This is kinda what I meant from the last post lol
Look at the date below!
Like, why did young me not write for the past few weeks!?
That's wild lol.
I think I might know, well...at least a bit.
I was very busy trying to absorb as much of her (The Librarian's) time and energy as possible.
I was no longer in school, and I had more time to give, thus I would, and as often as was possible.
Love I tell you.
It will have you moving mountains that you thought were simply immovable.
Sheesh.
I will see you all on the flip side.
Enjoy.
-----
July 1st, 2012.
Journal #045.
-----
I finally did it.
But not good enough.
It was still amazing.
Nothing negative felt here.
Strangely.
I may be lying...
I love XXXXX with all of my heart.
Or so it seems.
I gate being so fractured...
I hate it.
-----
-So we fucked.
We fucked all day and all night.
Fucked all over the house and in all of the rooms.
We fucked and fucked and fucked.
Lol, I'm kidding.
But we did have some good old-fashioned sex.
Lmao.
This had to be the entry that marked the first time.
Fucking nerd! lol
I can vividly recall this day.
Not because it was particularly amazing or anything,
But because she had a habit of playing loud music during sex in order to mask her passionate and reverberating ululations lol
-I have no idea why I felt weird about not feeling weird.
But I do have a few ideas.
I was always quite perceptive for my age.
I could feel her pulling away.
I could tell that the amount of love that I had for her was perhaps beyond what she had thought possible...and that maybe, just maybe, she had opened a door that she was not ready to move beyond just yet.
More accurately, she was not willing to move beyond it.
I was starting to realize that I was maybe more of a novelty to her than anything so serious.
That realization was not only weighing on me but starting to fracture my gentle psyche.
I was -and still am- one to love quite deeply, and to have that love toyed with?...
Sheesh.
I will stop at that and let the chapter play out lol.
See you soon folks.
-Redd.