As the weekend drew in, the dread of spending it with Jamie seemed to make it come faster. I'll get some time on Sunday with Sarah, but other than that, it's just me and him. The only thing that moves me forward is knowing that this is the last one I'll have with him.
He's suggested we see a movie and get some dinner on Saturday. I've no problem with that. It keeps us out of the house, which means it keeps him away from me. A small mercy I was grateful for.
I woke up before him this morning and went for a run. All of the little moments that I can spend away from him are what I plan to drag out and take advantage of.
The college responded to my email yesterday. They confirmed that I can defer for the year depending on what state I plan to complete my training in. I take it as good news in a way, I just have to make sure that wherever Will and I end up takes my current qualifications before I take on a new placement. That side of things we have yet to decide, so that's something that we'll need to take into consideration when we do.
I sent an email straight back to my coordinator, confirming my request to defer and asking that he forward any paper work onto Sarah's house. I then sent Layla an email too, explaining that I had to go out of state at short notice and thanking her for all that she did. I'm sure she's going to find it odd, but I guess I don't really have to explain myself.
Will is the only bonus to the upset of having to give up the career I've worked for yet again.
At least this time it's worth it.
While I'm running, a little girl and her father catch my attention in the park. Normally I stay focused and don't allow distractions, but there's something about the sight of them that catches me. She's squealing with excitement while her dad tries to lift her onto a swing. It's adorable, and seems to slow me down before eventually bringing me to a stop.
It reminds me of a similar time I had with my own father before the accident, when it was all easy.
It might just be the simplicity of it, the little gesture of love. Or maybe this whole messed up situation with Dad just isn't making sense anymore. Whatever it is, it knocks me off pace, forcing me to continue the rest of my run wondering if I should see him before I go.
By the time I get home, my thoughts are more muddled than when I left, but I've convinced myself that it's a bad idea to see him. He doesn't want a relationship with me. I must have just been feeling nostalgic or something.
Jamie is up and already in the shower when I get back. I can tell that he's been in there awhile by the steam seeping under the door of the bathroom. Is it too much to hope for that he's scalded himself to death? As morbid as it is.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and quickly toast a bagel. Jamies phone is sitting on the counter charging, but it hasn't stopped buzzing since I got home. At one point it's going off so much that I begin to get worried that something may have happened to his mom or dad or something so I throw my eye over it to be sure things are okay.
There's a bunch of messages from an unknown number, aswell as a few missed calls. When I unlock it, the texts pop up on the screen. They don't make any sense to me, it seems to be message after message from a total stranger, making threats and accusations against Jamie.
UNKNOWN: 'I knew I'd get my hands on this Jamie. Good luck explaining it now!'
UNKNOWN: 'I'm not the only one that was waiting to see you fall.'
UNKNOWN: 'What's that girl of yours going to think when she finally gets a look at this?'
A video follows some of the messages. I probably shouldn't play it, but I can't help but feel suspicious. I can hear the shower is still running so I decide to take the chance, my curiosity getting the better of me.
What plays out in front of me chills me to the bone.
The video starts blurry before coming into focus. There's a girl sitting on the floor beside the toilet in a bathroom stall. Her jet black hair is hanging over her face, falling into the toilet bowl slightly. I can't tell if she's asleep or if somethings wrong with her, I think maybe she's drunk? Gosh, she can't be anymore than twenty.
Whoever is recording isn't there to help her anyway, that much is obvious. They're pulling at her clothes, trying to get the camera in under her skirt.
Then I hear it. That voice. It's Jamie.
"Take this," he says as he pulls her mouth open and pushes a small pill into it, then he's shoving at her chin, trying to make her swallow it. Her head lulls to the side as she weakly spits it back out. I hear his voice again as he tries to push it back in.
"Ohhh, come on now, you had no problem swallowing for me earlier." His malicious laughter follows, it's stomach churning.
Why isn't he helping her?
He starts pulling her arms upward, they look like they're heavy, she clearly has no control of anything.
"Okay, let's get you up," Jamies says to her, "you and me are gonna' have some fun babe."
He puts the phone down, trying to make it face them, I'm sure his aim was to record whatever he's doing. The screen it's a wave of colours, it's hard to make anything out before it seems to fall somewhere and all that's left to see is black. But I can still hear everything as clear as day.
I hear him lift her up, I hear her groaning in response to it, then there's the jingle of his belt. Please god say he's not doing what I think he is?
There's some fumbling around before I can hear her say no. It's faint and slight but it's there as he shush's her. She said no.
There's a tiny gap of silence where I pray he's decided to leave her alone until the unmistakeable noise of what Jamie is doing to her comes through the phone. The same noises I heard when I told him no.
This is disgusting, I knew he was an animal but hearing him like this with someone else, it's different.
I have to stop the video. I can't watch the rest, whatever he's doing, whatever he did to that girl, it wasn't consensual. It wasn't okay.
My hands shake as I stare at the phone. The noise of the shower is still running from the hallway, meaning Jamie has no idea what I just saw. Why would someone send him that? And those messages... what is this?
Then it hits me. This is the video. The one he said was Karl. It has to be. At the launch party, Karl was shouting that something was Jamie, I didn't know what he was talking about then, but this is it. It has to be. It can't be coincidental.
The screen lights up again. Another incoming call from the same unknown number. I need to understand all of this, so I decide to answer.
I hesitate a moment as I put the phone to my ear. If Jamie hears me or finds out that I looked at any of this I'm dead.
"Hello?" My voice is just short of a whisper.
"I'm calling to make sure you know that you're not going to get away with this!"
"Karl?"
"You fu-... who is this?"
"It's Izzy... Jamie's... his girlfriend."
I'm ashamed to even say it.
There's silence on the other end.
"Karl, are you there?," I ask.
"I'm here. Did you see it? The video I sent him, did you watch it?"
"Yeah. I watched it. Karl, when did that happen? Was it the night you all had the party in the office?"
He ignores my question, only wanting to know one thing.
"Has he seen it yet?"
"No, not yet. Karl, I don't have long. Was it from that night or not?"
"Of course it is," he spits, "he obviously told you all about it too to cover himself. Did he tell you it was me who did it?"
I know by Karl's attitude that I won't get all of the answers to this before Jamie finishes in the shower. He's far too angry, so I make another split decision.
"Look, I don't want him to know I'm talking to you, but I really need to know more about this, do you think you could meet me?
"What is he doing? Sending you along to see if you can talk me out of going public with it?," he asks. "That's desperate, even for him."
"No, it's nothing like that. He hasn't seen it, he won't either, not if you can hold on until we talk, can you do that?"
"This better not be one of his plays."
"I swear, it's only me, I just want to talk."
"When?," he asks.
"Tomorrow, can you meet then?"
"Tomorrow, eleven a.m, I'll meet you at the cafe just off of Thomson, do you know it?"
"I'll find it," I say, taking a mental note of the location.
"I swear to god, if he turns up with you..."
"He won't, I promise! I just want to understand all of this, that's all."
"I think you understand what you saw just fine," he says. "Tomorrow. Eleven o' clock. Don't be late."
The phone line dies just as I hear the shower turn off. That was lucky.
I don't have much time, I quickly save Karl's number in my phone before forwarding myself the video and then deleting all the messages and calls from Jamie's. I just about get it done before I hear the bathroom door unlock. I hastily plug his phone back in to charge and jump on the sofa, pretending to have the appetite for my bagel after what I just saw.
He comes down the hall to look in on me, a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Hey, good run?"
How can someone so evil put forward such a normal persona?
"Um hum...it was nice," I tell him.
"Good, you gonna grab a shower? There's plenty of hot water."
"Yep! I'm just going to finish this and I'll jump in."
He heads to the bedroom to get dressed. I eye his phone from across the room, hoping I've left no traces of what I found on it and that Karl doesn't try to make contact again.
Sitting there, I find myself in a state of shock. How did I not see this part of him for so long? Who the fuck have I been living with all of this time?
I know I should really stay away from all of this and keep my focus on leaving, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't know what happened to that girl.
I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about what Jamie did to her. Does his father know? Is that why he paid her off? Tom couldn't possibly be alright with his son being a rapist, he's always so set on Jamie being the face of the company, the face of the family for christ sake! But I can't think of a way that he wouldn't know.
After scraping my food into the bin, I go for my shower just to avoid him. I stay in there until the water runs cold, scared to death of the stranger in the kitchen.
♾️
Jamie holds my hand throughout the movie that night, my palm sweats profusely the whole time. I'm disgusted at myself. I feel like everyone around me knows what he is, and now they're assuming I'm his accomplice, complicit in all of his actions.
I'm nervous about my remaining days after seeing what he did. I always thought it was only me who had to experience the worst of him. Turns out that wasn't quite right.
I wonder if he ever thinks about what he did to her, or if he's spent so much time trying to convince people it was Karl that he now believes his own lies.
He leans into me half way through the movie, keeping his voice hushed.
"You're really pale again Iz, you doing alright?"
"I'm fine."
"You haven't touched any of the popcorn."
"I said I'm fine!"
I can't even look at him. I know I should know better, but all I want to do is scream at him that I know what he did. That I know what he is. A vile piece of scum, not at all worthy of the life he has.
He repays my little outburst by squeezing my hand too tightly. Letting me know I'm on thin ice. I hope that ice breaks and sucks him under.
I keep myself quiet for the rest of the movie, mentally preparing myself for the dinner conversation that has to come.
It runs as smooth as I could hope for. He doesn't bring up my attitude and I do my best to hold my food down in his company. Giving polite answers when he asks questions, and pretending I'm interest in his stories, all while counting down the minutes until we leave.
By the time we get home we're both tired enough that I hope he doesn't so much as look my direction. It seems I'm in luck, because he falls asleep on the sofa not even twenty minutes after we get back.
I take a good hard look at him. Wondering how I was so drawn in. He was so endearing when I met him. Calm and collected, like he had it all figured out. I liked his seriousness, it made me feel more of an adult at the time. But of course he was charming too, saying all the right things, making me feel special. I guess that was all part of the act.
I almost feel sorry for him as he lays there, because the version of him that he gave to me at the start really was the best one of him. That was a person I could have married. It's really sad that he couldn't see that.
I throw a blanket over him and tip toe away, leaving him to snooze there. I have a busy day tomorrow making sense of all of this, so I sneak off to bed alone and get some rest.
♾️
Come morning I'm eager to get myself out of the house. My knees are knocking together with nerves as a sip on some tea. There's a huge part of me that doesn't want to meet this guy Karl at all. It wasn't all that long ago he was threatening me, how am I to know that he won't take advantage of this and follow through on any of that?
I remind myself that he's the one that chose a cafe. I can't imagine he'd have picked somewhere so public if that's what he was planning.
Jamie thinks I'm meeting Sarah a little earlier than planned, that way I don't need to make any extra excuses. I'm not sure what time he eventually came to bed at last night but I know I woke up beside him. I really can't wait until that's not a reality anymore.
He's busy on another unscheduled work call when it's time for me to leave so I shout out to him that I'm going, getting some form of goodbye in response.
I try not to really think about what I'm about to do as I jump into the car. If I do I might back out. Instead I focus on the drive and keeping my breathing steady. I feel that annoying tightness in my chest, but I know I need to keep myself strrong. I know I need to do this.
Thankfully the cafe isn't all that hard to find, but it's tiny, there won't be much in terms of privacy here.
I'm a few minutes early so I squeeze myself into a small seat by the window and I wait. There's a red gingham cloth covering the table, it's dotted with small stains and it feels a little sticky as my fingers play with its frayed edges nervously.
I order a coffee from the waitress who seems a little put out that I'm taking up a whole table for just a coffee, so I let her know that I'm waiting for somebody, not that I plan to order anything else then anyway.
By eleven fifteen there's still no sign of Karl. I'm worried he's changed his mind and has decided to contact Jamie again. I keep one eye on my phone as I wait, just incase he calls.
A minute or two later and the little bell above the door startles me as it dings, I only half recognise the guy who walks in. He's shorter than I remember, pudgier too, but it's definitely Karl. I stand to greet him, but he calls over to the waitress to get her attention.
"The usual please sweetheart," he says.
He comes and sits across from me without so much as acknowledging my presence. I'm tempted to take a dig at his lack of manners, but think better of it after I recall his temper at the party.
"Are you gonna sit or what?," he asks.
He finally looks up at me, tapping his fingers on the table edge like I'm the one who's late.
I shyly slink myself back into the chair. His personality isn't a far cry from Jamie's. I can see now why they got along.
Karl's chair creeks as he sits back, crossing his arms over his chest.
"So, what did he send you for?"
"I- I told you already, he doesn't know I'm here."
"Honestly?"
"Yes," I insist, "What do you think I could do for him that he couldn't do himself?"
He purses his lips, a little intrigued.
"Why are you here then?"
"I want to know what happened to her."
"To who?"
"The girl, from the video. Who was she?"
"Hell if I know. One of the girls he hired, I don't know who any of em' were."
My teeth clench at how passive he is about it.
"Is this the girl that went to the hospital afterward?"
His eyes narrow with curiosity.
"Now how do you know about that?"
"He told me. He had to, I overheard his dad talking about it. Jamie said she took something and they couldn't wake her up so they sent her off in an ambulance. Is that right?"
"You saw the video didn't you?," he says, "Does it look like she took something?"
I'm aware of what he's getting. I could see how out of it she was already, Jamie didn't need to make it worse by pushing more drugs down her throat.
This whole meet up feels pointless if he can't tell me anything I don't already know though.
"So you don't know if she was alright?," I ask.
"She was fine. I don't know if you know much about how the world works hun, but that's her profession, it's part of the gig. Tom ensured she was well paid for her troubles."
What is with everybody and their lack of empathy?
"Are you telling me that rape is part of the gig?," I ask
He looks down at the table, it's the first time I've seen any kind of feeling in him since he arrived. I'm glad that he has the decency to at least act like he's repulsed by what Jamie did.
"No. I guess not," he says, "but Ive never known Jamie to be someone that likes to hear the word no."
"You're right," I tell him, "I know that much from experience."
His eyes shoot up, meeting mine. I think he might finally be starting to understand why I'm here.
"Hey, I don't know what you expect me to do here," he says. "It obviously wasn't me who did it."
"So why were you really fired then Karl?," I ask.
"He didn't tell you?"
"He told me that it was you in that video, and that he had no choice, but that clearly wasn't the truth."
"That's what he told everyone else too," he says, "They all think I'm some kind of monster."
"But it's clear that it's him? Did people not realise?"
"Nobody saw it," he tells me, "and even then you can't see him."
"But how did it get out in the first place?"
"He sent that video to Simon and I the night it happened, after she had already left in the ambulance. He was boasting about it! Can you believe that?," he asks. "I pulled him aside and told him he was out of control. I might be a bit of an asshole but I'm not an animal. I told him I had to report it. Then things got a bit heated, I don't know exactly what happened, there was a lot of alcohol involved. My phone fell out of my pocket or something in the chaos."
"Wait, you faught him?"
"No! He came at me like an idiot," Karl says, "it was just some pushing and shouting. Anyway, my phone fell and he took it and fucking threw it in a punch bowl. Nothing had backed up at that stage, so I lost any proof I had. I left and he must have got to Simon and convinced him to agree to put it on me."
"That's insane," I say.
"You're telling me! Next thing I know I'm carted into the bosses office on Monday morning and told my behaviour was unacceptable and that I'm being let go. I thought they were talking about the scuffle that Jamie and I had. That's what they made it seem like. But come to find out, Jamie and Simon had hatched some kind of alliance or whatever. They erased the video, Simon got to be his number two and then they pinned the whole thing on me, telling everyone that I did something to that girl."
"That's... why? Why did Simon agree to that?"
"I'm sure you know that if you offer enough money to somebody, they'll agree to just about anything. That's why you never heard from the girl either, she had her price."
I'm sad for her. I wonder if she felt she couldn't come forward, or if they pressured her. It doesn't seem fair at all.
We're interrupted for a moment when the waitress drops down Karl's order, a plate of fried eggs and tomato's with toast. I find it bizarre that he could have the stomach to eat during this conversation, but I wait until she's gone before I can ask much more.
"So how did you get ahold of the video now if Jamie destroyed your phone?"
"Ha, that's the best part sweetheart," he says with a grin. "It seems that's whatever he gave Simon to keep quiet wasn't enough. He's had enough of Jamie's shit. It's not so easy being his number two let me tell you."
"You seemed to manage fine."
"That's because I knew to tell him what he wanted to hear. Simon isn't made that way."
"I see. Is that why you told him if we got married and didn't have any kids that I'd be whoring around? Those were the words you used right?"
Karl goes red from the neck up, making him pull at his collar.
"Like I said, I was only agreeing with what he already put out there, he never usually shared things like that, I was just going along with him."
"He almost broke my cheekbone that night," I say. "I bet he didn't tell you that did he?"
He pauses, his fork coming to a stop half way to his mouth before he puts it back down.
"I'm sorry. If I'd have thought for a second he'd do anything like that... I have a wife, Rosemarie, I complain about her sometimes, it's par for the course, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna go home and take it out on her! How was I to know that's what he was doing?"
"Well maybe you can think about it the next time you want to tell somebody that their girlfriend is liable to jump on anyone that looks their way."
He picks back up his knife and fork, agitated at my remark, but continuing his breakfast none the less.
Our talk of Simon suddenly reminds me of the fact that Lainey saw the video too.
"So Simon never got rid of the footage then? His wife told me she saw it when I met her at the launch party."
"Lainey? Boy she loves to talk doesn't she?" he says. "She couldn't wait to tell Rosemarie all about it."
"She told your wife?"
"She had no reason not to take Simon's word when he told her it was me. It's not like you could really tell either," he says. "She couldn't wait! She was straight on the phone to Rosemarie, telling her all about what I supposedly did. It almost destroyed my marriage."
"Almost?," I ask, curious to know how his wife could overlook that.
"Rosemarie believed me," he says, "eventually. She knows me, I may be a lot of things, but I don't abuse women. Not then, not now, not ever. Getting to finally show her that video was like a weight lifting off of us. I think it did her good to finally know without a doubt."
I consider Rosemarie for a minute, she's an innocent party in all of this. Her whole world was almost turned upside down because of one lie. Jamie's lie.
"I'm glad she believed you Karl," I say. "Neither of you deserved that kind of turmoil, especially not your wife."
"Don't you worry, she got her two cents in where Lainey was concerned. She's not one to hold back."
"I'm sure. So what will Simon do now that he's gone behind Jamie's back with this? He'll be out of a job, he does realise that doesn't he?"
"I'm sure he'll be fine," Karl says. "He didn't sign anything, that was Tom and Jamie's mistake, and there's plenty of work out there. I fell into something else easy enough."
That's a small relief if nothing else. I know it may have taken awhile, but at least Simon did decide to do the right thing, even if only for himself.
"You obviously didn't sign anything when he gave you the month either then?," I ask. "Is that why you let him know you have the video now?"
Karl looks around the cafe like he's in the twilight zone.
"What money?"
"From the night of the lunch party? Jamie told me they paid you off with a cheque."
"Paid me off? For what!?"
"He said that you told them you were still going to blow the whistle about the type of party it was, he said that after you saw me there you threatened me so they'd pay you."
"What!?," he yells, drawing the attention of everyone else.
"That's what he told me Karl," I say. "He said they gave you a hundred grand to go away and drop all of it."
His eyes widen as he grips the table.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he says. "I was drunk! And i'd only just heard what they were telling everyone. I figured I could show up and put people straight, but Tom and Jamie kept making these legal threats so I left. There was no money Izzy. I had nothing!"
I have to sit for a minute to take that in. What kind of narcissist is Jamie that he would try to scare me like that? Was it for a moment like this? Did he hope I'd be too afraid to respond if Karl ever tried to contact me and tell me the truth?
Jamie tried to ruin this man's life, just like mine, and then he tried to pit me against him. It's sick.
Karl is livid, he looks like he could just about keel over any second.
"I'm going to take that video and I'm going to destroy that whole damn company," he spits. "I'll take the whole place down. He's going to wish he never fucking hired me."
"No! You can't do that," I say.
"To hell I can't!"
I have to remain the calm one of us, Karl needs to underatand that this could ruin everything for me. I lean forward, looking him in the eye.
"No, you really can't," I tell him, "not yet. I came here because I wanted to know what happened to that girl. But now I need you to hear me out. I'm going to need your help Karl."