Carol and Michelle arrived in this morning in the best mood they've ever been in. It feels almost celebratory in here, but they're very hush hush about whatever it is that's got them feeling so jolly.
The shop is quiet at this early hour, it always is, so I figure now might be the best time to corner them. I ask Jeremy to watch the store while I go and talk to the ladies. He seems to have become a little more confident the more he's been here, or at least he's not as jumpy as he was.
As I close the office door behind me, the two ladies are practically giddy, I have to ask them what the heck is going on because there's no way I can ignore it. I'm convinced that a clown is about to jump out of a cake any minute.
They share one of their looks with each other, deciding if they should tell me or not.
"Well now I know there's something," I say. "You're acting like two toddlers who just found the stash of chocolate. Spill!"
Carol is the first to give in.
"Alright," she says, "but you can't say a word to Dayna or Jeremy."
"Scouts honour," I reply, giving a little salute. I don't actually know anything about the scouts, but they must not do that, because both women get a good laugh from it.
"So you know that Michelle and I travelled the world a bit after we met right? Well for years we've been talking about travelling the country too, we even bought a camper van a while back, but we haven't used it much with having the store to run and everything else."
"Oh yeah, I remember. So is that what all this excitement is for? You're going to do it?"
"Yes," Carol says, "but there is something else..."
She suddenly starts to get a little awkward and nervous. Obviously the good news came first.
"Well?" I say expectantly, "Don't leave me hanging."
"We've sold the store," she says, delivering the news like it's going to be a blow to me.
"Oh my gosh, when?"
"We just got a confirmed buyer this morning," Michelle says excitedly. "We've been talking about doing it all summer. We haven't really made much profit this year, it's been more difficult than most, and then when you moved to part time we figured it was only a matter of time before you went off to teach, so we said to hell with it, why not do it now?"
"Oh wow! I'm honoured that I was even a factor in that decision. This is amazing news for you guys, where will you travel first?"
"We're thinking of starting on the east coast from from January, February at the latest."
I really can't believe it, I've heard them talk about travelling after they retired, but I had no idea they were planning it all so soon. It's fantastic news, and it definately makes going that little bit easier.
Michelle sits in her chair looking like the cat that's got the cream, I don't know how she's going to wait out the end of the year.
"We've been so excitable since we decided to do it!" she says. "We thought the leak that time was going to hold everything up, what with the insurance company leaving us hanging and all, but when we heard about the buyer yesterday, I couldn't believe it!"
"I'm honestly so excited for you guys. This is the best news!"
"I can't tell you how relieved we are that you feel that way," Carol says, letting her shoulders deflate as if she's been holding in the stress for days. "I know you're probably worried about your job, but you'll be teaching in no time right?"
"Right..."
I decide there and then to bite my tongue and bask in their happiness for awhile, maybe today isn't the time to tell them. I have one more shift here anyway, I can wait until then. I don't want to spoil their good mood. I'd like to enjoy it with them while I can, even if it's just for one day.
♾️
The two ladies barely do a tap of work as the rest of the day passes, they simply move around like they're floating on air, chatting and telling stories to Jeremy and I. This is the best way things could have worked out.
I sneak a quick call with Will before I go home, hopeful that I might get to see him tomorrow. He sounds as anxious as I am to get to the end of the week.
"Hey!" he chirps, "I was wondering if I'd hear from you today, I'm looking forward to messaging becoming a part of our life again, I hate wondering if you're alright all the time."
"I know, but everything's great. Listen, I only have a minute, but I wanted to tell you that the college came back and said they're willing to offer me a deferal."
"What? Iz that's amazing! That's exactly what you wanted right?," he asks.
"It is, and it also means that I won't be at the school tomorrow, so I have the whole day free if you wanna do something?"
"You're kidding?," he says, sounded defeated. "I've got a meeting tomorrow morning with the estate agent that's looking after my place, and then I have to move some stuff into storage. I've rented a van for the day."
"Oh, well hey that's okay, it's only a couple more days until you'll be sick of the sight of me anyway."
"Never," he says, "and that's too long to wait, why don't you come to the storage place with me? Adam, Frankie and Alex are helping out, but they won't say no to some extra hands. And it would be great if I could see you, I miss you."
"Is that a good idea?" I ask. "Don't they want to spend some time with you before you go?"
"No don't worry about it, I'm planning to have a few beers with them the night before we fly out anyway, it won't be a big deal."
"In that case I'd love to help," I say, "but only if you're sure?"
"Absolutely, I want you to come. You can lift right?"
"I can point and look pretty?"
"That might work," he says, "I doubt I'll get much done though."
"Oh well, I guess I'll just stick to pointing and leave the pretty at home then."
"In that case maybe it's better you don't come at all."
"Hey!"
Wills laugh travels through the phone, raising the hairs in the back of my neck. I can't wait be with this man forever.
"So how much are you moving to storage smartass?," I ask him.
"Just the things that I can't leave in the apartment. Annie's going to take most of my guitars, but I couldn't dump all my stuff at her place. I'll have it all shipped to us whenever we get settled."
"Sounds good, so should I just come to your place in the morning?"
"Perfect, my meeting is at ten, why don't I see you here at eleven thirty? We can get the van loaded and I'll drive us to the storage facility. That work?"
"Great, I'll see you then."
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, I love you Iz."
My mind goes fuzzy with the sound of him saying those words.
"I love you too."
♾️
Jamie shoots off to work early the next morning like it's life or death. Tom has been relentless the last few days and it's really been eating up his free time.
I got up and dressed for class like always, smiling goodbye with my lips pressed together like the perfect partner.
I'm excited to see Will, I'm not sure if I'll ever not be excited to see him. I clean up a bit around the apartment to kill time and keep Jamie satisfied, and then decide to stop off at the bakery down the street. I can't imagine I'm going to be the favourite person of any of the guys here today, so maybe some donuts and scones will work in my favour.
It's not lost on me that after all of Annie's worrying, I'm the one who turned out to be the Yoko.
I arrive at Wills place armed with treats and ready to get my hands dirty. The van is already in the carpark, but Wills car is missing. I spot Adam walking towards the elevator and make a beeline for him, trusting that he might be on my side.
"Izzy, hey," he says. "Will got held up at his meeting. He'll be back in a little bit, you wanna help us bring some stuff down while you wait?"
Oh no, I suddenly feel outnumbered.
"Sure, I'd be happy to."
Although Adam is Wills best friend, and Annie's boyfriend, we haven't spent all that much time together before, so the ride up in the elevator is a little stiff. All I have to cling to is small talk.
"How's Annie doing?" I ask, "I meant to call her last night."
"She's alright, I'm not too sure that she was ready for me to invade her space just yet, but she'll come around."
"Yeah… um listen, I'm really sorry about that,"
I say, "about all of this I guess."
Crap, two seconds in and this is already tough.
"It's not your fault, we all know that."
"Really? I thought I might be enemy number one with you all right now."
"Not at all," he says, "I mean, I think some people have different feelings about it, but that's for them to deal with, not you guys."
"Some people?," I question.
"Alex thinks that you guys should stay, try and wait it out."
"And you?"
"Annie shared a little more with me than Will did," he says. "She told me about the kind of thing's you've been through with that guy. I can only judge it from my point of view if it were her, and I think you're doing the right thing."
I didn't realise I was holding my breath until this point. I'm so relieved that he gets it.
"I know this is what's safest for us Adam,"
I say. "Don't get me wrong, if I could stay I would, my whole life is here, Will's too, and I hate that I'm bulldozing it, but I just can't see how staying would work."
"In that case," he says, "don't worry about what anyone else thinks, just do what you think is right."
Thankfully, both Frankie and Alex are polite and talkative for the most part when we get up to Wills apartment too. They don't go out of their way to make me feel like I'm ruining the band either, even though thats exactly how I see it.
I completely over compensate because of it, and try to prove my worth by hauling things that are way too heavy for me, and working at a pace that's going to wear me out. I think some silly part of me feels like if I pull my weight, they'll know how serious I am about Will.
Just as the last box gets loaded into the van, Wills car pulls into the parking lot. Impeccable timing.
"Sorry!," he calls across the garage to everyone before breaking into a jog towards us. "There was a lot more paperwork to it than I realised, where do you need me?"
"In the van," Frankie says as he throws the keys to Will, "Everything's in, muscles over there made up for your absence, so you're all set."
Will sports a proud look on his face, but I'm just glad I was of use.
The guys squeeze themselves into Adam's car while Will and I take the van so he can lead the way to the storage unit.
"Sorry I was so late," Will says as we pull off, "I didn't want to call you incase your plans had changed somehow. I hope the guys were behaved?"
"Of course, they were great actually. I won't lie, I was a bit worried they'd make me feel shitty for causing all of this, but they're good guys."
"They understand it Iz. It's not like I can't talk to them ever again, and who knows anyway, maybe someday we can come back."
"Would you like that?," I ask.
"I don't know," he says, "it would depend."
"On what?"
"On if you were there."
He smiles over at me, happy with how smooth that was.
"You're such dork," I tell him as I scoot my way over, letting him wrap his arm around me.
"Wherever you go Izzy, that's where I'll be, if we never get back here, then that's just how it is."
Will drives a little while longer before we get to the facility. After we arrive we start pulling at the boxes and furniture all over again, stacking it tight into the storage locker. I take the opportunity to dish out the food I brought as soon as we're finished, I think we all needed the sugar rush.
The guys all say their goodbyes to me before they go, wishing us both luck. I hate every second of it. I'm entirely consumed with guilt for taking Will away from them, but like Adam said, we have to do what's right for us.
♾️
Arriving back at his apartment, Will takes in the blank space before him. It's a whole lot emptier in here than it was when he left this morning.
He try's his best not to appear upset about any of it with me there, but he's never been very good at hiding his feelings.
"You okay?" I ask.
I'm half expecting him to say he's changed his mind, but he just sighs and takes my hands in his.
"Do me a favour Iz," he says, "please stop worrying about me. It would be weird if I wasn't feeling a little off about leaving. For the most part, I'm very happy with the life I have here, but it doesn't change the fact that I know I'll be happier with you. Like I told you before Izzy, nothing is going to keep me from you."
I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder.
"I can't wait until we're gone," I whisper, "We're so close."
Will rubs his hand up and down my back, his finger tips soothing every worry I have. I wish I could have more time with him, but I don't wasn't to risk anything when I can taste our freedom.
"I gotta' go," I tell him, "as soon as Jamie leaves for his trip on Friday I'll call you."
"Not before?"
"I'll try, I'm at the shop tomorrow but I'll be breaking the news to the ladies, so don't worry if you don't hear from me okay? I'm sure they'll want to say goodbye properly."
"Alright, call me when you can."
Will kisses me goodbye at the door, brazen and unapologetic, although it's easy to be that way with nobody around.
♾️
Pulling into the carpark at home, I notice Jamie's car is already there. It's far too early for him to be finished work, but with the trip coming up and the fact he started early this morning, I don't really question it.
Up in the apartment, I find him sitting at the kitchen table on his laptop and a stack of paperwork beside him.
"Hey," I say, greeting him as I close the door. "You're home early!"
"Yeah, something came up, it was just easier to work here."
"Is it too soon for me to start dinner?" I ask "I bought some chicken yesterday, I could make us some rice and vegetables to go with it?"
"I'm not hungry."
Jamie doesn't look up from his computer when he speaks to me, whatever work he has is obviously important, so I leave him to it and go back to the bedroom to change into my sweats. I'm only in there a minute or two before I hear him call into me as I'm changing.
"I tried to call you earlier Iz," he yells, "you didn't pick up."
"Um, yeah sorry, I didn't notice until I got home."
That's a lie, I spotted his missed call right after we had loaded the van, but I had no interest in returning it.
Walking back into the living room, I pull my sweatshirt over my head before offering more an explanation.
"I left my phone in the car by accident,"
I say, "I didn't have it all day."
Jamie still doesn't look up from his work, I'm not even sure he was listening.
"Jamie?"
"I heard you," he says.
Wonderful, he's brought a bad mood home with him for company this evening. I'll have to tread lightly.
"Is everything alright at work?" I ask, faking an interest.
"Yeah it's great, why?"
"You just seem a little busy over there, you haven't had much to say."
"Sorry," he says, sighing as he clicks the laptop closed, "I needed to double check something. I'm finished now, how was your day?"
"It was fine, we had classes most of the day, it kept me busy."
"Really?" he says. "Thats strange."
"Why so?"
"Because when I didn't hear from you earlier I called the school to check in, but the secretary there seemed to think you weren't working today."
I'm sure all the colour drains from my face. Why on earth would he call the school?
"What?" I say, jerking my head back in feigned surprise. "Thats so weird. I was there, she should have checked again."
"Actually," he says, "I asked her to do exactly that, and then she informed me that she was under the impression you had finished working there entirely."
Jamie places his elbows onto the table, locking his fingers together as he holds out for my reaction.
"Thats... wow, I'll have to stop into the office and see where they got that idea from."
There's a clear crack in my voice, one that I hope didn't just give me away.
"Well funny enough Izzy," Jamie says, "I think they might have got the idea from you."
I can feel my heart thumping in my chest as Jamie reaches over to the pile of paperwork beside him. Flipping over two of the sheets, he places them face up on the table.
I have to lean a little closer to see what they are, but right there in black and white are the emails I sent to my college coordinator, one asking if I can defer for the year, and the other confirming it.
I've no words to explain this, a feeling terror spreads throughout my whole body. What do I say to him?
"Oh," he says, "and there was this one too."
He turns over another sheet, revealing my email to Layla, the one where I told her I was moving out of state.
Jamies eyes latch onto mine.
"You might have changed your passwords Iz, but you weren't very careful with your new ones."
Fuck. I have to think, I need to explain this. I need to make it go away.
"I umm... I wasn't going to tell you yet," I say, "but I decided it might be better to put the teaching thing on hold, for us."
"For us?" he repeats.
I'm making a very weak argument and I know it, but I have to try.
"Yes, I've been thinking a lot about the things you said before Jamie, about us getting married and having kids of our own. I think we should do it, so I decided to quit. Why wait?"
"You decided to quit? Is that why it says right here that you want to be deferred."
He holds the paper up, pointing to my words. "You also asked what the implications of you moving state would be, why would you ask that if you were quitting for us?"
"I… well, I thought it would be smart, just incase anything changed."
"Like what?"
"I don't know, what if we moved and I wanted to go back to it in a few years?"
My attempt to clutch at straws leaves me grasping at the tiny stems. He knows none of this is the truth.
"I'll tell you what I think shall I?" he says, pushing his chair out and standing up while gathering the papers.
"I think that you were planning a little trip for yourself. You've been a little too quick to back down on things here the last while Iz... even for you. So when I called the school today, and they said you weren't there anymore, I checked your emails, and look what I found." Jamie holds the sheets up in front of him, his hands shaking with anger.
"Jamie, if you let me try explain-"
"Shut up," he says, "I'm not finished."
Dropping the papers onto the table, he moves towards me before continuing.
"I left work and came straight back here. And when I didn't find you, I thought maybe you'd already left, but then I relaised that all your stuff was still here, and I know you wouldn't leave without that thing."
Jamie points his eyes towards the picture on the shelf, the one that he kept hidden from me before.
"I won't pretend that I wasn't a little thrown Iz," he says to me, "so you know what I did next? I checked the bedroom. Lo and behold, everything in there seemed to be in place too, so I thought to myself; maybe I've got it all wrong. Maybe there's some simple explanation for this, and Izzy isn't the lying little bitch that I think she is."
Jamie inches closer and closer to me, clenching his fists.
"I decided that I had to be completely sure though," he says. "So I went ahead and looked in your wardrobe for your suit case. And guess what? There it was Izzy, still empty when I pulled it out. I knew then that I must have got it all wrong right? That's what I assumed anyway, until something fell out of your wardrobe that made it all abundantly clear. Any guesses what that was Iz?"
Taking a step back from him, I struggle to recall if I locked the front door yet or not, but Jamie notices my footwork, and puts a stop to that idea.
"Don't even think about it," he says, "I'll have you on that floor begging for your life again in five seconds flat."
The threat alone roots me to the spot.
"Please Jamie, we don't need to do this, we can talk about it."
"Oh you're right about that much Izzy, we will talk about it. Right after you take a stab at what it was that I found."
"I don't know, it doesn't matter, we can fix this okay? It's not too late."
"See that's where you're wrong Izzy," he says, "because it is too late, for one of us at least."
Turning back to the table, Jamie lifts the stack of papers and pulls out a book, the purple colouring on the front is instantly recognisable to me. My stomach drops as he reads the cover aloud.
" 'The Power Of Four. A self help guide to breathing your way to a calmer world'. Now isn't that some new age bullshit," he says. "Tell me Izzy, what's it about?"
I begin to explain the book away as best I can, praying that he hasn't opened it, but I don't think there's a god out there that's looking out for me right now.
"It's nothing," I say, " I started having panic attacks a little while ago, it's just something to help with it, that's all."
"Panic attacks? Are they even a real thing? I can't keep up with you and the things you lie about these days."
"I'm not lying," I tell him, "it's just a book."
"Just a book huh? Well I hope you don't mind, but I had myself a little look through it."
Jamies voice lowers as his eyes narrow in on me.
"You wanna know my favourite part?"
Opening up the back cover, he goes straight to the note Will wrote for me. I feel sick.
"I think it's time you start telling the truth here Iz, don't you?"