This isn't good.
I'm painfully aware of the fact that I'm not wearing any cover up right now, and that Will now holds my baseball cap.
"Isobel?," he asks with caution. "What are you doing here?"
His eyes linger on the bruise that sits under my eye before he peers up at the hotel sign. I know his mind is putting two and two together.
My mouth is starting to feel like I've tried to eat a bucket of sand.
"I-I'm staying here for a few days," I say, my voice just as weak as I feel right now.
"Are you alright?"
He's trying to be polite, but he's seen my face. He wants to know what happened.
"Yeah, of course..."
I try to think quick, clutching at the first thing that comes to mind.
"Our apartment sprung a leak, so I'm staying here while it gets sorted out."
I gesture to my face, "Can you guess how I found out about it?" I say, attempting to laugh and play this whole thing off as nothing, but even I find it had to swallow.
"I walked into the kitchen and slipped. The water was everywhere... I'm sure I look awful."
That's not my planned excuse I know, but how else could I explain the hotel? I panicked!
Not that Will seems to be buying my story anyway.
I keep the smile stuck to my face, crossing my fingers that he won't ask any more questions.
"Right...," he says, "sure… so are you alone? That bruise looks pretty bad."
He winces at the sight of me.
"Yeah, it's just me. Jamie had to go out of town for a few days for work."
"Yeah? That's pretty bad timing"
"Um hum," I say, trying to keep the pretence up, although I feel like I'm failing miserably. Time to move this conversation on.
"So, what are you doing around here Will?," I ask, "Do you live nearby?"
I don't know if he even heard what I asked, because he just continues to stare at me, narrowing his eyes like he's mad or something. I swallow hard, my body language is giving everything away.
"Alright," he says, taking a small step back. "I'm just going to come right on out and ask the question Isobel, because I can't pretend that I'm not thinking it."
He watches for my reaction, but I stupidly pretend that I don't understand.
"I might be overstepping here," he says, "but, did somebody do that to you?"
I'm genuinely a bit surprised that he'd be so forthcoming with his suspicion, not to mention that he would voice it so publicly too.
I look around us, noting the multiple groups of people passing us on the street, with the odd curious look coming my way. I'm suddenly feeling very exposed.
"I don't know what you mean," I snap at him as I grab my hat out of his hand. "I have to go."
Turning on my heel, I walk towards the gas station, but Will follows close behind, weaving through bodies as he tries to keep up with me.
"Izzy, c'mon, you wouldn't be so offended if I was wrong!"
"I am offended, and you are wrong," I say, continuing to stomp my way down the street, and refusing to stop to talk to him.
He try's to force my hand.
"I've been in enough scuffles to know a face that's been punched versus a face that's hit the floor Isobel."
"It was a door knob actually," I mumble smugly, as if I have any right to be that self satisfied about it. "And nobody can tell the difference between a punch and a fall Will, you're trying to trick me into telling you something that didn't happen, but there's nothing to tell, so goodbye."
I speed up, hoping to shake him off, but he's persistent, just like he was before.
He follows me all the way to the gas station, just stopping short of following me inside.
I take a look around, searching for the phone accessories, eventually finding the cable I need and joining the queue to pay.
Taking a quick glance out the window, I check to see if Will has given up and left me be. I can't spot him out there, so it looks like he has, thankfully. What was he even doing around here anyway?
After paying, I walk back outside to find that I wasn't as lucky as I first thought, because there Will is, leaning against the building as casual as ever with his hands in his pockets like he doesn't have a care in the world.
Why do I find that so infuriating?
He calls after me as I leave, walking my way right by him.
"Izzy wait," he says before rushing up behind me and pulling on my hand, forcing me to turn and face him.
I'm sure he doesn't mean it to be aggressive, and maybe it's the fact that I really don't know him all that well, or it could be that I am sick to death of men thinking that they can touch me however they like, but either way, it wasn't a good move on his part.
I round on him, "Don't fucking touch me!," I yell at him, drawing the attention of the strangers around us.
He moves back, dropping my hand like it's hot coal.
"What?," I say through gritted teeth. "What do you want from me Will?"
"Izzy I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to make sure you're okay, thats all."
"I'm fine! Now leave me alone Will."
Nothing here is his fault, and I'm already aware that I'll feel really bad about this later, but right now I can't seem to keep my frustration in check.
He hesitates for a second, seeming annoyed with me more than anything.
"Y'know Izzy, that's twice now since I've met you that you've lied to me. I'm trying to be understanding here, but do it one more time and that'll be your third strike. I'll walk away and you'll be nobody to me."
"Is that a threat or a promise Will?," I ask.
"It's whatever you want it to be."
I think about his words as we stare each other down. What I want here is irrelevant, because I can't have it no matter what way I look at it. So why torture myself?
I approach him, closing the gap that he put between us and getting so close that I bet he can smell his americano as it soaks through my shirt. I need him to stop trying to figure this out.
"The reason I didn't want to go to the cafe with you the other day was because I'd already been in there at lunchtime with my boyfriend, not because the coffee shop was better. So there you go Will, there's your third lie, now I can be that nobody."
I turn away from him, ready to retreat, but his voice catches me one more time.
"Is that the same boyfriend that left that bruise on your face?"
It hits me like a bullet, just as he intended. I sigh as I face him again, completely giving up the fight.
"Yes Will. That's the one. Are you happy now?"
Will and I are at an impasse. He doesn't know what to say now that he knows he was right, and I dont know what else to say now that I've told him the truth. Everything feels perfectly still for a moment as we bathe in our own thoughts.
I study the pavement as he studies me. I'm unable to meet his stare, but I know I need to do some damage control.
"Please don't tell your friend Adam," I say, "or Sarah. I don't want anyone to know."
Will instantly softens, but I still can't look at him. I cant bare to see whatever sympathy he has for me etched on his face. I hate it.
After my mom and grandfather died, sympathy was all I saw for years. Everybody feels sorry for you all of the time when something like that happens. I already couldn't feel normal simply because it happened. I didn't need the constant reminder of it plastered onto peoples faces too. With their big sad eyes and stiff awkward smiles.
I didn't want it then, and I don't want it now.
I should have known though, that Will isn't everybody, because he takes me by complete surprise when he doesn't give me the 'it will get better for you' speech. He doesn't say anything at all actually. Instead, Will simply wraps his arms around me, pulling me into him. He holds me there, resting his chin on my head as I inhale his scent, letting me feel whatever it is that I want to feel.
I'm sure we look peculiar to passers by, but I don't care, it's so nice to just be.
After a little while, Will loosens his hold and makes the best suggestion I've heard all year.
"You wanna' go get a drink? Seems like you could use one."
"That sounds perfect. Do you know anywhere around here that's not my hotel? Or picky about attire?," I say.
Will looks over my coffee splattered t-shirt with a grin that I don't quite understand.
"I might know a place," he says as he gestures for me to follow him.
♾️
Will and I arrive at a Bar and Grill that's a short walk away from my hotel. There's a row of different restaurants all along the same street. The smell is divine. I've been here a bunch of times before. 'Benny's Burgers'. In my opinion, it's the best burger place in town, and right now I'm ready to eat ten of them.
I follow Will, shrinking myself to squeeze past people as they order drinks at the bar, some look at us as we go, giving Will the odd wave or nod of the head. He must be a regular.
He takes my hand as we round the bar, coming to a door that leads into the kitchen, and then he goes right on through it. I pull back from him, feeling a bit unsure.
"It's okay," he says, "this is my dads place."
His dads place? I was expecting a street truck or something from the way he spoke about it before. I guess I really should have asked.
Will guides me forward through the kitchen. It's chaotic, there's people shouting orders and rushing around with plates of food through smoke while the grills sizzle. It's a world away from the atmosphere out at the bar that's for sure.
He leads me through another door that opens into a small hallway with bathrooms and an office off to the side.
"Annie?," he calls out. "You back here?"
He knocks on the women's bathroom door cautiously, trying to find whoever Annie is.
"I'm in here," a soft voice calls out from behind us.
Will turns towards it, leading us into a small dark office with only a desk lamp illuminating it.
"Did you forget something? I thought you were… oh."
The voice trails off as I step into the office behind Will. Keeping myself as hidden as I can.
"Annie, this is my friend Isobel. Do you have a shirt or something here that she could borrow? I spilled some coffee on hers."
"Hi, nice to meet you," I offer meekly, removing my hat so I don't seem so rude. It's dark in here, and I stay behind Will hoping whoever this girl is doesn't get too curious.
She eyes me up and down before standing to open up a metal locker behind her. It's filled with uniforms, she's digs through them until she finds what she's looking for. It dawns on me then that this is probably Wills sister.
"Here," she says as she hands me a white top with some 'Benny's Burgers' graphics on it. "You're not going to bring any trouble here are you?,"she adds, holding me in place with her cold glare.
I must look a mess. She probably thinks Will pulled me from a alleyway or something.
"N-no not at all," I say, "I'm usually a lot more put together than this."
She rolls her eyes, still unimpressed.
"Annie, that's enough," Will interjects. "She's a friend and she needs some help, don't push it."
Annie sits back down at her desk while Will directs me back out to the bathroom where I quickly get changed and discard my stained tshirt. There's no way that coffee is coming out.
When I get back to the office, Annie's whole attitude seems to have flipped on it's head. Will must have filled her in during the whole minute I was gone, and she's making zero effort to pretend that he hasn't. So much for keeping it to himself.
"Do you need something to eat Izzy?," she offers, "I can have someone from the kitchen cook you up a burger? Or some chicken wings?"
It's a really kind offer, and I am starving, but I don't want to take advantage, so I politely decline.
Will has other ideas however, and calls out to some guy that's passing in the corridor and asks him to organise two burgers with fries and to let him when they're ready.
"Where are you staying?" Annie asks as she looks me over again, her eyes doing that sad look that I mentioned people do.
"I'm at the Marrion," I tell her. "It's nice. I'll be there for the next few days."
"Well," Annie chirps as she stands up and digs through her purse before pulling out a business card and handing it to me.
"I never use these things," she mutters. "My number is on there and I have a spare room if you need it. I know Will does too, but if you'd prefer a female companion I'd be more than happy to put you up for a few weeks."
I'm stunned into silence from her generosity.
"Annie!," Will scolds her. "Calm down, I'm sure Izzy has her own plans."
He looks to me apologetically before explaining. "Sorry, she has a problem with boundaries."
"Hey!," Annie exclaims as she elbows him in the ribs.
I'm still not one hundred percent sure of the relationship here, and I don't find the business card in my hand all that helpful.
'Annie McDermott' is written across at the top of it in gold lettering, but I don't actually recall Will giving me his full name before.
"So just to be sure," I say as I read over Annie's details again, "you are Wills sister right? Is McDermott an Irish name?"
Will goes wide eyed as he realises he hasn't even introduced us. "Shit, I'm sorry! Yes of course, this is my sister Annie, and no, before she starts, we aren't Irish. Our Grandparents are."
"Which makes us Irish," Annie chips in.
"No it doesn't!"
"It does," she chimes, taking great pleasure from Wills protests.
"We were not born in Ireland Annie," Will argues. "We weren't raised there. We aren't part of the customs or the culture or the ideals, therefore, we are not Irish. We've been through this. We have an Irish surname that was passed to us by our grandparents. They are Irish."
Somehowe I sense that this is a dividing topic for the two of them, but it's fun to watch them bicker about it none the less.
"No!," Annie insists. "We can apply for citizenship, I've checked. So we pretty much are. And I go to Irish bars all the time. Oh! Maybe we should turn this place into an Irish Bar?"
"What? No way! If dad wanted it to be an Irish bar he would have called it 'Séan McDermots Irish Beef Burgers' or something, but he didn't, because we're not Irish."
I interrupt in confusion. "So, was your dads name Benny or Séan?"
"Neither," they say in unison.
Wow, now I'm really lost. And now, for whatever reason, Annie wants me to be the decision maker.
"What do you think Izzy?," she asks, "We're Irish right?"
"Oh, ah well... I'm not sure."
They're absolutely not Irish, but I'm not about to tell her that when she's just offered me clothes, food and a place to live, all within the first five minutes of knowing me.
"Well isn't Tully an Irish name too?," Will points out. "Do you consider yourself Irish Izzy?"
"Well, no. But I don't know how far back in my family that name goes either."
I guess by the smile on his face that my answer means that Will wins the argument.
Annie rolls her eyes once more.
"Oh shut up Will, of course she's going to side with you!"
I flush with embarrassment, but before Annie has the chance to elaborate any further on that, there's a knock at the door. It's the same guy from earlier, letting Will know that the burgers are ready.
Just before Will and I leave, Annie grabs my arm and pulls me close to her.
"You'll think about what I said won't you? About the room? It's just sitting there empty."
"Of course," I say. "Thank you so much for offering. I'll think about it. I'm sure my sister has some space for me though."
"A room?"
"No... but I'll have time to work it all out."
"That's nonsense!," she says, "I rent it out all of the time, I just haven't had a minute recently to get it organised. And you never know, you might like it so much that you stay."
"Thanks Annie," I say, giving her a warm smile. "I'll come back to you on it. I haven't been having much luck with finding a place anyway."
"Great. And look, I know Will might think I'm sticking my nose in somewhere that it doesn't belong here, but please let us know if you need anything else alright?"
"Thank you, you're so sweet, I really appreciate it."
"Great, I hope I see you again Izzy," she says, before sitting herself back down at her desk and continuing her paperwork.
Will and I find a comfy little booth that's not too loud back out near the bar area, and then he orders us both a beer. I wouldn't normally be a fan, but he insists that it would be blasphemous to have any other beverage with a burger.
A waitress brings over our drinks, she's probably a little over familiar with Will, and doesn't even so much as look my way, but I can't blame her I guess.
I swallow down that pang of jealously and take a big mouthful of the burger as she walks away. It's like heaven. I haven't eaten properly in days, so this is like a gourmet meal right now.
The silence between us is a bit lumbersome, so I make the effort to inject some small talk.
"So this is your dads place?" I ask, "Is that why you were near the hotel?"
"Yeah, I'd just left actually. Sometimes the carpark here is full so I park in a spot not too far from your hotel."
"Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to drag you all the way back here, you should have said."
"You didn't, I suggested it, no need to apologise."
"Right… Well this place is great," I say. "I've been here a few times before actually, the food is always really good."
I'm not even trying to flatter him with that, the food really is amazing, it always has been.
"Yeah Annie does a great job," he says, "I don't have much to do with the menu side of things. I mostly stick to maintenance and backround work. She's better at managing people. It works for us this way."
He looks around the bar for a moment, his mind ticking over. "Or at least it did work," he continues. "We're not sure what's changed, it's gotten quieter lately, and there's been a bit of a dip in profits. Annie is considering a new menu. I'll probably have to get a little more hands on until we figure it out."
Will shrugs his shoulders, but its clear that he's concerned. It is his dads legacy after all.
"So who's Benny?" I question, still just as confused as earlier.
Will smiles like he's remembering someone.
"That would be my grandfather on my fathers side, Bernard McDermot. My dads name was Finn. My Grandparents are from Ireland as I mentioned, County Wicklow, but they lived here for years. They came over, had their family and raised them through school. Then when my Dad was in his early twenty's they decided that they wanted to move back to Ireland. Dad had already met my mom by that stage, so he wanted to stay with her. He moved to Denver to be with her and they got married. When they divorced, he moved back here and opened this place."
"It was sweet of him to name it after your grandfather," I say with a smile.
"It was," he agrees as he works away at his fries. "They came up with the special seasoning that we use in the meat together at some point, so my dad wanted to make sure that he was included. I can't tell you the recipe though I'm afraid, it's a family secret."
Will winks at me as he says that, and honestly I think I could die right now if that was going to be my last memory.
"I'm sure I could get it out of you," I tease, giving him my best doe eyes.
The side of his mouth creeps upward as he watches me. "Yeah, you probably could..."
Will and I continue to chat as we eat, it's obvious small talk, but it's just so nice to be out of the hotel room and to feel entirely comfortable. I never realised how on edge I was when Jamie and I came to places like this. There was always a worry in the back of my mind that I'd say or do something to upset him, but I don't have that feeling here with Will.
"So tell me," Will says, smirking as he does. "Who pours the better water? The cafe up the street from when you work or, what was it? Deans Beans?"
"Okay," I admit, "you have me there."
I clear my throat, knowing it's best to get this over with now.
"Look I'm sorry, I know it seems like I've lied to you the whole time that you've known me, I guess technically I have, but you know pretty much everything now, or at least more than anyone else anyway. So from here on in you won't hear another lie from me, I promise."
Will pretends to think it over, exaggerating his expression.
"Alright, I guess you can have have a forth strike. I mean, it's unheard of for me, but there's always an exception to the rule."
"And I'm the exception in this case I take it?"
"Yes," he says, his voice like silk. "You're the exception Isobel."
Or eyes meet again. There's an intensity between us that I try my hardest to ignore. I watch as Wills gaze shifts to my cheek. He examines my bruised flesh as I fight the memory of how it came to be like that.
I notice his fist curl into ball on the table.
"You wanna tell me what happened?," he asks, picking up his napkin to wipe his mouth.
"That depends," I say, "are you going to tell your sister?"
"Oh hey, I know you didn't want me to say anything, but if I hadn't told her why you were here she would have given you a hard time all night. She thought you were some random person off the street taking advantage of the fact I felt sorry for you. She won't tell anyone, I promise."
"No, it's fine," I say, "I was just kidding. She seems really great actually."
I take another sip of my beer as I think Wills question over.
Do I want to share the worst parts of my life with someone who is essentially a stranger?
This stranger already knows my most intimate secret, so what harm could it really do? It might even help get the images of what happened out of my head.
"Its a bit of a train-wreck," I warn him. "I'd understand if you'd rather not hear about it."
"If you need someone to talk to, then I want to hear it Isobel."
Will stretches his arm across the table and brushes his knuckles off of mine, sparking what feels like an electric current between us. I make no mention of the fact he's still using my full name even though I told him not to. It's starting to sound tolerable from him, nice even.
I decide to go ahead and bite the bullet. Taking a deep breath, I start talking.
I tell Will everything. From the first time it happened over Zach's text message, to the first time Jamie actually left a bruise because I had burnt lunch. I never knew someone could get so angry over burnt pasta-bake.
I tell him all about why I left this time too, I wasn't sure how much of that night I was going to share, but once I started talking, I couldn't stop. I felt nauseous as I explained it to him, holding back tears as I did. I described what Jamie told me to do, only for it to be some twisted way to demean me. I even told him about Tom arriving the next morning and everything I overheard.
When I finish speaking, it's like a giant bolder has been lifted off of my chest. I didn't think I was going to tell him much at all, never mind every detail. Maybe the fact I don't know him all that well made it easier somehow.
Will sits with everything I said for the longest time. He's holding onto what he wants to say. Just about every muscle that I can see is tensed.
Eventually he breaks his silence.
"That guy is an animal Izzy."
"He's not always like that," I say in Jamie's defence. "He obviously has a good side... a great side actually. He can be so loving, but I don't know what it is that changes inside of him when he gets mad at me."
"Mad at you? Izzy that's not mad. That's sick. How do you not see that? Why are you defending him?"
"I don't think that I'm defending him, I… I dont know, I just want to give the full picture of who he is I guess."
"I can see the full picture on your face right there," Will says as he nods his head at my cheek. "I couldn't care less about what a nice guy he is when he's not treating you like shit."
"No, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying, ninety percent of the time he's a good person Will, I know he regrets what he does."
"Are you serious?," he says, raising his voice enough to draw attention from the booth beside us.
"So that guy can attempt to sexually assault you, but it's okay because he buys you flowers after?"
"That's not what I said Will!" I argue. "Don't put words in my mouth. I don't understand why you're reacting like this? Are you upset with me or something?"
Will flinches as if he's shocked that I'd ever assume that.
"No," he says. "God no Izzy, I'm sorry. I'm not upset with you at all, I'm just... I'm furious for you. Aren't you angry?"
He's angry for me? For a moment I'm a little confused. Have I really gotten so used to having to defend myself against Jamie that I can't see when someone is fighting for me and not against me?
"I was angry," I tell him. "The first few times. I was angry at him for what he did, and then I was angry at myself for accepting it. But now I think I'm just tired Will. Does that make sense?"
He doesn't answer, but somehow I feel he gets it.
"Can I ask you something?," he says. "And please don't take any offence, I'm just curious to know the answer."
I already know what's coming, so I save him the breath.
"Why did I stay?" I ask for him.
"Yeah. I don't think I get it. You have family, other options. I just wanna' understand it."
I mull Will's question over. It's a fair one.
Why does anyone stay with a partner that hits them? Love? Fear? They're the same thing when it comes to Jamie I think.
Do I love him so much that I can't leave him. Or do I fear him so much that I'm afraid to.
I know deep down that neither of those things are what keeps me there.
"I guess I don't leave because I don't think I deserve anything better," I say truthfully. "Sometimes I wonder if this life is what's meant for me y'know?"
"Why would you say that Izzy? You have to know deep down that you don't deserve any of that."
"I'm not so sure. I mean, I know he shouldn't be doing it, I'm not oblivious to how wrong it is but… I don't know. When I first met Jamie, all I did was compare him to my dad. Ever since I was a kind, the more I pushed to be something in his life, the more he didn't want me in it. And then Jamie came along, and it was the opposite. I didn't need to push, he wanted me, and I clung to that like a life raft. Does that sound stupid? Comparing the two of them?"
"Not really," he says, "it's not unheard of to chase what a parent didn't give you. Your dad sounds like he had some issues of his own though."
"You could say that," I say.
"Did something happen between you two?," he asks.
I lock eyes with Will. This is about to open up a whole new can of worms, but why stop the revelations now?
"You remember how I told you my mom and grandfather died?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, my dad sort of thinks that I killed them."