My eyes flutter open as the thick feather of my pillow cradels my head and I sink myself further into the duvet.
I love this feeling. The short stage between sleeping and waking, when there's no real idea of what is or isn't. Before the world hits you and everything comes into focus.
"Hey."
His voice is angelic. Incapable of hurtful words or lies. It would never rise to me, or cut me down. It can only love me.
He smiles sweetly at me from across the sheets. "I've been watching you sleep."
"Oh no, was I drooling?" I ask, keeping one eye closed as I squint with the other. The sun is streaming in through a gap in the curtain, illuminating the room and making it hard to see him.
"Not at all, you're perfect." his voice sooths.
I squeeze the duvet to me, holding it tighter. "I'm not getting up! I'm staying right here."
"Can I stay with you?" he asks.
"I hoped you would." I giggle, giving him a mischevious grin and opening up the covers to let him in to my little cocoon.
He steadies his body next to mine, his arms holding me like I'm the most precious thing that he's ever touched while I stare into his eyes, becoming lost in a sea of green. An emerald ocean I can dive into and never be harmed.
"I'm so glad I found you Isobel." he whispers.
♾️
My eyes snap open. My body suddenly longs for a touch that never existed to it. Damn it, that's the second time this week that I've had that dream. It's like my own personal form of torture.
I've no idea why Will still haunts me. Or why he keeps coming to me at night. Jamie and I are doing okay, I shouldn't be thinking of someone else like that at all.
I roll over, burying myself beneath the covers, becoming more and more irritated by the betrayal of my own mind.
I wish I could forget him.
♾️
The past few weeks have skated by in a blur. I haven't really been able to talk to anyone, let alone see them. College, working at the school and at the music store have me completely exhausted.
The reality of how much work this year is going to be seeps into every part of my life. I haven't spent any proper time with Jamie, and when I do, I'm so tired that I can just about keep my eyes open. It's starting to irritate him, and I have to keep reminding him that it's not forever.
I've missed calls and messages from everybody, I allow them to mount up into a pile that I never have time to get to. I go through the same routine of work, the school, college and home. It repeats over and over again, with small bouts of sleep inbetween.
Annie has called me a bunch of times this week to come and see how Bennys is looking. They're on the final touches now. I did think that I'd get there at some point, but it looks like it will be Friday before I see it at her Friends and Family event. She said she's really happy with how it looks though.
The only plus side to how busy I am, is that I've managed to avoid speaking to Sarah or Donna about the shitshow that was my lunch with dad, and I don't intend to change that anytime soon. They've both called, but I've been trying my best to completely bury all of those feelings. I let them know that I'm fine, and insist that when I'm ready to talk, I will.
Since that failed attempt at reconciliation, Jamie keeps telling me that I'm much more irritable than usual. I know I am, I haven't felt right about anything since then, but I'm trying. He thinks that what happened with my dad has had an affect on me. It could be that, or maybe it was the stranger threatening me that night at a party, or my over whelming work schedule, it could even be the fact that I keep having those dreams. I don't know, and I don't get a second to dwell on it too much either.
Thankfully the trip to Vegas is only around the corner. It's the break I need. I'm worried I'll spend half of it catching up on sleep, but Jamie and I will celebrate our anniversary there, so I'm really looking forward to that.
There hasn't been a single word from Karl since Tom gave him all of that money. Jamie said that he's asked around work to see if anybody has heard from him, but there's been complete radio silence. It's been a relief, because the more I thought about it after it happened, the more frightening it seemed.
At the school, the students have started back for the coming academic year and it's been a whirlwind. It's my only source of real uninterrupted joy. Two days a week doesn't feel like it's enough.
The violinists are exceptional. They make me wish that I made more time to play instead of letting my instrument gather dust by the chair in my living room. The two of them played a duo together yesterday that literally made my eyes water. Layla has been a dream to work with too, so I couldn't be any luckier in that regard.
Today I'm working at the shop and it has truely been one bit of bad luck after another. As if my low mood wasn't enough.
I couldn't find my keys so I was late, then. I snagged my tights on the way in the door when I got here, forcing me to walk around like some grunge obsessed teenager. The first customer I got today was beyond rude and to top it all off Layla just messaged me to say that I forgot to assign projects to a few of the students and now they'll need to be given extra time. I know it's a simple mistake, but I feel like it's one that I can't afford. I'd like her to be able to trust me to look after these things.
It doesn't help either that Carol has been hovering around me like a mother hen ever since that day at my dads. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated her concern at first, it's nice to know that she cares about me, but right now, I still don't want to talk about it.
Things have gotten quiet here now that schools have started back, so it's been that little bit more suffocating too.
I've spent most of the morning replenishing shelves and ordering anything we might need to make Carol think that I'm too busy to chat. Someone dumped the new accessories onto the shelf a bit haphazardly, I'm convinced it's the new guy Jeremy, but I don't want to make a fuss so I look after it. At least it keeps me occupied.
Jeremy is my replacement here at the shop. Well, for the days I dropped anyway. He's a nice guy, very polite, but still finding his feet, obviously.
I was a little worried of Jamies reaction when I heard the ladies had hired a guy, not that they shouldn't of course, but then I found out that he was in his early sixty's and wanting to keep himself busy until retirement age, so that took care of that worry.
As I head out back to grab some more stock I can overhear Michelle and Carol talking. Normally I'd mind my business, but I catch my name getting thrown around and find my curiosity gets the better of me. I hear Carols start to rise as she snaps a little.
"Michelle you can't just go out there questioning her! If Izzy wanted to say something she would."
"I don't care Carol, there's something wrong with her and its not just her dad, I know it!"
What the hell? Can I not have a few bad days around here or something?
"Look, I know," Carol says, "I can see that she's not quite herself. I haven't seen her eat properly in weeks, she's honestly gaunt looking, but I've been keeping an eye on her, and that's all we can do, it's not our business, so I don't want you to say anything alright?"
This is actually so insulting. If they don't think it's their business, then why are they even talking about it?
I feel my anger rise as they continue to bicker.
Michelle isn't at all happy with Carols inistance to leave it alone, and continues to nitpick.
"I thought things were going well for her Carol? I swear, ever since that lunch with her friend Will she's been off. To tell you the truth, I kind of thought there was something there with them, but she hasn't so much as mentioned his name since."
"Yeah and I bet I know why!"
I can hear the sarcasm in Carols voice from here.
"Carol, you can't keep making assumptions about the boyfriend, we dont know him."
To say I'm shocked would be an understatement. I always thought the ladies liked Jamie, why the hell would they lie to me about it? He's always polite and talkative when he meets them too, so hearing this feels a little harsh on their part.
"I know enough from listening to Izzy talk about him," Carol says, "and I still don't like him. What does that tell you Michelle, humm?"
Michelle sighs, "It tells me that you love Izzy, and that's why we should just talk to her."
I've heard just about enough of this, neither of those women have a clue what they're talking about, and I have no interest in staying here to listen to them disect my relationship any longer.
I quickly sneak back out front before they notice that I'm there, not that I should, it would serve them right to know that I heard every single thing they just said.
This is just great. So the two of them hate Jamie and think I look like shit. Fantastic.
So what if I've been a little off lately? It's not like either of them are always sunshine and rainbows!
I'm a lot less enthused about being here today now that I know how they really feel. And my hopes of Carol convincing Michelle to leave me alone are well and truely dashed when they both emerge from the office a few minutes later with their sights firmly set on me.
"Izzy!" Michelle smiles, far too enthusiastically. "It looks great out here, I bet you could use a break, are you planning to have lunch soon?"
Subtle.
I don't want this conversation. I don't want their worry, or their pity over what happened with my dad, in fact, I don't even want to be here right now. So I make a very snap decision to avoid it all.
"Actually no," I say, looking between them. "I'm not feeling good, stomach bug or something. I wanted to ask if I could go home?"
Michelle looks to Carol, that must have put a dent in their plan.
"Oh uh, sure no problem," Carol wades in, "but, do you have five minutes before you go? We just wanted to check in."
"Umm no, could we save it for another time? I'd prefer to just get myself home. Thanks for understanding though."
I don't so much as let them blink before I rush out back to get my things. I'm so mad right right now that I could scream. I'd understand pretty much anyone else gossiping about me, but the ladies? No way.
As I march my way out of the store, Michelle makes the mistake of stopping again, making one last attempt to talk.
"Izzy, are you sure there's not something else bugging you?" she asks.
I'm so fed up with this. I'm tired of fixating on my dad and everyone assuming that I'm upset about it. Fuck him. I don't need him and I don't need them to coddle me either.
"No!" I snap at her, "I'm not."
Carol appears at her side, a look of confusion on her face.
"I heard you both talking about me out back, and to be quite frank, I'm really pissed off about it. Your only concern should be that I'm doing my job, and I am, more than my job actually."
"Wait now Izzy," Carol interupts, "that's not what we meant."
Michelle is quick to jump in behind her. "No, not at all sweetie, we're worried, that's all."
"And," I continue, ignoring their excuses. "I really don't care for your opinion of Jamie either."
They share a guilty look between them.
"It doesn't matter if you don't like him," I fume, "I like him, and it would do you good to remember that that's all that matters."
I turn on my heel, leaving them in my fury. I'm sure I'll feel bad about it later, but right now I couldn't care less. It actually felt good to let off some steam.
I drive home so quick that I imagine I've got myself a ticket, oh well.
When I get into the apartment, I'm still as mad as I was leaving work, what is with me? Why can't I just shake this mood off?
Slumping onto the couch, I entertain the idea of sitting here for the rest of the day with a huge tub of chocolate icecream for company. That is until I hear by phone ringing from inside my bag.
I assume it's Michelle or Carol, so I'm ready to ignore it, but when I pull it out to make sure, Annies name fills the screen. I've been unfairly dodging her and I'm tempted to do it again, but think better of it at the last minute.
"Annie, hey." I chirp, aiming to sound in someway like myself.
"Oh, you're alive!" she says, "I wasn't so sure."
I feel my shoulders instantly tense, I really dont need her to add to my problems right now. "Yep, still kicking." I say.
"You sound grouchy Iz, who pee'd on your cornflakes?"
"Nobody, I'm fine."
If everybody would back off I would be anyway.
"Are you sure? Where are you?" she asks,
"I'm at home." I don't tell her why, I'll only work myself up again.
"Really? This must be the first time in forever that we're both free, why don't you come over? You can tell me all about whatever it is that has your panties in a bunch."
"They're not in a bunch!" I snap, instantly feeling like an asshole for it. I wait for Annie to chew me out, but there's nothing but silence from the other end of the phone.
"I'm sorry," I say, "It's been a really long day already. I'd love to come over if you still want me to?"
Theres another small length of silence before she breaks, "It's fine," she says, and of course I still want you to, I feel like I haven't set eyes on you in forever. How long will you be?"
"I'm leaving right now."
I don't even bother changing my snagged tights. I just pick back up my keys, and head right on back out the door, if anything can brighten my mood right now, its going to be Annie.
Two calls come in from Carol as I'm driving, I let them go straight to voicemail, feeling guilty as I do. I probably shouldn't have flipped out at them like I did. Sometimes I forget that they're my employers and not my friends or moms or whatever weird dynamic we've created. I know I'm going to have to apologise. They shouldn't have been talking about me or Jamie at all, and I still think it was a shitty thing for them to do, but regardless, I was out of line.
I'll give Michelle a call tomorrow, I'll have calmed down by then I'm sure.
♾️
"Hey stranger," Annie greets me at her door. "Good to see you!"
"Thanks," I smile, "you look great."
"Why thank you," she gives me a silly twirl. "I took two days off and literally slept the whole time, so I'm feeling very refreashed."
Annie wastes no time getting a coffee into my hands. She's thrown together a little selection of snacks too, ever the hostess that she is.
"So how is everything going at the bar," I ask as I take a seat on the couch. I'm eager to have some distraction from my own life.
"Well, the finishing touches are happening tomorrow, although I'm sure I'll have some last minute glitches before Friday, but I'm so excited to have it all completed."
"Oh yeah? Thats great news. I'm sorry I haven't been over to check out the place," I say bashfully, "it's been a bit crazy. I'm looking forward to Friday though, I'll get to see it in all its glory."
"So you are still coming?" Annie asks, "I knew things were a bit hectic for you so I wasn't sure."
"Yes, of course, I wouldn't miss it. Sorry, I know I've been M.I.A."
"Don't worry about it," she says, "you're working as hard as I am, I get it. Is Jamie going to be coming with you?"
"He sure is. If thats still okay?"
It's difficult to tell how she really feels about him being there, I know she only invited Jamie so that I'm not alone for half the night, but if she doesn't want him there, I hope she'd tell me.
"Absolutely," she says, "I'm looking forward to it."
"Great, is everything ready for the night?"
"Would you believe it if I told you the lights in the kitchen still aren't connected yet? Two days before I'm meant to feed sixty people! Go figure," she says shrugging her shoulders.
"Oh no! That's worrying. Do you need help with anything? I can pick stuff up or maybe even shine a torch over the grill?"
"Ha ha, very funny," she rolls her eyes. "No, the electrician assured me that everything will be connected tomorrow. It's either that or I'll be calling everyone to cancel on Friday morning. But I'm choosing to trust him. It will all be okay."
"That's very zen of you Annie." I say.
"Yes, I've been meditating."
"Really?" For a moment I thought she was kidding but her glow says otherwise.
"Yes! You should try it," she says. "It will help with all of the strain you're under. My hair was falling out in clumps with the stress of this renovation before I tried it. Adam does it, he's the one who got me into it actually."
"Adam meditates?" I'm finding that so hard to picture.
"Yes, and guess who got him into it?" I see the expression on her face and suddenly realise who she means. Will? There's no way!
"No? I don't believe you for a second Annie."
"I swear!" she says with a laughs. "He never told you?"
"No. It doesn't quite sit with his rock and roll vibe does it?" I chuckle along with her.
"No, not at all. Oh, by the way, he's still not planning to come on Friday, just incase you were wondering."
I'm sure she knows I was. And I'm relieved to hear that Jamie and Will won't cross paths again, but at the same time, it's sad that Will won't be there to celebrate such a big moment for Annie.
"You know I wouldn't come if it meant that Will would right?," I tell her with sincerity. "Its your bar, and his, I would fully understand if that's what either of you wanted?"
"Not at all Izzy," she says. "Will promised me that it had nothing to do with any of that, so don't worry. Personally, I think he needs to stop being such a child about seeing you anyway, it's not like you guys dated."
She's right of course, but hearing her say that is like a punch in the gut. At the time, it really felt like Will and I were something. It still does.
I can't help but wonder how much of the story Annie actually knows.
"What did Will tell you about us Annie?," I ask. I can see by her reaction that she's surprised that I asked, but we can't bounce around it forever.
"Well, very little if I'm honest. I just picked up on things here and there. I knew he liked you the second he introduced us, but anyone with eyes could have seen that," she teases. "He never said if anything happened between you two though?"
I feel my cheeks flush with the memory of Will and I locked away in that supply closet. "There was kind of something," I admit, "just once."
"I thought as much," she says, "but then when you guys stopped talking he didn't really fill me in on what happened there either. Did you argue?"
"He and Jamie met each other," I say, "that's what happened." This time the memory causes my heart to sink.
"They what?," Annie explains as she puts down her coffee and shifts herself forward like I'm about to drop a bomb of gossip. "Will never told me that!"
"It was accidental, kind of. Jamie was so rude to him Annie, it was beyond embarassing," I tell her, "the whole thing was a nightmare. Actually, if I'm being truthful, I know Jamie did it because he felt threatened by Will, and I guess whatever his intension was worked, because now Will wants nothing to do with me."
I have to bite the inside of my cheek just to keep my composure.
"I see," Annie says quietly. "Was Jamie suspicious that something was going on with you two? Is that why he behaved that way?"
"I guess so." I mumble as I pick the skin around my nails yet again.
"So he intensionally ruined the relationship you two had because he was jealous?" she asks, theres a bit of bite in her tone though.
"I know you're thinking that Jamie was being possessive Annie," I say, "but thats not exactly fair is it? Because he wasn't wrong this time. Granted, by that stage Will and I had agreed to just be friends, but still, there was obvious feelings there."
"I wasn't thinking anything," she says pressing her lips into a tiny smile. She's an awful liar.
My mind thinks back to how hurt and conflicted Will was that day. I'd give anything to have never seen the look on his face. Although part of me hates the idea that he's forgotten all about me, I want to know that he's alright, so I ask Annie the only real question I need to know.
"How is he doing?"
She sits with it for a beat. "Do you want the truth, or do you want me to make you feel better?," she asks.
"That doesn't sound like I'm going to like the answer Annie."
"He keeps telling me he's fine, but I'm not convinced," she says. I notice her forehead crinkle with concern, but I let her continue, wanting to know the full reality.
"He's burying himself in work. If he's not writing he's asking the guys to do extra practice sessions, and then he's obsessing over the way things sound, but no matter what it's never right. And when he's not doing that, he's at the bar. I've never had him there so much Izzy. It's actually irritating the hell out of me."
"Is it really such bad thing that he's there?" I ask, slightly surprised by her feelings on it.
"You know I love him Izzy," she says, "but it's too much. First he took over the scheduling, even though he has no clue what anybody does. And then he set up some pointless automatic ordering system that I'll never use because I can't understand it. I miss when he wasn't all that interested in the place, he was much less annoying."
I can't help but laugh at her sisterly affection.
"Have you tried talking to him about it?"
"I've tried a hundred times! This is what he does though Izzy, he gets hurt, he swallows his feelings, and he doesn't talk about stuff. He allows himself to become more and more closed off. It happened with Dad passing, it happened when Kim left, and both times it led to the same thing." Annie bites her lip nervously. I know exactly what she's talking about.
"His panic attacks," I say weakly, meeting her eyes.
"Yeah. He never said you knew about them, but I figued it was safe to assume."
"Yeah…"
To say I feel like a piece of shit would be an understatement. If I had a time machine I'd go all the way back and walk right on by that stranger shopping for their guitar strings. Saving him all of this trouble .
This day feels like its brought me to the brink.
I rub my fingers over my temples, trying to silence the headache that's suddenly come on.
"Oh no," Annie says, scooting closer to me on the couch and wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "See this is why I'd rather have just made you feel better, I knew it would upset you."
"I feel like such a fuck up Annie," I say. "If I thought for even a second that I'd cause all of this, I'd never have let it happen."
"No, look Izzy, that's not what I meant at all," she says reassuringly, "Will has worked really hard to manage his disorder over the years, so I'm not saying that he's definately going to slip back into that pattern. All I'm saying is that it worries me. I didn't mean to make you feel like it would be your fault if they started up again."
"It would be my fault though." I say as tears sting my eyes.
"No!" she insists, "It wouldn't, Will knew what he was doing just as much as you did. I'm aware that it's complicated, but I know you're hurting too, as much as you're trying to hide it."
I'm a whole lot less worried about me than I am about Will. If I were the cause of anything happening to him, I'd never forgive myself. I really hope that he's talking to somebody, even if it's not Annie.
"Hey," Annie says as she rubs my shoulder, "let's draw a line under the whole Will discussion okay? I'm keeping my eye on him, I promise."
"You'll tell me if anything happens won't you?"
"Absolutely, please stop worrying. I'll even learn to use his new stupid system if it makes you happy?" she says, coaxing a laugh from me.
"It sounds like you secretly like it."
"Whatever you say kid," she smiles, reaching for some potato chips.
I think that for now Annie is right, I should try to keep my mind off of Will until I'm in a better frame of mind. Otherwise I'll dwell on every single worry that I cook up.
"So how are you and Adam doing?" I ask, hoping for another distraction. "Any updates there?"
A shy smile spreads across her face. "You could say there's been some progress."
"You talked to him didnt you?," I ask excitedly.
"Umhum," she nods. "We're offical."
I practically squeal with joy! I can see the happiness beaming from her, this is exactly the kind of news I needed.
"You little snake," I joke, poking her side "I can't belive you didn't tell me sooner."
"I know, I know, but I wanted to tell you in person," she says. "Oh but hey, please dont say a word to anybody yet. We're going to talk to Will this weekend, when all of this work stuff is over, then it will be totally out there for the world to know."
"I'm sure he's going to be so happy for you guys." I say, "just like I am."
She blushes, but there's no denying how happy she is.
"Okay, tell me everything," I ask eagerly, "how did it happen?"
"Oh," she scoffs, "its actually kind of boring, he brought it up one night, and of course you were right before, he was worrying about the same things that I was. Anyway, we were talking about us, and how we feel about each other and we just kind of came to a decision about it."
"My, my. Check you grown ups out!"
"I know right? Far too mature for my liking." Annie giggles softly. There's a sparkle in her eye as she talks about Adam that can only come from being in love.
"Honestly Izzy, it feels like I'm dreaming half the time," she says. "With Bennys finally being finished, and now Adam and I, it's like my life is finally coming together. He's been so sweet about the lack of time I've had too. Everything about him is amazing… and I mean everything!" She gives me an over exagerated wink, not that it was too hard to put together what she meant.
"Annie, my young ears!" I say in a mocking tone.
"Oh please, we've got to be at the sex talk stage in our friendship by now right? Please say yes, because I've really gotta' tell somebody about it," she says, looking like she could burst.
"Humm, that really depends on the kind of sex you're having."
"Ew!" Annie say with a laugh, "regular sex, or at least, mostly regular sex. But oh my god Izzy, it's insane. I don't think I've ever enjoyed it so much with anyone before. I thought it would calm down as time went on, but nope! It's like he's too good to be true."
Annie dives into a whole lot of detail about the acrobatics that her and Adam have been getting up to, and I mean a whole lot. There's positions I'm going to have to google when I get home. All the same, I'm really glad that she's found someome who she can connect with like that, she deserves it.
"Jeeze, listen to me," she says, finally taking a breath. "I need to stop talking, I sound like a nymphomaniac, I swear we do normal things too."
"It's fine," I say, "I'm getting an education here."
"Somehow I doubt that very much." she says with a hint of sarcasm. "I'm sure you're just as wild as I am, I can see it in you. What's Jamie like? Or is it rude to ask?"
"Jamie? Emm, gosh I don't know, regular?" I say, shrugging my shoulders. I'm well aware that Jamie would freak out if he thought I was casually discussing our sex life.
"Wait!" Annie say, facepalming herself. "Have I just put my foot in it? Are you guys still not...?"
"Oh no, we are, well we did," I clarify. "The night of his launch party actually."
"And?"
"Annnnd that was it." I say shyly.
"What do you mean?"
She stares at me expectantly as I begin to feel myself clam up, all I can think about is how mad this would make Jamie.
"I don't mean anything, it was fine." I say, "We had sex a bunch of times and made up for the break we had. It was romantic I guess. I'm not great at talking about that kind of stuff, I think we're a little vanilla in comparison to you guys."
"Hmm." She raises an eyebrow.
"You think I'm boring don't you?," I say flatly.
"You? No way. Your sex life sure is though!"
"Annie!" I scold her, trying to look offended as I laugh along. "My sex life is fine the way it is thank you very much. Besides, I don't have any time to look his direction right now anyway."
"Well, I hate to be the one to tell you Izzy," she says, "but if your night of passion hasn't left you wanting more after the break you guys took, something aint right."
"Don't be rediculous," I tell her, "we were lucky we even got to have that 'night of passion' after the argument we had anyway, I'm sure things will pick up once my workload calms down."
"Wait, hold on," she says, "you didn't say you guys had argued. What happened?"
Shit. I'm such a goddamn blabbermouth! Why did I have to say that?
I obviously can't explain what really happened to her, Jamie asked me not to mention Karl to anyone, so I can't. Not even Annie.
Thinking quick, I halfheartedly make up a story about how the sucky lunch with my dad caused an argument between Jamie and I because I didn't want to go to his party. It's not a million miles away from the truth, but it still doesn't feel nice to lie to her.
I hate that I can't tell her the truth, but I promised Jamie. And even if I did tell her, she wouldn't understand. All it would do is paint Jamie in a bad light, and Annie doesn't need another reason to hate him.
By the end of my lame explanation, I have a feeling that Annie knows I haven't been entirely forth coming with the truth.
"So that's all that happened?," she asks, her eyes narrowing in on me, "Just an argument?"
"Yes," I assure her, "he didn't do anything if that's what you're getting at."
"You'd tell me if he did right?"
"Yes, but I promise, nothing happened," I say, "Anyway, Jamie knows I wouldn't stay if he did anything stupid again. And in his defence, as mad as he was, he controlled it, that's a good thing right?"
Annie physically winces when she hears me say that. I probably should have considered how it sounded.
"So, just to make sure I've got this right," she says, "you didn't want to go to the party, you guys argued about it, and then you went, is that correct?"
"Well it sounds bad when you put it like that."
"What other way is there to put it Iz? Because it sounds to me like only one of you got your way."
"Please don't start that Annie," I say, "I should never have let the stuff with my dad interfere with our plans anyway."
"Izzy the stuff with your dad is tough. Of course something like that would upset you. It sounds like Jamie didn't even care."
"That's not true," I argue, "of course he did."
"Not if you ask me. It sounds like he bullied you into going when you said you didn't want to, like he forced-."
"No!," I say, stopping her before she says any more. "I know what you're going to say, but that's not what happened. God, why is everyone so damn eager to make Jamie into some sort of villain all of the time?"
Annie reaches for my hand, "I'm not saying that, but Izzy I have to be honest, it doesn't sound all that fair to me."
I completely turn on her, snatching my fingers away from hers. "You don't know anything Annie, you weren't there, and I didn't ask for your take on it either!"
She gives me that god awful frustrating look of pity. It completely sends me into a spiral. I'm done here.
"You know what," I tell her, trying really hard to stay calm, "I think I'm going to go." I put down the cup of coffee that I've barely touched, and reach for my bag.
"No, don't be silly Izzy!," Annie says, jumping up to follow me as I make my way to the door. "Look I'm sorry, I can't help it if I don't exactly trust the guy yet, but I didn't mean to upset you."
I turn back to her, my chest feels like it's on fire. "I'm not a child Annie. I don't need you to trust him. I only need you to trust that I know what is and isn't okay in a relationship."
"Izzy, c'mon," she pleads, "maybe I misunderstood you or something. Lets not make it a big deal, please stay."
"No," I shake my head, "I better go. I just remebered that I have something to do for college anyway, we can do this another time."
"Izzy..." Annie gives me some puppy dog eyes.
It's painfully obvious that my college excuse is a lie, but I double down anyway.
"Really, it's fine," I say, "an assignment slipped my mind thats all. Lets just forget it, I'll see you on Friday instead okay?"
"Alright, if you're sure? I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings Iz."
"You haven't," I say, forcing a smile, "don't worry about it. I'm just tired and falling a little behind, that's all."
I hug her goodbye and let myself out, much to her disappointment. This straight of bad days has got to end soon surely?
I have to stop letting every little thing get to me so much.
I'll find myself with nobody at all otherwise.