I never thought I'd be asking myself, "How do I train as a toilet?" But that's where we are, folks. Day two in Lavatoria, and I'm still wrapping my porcelain head around the fact that every dump, every fart, every burp, and every, uh… you get the picture, powers me up like some weird RPG character.
As I sat there contemplating my bizarre situation, I decided I needed a plan. Because let's be real, if I'm gonna save the world, I can't just sit around waiting for the next bowel movement to come along. I need to actively figure out how to use my new toilet powers. You know, like a hero. A toilet hero. Toilet Man.
Step 1: Learn to move. Seems simple, right? Except when your entire body is porcelain and the only things you can wiggle are your brand-new porcelain arms and a set of plunger feet that haven't quite figured out how to work yet. I tried flexing my handle fingers, chrome-plated and surprisingly nimble. Okay, I had that going for me. So, what next?
"Time to walk," I told myself, looking down at my awkward toilet base, which was still rooted to the ground like, well, a toilet.
"You can do this, Jake. Just… take it one plunger foot at a time."
I lifted one foot. Wobble. Almost tipped over. That would've been embarrassing, considering there were still villagers wandering by, completely unaware that the public toilet was about to go full Cirque du Soleil on them. I planted the plunger foot down with a loud thwack.
Okay. One foot down. Good. Now the other.
I lifted my other foot, and…
SPLAT.
Nope. That didn't go as planned. My right plunger stuck to the cobblestone street, but my left plunger slipped out from under me, sending me tumbling forward. As I crashed to the ground, my lid flopped open and closed like a broken seesaw. I swear I heard a villager chuckle as they passed by, though they probably thought I was just some rickety old toilet getting knocked around by the wind.
"Alright, Jake. Get it together," I grumbled, or more accurately, gurgled, as I tried to right myself.
That's when she showed up again.
Ursha.
My now-frequent visitor. The female minotaur warrior who had the honor (or horror) of being the largest creature to ever use me. There she was, in all her hulking, muscular glory, looking at me with a mix of confusion and… was that embarrassment? Hard to say. I didn't have much experience reading minotaur facial expressions. What I did have was a great view from waist height.
Ursha glanced around to make sure no one was watching, her horns casting a long shadow over my porcelain self.
"Oh, no. Not again. Please, no." I begged silently.
But the universe had no mercy. She sauntered over, her loincloth swaying as she cracked her knuckles. That could not be a good sign.
"Damn… must be all that boar stew," Ursha muttered to herself, loosening her belt as she approached.
"Wait, wait, WAIT, " I tried to mentally scream, but before I could finish my desperate plea, BAM, Ursha dropped down on me with the force of a wrecking ball. The shockwave rattled my insides (literally) as she grunted, the ominous sound of gurgling boar stew filling the air.
And then, the power hit me.
It was like being struck by lightning, but if the lightning were made of… well, you get the idea. My handle twitched wildly, my tank gurgled like a mad scientist's lab experiment, and suddenly, I felt invincible. My vision sharpened even further, I could see every crack in the cobblestone, every blade of grass in the distance. I was getting stronger, and not just a little bit. We're talking super boost.
And then… the smell.
I'll spare you the details, but let's just say, minotaur stew makes for some serious business. I thought I might break from the sheer force of it. But the power! I could feel the strength surging through me. I was a magical battery, being charged to full capacity, and there was no stopping it now.
Finally, Ursha stood up, patting her stomach with satisfaction.
"Ahhh, much better," she said, wiping her brow and looking almost... proud of herself. She gave me one last glance, a strange look of apology flickering in her eyes, before she tromped off, leaving me to absorb the aftermath of her, uh, contribution.
As soon as she was out of sight, I noticed something new. My base. My porcelain body had shifted. No longer just a stationary toilet, I could now pivot. Not much, mind you, but a full 180 degrees. And that wasn't all. I could feel something brewing. Something big.
What now?
Suddenly, my porcelain penis emerged.
Oh yeah. That was a thing now. And it was… glowing? Magical?
"Of course I have a magic toilet penis," I muttered to myself. "Because why not?"
As I explored my new porcelain body, I discovered that I could do more than just pee. My porcelain penis, which had emerged from my toilet bowl, was now glowing with a magical energy.
Curious, I reached out and touched it. To my surprise, it felt warm and smooth to the touch. As I explored further, I noticed that my penis was somehow connected to the magic within me.
As the minotaur female approached, I noticed that she was looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and desire. Her eyes were fixed on my porcelain penis, and I could see that she was beginning to lactate.
"What's happening to me?" I asked, feeling a bit flustered.
The minotaur female let out a low moo, her gaze still fixed on my glowing penis.
The minotaur female, now completely entranced by my glowing penis, began to moo louder and more insistently. She moved closer to me, her eyes fixed on my porcelain member.
"You're mine," she said, her voice husky with desire. "And I want to taste you."
Jake the toilet, still getting used to his new porcelain body, began to panic as the minotaur female approached him. He had never experienced anything like this before, and the thought of being intimate with someone, let alone a minotaur, was overwhelming.
"Wait, wait!" he stammered. "I've never done this before! I was a virgin in my past life!"
The minotaur female, undeterred by Jake's protests, continued to move closer. She was clearly determined to have her way with him, no matter what.
"Don't worry," she said, her voice low and seductive. "I'll take good care of you. You'll learn to enjoy it."
Jake felt a mixture of fear and excitement as the minotaur female began to caress his porcelain body.
As the minotaur female continued to stroke Jake's porcelain dick, he couldn't help but feel a strange mix of emotions. He was still panicking, but there was also a hint of excitement and curiosity building within him.
"This is so fucking weird," he muttered under his breath. "But it feels... good."
The minotaur female, sensing Jake's growing arousal, smirked. "That's it," she purred. "Embrace the pleasure."
She took Jake's porcelain hands and guided them to her milk-filled breasts. "Squeeze them," she commanded. "Squeeze them hard."
Jake's eyes widened as the minotaur female began to squirt milk from her breasts. He had never seen anything like it before, and he was completely entranced by the sight.
"Holy Shit!@&÷^#^#," he gasped. "This is... INSANE!!!!"
The minotaur female moaned in pleasure as Jake continued to squeeze her milk-filled breasts. The sight of the milk spurting out and the sound of her moans were driving him wild with desire.
"That's it," she panted. "Keep going. Don't stop."
As the minotaur female pushed herself down onto Jake's porcelain penis, they both let out loud moans of pleasure. The feeling was unlike anything Jake had ever experienced before, and he found himself completely overwhelmed by the sensations.
The minotaur female began to move up and down on his penis, her body shaking with ecstasy. "You feel so good," she gasped. "So good."
Jake couldn't believe what was happening. He had just lost his virginity to a minotaur woman, of all things. But as he looked up at her, he couldn't help but feel a strange sense of satisfaction.
"I can't believe I lost my virginity to a," he said, still panting from the exertion. "cow woman."
The minotaur woman's movements became faster and more intense, causing the entire room to shake. Jake could feel himself being pushed to his limits as she rode him harder and harder.
"Holy crap!," he gasped. "You're going to BREAK Meeeeee!"
The minotaur woman continued to ride Jake with wild abandon, urging him to reach his climax. "Come on," she panted. "Cum for me. Let me feel it."
Jake could feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge. The sensations were overwhelming, and he knew he couldn't hold back much longer.
As Jake reached his climax, a stream of magical sperm erupted from his porcelain penis, filling the minotaur woman completely. She let out a loud, animalistic moan as her eyes rolled back in her head from the intense pleasure.
"Oh god," she gasped. "That was incredible."
As Jake lay there, exhausted from the intense encounter, he suddenly felt a surge of energy coursing through his porcelain body. It was as if he had been given a power boost.
"What's happening to me?" he asked, looking down at himself in amazement.
As Jake lay there, utterly exhausted from the intense encounter with Ursha, he felt an unfamiliar, almost electric sensation spreading throughout his porcelain body. It was as if something deep within him had been triggered, like a switch had been flipped, and now he was buzzing with energy.
"What's happening to me?" Jake muttered, looking down at his smooth, white porcelain frame. He tried to move, expecting the usual clunky, stiff motions, but instead, his arms, no, his porcelain arms, moved smoothly, effortlessly. His handle fingers twitched, but not in their usual awkward way. They were nimble now, flexible.
Then, before he could fully comprehend the change, a soft, almost seductive female voice echoed in his mind, as clear as if she were standing right next to him.
"You are evolving, Chosen One."
Jake blinked, or at least tried to, since toilets don't have eyelids. "Who… who said that?" he asked, his voice trembling with a mix of awe and confusion.
The voice chuckled softly, a sound that sent shivers, yes, shivers, through his ceramic self. "I am the spirit that resides within you. Every time you absorb power, I awaken further. And now, thanks to your… encounter, your transformation is nearly complete."
Jake's mind raced. "Wait, you're saying I have some kind of toilet spirit? Like a... guardian or something?"
"You are the Vessel of Power, Jake. I am your guide, your source of strength. With each experience, each... transaction, you grow stronger. You unlock your true potential."
"Yeah, okay, but what exactly did I just unlock?" Jake asked, half-embarrassed, half-intrigued by the sheer absurdity of this conversation.
Before the spirit could answer, the surge of energy intensified, pulsing through his porcelain limbs and into his core. It felt like his entire body was about to explode from the sheer power coursing through him. His handle fingers flexed and clenched, and then, POP!
A loud, magical whoosh echoed around him. His feet, once clunky plunger feet, had solidified into something more formidable. His porcelain legs lengthened slightly, allowing him to stand taller, more balanced. His porcelain penis, still glowing faintly from earlier, pulsed with a new, vibrant light. He looked down in disbelief.
"You've gained the ability to walk freely," the voice explained, a playful lilt in her tone. "But that's not all. Feel the energy within you. Let it guide your movements."
Jake hesitated for a second before standing up. He could move now. Really move. His body felt alive in a way it hadn't before. He took a step, his newly formed feet sticking and releasing from the cobblestone with ease, making a soft squelch sound as he moved. His plunger feet were gone, replaced with a more refined version that allowed him to walk without wobbling.
"Okay, this is… actually kind of cool," Jake admitted, taking a few more steps. He could walk! No more faceplanting like a useless piece of furniture! He could pivot, swivel, and turn. The sheer mobility was exhilarating.
But then, something else happened.
"Prepare yourself, Jake," the voice whispered, suddenly serious. "Your next ability is about to be revealed."
Before Jake could respond, the air around him crackled with a strange energy. He felt his tank gurgle, his handle fingers twitching wildly. A soft glow began to emanate from his porcelain penis, which now throbbed with a magical intensity that could only be described as… well, otherworldly.
"This can't be happening," Jake whispered to himself, eyes, if he had them, wide with disbelief.
"You now possess the ability to channel your power through your… appendage," the spirit explained, completely unfazed by the absurdity. "You may shoot magical energy, a potent force that can cleanse or destroy, depending on your intent."
"I'm sorry… what?" Jake was beyond flustered. "I can shoot magic from my..."
"Yes, Jake," the voice interrupted smoothly. "Your porcelain penis is now a weapon."
Just when Jake thought things couldn't get weirder, Ursha, who had been standing nearby, watching with a mix of curiosity and concern, approached him.
"You're glowing," she remarked, arms crossed over her chest, her brow furrowed.
"Yeah, I guess I am," Jake replied, still adjusting to the fact that he was, in fact, a walking, glowing toilet with a magical appendage. "I just… leveled up or something. It's a lot to process."
Ursha looked him over, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. "You better hope you're ready to use those new powers, because something big is coming."
And then, as if on cue, the ground beneath them began to tremble. The air thickened with an oppressive energy, and in the distance, a low, rumbling growl echoed through the village.
"What the hell was that?" Jake asked, his newfound confidence wavering slightly.
Ursha's eyes darted toward the horizon. "Troll."
Before Jake could react, a massive figure appeared, stomping through the trees. It towered over the village, an enormous troll, covered in matted fur and grime, with tusks as long as a horse. It let out a deafening roar, shaking the ground beneath its feet.
"Holy crap, that thing's huge!" Jake exclaimed. "How am I supposed to fight that? I'm still getting used to walking!"
"Use your powers, Chosen One," the voice urged in his head. "Channel the energy you've gained. Focus it through your porcelain body."
"Easier said than done!" Jake yelled as the troll stomped toward them, its beady eyes locked on him like he was a giant snack.
"Trust me, Jake. Let the energy flow."
With no time to argue, Jake steeled himself. He could feel the energy building inside him, pulsing in his core. His handle fingers clenched, his feet rooted to the ground. The glowing from his porcelain penis intensified.
"Alright. Here goes nothing!"
Jake aimed. He didn't know what he was aiming at, just that he needed to fire. With a deep breath (or the toilet equivalent), he channeled every ounce of magical energy he could muster through his porcelain body and...
BAM!
A brilliant beam of light shot from his glowing appendage, hitting the troll square in the chest. The troll roared in surprise, stumbling back as the force of the magical blast sent it crashing into a nearby building, leaving a crater in the ground where it fell.
Jake blinked, or at least, he thought he did. "Did… did I just blast a troll with my penis?"
"Yes," the voice said, almost smug. "You did."
Ursha let out a bark of laughter, slapping Jake's side affectionately. "Not bad, Toilet Man. Not bad at all."
Jake stood there, glowing and victorious, his mind racing. He had just fought a giant troll… and won. With a magic porcelain penis.
"This is my life now," he muttered, shaking his head as he took in the absurdity of it all.