I wanted to stay with him because I didn't want to disappoint my parents and bring them shame because why would their daughter be calling off an engagement. Realizing that they weren't even mad at me about it how things turned out to be with him, they were mad at themselves for making me feel like they wouldn't have listened to me.
Looking back at that time, the time spent walking on egg shells around him. The time spent wondering what next he'd accuse me of that day, the worry of wondering if him being silent to me is him not wanting to talk or trying to make me suffer for something I didn't even know I'd done.
He put his hands on me for the first time and I had made enough excuses for him even before he came to apologize with the gifts and prostrated for me.
"It's my fault"
"I shouldn't have talked when he was talking"
"I shouldn't have gone out when he asked me not to"
"I shouldn't have touched his car keys because he asked me not to take his car"
I gave myself enough excuses for him that I became convinced that I was the bad one, that I pushed over the edge and made him hit me. I made excuses for him and brought myself to thinking that it only happened once and won't happen again.
It happened again, that emotional abuse never stopped and he started to abuse my finances.
I've come to see now that him hitting me at that part was God's plan because I can just imagine myself still staying with him even after what would have happened that night.
My parents gave me the strength I needed to leave, the balls I needed to stand up to him and take back my life. To take back my life and start to live the way I see fit, free from panicking and suffering. My parents gave me the hope that I'd find someone for me, someone who would appreciate my yapping and tolerate my other excesses. Breaking off the engagement was hard but I am glad my eyes were open before we walked to the altar and I became even more trapped than I already with in the relationship.
"The investors have arrrived" my dad secretary's voice drew me away from the chamber of thoughts that I was running through in my mind and into the bright conference room.
"Do you have everything prepared?" He asked her and she bent down to his ears and whispered a few sentences into his ears making him nod in agreement to whatever it was that she said to him before she stood up straighter and went to stand behind him.
The door opened and in walked the proposed investors, a younger man and two older men walked into the room and my dad stood up to meet them at the door.
Myself and his secretary followed closely behind him making sure to keep smiles on our faces, as we walked closer to them I had the opportunity of seeing the face of the younger guy clearer and he was Nelson. My childhood friend that I had met at the night of the party, I couldn't believe I'd be seeing him here in this meeting.
Seeing as we left abruptly after the incident at the party, I wasn't able to catch up with him or even get his contact that night.
I decided to keep my cool as my father walked them to where they were going to be sitting for the meeting and I walked with him to where I was sitting behind him next to his secretary.
Dad told me he wasn't going to give me any special post and I'd have to start as his personal assistant and work closely with his secretary and that I didn't mind at all. At least he was giving me a chance to prove myself to him and show him that I also could be hardworking.
The meeting was long and rambling, during the meeting I figured out that Nelson was one of the investors and one of the old men with him was his father and the other one was one of the board members of their company.
Nelson didn't acknowledge me throughout the meeting and I figured that he maybe didn't recognize me anymore or after what happened that night, he's decided to not talk to me anymore. If it were me I'd do the same so I didn't mind at all that he wasn't talking to me.
"Thanks a lot for coming today…" Dad said to them after the meeting and then exchanging handshakes again.
The men began to leave the room when Nelson stopped and looked at me one more time giving me a little smile and wave.
I hesitated before waving back at him with a smile on my face and he began to walk towards me where I was standing with a smile on his face.
"Hi… we meet again" he said his voice different from the stoic voice he had spoken with throughout the whole meeting we had just concluded.
"Nelson… yeah we do…" I paused contemplating apologizing for the other night when he spoke
"I never did see you again after you left… that night with your fiancé"
"Yeah… something's came up and I couldn't come back to join the party" I replied him as everyone started to leave the room and we proceeded after them to the hallway where my father was talking to the two older men.
"Oh… that's fine… it's nice to meet you again…" he said turning to me with a smile on his face. The last time I had seen Nelson he was about fifteen years old at that time, three years older than me.
He had grown into a fine young man, tall, dark and most definitely handsome. He could be married for all I know and I shouldn't be blatantly checking him out like I am.
"Would you like to maybe get… lunch sometime?…"
"… don't feel like you are obligated to… just think of it as lunch with an old friend" he quickly added after his pause trying to make things straightforward and I didn't mind at all.
"Sure… I won't mind at all, we've got lots of catching up to do" I said to him trying to hide my smile and still my leaping heart.
"Okay then… I'd like to have your number so we can set it up" he said bringing out his phone from his pant pocket and handing it over to me with the keypad opened on the phone.
"Okay, no problem…" I said to him typing my number into the keypad and handing it over to him and he saved my number.
"I'd shoot you a message tonight… I am really looking forward to having that lunch with you" he said to me making me smile lightly and try to look away from his amazing eyes that seemed to draw me into them.
"Okay no problem… it's so nice to meet you again." I said to him and he nodded at me before talking
"The pleasure is all mine, Pretty lady" he took my hand in his and gave my hand a firm shake before lingering a little rubbing my hand lightly with a smile on his face.
"Thanks…" I said as he turned away with a smile and walked to where the men were talking before they all began to walk towards the elevator and he turned again to give me a small smile before turning away again.
"Somebody seems to be smitten" Bola the secretary spoke from behind me drawing my eyes away from him and to here.
"Smitten? I am not smitten he's a friend I have seen in years" I said trying to defend myself and the smile that I couldn't help but show when I was talking to him earlier.
"He's definitely enamored with you… he couldn't stop looking at you through out the whole meeting." She said bumping my shoulder lightly as we both walked back into the conference room to tidy up a bit.
"He wasn't looking at me Bola… he has better things to do" I countered her and she laughed shaking her head before speaking again.
"I honestly saw him looking at you… he couldn't take his eyes off you. Honestly" she said trying to convince me and I just smiled trying not to show her that my mind was skipping for joy knowing he wasn't ignoring me after all.
"Yeah… he probably has a wife. This is nothing but just for us to catch up with what happened over the years" I said to here trying to make myself see that he probably already has someone he loves and is married to. I don't even know him enough to think he'd want to be with me, me? Broken me?
"I don't know about a girl friend but I definitely know about a wife and he doesn't have one. Just saying" she said shrugging her shoulders and continuing what she was doing gathering the papers on the table. I stopped and put my hand on my waist before speaking to her
"And how do you know that?"
"Early, The Boss asked him about his wife and he said he doesn't have a wife yet…" she said continuing what she was doing and her answer put me into thought.
I am sure nothing could happen between us, he just wants us to have a conversation and catch up. It's not like he's asking me out on a date or anything just asking us to catch up.
I wasn't sure I wanted to start a talking stage with anyone seeing as I just got through the most traumatic chain of events of my life and I couldn't let another man in again. So he could hurt me? And maybe start the Ola cycle over again… no I can't let that happen to me again.
I couldn't!
***
I laughed at what Nelson said about a joke he heard from a friend and he did deliver the joke well. This was the third time we were having lunch together and I have to enjoy his company and even our chats and calls. Even though seeing his name come across my screen either a call or a message made my heart jump, I made sure to still keep him at arms length. I took time to reply, picked up his calls late and even sometimes didn't pick up at all, I couldn't let him get too close.
"You have a very nice laugh you know…" he said looking towards me and into my eyes with a smile in his.
"Thanks…" I said to him looking away from him and to my hands that was on my lap playing with the fidget at the back of my phone.
"You are welcome… I like you Fatima… I like you a lot…" he said reaching out to hold my hand and I became stiff as a board wanting to disappear.
"Nelson…"
"You don't have to reciprocate back immediately, I just want you to know that I really like you and the time we spend together is one I always look forward to." He said giving my hand a light squeeze and rubbing it after.
"Nelson… I just got out of the cry train relationship, I told you I cancelled my engagement with my fiancé and I am not sure I am ready for another one" I said not knowing what his reaction would be to what I had said.
"I understand Tima… I really do and I am wishing to take things at a pace you are comfortable with… I am not rushing us into anything and I just thought to let you know that I really like you." He said his voice coming out with a sweet tone that made me happy and relaxed my mind from the trubulance I was experiencing earlier.
"Thanks for understanding Nelson… I do… uhm… like you too" I said looking away from him and he smiled at me with a big smile.
"Thanks Tima… we'd take things according to your pace… I don't mind… you are with every moment" he said not taking his eyes off me and maintaining his smile not giving me any hint to being angry at me. Even his body language was a relaxed one and didn't hold any form of contempt.
"Nelson…" I called out his name before moving closer to him on the bench snd hugging his arm tightly feeling a sort of warmth radiating from him to me.
"Tima… I love spending time with you…" he said placing his other arm on my head and rubbing my head before placing a kiss on my forehead.
His aura brought me comfort and peace almost as if to say "I know what you've being through and I want to stay with you". I remember talking to Halimat after the our second lunch break together and I was so unsure.
"If he really wants to stay he'd give you time and respect your feelings… he'd see that he wants to be with you and acknowledge his feelings for you. You'd know from his actions and not his words, you'd know from how you feel when he's around and from your own reactions to him. At least that's what I've gotten from books and TikTok"
Halimat and said shrugging at the end of the advice and I smiled, sitting her with him now on this park bench with the breeze blowing slightly in the evening glow. I just knew deep brown in my heart that I'd want to be with him for how ever long we could make this work.
I could make this work, I could see this through and be loved again. I deserve to be loved again and loved right by a good man that could see my worth. I like him and can make this work with him, he gave me peace and brought happiness to my heart.
He let me talk and yap as much as I wanted to, he didn't mind me talking endlessly and he listened and even commented when he could. Even if he was busy at work he made sure to keep me updated, he made sure to carry me along with his day and he just made sure to make me feel included when he spent anytime.
I loved it here with him… I liked Nelson and I could see this being a long term thing between us. Sitting there that night at the park, I decided that I'd give Nelson a chance and give myself another shoot at love and happiness…
After all I deserved to be happy and loved!