps coat my skin.
I thought ahead this morning and wore my best underwear set this time, a black coloured bra and panties with lace around the edging, so I make sure to warn him not to do a repeat of the other day.
"Please don't shred these," I say, arching an eyebrow. "You need to retain some form of self control here Mr. McDermott."
"No promises."
Will brushes his hand over the fabric of my underwear as he kneels himself onto the floor infront of me. He torturously nips and licks upward on my thigh, coming to a stop right between my legs. It takes a moment for me to realise exactly what he's intending to do here, but when I do, I quickly douse that fire with about as much grace as a brick through a window.
"Woah, wait a minute," I yelp, scooching my butt back on the bed, "I can't… uh… I- I don't do that."
He looks at me in total bewilderment.
"You won't be doing anything Isobel," he says, wrapping his hands around my ankles and pulling me towards him again. "I will."
"No, I mean you can't," I say lowering my voice as a flush of embarrassment envelops me. "That's not something I'm into."
Will comes to a complete stop, his hands freezing in place as his mouth hangs open. "Excuse me?," he asks in complete disbelief. Shit, this is mortifying.
"I don't think I like it. I mean, I tried it once for like a second but... I don't know, it just wasn't for me."
Wills eyes light up like all he's ever wanted has just been delivered to his door with a big red bow on it.
"Wait just one second here Isobel," he says, standing back up and looking me over as I lay here. "Are you telling me that nobody has ever made you cum by going down on you before?" He places his hands on his hips like he's bracing for my answer.
"Well... no."
The look on his face is boarder-line judgement.
"Look I was a virgin until I was nineteen Will believe it or not," I say. "I had two other boyfriends before Jamie and it never even entered the discussion with the first one. The other offered to try once, but it didn't do anything for me. I just don't seem to like it that's all. I'm hardly the first woman in the world to tell you that."
My mind fleetingly drifts back to the time I was alone in the hotel, when I imagined Will doing exactly that to me, and yet now I can't even say it.
"Oh Izzy," he says, shaking his head, "this is unbelievable! Hardly the first? I've never heard those words before in my life! I'm going to have to rectify this."
"Oh no, I'm not… no, I'm fine." I sound like I'm refusing a stick of gum.
Yeah really sexy Izzy, well done.
Will climbs over me like I'm his pray, refusing to accept my protests while he brushes his fingers across my collar bone.
"Let me tell you something," he says. "whatever guy failed you in that area, clearly had no idea what he was doing. I can promise you Isobel, I know exactly what to do with you."
Somehow I don't doubt it.
I swallow down my reluctance, trying not to seem so inexperienced.
"What if I don't like it?," I ask.
He draws his mouth towards mine, but then I suddenly feel his hand between my legs. A warmth spreads over me as he moves my panties to the side and slides his fingers into me, making my eyes flutter closed.
"Look at me," he says, continuing the magic with his hands. My eyes open up again to meet his. "I imagine there's only one way to find out that answer isn't there Isobel?"
His use of my full name again destroys me. I grab the back of his neck, needing to hold onto something because the build up he's working me through here with his fingers is insane. Why he needs to try anything else is lost on me, this is ecstasy.
Will sits up and moves himself back onto his knees so he can watch as he touches me, and I'm way too far gone already to be shy about it either. He swirls his fingers over me as I throw my head back and grip at his bedsheets.
Continuing to run his thumb in a tiny rhythm, he drives his two fingers inside of me at the same time. I must have died and gone to heaven, because there's no conceivable way a man this hot is this good with his hands too.
Rocking my hips, I meet his thrusts as his eyes stay trained on me. He then does something a little unexpected and places his free hand onto the bottom of my stomach, pressing down. What the hell was that? And why does it feel so damn good?
I cry out for him as I begin to feel the rush, I'm so close already.
"Come apart for me Isobel," he whispers.
I feel possessed. My eyes roll back and my body stiffens as he presses on me again that bit harder. That's all the help I need, I instantly cum as his fingers push into me again, making my whole body quiver. It's like nothing I've ever felt before, and he's not quite done with me yet.
Sliding back off the bed and hooking his thumbs around the sides of my panties, Will slowly slides them down my legs before tossing them behind him. He doesn't give me a moment to catch my breath before he's there, on his knees with his mouth on me, hitching one of my legs over his shoulder.
I swear I think I may have gone deaf from the pleasure this man is giving me. It's like my whole world explodes, it's all white noise. How in the name of god am I supposed to go without this now that I've had it? How am I supposed to go without him?
I try to keep my breath steady while his tongue works a masterpiece down there. His hands grab roughly at my body, wanting me in all the ways that I want him. I know I don't know much about this, but christ, when he clamps his mouth over my most sensitive spot and slowly sucks, it really is something that has to be experienced to be believed.
"Oh god, please do that again," I beg him.
I feel him shake a little with laughter.
"I'll do anything you want me to Isobel," he says, "all you have to do is ask me like that."
Will completely takes me over with his mouth again, proving that he absolutely does know what to do with me.
There's no way I'm going last any longer. I tug at his hair while be continues to lap his tongue over me, bringing me to boiling point. I feel every single one of my senses tingle and spill over as I completely succumb to him, calling out his name and wanting this feeling of elation to last forever. I belong with this man, in this life time and all the others.
As I lay there, awed by what I've been missing out on all this time, Will surfaces, sweat coating his skin and a look of smug satisfaction on his face when he catches sight of me.
"Guess we found out if you liked it," he says.
"Holy shit," I sigh as my chest rises and falls, "it should be illegal to do that!"
Grinning from ear to ear, Will reaches for the throw blanket at the end of his bed, pulling it over us as he lays onto his side to face me. It immediately reminds me of how we were in my dream. I can't stop myself reaching out and stroking my hand down the side of his face just to check that all of this is real.
I've wished for this a thousand times since I met him, but the fantasy of it in my head never once came close to the real thing.
Moving myself into him, I kiss him like I'll never get enough, because I know without a doubt that I never will. All at once I feel his hand at my back, unhooking my bra as he rolls us over and lifts me up on top of him. He slides the straps down my arms before pulling it from me and flinging it across the room.
At least it's still in one piece.
Will takes a firm hold of my hips and presses himself against me, making sure I can feel every throbbing inch of him.
"I think you were made for me Izzy," he says.
"Me too," I whisper, biting my lip as I straighten myself up. His tip fervently nudges at my entrance, he can't wait a single second longer, and neither can I.
Resting my hands on his chest, I gradually lower myself, guiding him inside of me. I gasp as I feel myself stretch around him.
I try to go slow, savouring every second with him as I feel his length move inside of me. His fingers drag over my skin as he tries his best not to lose control. For a second there I thought there was no way I was going to be able to cum again, but I can already feel myself rising to it.
Wills body tenses as I tease him by leaning down and drawing my tongue up his neck. I let him feel my lips against his ear as I tell him just how unbelievable this feels.
"Fuck Izzy, you're killing me," he says.
In one swift movement, he quickly rolls us over again, switching our positions so he can control the pace. He pushes himself into me, harder and faster, exactly as he wants it. Taking my hands, he pulls them above my head, pinning them to the mattress as he fills me again and again.
This is what sex is supposed to feel like. It's equal. I know that I can give myself entirely to Will and never have to wonder if he's going to hurt me when I do, because he does the same. I trust him.
In a frenzy of lust and ardour, I pull him closer, starved for every bit of him that I can get. His body tenses with every thrust, there's not a muscle on him that I can't see in all its glory right now. I love him like this, in control, but completely unwilling to abuse it.
"You're perfect," he says softly as he squeezes my hands tight.
Suddenly, and without any time for me to understand it, all of Will's movments come to a stop as he stares down at me. It's like he's just made a stark realisation. A hundred worries fill my mind as I wonder what could be wrong. That is until he manages to take my breath away with just a few simple words.
"I love you Izzy."
I feel like I've just jumped off the edge of a cliff. Did I hear that right?
I can sense Wills mind go into overdrive as he tries to read my reaction, but I'm still reeling. He loves me? The most wonderful man I've ever known loves me? And here I seem to be, dead eyed and mute.
He rushes to explain it away.
"I'm sorry, that's a lot to throw at you and I know it's quick. I get that you might not feel the same, but I had to tell you Isobel. I wanted y-"
"I love you too," I say.
He stops fumbling over his words just long enough to hear me.
"I love you too Will," I repeat. "I do, I've loved you from the moment I set eyes on you, if that's even possible. I could have even loved you before that."
I watch him realise that it's not just him. That this is exactly what we both believe it to be. Love.
Without another word, Wills mouth comes crashing to mine, feverishly devouring the words I spoke.
A high pitched moan falls from my lips as I feel him begin to move again, driving himself into me and reaching depths I didn't know of.
"I love every single bit of you Izzy," he says as my nails scrape down his back. "every single bit."
He works me into a frenzy, refusing to stop until he hears me scream, filling me up with so much pleasure that I can't remember any other time that could possibly come close to this.
I let go of everything as I explode with that mind blowing feeling that makes it seem like theres a ringing in my ears.
Will buries his head into my neck as his body quakes above me, wholly giving into the release he's been holding onto. His chest heaves, and I can feel our heartbeats drumming a rhythm together. It's as though one won't work without the other anymore.
Almost wheezing from our workout, he slumps himself down beside me, turning his head just enough to look at me. A tiny smile appears on his face.
"That was unbelievable."
"Thank you," I say devilishly, "it was some of my best work."
"Idiot," he says, swatting his hand at my leg.
"An idiot that you love," I reply.
I roll over letting Will cuddle into me from behind. His arms wrap around me, holding me tight and keeping me warm. I wish I'd known that it was possible to be this happy.
We lay there like that for a long time, gripping each other and bathing in the euphoria of it all. The smell of sex fills the room, and I know I should really go clean myself up, but I don't want to be away from him for any longer than I have to.
Eventually, Will loosens his hold, moving himself back so I can roll over and see him. His face is a pale shade of grey, and his expression is entirely unreadable.
My mouth runs dry again. Maybe he regrets what he said.
"I want you to leave him Izzy," he says.
"I-"
"No, listen to me," he insists. "I want you to leave him, and I want us to be together. Whatever we have to do to make that happen, then that's what we'll do. If we have to leave town, if I have to leave the damn country I will, but theres not a single thing in this world that's going to keep me from you Izzy, especially not him."
I'm ready to explain all of the reasons why I can't leave to him for the hundreth time, but then I get a glimpse of the hope in his eyes, and realise just how much the circumstances have now changed.
I now find myself foolishly considering it.
Could I do it? Could I really run away and be with Will? It sounds so simple. But is it?
"What about your life here?" I ask.
"What about it? I can do music anywhere Izzy, it's not as important as this. And I'm sure when things are safe for you, we can let Annie come and see us, or your sister, or whoever we want. We can make it work."
"What if he comes after us?"
"Like I told you before Izzy," he says, "I'm not afraid of him. If we leave, it would be to keep you safe, that's it. I'm the one who decides if this is worth the risk for me, all you have to do is decide if it's worth it for you. You can't take the responsibility for everyone else onto your shoulders Iz. And if he somehow follows us, we'll be ready."
This is a lot.
It's lot to consider, and a whole lot to risk. I swore that I wouldn't do it, but somehow Will has a way of making me feel like we could.
"I can sell my place here and we can get somewhere for the two of us," he says. "We'll find a way to do it Izzy. And that includes making sure you can teach, it might take a little longer, but I won't let him take it from you again. Whatever you need, it's yours, all I want is you, and I will do absolutely anything to make that happen."
As I lay looking over at him, I find myself entertaining the other possibility. The one where I actually get away from Jamie. The one where I could win. Where he doesn't find us and we're happy. What if I could be happy?
"Okay," I say.
Wills head jerks back a little, like he wasn't quite expecting to be able to convince me so easily.
"Okay?"
I'm terrified, and might live to regret it, but I can't help but feel like we might actually have a shot at this. For the first time, I'm more hopeful than I am afraid, and thats enough for me.
"Yes," I tell him. "Let's do it. Lets go together."