On the 29th of October, I got hit by a van while rolling along on my little electric scooter, as I don't own a car...lbvs.
I was okay, you know?
As okay as one could be after such an event...
No broken bones or anything.
Thank the Universe.
But Little Ms. Scootie-scoots is a bit scratched and banged up.
BUT SHE STILL SCOOTS!
On the 30th of October, I had to very suddenly dodge a truck that pulled into -and stopped- in the cross-walk...
I flipped over my handlebars, and tumbled about a bit...
Again, lbvs.
It's been one of those weeks, you?
I hope that you DON'T know, and have never had to experience such a week.
Seriously.
I am tired, and sore, and bruised, and blah...
But life goes on.
Work goes on.
And so must O.J.M Volume 2.
For you all.
I'll be okay folks, I always am.
Enjoy.
-----
May 16th, 2012.
Journal #039.
-----
As she lays here in bed next to me we don't touch.
Hardly is there a word between us.
She reads.
I write.
But in this moment...
I can feel her aura.
It is amazing.
I feel that I am digging a deeper hole for my heart to fall into, but...
But I don't think I care.
I could honestly love her for the rest of my days.
Now I know how XXXXX feels.
Love that will never hold true meaning...
A breaker.
-I had originally ended the entry there, but there is another page written after this one that seems to be a continuation.-
But...what could the future hold?
I won't give up, but I can't live on forever with hopes...dreams that I will be with her, if it isn't bound to happen.
Hmm.
Mayhap I will invest fully in XXXXX.
That may be for the best of both of us.
She's happy where she is, and who am I to take that away?
I am no one, that's who.
Bound by my code of honor as a Knight.
I will keep my sword sheathed.
Shield takes all.
That is my vow.
-----
-I remember this night just as I remember the first time that I slept next to her.
And vividly at that. She slept to my left this time.
Again, I didn't get to much sleep lol.
I wish I could remember what she was reading...
I was always far to vigilant, and I get super anxious to this day when I am around someone that I care about.
-I could feel her aura emanating from her all night.
A potent and palpable mixture if her body heat, and the journey of emotions and confusion that she was no doubt mentally traversing.
I remember keenly that I had started to feel very...intrusive.
Guilty even.
I did care for her, and deeply at that.
But I was -and still try my best to be- a man of integrity.
It bothered me that she had a boyfriend, and not because I wanted her for my own heart, but because I was becoming a wedge between what was already there, and that was not fair or cool for anyone in that situation.
Nonetheless...her aura.
It felt so...clean?
Airy?
I could just lay next to her and drink of it.
Man...
I think that I might really be a bit incubus-like in nature lol.
Apart from the demonic entity part lmao.
Also, toss out the "sleeping with women (or people in general) who are asleep" part.
That ain't my jam lol.
I don't even feel comfortable with having sex while I or my partner have been drinking lbvs.
I know that sounds boring of me, but hear me out:
1: I am far more of a smoker anyway.
2: I mean like, DRUNK. You know? I just find it hard to attach "drunk" and "sex with a woman." It just doesn't work for me lol. Maybe a good buzz?
"Good weed, white wine." kinda thing would be cool.
But outside of that? I can't find an inebriated women attractive simply because I become very overprotective of them in such a vulnerable state.
Here is some water, a pillow, a bucket, and whatever streaming service you'd like to watch lol
We can have sex when you are sober and feeling a hell of a lot better.
(Sorry for rambling...that became quite rambly...)
I just meant to say -in short- that I can feel peoples energy, you know?
Their aura.
It is -in my opinion- a blend of body heat, emotion, and intention, and it can be very startling and off-putting to those who don't realize that that is what they are picking up from people around them.
But I digress.
-Against this wave of love and quixotic loneliness, my shield did hold.
I didn't let myself fall into that hole that I had started to dig, even though I really did want it at that time.
Well...I didn't fall into THAT hole, but another one was very nearby.
I wonder how she is doing?
The would lost a lot of people from the Covid-19 event, you know?
I often wonder how some of my friends from years back are doing, and/or if they...if they made it. You know?
Hmm...
-The first "XXXXX" was my then best friend/God brother. He had been madly in love with a young lady that he had known for quite some time back when we both were yet still in high school.
I remember the way he used to talk about and fawn over her.
I remember meeting her once or twice, and realizing how stunningly cute she was, and kind, and smart, and creative, and more!
She was quite the catch for a rough-and-tumble skater boy like him, and he knew it.
She was to humble and impervious and all-around aloof to even notice the effect that she was having on him.
He was smitten.
I remember more when he came to me in shambles...
Crushed at the fact that she had told him that she really and truly seen him as no more than a big brother and guardian...
He had declared to me in his angst and pain that he would probably always be bound to her in his heart, and that the love would be painful because it would be without true meaning.
It was unrequited.
That was what we called a "Breaker" or something about someone that we could never get past to form a relationship with them.
His love for her was very one-sided.
I don't believe that young me could recall having felt that way before, but I know that I had.
I was one for...that sort of love.
The unrequited kind lbvs.
Storied for another time, my word.
-The second "XXXXX" was that librarian that I had mentioned in a recent chapter.
Remember that Librarian that I had mention a few chapter back?
The one who I had explicitly warned myself to not fall for?
Yeah...
And off we goooooooo!
The next thrilling chapter of my life was just then starting, and I had no Idea how much of a scat show it would be.
Keep reading folks...
If you've gotten this far, you should know that I do my best no to exaggerate!
I will see you all back here soon enough, the Universe willing...
People seem to be actively trying to kill me as of late, you know?
Maybe I have been hexed or something...
Maybe karma from something I did long ago?
I have no Idea...but I don't really care to find out if "Third times the charm." Is accurate when it comes to these recent vehicle interaction's...
Stay safe out there folks, and safe travels.
And if you feel so inclined:
buymeacoffee.com/TeranceIvy
Your boy could really use one right about now.
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.
P.s
Have a good weekend folks!